a/n - Thanks so much to everyone for reading and reviewing. Apologies for the delay in updating this story! Things have been crazy, but all in a good way :) So, here is the next chapter. Please let me know what you think ;)
Alex slowly turned the key in the front door to Izzie's house, pausing as he wondered whether he should just ring the bell and wait. It felt weird. Then it didn't. Izzie might not be his wife anymore, a lot of water may have passed under the bridge between them. But, the past few days that they had spent together had been just like old times. She'd mothered him slightly, baking and cooking for him, even doing his laundry. He'd taken plenty of opportunities to tease her. But they had also talked, a lot, about everything. It had become apparent that they were still on exactly the same wave length. No-one got him like Izzie did. Then there was the sex. The sex had been incredible, just like it always had been. Some things never changed.
But then there was the harsh reality that despite how they had been behaving, they weren't together anymore. They led completely separate lives, in different hospitals, different states, different worlds.
Creeping back in to each others lives and possibly hearts again, was like playing with fire. Alex knew that as he exhaled slowly, edging the front door open. He hated to admit that being away from Izzie even for a few hours, had made him miss her. He had become so used to her being around all the time again. He was amazed she had trusted him enough to give him a spare key to her place too. But as she had said, it made sense. Being a surgeon she never knew when she would be called in to the hospital in an emergency. It was as simple as that, just a matter of convenience. He would return it of course when he left soon. A thought that made him shudder.
Walking through the hallway, making his way in to her kitchen, Alex found Izzie sat at her laptop frowning. She looked up as she saw him, but she didn't say anything. Her eyes were different. They had lost some of the sparkle and warmth from earlier and now looked altogether more distant and aloof.
"Hey," he said wearily. If he'd done something, he hoped she would just come out and say what it was. He wasn't in the mood for games. The meeting with his new high flying lawyer had been intense and now he just needed to chill and process it all.
"How did it go with Olsen?" Izzie said as she stood up to face him, sweeping her light blonde hair across her face.
"Good," Alex said, gently running his hand through his dark hair, going on to explain. "He did his research and he's good. Turns out the kid and his father, they have a history at pulling this kind of crap. If it went to court, Olsen and his legal team would destroy them. The cops have dropped the case. They have nothing to charge me on with the domestic violence crap either. Not without a victim statement. They were just trying to scare me. The attempted murder is more complicated, but providing Jason Myers doesn't wake up and start accusing me, which he won't, I'm in the clear, they won't charge me."
"That's great," Izzie said forcing a small smile on to her face, her eyes fixed on her ex-husband. He certainly looked uncomfortable and on edge, which made her feel more than a little uneasy too.
Alex gave her a weak smile in return. He still couldn't quite believe that all his troubles could be made go away, just like that. Well most of his troubles that was. It sure was true that it wasn't what you knew, but who you knew.
"Looks like my medical licence has been reinstated now too," he said nodding as it slowly started to sink in. There had been a time when he had almost given up all hope that he would ever be able to practice medicine again and work as a surgeon. Now it looked as though he could even get his old job back if he wanted it. His lawyer had also suggested that he would have a good case to sue for wrongful dismissal too. Obviously that was unthinkable to Alex. His friends owned the hospital now. But he also couldn't help but feel a little bitter after the way everyone had turned their backs on him. He'd had no-one. Except Izzie that was. He turned his gaze back to her, eyeing her a tad suspiciously. There was definitely something she wasn't telling him he was sure of it.
"That's really great," Izzie said again slowly and a little flatly.
Alex's eyes narrowed even more as he said, "What?..What's up?"
Izzie paused for a moment, working out what to say. Her conversation with Meredith still playing over and over in her head. Deep down she felt certain Meredith had got the wrong end of the story, but she needed to hear that from Alex. She twisted her hands together and took a deep breath. "I spoke to Meredith."
Alex's eyes instantly darkened, he might have known Izzie wouldn't be able to keep her nose out of it. Always interfering, always thinking she knew best. And that was the one thing he had explicitly wanted her not to do. Contact Meredith.
"Alex, why does she think that you beat up Jo and Jason Myers?" Izzie blurted out firmly. Careful to look him straight in the eye.
Alex didn't say anything at first. He quickly looked away, avoiding her accusing stare. She was looking at him the exact same way that Meredith had looked at him and it left him with no choice, just as it had with Meredith.
"Because I did," he said coldly.
Izzie shook her head, "No." She said.
"Yes, it's true, Iz. I'm not the guy you think I am. I'm not a good guy. I'm just like my father, I lost my cool, I lashed out. I was angry." Alex said, his voice shaking with emotion, his whole body trembling with adrenaline.
"No. Alex, no. You don't have to do this," Izzie said boldly her eyes fixed firmly on his face as she continued to shake her head in disbelief.
"It's true, Iz, so just drop it," Alex muttered his cheeks burning, feeling as though the bottom was falling out of his world again.
"No, I won't drop it. Not until you look me in the eye and you tell me you did it." Izzie said taking a step towards him.
"Look me in the eye, Alex, tell me the truth," she repeated firmly. Knowing that it would only be then that she would know if he really was telling her the truth.
Eventually Alex looked up, meeting his ex-wife's big expressive light brown eyes as they searched his face, flooded with emotion. He knew then that there was no way he could continue to lie to her. It wouldn't work, not with Iz.
Meredith knew him better than anyone back in Seattle. She knew him like a brother. But she didn't know him like Izzie did. No-one did. Izzie was the only one that had looked deep in to his eyes, full of emotion, while making love to him and she had seen every part of him. There was a time when he had let her in fully, given her everything, laid his soul bare to her. She had given him something in return that no-one else could. She had made him realize who he really was and that he was worthy of being loved.
Now, looking in to her eyes again, Alex knew that no matter how hard he tried, they would never lose that connection. He would never be able to convince her he was capable of the things he had told Meredith. And Meredith had taken some convincing. She had persisted he was innocent until he had looked her straight in the eye and told her he had lost it. In the old days that wouldn't have fazed Meredith, it would have made her all the more determined to stand by him. But she was a different person these days. She was a Mother and she saw the world differently.
Continuing to stare at each other in the middle of Izzie's big immaculate kitchen, neither Alex or Izzie spoke for a moment. Izzie's eyes reflecting a hint of confusion, hurt and then slight relief. She bit her lip and eventually looked away. She had never really thought for one moment that Alex would have been capable of hurting anyone. She had just needed to hear what he had to say, and just by looking at him she knew all that she needed to. It all made perfect sense.
"Why would you say that, Alex? How could you be so freaking stupid?" Izzie said raising her voice as she placed one hand on her hip.
"You wouldn't understand," Alex snapped back. He had forgotten how stubborn she could be, how mad she could make him with her headstrong and judgemental attitude.
"Well, I understand that you were about to risk your career, your freedom, your life. Over what? An intern? You would take the fall for her? When are you going to grow up? This is real life now, we're not interns anymore," Izzie said even more loudly.
This time Alex couldn't control his growing anger as he saw red, his fists screwed up in to tight balls. No-one pushed his buttons like Izzie did. Provoked this kind of reaction from him. She had no business talking to him like that. She knew nothing about his current life, his relationship with Jo. He took a step closer to her, staring straight at her again as he screwed his face up and said, "Yeah, well we can't all be as perfect as you, you stupid bitch. So, you can judge all you like, from your perfect house in you perfect town with your perfect life. But, we can't all make thousands of dollars posing in our underwear, then get left millions of dollars by a rich dead guy we happened to get engaged to. Jeez…we don't all survive an unbeatable cancer, then run off leaving everyone that cared, to our rich Daddy to sort our lives out when we've screwed up…." He stopped talking suddenly his voice shaking with emotion as he trailed off. Looking over at the tears brimming in Izzie's eyes, he knew he had fucked up. Gone one step too far. But he couldn't take it back.
"Go on, say what you think why don't you," Izzie said fiercely, choking back the tears. She had forgotten how mean Alex could be when he was angry. He had said some of the most hurtful things to her over the years. She had always just ended up forgiving him, giving him the benefit of the doubt. But this time he wasn't her responsibility anymore. She had moved on from that.
"Iz, I…." he stammered, looking on helplessly as she just ignored him, turning and walking out the door.
Alone in an empty bar, the nearest one he could find to Izzie's house. Alex was contemplating what his next move should be as he stared miserably down at his beer. It should be a happy occasion. He had wanted to celebrate tonight, to celebrate with Izzie. Now all he could think was that he had to pack his bags and leave. He had his medical license back, his back accounts had been unfrozen. He could check in to a hotel. Or, he could even swallow his pride and go back to Seattle, he had a home there a life? Jo? Neither of those options particularly excited him though.
He felt like an ass. He had some hurtful things to Izzie, after she had just been trying to help him. Things that he hadn't even realized had been locked away inside him. Was he really that bitter and resentful that she was happy without him?
Was he jealous even about her new success? Had he always felt as though he was inferior to her? She had always been so beautiful and popular, she had such incredible strength of character. She hadn't let her harsh upbringing stop her from following her dreams. Even when she had been really sick, she had never really needed Alex, not in the same way that Jo or any of his other past girlfriends had. Maybe that was what had been the death of their marriage. His insecurities and her stubbornness and inability to see things from his point of view.
That aside he couldn't leave her like this. Despite it almost killing him at times, he still loved her, he always would. He was still a little mad at her for interfering and calling Meredith. But although he didn't want to hear what she had to say after that, she was the only person that could really talk some sense in to him. He was mad at her because she had been right. She still had the ability to hold a mirror up to all his flaws, all his weaknesses.
But the look of pain in her eyes after he had yelled at her had almost broken him, knowing he was solely responsible for upsetting her. She had gone out of her way to be there for him and she didn't deserve for him to behave like a total jerk.
Lying back on her bed, Izzie closed her eyes. Trying to shut out the past few days of her life. They almost felt like a dream. Alex had turned up out of the blue, he had needed her, and she had jumped at the chance to be there for him. To somehow try and make amends for the cruel way she had walked out on him years before. She had spent many a lonely night, going over and over what she would say to him if she ever saw him again. How sorry she would tell him she was, then she could let him know how much he had hurt her too.
But, somehow it had almost been as though none of that even mattered, when he had turned up at her hospital bruised and broken. All that mattered was that they had more time together again. They had just fallen back together. That was the easy part. Now this was the hard part. The letting go all over again.
Izzie had heard the front door closing after she had gone upstairs to get away from him. She knew Alex had gone and she wasn't sure if he would ever come back, which despite everything made her feel an overwhelming sadness.
Although she was pretty mad at him, she didn't want him to leave like this. He had said some pretty hurtful things and she had been a little shocked that he still felt so bitterly towards her. But she wouldn't allow him to make her feel guilty. He had turned his back on her back in Seattle, he hadn't been prepared to give her just one second chance, or forgive her, after all the many times she had forgiven him over the years and that had hurt her more than anything else. The cancer, losing George, getting fired. All that had paled in to insignificance compared to losing the love of her life. After she had gone, he hadn't even attempted to make one phone call to check she was okay. So, she thought he had no right now to make her feel as though she had done something wrong.
For the second time that day, Alex slowly closed the front door. This time hit with a rush of nerves as he slowly made his way up the stairs. He could see a light from underneath Izzie's door. Taking a deep breath, he knocked gently.
"Izzie," he said. There was a silence from the other side as he turned the handle and pushed it open slightly to see she was lying in bed. She looked up as she saw him and he could see her eyes were red and puffy from crying.
"Izzie, err..can I talk to you?" he said.
"Alex, it's getting late. I'm kind of tired and I've got work tomorrow." She said wearily.
"Well, I'm going to go back to Seattle, so I just wanted to say goodbye," he replied leaning against the door frame awkwardly, he was no good at this.
"I think you said all you needed to," she replied as she started to cry again.
"Izzie, I never meant to hurt you," Alex said his eyes full of concern as he looked on helplessly at her as she wiped the tears away from her eyes.
Sitting up Izzie said quietly, "You didn't. I'm just tired."
"Iz," Alex replied walking fully in to the room to sit down on the bed next to her as she started to cry harder.
Izzie couldn't help it. She could try and put on a front as much as she wanted, but the truth was she had let Alex in again and he had hurt her. He was about to leave and she knew she would probably never see him again.
"I shouldn't have said those things to you and I'm sorry. I was angry, because you were right. I shouldn't have lied to Meredith. But, I just knew if I told her the truth that it was Jo that lost it, both times. She wouldn't have let it go. She would have made me tell the truth and I couldn't do that."
"I know," Izzie replied gently wiping her eyes again as she realized that was one of the reasons that had always made her love him so much. Deep down he was the kindest, most incredible and decent guy she knew. He was one in a million. She honestly couldn't think of many other people that would be willing to sacrifice themselves like that. But it also infuriated her.
"Those things I said to you, Iz. I didn't mean them. It's great that you have done so well for yourself, that you're happy. I guess, it just makes me a little sad though, to see you living the life that I always thought we'd be living together." Alex said slowly, looking at her to gauge her reaction.
"It makes me sad too," Izzie replied, her eyes glistening with tears as she gazed in to his.
He reached for her hand and moved a little closer to her. Izzie knew she would probably live to regret what she was about to say next, but the words just seemed to come tumbling out of her mouth, as she whispered. "Don't go tonight, stay."
Alex didn't need to be asked twice as before he knew it his lips were crashing in to hers, the kiss full of emotion and passion as they found themselves falling back on the bed together.
Breaking the kiss apart, Alex whispered breathlessly, "I never stopped loving you, not for a second."
Izzie felt a warm glow spread across her as she took in his words as she replied, "I never stopped loving you either," pulling his face back towards hers.