Chapter 10: Losing You to Hypocrisy

The intentions were clear coming up in the elevator. He was ready to do it, right then right now. No thoughts of doubt came into mind. He deserved it; he brought it on himself. Zim was sure of it.

...

Waiting for the light to change, he crossed the street. Dib wished he listened to Zim. He would apologize, they could be friends. No more of this crap. He was tired of being on the wrong end of everything. He was sure Zim felt the same way.

"Zim!" Dib dogged the gnomes and slammed the door behind him. The living room was empty, so Dib decided to search the house, "Zim, we need to talk!" Passing the television, he heard a click in his right ear. Snapping his head to the right, his eyes focused on the end of the violet gun. "Wha-?" Dib fell fast on his rear.

"Dib you sink-beast! I-" Everything faltered after those words, his left hand was shaking. He couldn't focus, pulling the trigger was out of the question with this gun. Anger was almost completely swiped away with a whole new feeling... as more memories began filling the blank spaces. He still wanted him to suffer, right?

He didn't understand.

"Z-Zim?"

"This is your fault!" He tried to bring himself forward towards the Dib; these guns were safer at point blank. But it felt as if his feet were rooted to that spot, as impossible as it was for his body to grow roots.

"My fault?" Dib carefully stood up, "Zim, whats going on?"

"I-I hate you!" screamed Zim, he forced his eyes closed. He knew hehated him, he knew he really wanted him dead, these feelings are just the excitement, the thrill of wining... ...Right?

...

"Speak understandable words to Zim!" Zim grabbed the bloody shirt and pulled the unconscious head to his face. "Dib!"

...

He still doesn't remember everything...

"Maybe I can help-"

"No! You've done your helping, you-" Dib flinched as the gun was shoved into his giant forehead. Zim grin died, he could shoot now. He could- he could... squeeze the trigger.

...

"Zim, do you... do you have a wish?"

Zim shifted his position on the couch so his left eye could see him better, "Wish? What is that?"

"Something you want, like a goal." Dib snatched his glasses beside the lamp, "Something that keeps you going."

"Right now? I'd like to remember. Zim feels like a fool..." Zim nipped on one of the blankets, "Does Dib have a wish?"

"I did, but now I'm not sure..."

"Not... sure?"

"Yea, but it's okay." He gave a little smile to Zim, "There's a lot of things I need to work out before I know what I really want." They both returned their eyes to the black and white movie playing before them. A man with a thick black mustache and eyebrows gave yet another wisecrack about the government while his two brothers in the background tried to woo a fair young maid.

"There are quite a few words in your language that seem to only be explainable in your language, your culture, Dib." Zim took Dib's hand and his eye followed the lines on his palms to his fingers, till it faded along the borders. "I think I got the idea now, or again... and I wish to use it in a sentence for you."

"Really?" Dib removed his eyes from the nut house movie over to Zim, this ought to be good. Knowing Zim, this could be anything, including flying fish chewing bubble gum while fishing (that had happened before when Zim was given the false information of a popular insult at middle school).

"You have done a lot for me, I wish there was a way to pay you back. I love you." Zim grinned and hugged Dib's left hand. Dib's face faltered, but quickly returned the smile and a chuckle,

"V-very funny Zim..."

...

He dropped the gun. Falling to the floor, Dib watched his blood fly and land on the floor... on him... on Zim.

"Z-Zim...?" he managed to sputter, the alien refused to make eye contact. Grabbing his leg, Dib tried to put as much pressure on it as he could to stop the blood from running. Zim's next words were barely heard.

"Get out."

He doesn't remember anything...

"What?"

"OUT!" Grabbed by the scruff of his shirt, Dib was choking till he was tossed out onto the front lawn, which was fresh dry and green from the day's sunlight. "GNOMES, DISPOSE OF THIS CREATURE!"

"Wait, Zim! What-" Slam! The door closed as the Gnomes closed in on Dib. "What... WHAT THE HELL?" he screamed at the door as he was dragged off, "ZIM YOU JERK!"

You jerk.

"I have a duty, and so have you..." he leaned against the door and slid to the tiled floor, "I-I just don't know how to live..." hugging his legs and hiding his face from the essence leaking into the room, filling the house again in it's silent dread, it's frozen hand.

"-because I love you darling! Let's go to the Himalayas!" as the man on the television screen ran to embrace a woman by the sandy beach, did I mention that there was a sunset too?

"Oh Harry, I love you too! Oh yes, yes, yes!" She leaped to him, their lips contacted into a passionate kiss as they became shadows and the rest of the screen turned black indicating the end of the movie. Zim shot a nasty glance at the screen. This television mocked him of everything he lacked, of everything he could never have.

"Zim will not be made a fool!" He pushed himself up and grabbed the gun, aiming it at the screen.

"As you saw in this wonderful movie, love is a wonderful thing that can conquer any-!" The gun showed what it was truly designed for at point blank with machinery, causing an implosion removing all space of air and the nuclear chemicals forced to meld together to cause it's explosion shredding it's parts like flesh covering an eternal bomb.

He wanted to scream, he wanted to shout, but the aftermath silents of the remains did a better job of soothing him. Tears ran down his heated face, but he let them stay. More would only come if he tried to stop it, "Zim can do that better without anybodies help..." Love was a word with so many meanings, perhaps it was the wrong thing to say. What was he thinking? It's always the wrong thing to say.

"Ugh, disgusting. There's germs all over me."

...

After dragging his body to the out-of-bounds, the gnomes treated Dib's leg.

"All right, what's the catch-? Shh!" he bite his lip as one of the gnomes poured a mist over his leg which cleaned and doubled the speed growth of the missing tissue. "Shi- What the heck is that?" The robotic gnomes, trained to only obey one master just continued their work, (which is more than Gir ever did) then hovered back into their dugout places.

Carefully, he lifted his leg in the air to get a better look at what they did. All what remained of the blast now was covered with clean, sickly pale skin. "Should I... try to walk?" he asked a nearby gnome. No answer but a few flickering red lights from the pupils. Dib decided to just give it a try.

Using the fence as support, he kept is mildly injured foot on the ground while testing his tender leg. Dib managed to hold back a strong word behind his teeth as he lifted his foot off the ground. So I'm hopping home AGAIN? Dib looked up at Zim's house, the lavender windows flickering lights from inside; probably working on another plan to take over the planet. Why did I think things would be any different? Checking the road, Dib did a combo of a limp/hopping across the warming pavement. Gabbing the light post he steadied himself, and looked up to the sky.

What little there was of clouds were in small thin patches, going their own slow pace eventually disappearing altogether. The Sun blared its heat across the wet surfaces, evaporating puddles and replacing them with mirages. Ironic, such a scene would be used for happy endings, not the beginning of continuing strife. I want to go... home... Dib removed his glasses for a brief second to remove the beads of sweat and tears from his face. He had no idea what to think what would happen tomorrow, what he would do, how to react; should he just act like nothing happened this week? Should he just... forget? Zim seems to have forgotten already...

Dammit!

Dib decided to take a shortcut home and cut across the park. Why didn't I turn him in? As strong as his desire was to punch an innocent tree, he left each one he passed alone. He was practically a handicap by now with the condition of his legs, he didn't need to add anymore to his hands. What the hell is wrong with me? That might have been my only opening! The first unused bench he saw within reasoning distance Dib collapsed upon. He removed his glasses and protected his eyes from the Sun with his left arm.

I was going to do it.

He shifted to his side, in his blurry vision he saw newspapers under the bench. Grabbing the driest ones, he made himself a thin stiff pillow. Allowing himself the first deep breath in a long while, his mind began to clear.

I ...thought about it.

Uncut grass swayed to a small breeze, the only blossomed flowers came from numerous spiky weeds scattered in clumps across the field and mild pine forest. Traffic was white noise to this small place; an occasional caw from hopeful crows would be heard, as they waited for the public to ignore the trashcans and litter their streets. Dib closed his eyes and turned his head to the back of the bench.

That is, till he cried.

Zim was just as innocent as any starving four year old in a candy store. He didn't know any better and he did his best with what he knew. As exhausted as his body was, his mind was never more awake than before. Maybe, maybe, he still had a chance. After all, memories or no memories, Zim was still Zim when he said those words... right?

There are quite a few words in your language that seem to only be explainable in your language, your culture... I think I got the idea now, or again... and I wish to use it in a sentence for you.

No! It's wrong, and... stuff! Dib flinched as he mentally smacked himself. Nerves tensing up, he started to clean his glasses roughly trying to un-tense his fingers.

I-I hate you!

He was more himself-self when he said that. He sat up and placed the lens on top of his nose. Maybe it was shock from the sudden recollection of memory. Yea...! He smiled, he's been in worse situations and he always came out alright in the end, Zim just needed time to think. Last thing Zim would do would to admit that he was wrong, but that didn't matter... Maybe, we can still be friends... Of course we'd have to work out something about the whole taking-over-the-planet-complex.

Dib chuckled to himself. Who am I kidding? We are waaay too different. As he balanced himself he searched for the next bench to hobble towards, now a different desire came over him. Going home for comfort was a lame excuse considering the lack of it there was at the house. But in the garage, there was someone who understood him, even if she was programed to do so. It's been awhile since I've drove her, maybe her personal repairs are nearly finished... Dib started to swell up with excitement, and started to pickup speed, Maybe, maybe I can leave the atmosphere this time! Tears began to leak from his eyes, not just from using his right leg for jogging but the idea of leaving this planet, his true dream, his true desire before Zim came.

To put it simply, he hated this planet.

The last minor repairs were awkward and had involved stealing things from Zim's base. Then there had to be weeks of reprogramming seemingly simple programs. Yet it seemed whatever technology was given to Zim, the simplest platform turns into an in-depth system that could think mildly for itself. Which for that exact reason, is why Tak's ship asked for it.

Stopping by a tree, he had decided to give his exhausted body a rest. Sliding against the bark, his mind began to settle itself. It's still possible, maybe... maybe...

I love you.

A small shudder and a smile fluttered in before he bit his lip. He had laughed at Zim. Right when things were going so well... dammit, why did he have to say that? His mind began to fog up again, but more in a daze. Every idea that crossed his mind was countered with another thought just as reasonable and confused.

Those dreams he's been having for weeks were flooding his mind again; as if they were memories... Phantom pains hit his chest and arms, police lights as fluttering butterfly wings, groaning voices from a not to gone past... It seems... it seemed. It seemed all too real. But it never happened, the alien in his dream told him so. He was to forget it ever happened.

There was... a reason, right?

The Earth's star acted like a electric blanket to his worn, cold body. Unbeknownst to Dib, he passed out in painful comfort; his own logic lost and leaving him behind... missing the entire point again.