Chapter 10: Forgiveness

A/N: Happy belated Halloween, guys. I'm really sorry about being late, but at least it isn't a month like last time. There is only a little plot in this chapter, and that's at the very end. The rest is basically fluffy smut, and if you want to skip to the end of that I promise you won't miss much. Special thanks to ladybugsmomma and deathraptor22 for reviewing; I love you all so much. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the fluffy Destiel smuttiness while you plot your revenge on me for being such a horrible updater.

Dean knocked gently on the bathroom door for what felt like the 100th time in the past half-hour.

"Cas? Come on, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I was just mad." Silence. Dean rested his head against the door.

"Please, Cas. Open the door." Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes, fighting back tears. He was such an idiot. He had managed to get the one person that was always on his side mad at him. He couldn't even blame Cas for being angry at him. He deserved it. Dean squeezed his eyes shut tighter and balled up his fists. Why did he have to be such a fuck up? Why couldn't he get one thing right?

"Cas, baby, please. Let me talk to you." he said. Still nothing. What if Cas wasn't even in there anymore? For all Dean knew the angel had flown out of there the second he closed the door.

He deserved it, if he had.

Hell, if Cas decided to up and leave he'd deserve it. He was a rotten human being and wasn't worthy of such a caring boyfriend. He tried one more time.

"Cas…if you're in there, please talk to me. I know I messed up. I didn't mean it. I love you. Please, Cas." Dean whispered. "I'm sorry." If Cas was gone…he didn't know what he would do. He knew it was his fault, and he wouldn't blame Cas if he was gone, but…God, he didn't want him to be. Dean slid his hand away from the door and went to turn away, but then he heard the lock click and the door opened. He turned back around and saw Cas standing there, dry-eyed and with a scowl on his face.

"You are an infuriating man, Dean Winchester." Cas said, stepping closer. "It seems the closer I get to you, the further you push me away." Cas reached out, grabbed Dean's arm and tugged the man closer to him. "You are ruthless, and reckless to the point that you don't seem to care whether you live or die." Cas looked down and entwined their fingers. "In a way, that is one of the reasons I love you. You would do anything to help someone else, and that is beautiful." Cas looked back up into Dean's face. Dean opened his mouth to apologize again but Cas shook his head. "Let me finish. Sacrificing yourself for someone else is a noble cause. But you are worth more than to foolishly throw your life away. I know Sam agrees with me." Cas let go of Dean's hands and placed his hands on Dean's waist instead. Dean felt his heart race as Cas leaned forward and put his head on Dean's chest, directly over his heart. "If you won't stay alive for yourself, Dean, then do it for us." Cas said, the words muffled against his chest. He slid his arms around Dean's waist and he squeezed. "Do it for me." Dean had to swallow past a lump in his throat. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve Cas' forgiveness him. And he always did. No matter how bad Dean had messed up, no matter what he said, Cas has always forgiven him. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed the top of his head.

"I'm so sorry, Cas. I know I say stupid things when I'm mad. I know the only reason you pulled me out of there was to keep me safe." Dean tightened his arms. "I know I'm reckless. I…can't help it. I don't deserve you or Sam." He took a deep breath. "I can't promise anything…but I'll try." It was the least he could do after all he had put the both of them through. And he knew how he would feel if Cas died.

He cut that thought off right there. He didn't want to think about Cas dying.

Dean felt Cas look up and then suddenly there was a hot, insistent press of lips against his own. Dean kissed him back, sliding his hand up and twisting it into his hair. There was an edge to the kiss, a slight desperation in the way Cas pressed up against him, like he was trying to make Dean believe that he was worthy of Cas' love. Cas pushed him back until Dean felt his knees hit the bed and then he was on his back and Cas was straddling his thighs. The angel pulled back for a second and took a deep breath, before leaning in and capturing Dean's lips in a kiss that was so soft and sensual that it left Dean's head spinning. Cas' hands changed as they moved over Dean's body, touching, caressing him softly. Dean arched into the touch, moaning as Cas' hands found their way under his shirt.

"You do deserve us, Dean." Cas murmured, leaning down to kiss Dean again. "One way or another, I'm going to make you believe that." Dean shivered in anticipation as Cas' teeth grazed his earlobe.

***Smut Ahead***

He started to ease Dean's shirt up, lovingly placing kisses on all of the newly exposed skin. Gentle, teasing kisses that had Dean writhing under the angel. Cas pulled Dean's shirt up and off, tossing it to the side before moving to mouth at Dean's collarbone. Fuck, Dean couldn't take this. Cas was fucking worshipping his body with his mouth and hands and Dean didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve any of it. He was a fuck-up. A selfish prick who was moody and reckless and he wasn't worthy of the way Cas was touching him right now. The angel leaned down and kissed Dean soundly, tilting his head slightly to deepen it before he moved his head to Dean's ear.

"Stop thinking." he whispered, his breath ghosting over Dean's ear. Dean shivered and tried to follow his instructions, focusing on the feeling of Cas' hands and body instead of the wave of emotions that rose in his chest and threatened to crush him. Cas slid his hands down Dean's sides and paused just beneath his ribcage to rub circles into the skin there. "You're so beautiful, Dean. I wish you could see it." He leaned down and kissed Dean's stomach. "I wish you could see yourself through my eyes." Cas kissed just below his ribcage. "See your strength…" another kiss, just a little higher "…your compassion." Cas moved and latched his mouth around Dean's nipple and started sucking lightly. Dean moaned and arched into the heat of Cas' mouth.

"Fuck, Cas…" Dean breathed. He'd meant to say something else but his train of thought was cut off when Cas scraped his teeth against his nipple. Cas' hands were still rubbing circles into Dean's stomach and, as good as that felt, Dean couldn't help but to hope they'd get back to touching him soon. He knew he didn't deserve to be touched (worshiped) in that way but oh, God he wanted to be. He wanted the gentle touches and the loving kisses even if he didn't deserve them. "Cas, please." he whimpered. He was already hard underneath the angel's careful ministrations, and he was starting to get desperate for friction. Cas lifted his head and surveyed Dean with a soft smile before he started to move his hands again. He kissed Dean's chest once more before covering the man's mouth with his own in a sweet kiss that Dean enthusiastically reciprocated. Cas hummed happily and moved his hands to cradle Dean's face while simultaneously bringing their hips together.

Dean broke away from Cas and let out a choked sound. He hadn't expected Cas to already be hard, too. Cas kissed Dean as he moved his hands and unbuttoned Dean's jeans. Dean grasped and pushed his hips into Cas' hand before the angel even had a chance to get it inside of his pants. Cas smiled against his lips and maneuvered his hand to grip Dean's dick. The hunter moaned and thrust up again as Cas started stroking him lightly, running his thumb over the tip to collect the pre-come gathered at the tip. Dean let go of the sheets and grabbed Cas by the back of his head, pulling him down for a dirty, passionate kiss. Cas let go of Dean and withdrew his hand, moving back from Dean so he could pull the other man's pants down and off. He sat back and looked at Dean, all spread out in front of him.

"Gorgeous." he said, drawing one hand down the center of Dean's chest and retaking the hunter into his hand. He jacked the hunter slowly, leaning over to kiss Dean. Dean tangled his hand in Cas' hair and pressed up against him, suddenly realizing that Cas was still fully clothed. He let out a whine because he suddenly needed to feel Cas' skin against his own. He pulled at Cas' shirt and whined again. (No matter what was said, Dean would deny that he had ever whined). Cas gave him another soft smile and pulled his shirt off. He climbed off Dean and pulled his own pants and underwear off and then climbed back on, straddling his thighs again. The angel bent over and kissed Dean once before sitting back and taking both of them into his hand. Dean groaned and twisted his hands in the sheets since he couldn't reach his angel.

"Yes, fuck." Dean moaned, driving his hips up towards the wonderful pressure of Cas hands. Cas used his other hand to keep Dean's hips against the bed, stroking them both with a loose, controlled fist. Dean groaned and tried to thrust up once more, but Cas held him fast. Damn angelic strength. Dean whined impatiently. "Cas, please."

"I'm going to take my time, Dean." Cas said. "So you may as well just lie there and take it, because no amount of pleading is going to change my mind." The angel let go of both of their cocks and leaned down to kiss Dean's stomach. He scooted down and kissed Dean's happy trail and then ran his tongue along the 'v' of Dean's hips. Dean groaned and tried to thrust again, to no avail. Cas moved to down and started leaving light butterfly kisses on Dean's thighs. Dean couldn't keep still, writhing on the bed and silently willing Cas to take his talented mouth to more interesting parts of his anatomy. He wasn't going to ask, though. He knew when Cas made up his mind there was really no changing it.

Dean would be lying if he said he didn't like it.

Cas started to suck little places onto Dean's thighs, moving steadily, albeit slowly, towards his aching cock. He nuzzled at the crease in Dean's thigh, causing the stubble on his face to slide alongside his dick. Dean gasped at the unexpected friction and his hands twisted in the sheets. Cas started to kiss along Dean's dick, first up to his head where he flattened his tongue over the slit, then down to his balls. He paid special attention to the sensitive skin there, sucking each of them into his mouth and rolling his tongue around them and then letting them go and licking a stripe from the base to the tip.

Cas locked eyes with Dean as he ran his tongue around the head and then took it into his mouth, tonguing the slit and then sucking him down all at once. Dean threw his head back and thrust his hips up into the heat of Cas' mouth, releasing the grip he had on the sheets in favor of tangling them in Cas' hair. Cas hummed happily and pulled off, lapping at the tip and then he started to bob his head quickly. Dean bit his lip and tightened his grip in Cas' hair, fighting the urge to fuck up into the angel's mouth. Cas deep throated Dean, never taking his eyes off of him, and started to hum, tightening his throat and lips around Dean until the man cried out. Dean had never been happier that angels apparently had no gag reflex. Watching Cas, eyes blown wide with heat and lust was almost better than the blowjob he was receiving. Dean was so enraptured with the sight that he groaned when Cas pulled off and gave him one final lick.

"Not yet, Dean." Cas muttered, kissing Dean's bellybutton. Dean let go of Cas' hair and moved his hand to the back of Cas' head and pulled him up so he could kiss him, not caring that he could taste himself on Cas' tongue. He was too far gone for that. Cas kissed him back for a moment before he pulled away the bottle of lube in his hand.

Dean felt another rush of gratitude of angel mojo.

"You're beautiful." Cas whispered reverently, brushing his fingers along Dean's cheekbone and down to cup his chin. He leaned in for a chaste kiss and then pulled back, popping the cap on the lube and spreading it onto his fingers. Dean wasn't entirely sure what Cas was doing until he heard a hitch in the angel's breath. The sound went straight to Dean's dick when he realized what Cas was doing.

He was prepping himself. For Dean. Dean groaned and ran his hands over Cas' shoulders and down his back. Cas breathing stuttered and he arched into Dean's touch. Cas started kissing all over Dean's chest as he stretched himself, and pushing his hips down into Dean's stomach in search of friction. Dean could see Cas unraveling under his own ministrations and was struck with a bitter feeling that it wasn't him that was making the angel feel like that. The hunter found the abandoned bottle of lube on the bed and spread a little over his own fingers, then moved his hand to join Cas' at the angel's entrance.

"Let me." he said. Cas whimpered and nodded, apparently too far gone to really care. He withdrew his fingers (How had he already gotten to two?) and dropped his head to rest on Dean's shoulder. Dean smiled to himself and dipped one finger inside of Cas, kissing the angel's neck as he added another. Soon he was up to three and Cas was panting against his neck, seemingly fighting whether to push backwards onto Dean's fingers or forward so he could grind against Dean's stomach. Dean kept pressing kisses onto Cas' shoulders and neck before he added his forth finger. Cas groaned and Dean felt sharp, neat teeth in the juncture between his neck and shoulder. Dean groaned happily, rolling his hips to get a little friction against Cas' thigh.

Cas sat up suddenly and reached behind him to pull Dean's fingers out, wincing slightly at the sudden loss. Dean gasped slightly as Cas wrapped Dean's fingers around his length and stroked quickly, spreading the leftover lube along Dean's shaft. Cas smiled at Dean and positioned Dean at his entrance. He lingered for a moment and then sank down onto Dean in one go. The angel gasped and stilled, his head falling forward as he took several deep breaths. Dean placed his hands on Cas' hips and started to run his thumbs along the sharp hipbones there. Cas raised his eyes to Dean's as he started to rock, his fingers digging into Dean's chest for purchase. Dean moved with him, pulling Cas down at the same he drove up. All of the sudden, Cas threw his head back with a loud moan and Dean knew he had found his sweet spot. Dean bit his lip and concentrated on his angle, driving into Cas at the same angle so he could hit his prostate on every thrust. Cas groaned and started to grind down harder, his nails digging into Dean's chest as he rode him.

Dean could already feel his orgasm building. He'd been close before, when Cas was blowing him, and now he could feel his thighs shaking with the effort of holding back. He let go of Cas' hips with one hand and grabbed the angel by the back of the head and pulled him down for a sloppy, wet, passionate kiss. Dean planted his feet onto the bed so he could continue to thrust into the angel as they kissed. Cas didn't seem to mind, if the way he kept breaking away from the kisses to moan was any indication. Dean felt Cas move to sit up and he dropped his legs again, letting Cas set the pace again. The angel rocked on his lap with his head thrown back in ecstasy. All at once, Cas stopped moving, leaving Dean trembling and on the edge. Dean almost cried out when the sensations stopped. He opened his eyes and looked up at Cas. The angel's eyes were hard and blazing, like a mixture of fire and ice.

"I want you to say it, Dean." Cas said, his voice even rougher than normal with arousal. Dean blinked and tried to think around the need to come singing through his body.

"Say what?" Dean managed.

"Tell me that you are worthy of my love, Dean. Tell me that your beautiful, and that you deserve this. Tell me." Dean swallowed and stared up at Cas, not sure how to react. He wasn't worthy of Cas' love, and he definitely didn't deserve him. He couldn't say it if he didn't mean it. He didn't want to lie to Cas.

"Why?" Dean asked. Cas tilted his head, as if confused by the question, then rolled his hips twice, causing Dean to groan and throw his head back, before he answered.

"Because you do, and you cannot see it. Regardless of how often I tell you, you refuse to believe me so I want you to say it. Tell me that you deserve this – me, and I will let you come." Cas ground down into Dean to prove his point. "Tell me, Dean."

Dean didn't know what to say. He wanted to come, he wanted it badly and he was so close…the little movements Cas kept making felt great, but Dean knew it wasn't enough to finish him off. But he also didn't want to lie just to get what he wanted – Cas didn't deserve that. This left Dean at an impasse.

"Come on, Dean." Cas said, grinding harder for a moment and then backing off again. The angel brought his hand to grip his dick and looked at Dean as he started stroking himself. "You're exquisite, and you do deserve this. Believe me. Tell me." Cas groaned and quickened his hand.

Dean wanted to believe him, he really, really did. But he couldn't bring himself to. Cas started riding him a little harder, as if he could sense Dean's will weakening. Watching Cas ride him and jerk himself off at the same time was a dizzying experience, and Dean thought he could come from just that.

"Please, Dean." Cas panted. Dean could see the strain the angel was putting himself through in holding back. Apparently, Dean wasn't the only one who wasn't allowed to come until it was said. Dean was starting ache with the need to come, Cas felt so good rocking on his cock like this.

"I deserve this." Dean whimpered. "I'm beautiful and I deserve this." Dean looked up and saw so much passion in Cas' expression that it startled him.

"I know you do, Dean." Cas said, his eyes alight with fire. "I know you do." And then Cas threw his head back and moaned, clenching as he came all over his hand. The sudden tightening of Cas around him was too much for his oversensitive cock. He came hard, filling Cas up and crying out wordlessly. Cas didn't stop, rocking until Dean had fully ridden out his orgasm. With a wince, Cas slid off of Dean and stretched out beside him. With a sleepy mumble, Cas waved his hand and they were clean. For the third time tonight, Dean felt a surge of appreciation for angel mojo. He was too blissed out to want to move as Cas curled around him.

****End Smut****

Afterword's, right before Cas fell asleep Dean swore he heard him mumble 'I know you do' again. In the few seconds before he fell asleep himself, Dean thought that maybe Cas was right. Maybe he did deserve this.

Dean's slumber was interrupted by a hurried, annoying knocking on the door. He glanced at Cas, who rolled over and buried his face in the pillowed.

"I hope this isn't becoming a habit." He said, his voice muffled by the pillow. Dean smiled and silently agreed. He was tired of Sam waking him up after glorious sex. Until this case, it hadn't really been a problem.

Grumbling, Dean found a pair of sweats and pulled them on, getting a strange sense of déjà vu as he went to pull the door open. Sure enough, Sam stood there, looking even more scared than he had the previous time Sam had woken them up. Dean was immediately in big-brother mode.

"Sammy? What's wrong?" Dean demanded. Behind him, he heard Cas get out of the bed but he was too preoccupied with his brother's expression.

"It-It's Gabriel, Dean." Sam said, his voice scared. "I don't think there's a doubt it's Casmiria this time." Dean was about to point out that they had seen the witch earlier today so of course it was her when Sam continued "And I think it's safe to assume she's after us."

"What makes you say that?" Dean asked. Sam shook his head and motioned for Dean to follow him. Dean made sure Cas was coming and then he did. Sam opened up the door to his motel room and gestured to the bed. Dean squinted in the dim light and saw what was clearly Gabriel's face sleeping.

"Did you really drag us in here to see your boyfriend sleeping?" Dean scoffed. He didn't notice how Cas had gone stiff beside him. With a frustrated sigh, Sam flipped on the light and Gabriel silhouette was thrown into full view. Only it wasn't Gabriel. It looked a lot like Gabriel, it was true. If Gabriel been a toddler.

Dean gasped as he got it, his eyes wide as he looked at Sam. Who they were dealing with, what the witch had done that had led them to her in the first place. Unconsciously, Dean grabbed Cas' hand and held on tightly, nothing with glee that Cas gripped back just as hard, seeming to need it as bad as Dean did. He walked forward and looked more closely.

Yep, there was no denying it. Gabriel was a toddler.

Response to Reviews:

deathraptor22: I know, isn't Dean so good at pissing people off? Thank you for reviewing, and I'll try to update soon.

ladybugsmomma: Your right, Dean is an ass for saying that, but you know, we all (Dean especially) does stupid stuff when we're mad. Thank you for reviewing!