Disclaimer- I do not own Fruits Basket. That belongs to the Goddess Takaya. Also I will use random quotes from the manga.

Author's Note- I was seriously high when I wrote this chapter. You know, tongue lolling out, dilated pupils, mindless babbling, staring off into space, random muscle twitches, and the inevitable drooling. Well, it was more a part of the chapter. Make that a very specific part. I had a loooot of fun writing that part. Aye-yah!

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Ashes-Chapter Ten-Begin

聞こえない叫び聞こえない叫び聞こえない叫び

I'm not gay. Nope, not me. Not Kyo Sohma, epitome of the manly man. I've never liked guys. So why do I think…that I…

No, I couldn't have LIKED it! It was shameful and embarrassing! I'm rightfully outraged!

Then why, came a voice in my head, haven't you confronted Yuki yet?

What? Because I don't feel like seeing that damn rat! He should have come and found me first!

You're too weak to even look in his face. You're so pathetic.

Give me a break! It doesn't work! I mean, I like Tohru, for Chrissake. NOT Yuki. I hate that damn rat. I HATE him. His arrogance and perfection. How he thinks he's better than me!

I hate Yuki!

And I like hating him!

I wonder why?

You speak as though you are obligated to hate him.

But your eyes…

Your eyes tell me a different story.

They tell me…

That you're afraid to find out.

Shut up! I don't want to hear it anymore!

It's not my fault. It's not my fault!

It's the rat's fault! He was the one who tricked me! The dirty, scheming rat!

"Oiiiiiii." I jump and turn from my place on the roof, to see Shigure climbing up the ladder. He grimaces at me, and then steps on his kimono and trips.

"Aauugh! Kyo-kun, save me!" He puts the back of his hand to his forehead and lays there. When his cry falls on my deaf ears, he gets up and plops down next to me, exhaling loudly.

"I've never been up here. It's quite lovely. Maybe I'll make it my new hangout spot!"

When I don't answer, he speaks again.

"Kyo-kun, I want an honest answer, and don't tell me 'nothing'. It's obvious that it's 'nothing'." I glare at him.

"What's wrong?" He asks. I glance over at him and see he's looking up and the night sky. I swallow and clasp my hands together. The cool wind blows through my hair and I feel better.

"Do you…remember that time…when I said that…I liked hating Yuki?" He tilts his head toward me with a look of mild interest.

"Remember…what you told me?" I try again. He raises his eyebrows. "What exactly did you mean by that?" I ask softly.

Shigure smiles slowly.

"Kyo-kun, it's to be expected! I'm the dog, after all! I have a sixth sense about these deep things. I know for a fact, without asking anything, that you and Yuki do not hate each other!" My heartbeat quickens. Did he know about last night?

"Th-that's a lie! I hate Yuki! And he hates me! How could we not hate each other? I'm the cat and he's the rat! We were born to hate each other!"

I stop when I see Shigure, his eyes cast down and his lips slightly apart.

Akito.

You've done a fine job…of manipulating everything around you.

For your own selfish reasons.

But I guess…I shouldn't speak for myself.

He snaps his head up and sighs heavily.

"Oh Kyo-kun! There will be a time when we are both old and wise and I will finally have your respect! Why can't you see it now?"

"See what?"

"YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND THE TRUTH!!" He yells dramatically.

Kyo-kun.

There will be a time when we are both old and wise.

And you will understand the truth.

But I…will never see you again.

"What the hell? What does that have to do with your 'sixth sense' or whatever the hell you call it? You seem pretty goddamn dense to me!" I yell.

"Weeeeelll, let's just say I'm not dense enough to notice something going on between you and Yuki!" He smiles like a smartass.

"THAT'S A LIE!"

"Ah, but Kyoooo-kun!! You avoided his eyes at dinner the whole tiiiiimme!"

"Well I didn't want him to see me like that, stupid!"

"So why were you all flustered? AHA! Did you and Tohru-kun do something naughty in the woods?"

"Hell no, Shigure! Why don't you go and rip yourself another asshole!" I storm off, red again.

Shigure gives a knowing smile at me before I flip him off and disappear down the ladder.

Kyo-kun…

You may not know it…

But I respect you.

Thank God it's the weekend. I would definitely have to see Yuki at school, but when I'm here I can practice at the dojo or hide out in my room. I haven't seen him since that horrible dinner. I haven't seen much of anyone else, either.

I tried…to talk to Shishou…but I wont. I can't have him risked for my benefit. It's too late for that. It's too late…

Right now I'm reading a book. It's a western book, and I don't really get it. It's called The Catcher in the Rye. The guy swears a lot, and that's basically it. Screw it. I give up. I don't really see a plot.

I toss the book and it flaps pitifully to the floor. I want to go outside but I'm not going to risk my ass seeing Yuki.

All right.

That's it.

It all started…that day.

And then I went and took him from Akito. Frankly, I'm wondering why he hasn't come to call me.

But why? Because…because…

I think…

He…

Would have done the same for me.

I don't know how I know this, but I do.

But…still…I find myself thinking of Yuki almost all the time…

And I'm starting to feel…strange. When I think about him.

I have dreams…dreams with Yuki in them. Nothing sexual, or anything! But…they make me horribly depressed.

In my dreams…I can hear him screaming. He's screaming, and crying, and I can't do anything!

My chest feels heavy when I remember these. I can hear him begging for someone to stop.

His screams fill and echo in my head, and I cover my ears with my hands and squint my eyes shut.

I curl up in my bed as a wave of nausea comes over for me. But I'm not sick. His voice makes me want to cry and beg too. I sound so pathetic. But it does. I want to help him. Anything to make him stop.

/…Please!/

What did the kiss mean? And why…why do I think that I liked it? I can still feel his warm breath…and…his lips.

I frown and blush. No…no I didn't! I'm just confused! That damn rat is confusing me! Of course I'd get confused! Any normal guy would!

All right, I wont think about this anymore! I can just put it out of my mind!

Weakling…still not going to face him?

Shut up! I don't feel like it! That's the last thing on my lousy list of things to do!

But my eye catches someone moving. I jump off my mattress and run over to the window. Yuki.

He's walking into the forest. But it's not time to pick up Tohru yet. I guess he's just walking. Hmph. I hope that little faggot drowns.

Weakling, weakling, weakling!

Shut UP!

I'll show you! He will never have me bow to him!

"Argh!" I kick my door open and pound out of the house, in the direction Yuki was going.

I haven't seen Kyo since that dinner…he must really hate me. That stupid cat is just probably confused.

Why did I kiss him? It just seemed so perfect. Like I was meant to do that or something. It was like time fast-forwarded to that moment so it would be flawless. I just saw him, in that bronze glow, always that bronze glow. And I saw…his lips…

I don't think I was controlling my body. All I knew that I was leaning forward, wanting and burning for this one thing I desired. Before I knew it, my lips were brushing his. A simple, chaste kiss. I could feel him freeze, and I broke off, still not aware of what I had done.

I should be disgusted with myself, confused and outraged. But I'm not.

Now what will I say to him? I can't keep acting like nothings changed. Everything's changed.

I hear the wind flying next to my ear and I instinctively duck. My fighter side kicking in, I grasp the arm and hurl the body over to the ground. I quickly let go in shock when I see who it is.

"You damn rat! What the hell was that for?" He snarls and stands up immediately. His face is flushed and furious.

"Don't sneak up on me next time. You startled me." Kyo's eyes narrow dangerously.

"Oh, I startled you, did I? Well, while were on the subject of startling people, why the hell don't you sit your pansy ass down and explain what in the blue fuck is going on!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I say.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about, goddammit! Don't pull your smart ass shit on me!" He is completely red by now, shaking. I turn to hide my slight flush.

"I'm sorry." I begin to walk away shamefacedly.

"What? Where are you going? Don't walk away from me!" He starts to run to catch up.

"What the hell, 'you're sorry'? I don't even get you! What the hell did you do that for? And you…you made me all screwed up!"

He waits impatiently as I walk for about a minute, staring at the ground. He opens his mouth, but I cut him off.

"I don't know why. And that's the truth. I don't know. I shouldn't have…I know I'm not making any sense. I know I've confused you, and I'm sorry. You have enough to deal with right now." I stop once we reach the clearing for the lake. The wind blows black ripples across the water. I sit down, but Kyo remains standing.

"So, that still doesn't explain why you…why you…!" He turns away quickly, blushing harder than ever. I turn away too, and stand up quickly.

"I said I'm sorry. That's what you want, right?"

"Not like this!"

As I was arguing with him, he turned to face me. The last dregs of sunset set clearly on his face, his gray eyes. I opened my mouth like a dumb fish.

"You would never understand." He began to turn around.

"Don't run away, you bastard!" I bellow.

"When have I ever run away, Kyo?" He's yelling now. "When have I ever run from the things I have to face?"

"You don't have to face those things! You don't have to! You never had to! You were always too weak to run! Too afraid to even try and see if the end would be better! You were always like that!"

We both stay there breathing hard for several seconds.

"You're right. I am weak. I can admit to that. Do you think that wasn't obvious to me? I've known all my life I was weak and selfish!" He spun around angrily. The wind blew his silvery hair across his face like something out of a fairy tale.

That's…

Not…

True…

Is it?

I'm sure…

Even I…could be…

"Yuki!" I grab his shoulders and turn him to face me, and for a brief second I saw the sunset face. And all I know is that a white buzzing filled my brain. Beside me, black waters lapped coolly at the lakes edge.

Don't you understand?

Why would you think…that it was you?

It was me this whole time.

You fool.

I don't know why, perhaps would never understand why.

Maybe now I get what Yuki meant.

All I know was that I smashed my mouth against his. Angrily, violent. I don't know why, but I could feel my body craving more, clawing at my insides. My tongue fleetingly brushed against his bottom lip. My teeth scraped his mouth, wanting, longing more and more and more. I felt my whole body heat up, and a passion I had never known flowed through me like a poison. My grip on his shoulders tightened.

And then it was over. I don't know how long it had lasted, but it certainly wasn't long enough.

No shame flooded me, no embarrassment or self-hatred. The burning ache remained. And somewhere in my buzzing mind, I felt that everything was right in the world.

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Ashes-Chapter Ten-End

聞こえない叫び聞こえない叫び聞こえない叫び