Chapter 9 – Moving on

(18/19 years old)

Tony hadn't been back to that place since that day and he didn't plan too. The anger that he had felt had slowly fizzled away into disappointment and sadness.

Everyone was worried about him and constantly asking if he was ok but he always told them that he was fine, even when it wasn't the truth.

Whenever he thought of Loki he got this pang of hurt inside his chest so he did anything else to distract himself. He started picking his grades up in school and actually completing his homework which surprised everyone, mostly the teachers. He started doing experiments with his Dad's equipment and throwing himself into science work, which he was really good at actually.

He still couldn't prevent his mind from wandering when he was trying to get to sleep at night and his brain always brought up memories of times from the last few years of his life.

At first, he had expected Loki to pop up whilst he was walking to school, or sitting in his room, or anytime he was out but he soon realised that it was not going to happen. He still hoped though and whenever he caught something green out the corner of his eye he couldn't help the double flip his heart did.

"Tony, we are going out tonight, do you want to come?" Pepper asked.

Tony fidgeted on his bed and his hand flexed around his cell phone before he took a deep sigh.

"No thanks Peps. I'm going to stay in today." Tony answered.

"Are you sure?" Pepper said, Tony could hear the concern in her voice and he rolled his eyes. He was getting tired of everyone worrying about him. He was fine.

"Yes, yes. I'm too tired and I've got things to do..." Tony said, looking around his messy room. Blueprints from failed machinery designs lay in a big pile next to his over flowing bin. He got up and crouched down next to them and leafed over the first couple.

"What kind of things?"

Tony shouldered his phone between his ear and shoulder so he could sort through the blueprints easily.

"You know... things." He answered.

Tony could practically hear Pepper's eyes roll.

"Yeah, sure Tony." She sounded fed up, and he didn't blame her. She did try and she really was a good friend. He didn't think he deserved her. He was a terrible friend in return.

"Are you gonna stay on the phone until I say I will go?" Tony said, smirking.

"What? No, Tony. You know I just really worry about you... you don't even come out of your house unless it's for school."

There was a beat of silence.

"Tony?" Pepper asked.

Tony's eyes were scanning a particular blueprint and he didn't hear Pepper say anything.

"Uh, Ton-"

"Um, yeah. I have to go, Pepper, talk to you later." Tony interrupted and hung up before Pepper had a chance to reply and he threw his phone behind him to land onto his bed.

His eyes widened when he saw a blueprint stuck to the one he was holding that he hadn't seen before, it looked to be like one of his dad's. It must have fallen into his pile when he was sorting them out in the lab earlier. He pealed it away and scanned it quickly.

"Holy crap." He said out loud.

If Tony didn't know any better, this looked like a bomb plan.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU MAKE BOMBS?" Tony shouted as he entered the lab where his father was working.

"Tony." His father said, taking off his goggles and slowly placing them down on the counter.

"What the HELL, dad, you make BOMBS! And god knows what else..."

"Tony, it's what the Stark Company does..."

Tony's eyes widened; "What the fuck?"

His father's eyebrows raised and he turned round on his stool.

"The Stark company, my Company... sell weapon machinery to the army and..."

"I can't believe you never told me this..." Tony couldn't even look at his father right now.

"I was going to tell you when you were ready."

"Ready for what?"

"When you take over the company..."

There was an unsteady silence and Tony took all his strength to not punch something.

"I've already told you... I do not want to take over the comp-"

"Now, Tony. I know you say that now, but in a few years time this company will be yours and you will be in charge of it." His father stood up and his look was stern.

Tony sighed in frustration but he wasn't going to give up yet, if he was anything then he was stubborn.

"I-" He began but got no further before his father interrupted.

"Tony. I have heard enough of this. I just want what is best for you, I want you to do well and be the best that you can."

Tony frowned in confusion it was always strange when he's father said these things, it was always the closest his father had ever been to say that he cared about him or that he was proud even.

"But dad-"

"Just remember, someone must have iron in their backbone if they want to be successful."

Later that night, Tony was sat back on his bed contemplating the past few months and his father's words. He still couldn't believe the Stark Company made bombs but it did clear up quite a few of his questions of things that never did make sense. He briefly wondered if his mother knew about it but then his mind flicked onto a certain god. Tony expected the same feeling of hurt and sadness but he just felt empty. It surprised him and he curled up instinctively into his cover and pillow, his hand brushed against something cold and metal and he realised it was his phone. He flicked it open and saw Pepper had left him a message.

'If you change your mind, give me a call and we will come pick you up. Love P.'

Tony thought about it and then shrugged his shoulders and pressed the call button.

If Loki was gone and not coming back then he knew he should just move on and accept it.

It was hard at first but he soon got into a routine of going to school, helping his dad, going out with Pepper and Rhodey, sleeping peacefully. The latter coming much later but he eventually could go to sleep at a normal time without even thinking about anything that had happened. It had almost been a year and a half now and he no longer saw green in the corner of his eye or thought about that place with longing or regret.

He didn't even notice when he started sleeping with everyone and everything, pretty much, that came onto him. It was like just a thing that was suddenly happening and he never felt an emotional connection to any of them and he never saw them for more than one night. He got the reputation of being a player and he never thought about it and he definitely never compared how the sex with never quite as good as his first time had been. He suspected it never would be.

He also promised his dad he would take over the Stark Company, because well, why not? What else was he going to do? It made his father happy and proud of him so he might as well.

And when those rare moments came when his thoughts of Loki bubbled up and overwhelmed him he turned to drink and the love of the first person he saw.

TBC