"So a man and a man can...?" Thor shifted his feet awkwardly and poked his two pointer finger together, looking to Tony meaningfully.
"That's right, Pointbreak, my man. Two dudes can do the do if they want to just like a dude and a dudette can" Tony was grinning, watching Thor's face twist in horror and barely suppressed curiosity for the past half hour was pretty entertaining for him.
He continued mixing the batter, completely missing the fact that most of it was either on the floor, him or the celling. He had been getting increasingly exasperated instructions from Jarvis on the creation of pancakes, but not much following of said instructions had really worked out.
"But how can a man and a man have children many? Can they be bonded by marriage?" Thor was obviously trying hard to understand and Tony smiled. He was taking a little too much enjoyment in corrupting Thor's frail mind.
"Well, that's what adoption is for an you can get married in some places, not here though" Thor looked a little disenhearted for a second. "By you can also be metaphorically married, like me and Jarvis" Thor looked a little more bright at that. He was obviously barely concealing his eagerness to learn more about the topic.
"Sir, we are not married" Jarvis said firmly from the celling.
"Yes we are, your just in denial" Thor probably would of heard Jarvis growl had he my been so deep in thought. They had a similar tradition in Asgard. Men taking men to be there wives whether it be love, political or financial necessity. Sometimes women would take women as well, it just wasn't thought of as any different in Asgard.
Tony had began arguing with Jarvis on the legality and not-fabrication of their marriage. It got to the point where a tall icy blond man with piercing blue eyes walked in and continued the argument. This seemed to delight The Man of Iron and he squealed something like "I knew that you would use the body I made you eventually!". To be honest Thor wasn't really paying attention, but when Tony referred to the man as Jarvis Thor decided to simply accept it as Midgardian magic. At some point Loki had appeared beside him and promptly fall asleep, his arm threaded through Thor's, his head resting on the larger man's bicep. The healer Banner also came in and subsequently took over the making pancakes while the argument continued in the background.
Well, it wasn't quite an argument anymore, it was more like Jarvis' manic attempt to pry Tony off his abdomen while shouting. No one was really paying any attention.
Eventually Bruce finished with the pancakes and Thor roused Loki from his sleep, much to his own personal reluctance. He barely realised it himself, but he thought that Loki sleeping was one of the great wonders of the nine realms.
They sat around the dining table that Bruce doubted had ever been used. Jarvis sat with them or, more accurately, he was tied to a chair with thick ropes and making polite conversation with Loki.
The pancakes were far better than what any of them thought Tony would of been able to make and they were all very verbal about it, especially Jarvis who was looking very smug while Loki occasionally spared him a few pieces of pancake, because as he described it, he was charitable.
Half way through breakfast an arrow was shot through a plate of pancakes and another guest was added to their table, though he was a little glarey and a little growly. Not only in the direction of Loki, but just humanity and aliens in general. He was also of course dangling for the celling and roughly stuffing food in his mouth. Considering that Tony was currently clinging to Jarvis' middle Loki fed them both tidbits off his own plate as if they were children Bruce was the only one that looked even vaguely civil. Loki had obviously decided that both Jarvis and Tony were completely incapable of looking after themselves and had taken it upon himself to make sure they were fed, married or otherwise. To complete the picture of Loki playing mother hen Thor had decided to sit obnoxiously close to his black haired haired counterpart. Now that he knew that if he wanted to sit close to another man that wouldn't be discriminated against it made him feel just a little bit better about doing as he wished. And then there was Bruce who seemed to be just one of more friendly in laws to the seeming play family. If you think about this picture of hopeless fun, the god of mischief and mayhem feeding pancake to a tall pale man tied to a chair with his master clinging to his abdomen whining about some sort of marriage while the god of thunder unconsciously slipped his arm tightly around the black hair man's shoulders while talking mildly with the hulk who was watching one of Sheild's finest assassins dangle from the celling by a rope out of the corner of his eye, you really can't be surprised that Director Fury stopped mid rant at the sight of the dining room. He stared, one eyed at them, his eye scraping from Bruce to Thor and then to Loki and then no more. Loki let his hand return to his plate, his wrist resting lightly on the rim, Tony still looking hopefully at the piece of pancake stuck to his fork. Perhaps it was the way that Bruce gripped the tablecloth or the way that the eye of hawk was too nonchalant, but Thor suddenly wanted his hammer. He held a little tighter onto Loki, who smiled pleasantly.
"Director Fury, I presume. I don't believe we've met. I am Loki Laufeyson" he offer his hand over the back of his chair, believing with a small amount of certainty that this was how the Midgardians greeted one another. Tony looked ready to leap across the table when Fury took Loki's hand. It seemed that the black haired man was the only person not to feel the tension. Or perhaps he was simply strategically ignoring it for his own purposes. Fury slowly took the slender man's hand and they let a quick shake come to pass. Obviously Fury was remembering the shifty nature of his crew of the past few days, though he failed to growl. Instead they were both being suspiciously civil. "I believe we have a lot to talk about" Loki was still smiling politely and Fury had not yet started to threaten anyone, and everything just felt… off.
"Yeah, I heard you got called in to translate to scrolls Natasha brought back from Russia-land. I owe you a favour. Would you like to come into my office to discuss further matters" like most of his other ventures into the english language Fury never really requested anything of anybody, he simply demanded and you could either do as he said with dignity or you could fight teeth and claw and lose said dignity. Loki smiled again and everyone held their breath.
"That would be most adequate, thank you for the offer" as always Loki was nothing if not graceful. He removed himself from the ever disorganised dining room table like he didn't have to unlatch the god of thunder and glorious hair from his shoulder. He gestured in a friendly manner to the door. "Shall we go?" Fury nodded, his face never moving from its ever stony state, and, yet, there was Loki, being overly polite like his own scowl was usually a permanent feature on his face. They left the room, Loki following Fury. And thus, out went two of the most brilliant strategists the world had ever known either to go kill each other or continue plotting how to kill everyone else.
Tony looked to Bruce and Bruce looked to Tony. Jarvis looked nowhere and Thor was seriously considering going after them. Hawkeye on the other hand had mysteriously disappeared.
"So.… we going to need a clean up crew on hand or what?"
Bruce shrugged.
"I guess we'll have to wait and see"
"Wait, so your telling me that you're going on holiday with not one, but two Norse gods? In the Alps no less?" Pepper did seem at all impressed, but heck Tony wasn't too happy about it either. Generally when he played intergalactic games with people, he kind of liked to be asked about it first. Apparently elves don't work that way.
"Well, yeah, but its not like we'll have trouble telling them apart. I mean, I like to think of it like this; say you were drowning, one of them would rush in and save you without even taking off his shoes and the other would video your thrashing and post it online for the world to see. Plus I'm pretty sure that one of them is a Johtun, whatever the heck that is" Tony was well aware that he was babbling and totally fine with that.
Pepper's eyes narrowed.
"Are you kidding me?" Her voice was low and dangerous.
"Trust me, Pep. It is not me you should be asking"