Chapter 9

"Lily, I can't believe you are doing this!" Tina said that night in their common room.

"Tina." Lily said quietly.

"I get that you wanna hurt Fred, okay, I do, but Mason? You know there's only one thing he wants from you, and it's not your heart."

"Tina." Lily spoke louder.

"I could see that you didn't want him to kiss you today, so did Draco. Draco knew there was something wrong. We want you to be happy Lily. Mason isn't gonna make you happy. You belong with Fred!" Tina finished.

"Tina!" Lily snapped.

"What?" Tina snapped back.

"I-I think I really fucked up." Lily's voice was uneasy.

"Oh Merlin what happened?" Tina rushed to Lily's side. Lily stood up and walked into her dorm, Tina followed. Lily closed the door and sat on her bed. Tina sat at the other end and closed the curtains and cast a silencing spell.

"After Mason and I left, we went for a walk," Tina nodded for her to go on, "we stopped at the tree where Fred and I had our first kiss and told each other how we felt," the memory hurt to think about, and a tear ran down Lily's cheek, "I saw Fred and George walking, and...and..."

"Oh, no! Don't tell me you kissed Mason." Tina gasped.

"I didn't exactly kiss him so much as shove my tongue down his throat." Lily said, shame and regret teetering in her voice.

"Well, that would've definitely hurt him." Tina said.

"I know." Lily broke into tears.

"I thought that's what you wanted." Tina was slightly confused.

"It is, but, it's just made me realize that we're really over." Tina wrapped her arms around her friend while Lily sobbed into her chest.

Lily cried and cried and cried. After what seemed like hours of crying, she finally stopped. She felt like she should cry more, but she couldn't. She had no more tears to shed, not over her family, and definitely not over Fred. All her emotions had just left her.

She left the dorm to go get some fresh air. She walked around the back of Hogwarts, where she and Fred shared so many memories, hoping to feel something, but there was nothing. So she walked to their spot by the lake. She stared at the moons silver reflection ripple in the water, and sat on the grass.

"Mind if I join you?" Mason asked sitting closely beside her.

"What, are you following me?" she teased, nudging him playfully. He laughed and his hazel eyes met her green ones. He stared at her longingly, and she stared back, although her eyes were empty. They were usually so beautiful and full of life, but now they were hollow.

He cupped her face in his hands and leaned in. She didn't lean back, but he went in for the kiss anyway. He pulled away and searched her face for any sign of a reaction, but there was none because quite frankly, she just didn't care.

Taking her not-reacting as a good sign, he went in again for a deeper kiss. She felt something inside her, but she couldn't tell if it was a good feeling or not. She kissed him back, winding her arms around his neck. His hands found her hips and eased her into a laying position. Her fingers found themselves tangled in his hair.

Their snogging was heating up, but they didn't have the same fire or passion that they did when she was with Fred. Not that she cared about him. Or so she kept telling herself.

Mason was on top of her at this point. He was straddling her waist, and his hands were trailing up and down her thighs.

"Lily?" a voice said. Lily kicked Mason off of her and sat up. She hopelessly attempted to fix her hair, which had grass scattered through it, showing that she'd just been rolling around on the ground. Lily looked up and saw George standing there, his mouth open in shock, disgust and a tinge of disappointment. Fred was standing next to him, looking anywhere but at his ex-girlfriend. Lily said nothing; she just stood up and stormed off, not wanting to deal with them at that moment. She turned around and saw George chasing after her, calling her name.

"I know you're upset, but that was cruel." he said catching up with her.

"I am a Slytherin." she retorted.

"That was YOUR spot. I can't believe you'd do that to him!" he said.

"Why not? It's not like he cares." she spat back.

"Oh you know he does." George said.

"He doesn't love me!" she said pointedly.

"Maybe there's more to it than you think!" George reasoned.

"What more can there possibly be to 'I don't love you'?" Lily asked throwing her hands in the air. George stayed silent, but wished he could tell Lily what he knew.

"You're hurt, I get that -" he said.

"I'm sick of being hurt!" she yelled, then added softly, "I'm always hurt. Sometimes I wonder if Fred was even worth it. I always seemed to be hurting when I was with him. Do you know how many times I've thought about erasing all the memories I have of him? All they do now is cause me pain." her voice was quickly becoming a barely audible whisper. "It's just a quick spell; Obliviate. It's so simple. Just one word. One word can rid me of all of these horrid bloody feelings. I wouldn't remember holding his hand whenever I walk down a corridor. I wouldn't think of kissing him whenever I see that tree in Hogsmeade. I wouldn't think of him whenever Mason takes my hand. It would be so easy, so why can't I bring myself to do it?" she looked to George, as if asking for guidance.

"Because you still love him. No matter how much he hurts you, you will still love him and you don't want to forget that."

"But it hurts," her voice cracked and a tear trickled down her cheek, "the only time I'm not in pain is when I'm with Mason."

"You're happy with him?" George asked.

"Well, I didn't say that," Lily said wiping her face with the back of her hand.

"There must be some other way to feel something," George said pitifully.

"There is, but trust me, that's worse," she said quietly, thinking of the scars left on her arm.