"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are: 'It might have been'."

-Unknown

This was not good.

This was not good at all.

I swallowed deeply, only half listening to Alice's chattering, my eyes roving over every face in the crowded hallway, searching for the right one. Suddenly, my peripherals caught a head of smooth dark hair eyeing me from my right.

I dropped my bag, letting all of my books fall out.

"Oops," I murmured, bending down to begin to put things back, making a Slytherin curse angrily as the almost tripped over me and went sprawling to the floor.

I rolled my eyes as he glared at me.

"…and I just think that if Frank would—oh no!" Alice exclaimed, stopping in the middle of her rant to help me clear things up, but I waved her away.

"No, no, I got it, you go take the food up to Lily and I'll meet you guys up there in a few minutes."

She hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"Of course!" I assured her, snagging my quill quickly before Justin Chang could trample it.

She sighed. "Okay…"

Barely a second later, as soon as Alice's back was turned, the familiar hands I knew would come were handing me my fallen books in a neat stack.

I looked up into smirking grey eyes, swallowing a sigh. He was just so damn gorgeous.

"I saw you ditch Prewett," he said, raising his eyebrows. "Any particular reason why?"

"I didn't ditch her," I muttered. "I just needed to talk to you alone and that was the quickest way to do it."

I stood up to find him watching me amusedly. "You needed me?"

"I needed to talk to you. Come on," I said tersely, dragging him by the hand into the nearest empty classroom. He leaned against a desk as I ran a hand through my hair. "I can't meet you tonight," I finally said, crossing my arms.

"And why not?" he asked, one of his eyebrows rising.

"Lily's going to be in our dorm tonight, and we're supposed to talk and stuff, which I don't mind, it just means that I won't have time to meet you. Can we meet tomorrow?"

He surveyed me for a moment, and I swallowed nervously. "No."

"Wha—Sirius! Why not?" I asked, stamping my foot.

He just smirked.

I inhaled deeply, trying to keep my calm.

"Sirius," I said, staring into his eyes. "Lily is my best friend. Normally, I would never do anything that would make her unhappy, but I can't help that I like you, even though only Merlin knows how I could fall for you…" I smiled at his outraged look. "So, I tried to make it work, I even tried to talk Lily out of coming tonight, but she's still coming and now they think I'm loony and—"

"If you really like me, you'll still meet with me," he said, loosening his tie and running his fingers through his hair. My mouth almost overflowed with drool. I swear sometimes he does these things on purpose. Instead I punched him in the chest, fuming as he laughed quietly at my attempt at hurting him.

"I can't. If you really want to meet with me, you'll meet with me tomorrow."

He shook his head. "Tonight. Eleven o'clock."

My eyes bulged at his stubbornness. "Why? What is so important about tonight?" I exploded.

"The excitement," he said, a delighted grin alighting on his perfect features.

"The excitement," I repeated incredulously. "You find it exciting that my friends could find out about us at any given moment?"

He gave me a wink that made my stomach flip. "Don't you?"

The clock's hand crept a little bit past eleven, and I pressed my lips together tightly. I did not find the fact that Lily could realize what I was up to and de-friend me to be the least bit exciting. In fact, I had decided not to meet Sirius a long time ago. There was simply no way. Why then, I asked myself, have you spent the past few minutes desperately formulating excuses to escape for a few minutes and meet Sirius?

I groaned inwardly, exhaling through my mouth angrily. I had been a good best friend for most of the night. I had listened to Lily talk about how she had had a dream about kissing James and how she didn't get the urge to yell at him every time he opened his mouth to speak to her now. I sat there and nodded my head when she described how she was muddled up and confused; I even squealed with Alice when Lily confessed she was 99 percent positive that he had wanted to ask her to Hogsmeade today in class and that she wanted to say yes.

"I just don't understand what everything means!"

"Lily, you like him," I told her, smiling broadly.

Her face turned red as she spluttered senselessly. "I-no-I can't like Potter...I mean, I'm not allowed to."

"There are no rules telling you who to like and who not to like, Lily." Alice had said patiently. "You are allowed to like whoever your heart is attracted to, and no one can tell you differently."

Right about the time Alice said that, I began looking at the clock. Could I help it if Sirius was madly good-looking and surprisingly charming? Could I help it if his compliments and flirtation and promises of a good snog kept me up at night? Could I help it if his hair was perfect and his eyes were mesmerizing and his lips were so tantalizingly flawless that I was having trouble paying attention in every class he was in?

No, I could not help any of that. But that didn't change the fact that I absolutely was not going to meet him tonight. I stubbornly pushed all thoughts of Sirius away. Then again…who was Lily to tell me I couldn't be attracted to someone? Hadn't Alice just said there are no rules and no one can tell you any differently?

I mean, I know she's harbored a deep hatred for the Marauders ever since like third year, especially Sirius since he's (supposedly) the most obnoxious, but that was the past! Maybe she'd feel differently now. Plus, if she was allowed to like James, shouldn't I be allowed to fancy Sirius?

I sighed. Here I was, supposedly helping my friend sort out her feelings and all I was doing was thinking of loopholes to see the one person she didn't want me to.

Oh, Sirius Black definitely brought out the worst in me.

I bit my lip and tuned back into the conversation; Lily was now lamenting about how James was nicer than she always thought. How that is a bad thing, I will never understand.

"Lily," I said, interrupting her. "You like James. So what?"

Her mouth dropped open. "I never said—"

"You like James Potter," I repeated firmly, cutting over her protests and glancing at the clock again. "Lily, just listen to what you're telling us. You're nervous around him, you want to go to Hogsmeade with him, you had a dream about snogging him—"

"The dream is what started it all!" she moaned despairingly.

"Exactly!" I said triumphantly, pointing at her. "If you don't like him, then what did the dream start?" she looked at me guiltily. "I'll tell you what it started: it started your feelings for him! Or maybe it just made you aware that you had them. Regardless..."

She stared at me for a moment before suddenly shouting, "Oh, crap! Sod it all to bleeding hell!" She violently threw herself face down into my bed as Alice said urgently, "Lily, be quiet, you'll wake the others!"

I stared at her in exasperation, ignore Alice's warnings and said, just as loudly, "There is nothing wrong with that! Why are you freaking out?"

"Because!" she exclaimed, biting her lip and sitting up, slightly calmer. "Because, he's James and I'm Lily, and we never…I just never thought…" she stopped talking for a moment. "I guess he's just different than I thought and it caught me off guard so I'm not sure what to do now."

Alice grinned at her confession. "I'll tell you what to do now. Now, Lily Evans, you walk right up to him and tell him exactly what you just told us…in a more condensed version of course."

"What?" Lily yelped, hugging a pillow to her torso tightly. "I can't do that!"

"Why not?" Alice asked. "What have you got to lose? If you don't do this now, then you will regret it for the rest of your life."

"No, I won't—"

"Yes you will!" Alice insisted. "You'll spend your whole life wondering what would've happened if you would have just gone up and talked to him. Would he have kissed you? Would you have been happier?"

I swallowed apprehensively at her words. If I didn't go to meet Sirius how would I feel in a week from now? A month from now? A year from now? It was right then that that I decided to forget everything but what I wanted. I mean it was my life after all. It was only ten past eleven…there might still be time to go down and meet him.

I jumped up before I could talk myself out of it. "I forgot my homework in the common room," I said, ignoring the strange looks my friends were regarding me with.

"Marlene, just leave it until the morning," Alice said, her brow furrowed. "It's not like anyone will steal it."

"They might," I protested, edging towards the door. "I think I heard the Marauders come in."

"How could you hear that from up here?" Lily asked suspiciously.

I shrugged and opened the door. "I'll be right back!" I called hurriedly, rushing down the stairs and slamming the door behind me, hoping to Merlin and back that they wouldn't come down and investigate.

Even if I was doing what I wanted for once, that didn't change the fact that I still didn't want to see one of my best mates unhappy.

As the common room came into view, Sirius swiveled around on the couch to see who was approaching, allowing a big smile to spread across his face when he saw me. "McKinnon!" he said approvingly. "You did come!"

I nodded, giving him a weak smile as the butterflies erupted.

I'm alone...with Sirius Black.

"I'm not exactly sure why I came," I said, biting my lip. "But here I am."

He patted a spot next to him on the couch. "Come and relax, McKinnon. Let's talk a while."

"I can't talk for that long," I said, apologetically. "Lily and Alice think I'm looking for homework."

"Maybe you couldn't find it," he said, leaning in slightly and capturing my eyes in his heart-stopping gaze. I melted. I just sat there and disintegrated into a mushy blob of blonde hair and pounding heartbeats and sheer obedience. I would do anything he asked me to as long as he kept looking at me like that—

A loud thump sounded from upstairs and I jumped, pulling away from his close proximity and taking a steadying breath.

He pursed his lips. "You seem jittery McKinnon…"

"Just a bit," I ground out, staring suspiciously upstairs.

"Allow me to help you with that," he purred, catching my chin with his surprisingly soft hands and forcing me to look into his eyes. "Turn towards that wall."

I did what he said because he had hypnotized me with his presence again, and I inhaled sharply as his wonderful hands began kneading into my back. My breathing quickened; was he trying to kill me? Every single nerve ending in my body was on fire as his fingertips dug into my tense muscles, working them smoothly. He leaned forward; his breath ghosting across my ear and making me jump as he whispered, "Relax, McKinnon."

I closed my eyes as he thumbs gently rubbed the muscles in my neck and took another deep breath before admitting, "I can't."

His hand stilled and I made a noise of protest as he spun me back towards him, smiling broadly at me. "Oh? So you do fancy me, eh, McKinnon?"

I laughed feebly as his fingers began running through my hair, producing chills. "Would I be here right now if I didn't?"

He stopped stroking my hair at my words, cocking his head to the side and merely playing with the tips. "No, I suppose not." His prolonged eye contact was making me antsy as the desire to lean over and press my lips to his grew with each passing second. He took a breath in and I froze, my eyes flickering between his eyes and his lips. "Marlene," he murmured, and for some reason my stomach clenched excitedly at the use of my first name, "can I kiss you?"

My mouth immediately dried, and I swallowed with difficulty, struggling to remain calm and not hyperventilate. Of course he could kiss me. "You're asking permission?"

And people said he was rude.

A crooked smile bloomed on his face and I almost fell off the couch. "I figured you would want me to," he said, tracing a finger along my collar bone and making me shiver (something that was not missed by his attentive, slightly smug eyes). "Then again, if you don't want to, I could always wait until some other time…" he slowly leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss on my neck, making my pulse beat wildly and my hands tangle in his hair of their own accord.

"If you even try to wait, I will hex you," I threatened, struggling to remain stern as he let out a laugh that was contagious.

"You, Marlene, need to learn some patience," he said smoothly, abandoning the ends of my hair and instead tracing my cheek bone.

"I think I'd rather just learn your lips," I said, darting my pink tongue across my bottom lip to moisten it.

Sirius smirked, following my tongue with hooded eyes. "I think I can arrange that."

He closed his eyes and touched his lips, feather lightly, on mine. Almost immediately I tried to return the pressure, but he moved back, out of reach. I groaned and fell back, my heavy breaths increasing in tempo. Once more he brushed his lips to mine, and once more I became angry when he moved back inconveniently.

He was trying to kill me.

"Stop teasing me, Black!" I said, opening my eyes and giving him the best glare I could produce under the current circumstances, since all I really wanted to do was throw myself onto him.

"I told you, Marlene, you need to learn about patience."

"And I told you that all I needed to learn about was your lips," I retorted, advancing onto him and running my fingers through his soft hair, abandoning all my lingering inhibitions. "And I will."

His lips were softer than I imagined they would be as I pressed mine to his, tangling my fingers in his tresses and holding his face tightly so he couldn't back away.

He didn't seem to mind too much, however, as his hands found my hips, eagerly skimming over the soft skin that they found there as I kissed him harder. He reciprocated the pressure I had been begging for and I sighed into his mouth, capturing his bottom lip between my teeth. His groan set my body on fire, and his tongue swept across my lip; I pressed myself closer, not caring if a straggling Gryffindor walked in on us.

Which, unfortunately, is exactly what happened.

"Oh…hello," a male voice said from the stairs.

I tore myself away from Sirius, who probably would have just kept snogging me, and looked blearily at Remus, instantly regretting my decision to stop snogging him.

Sirius scowled as he realized who it was. "You couldn't have just gone back upstairs?"

He raised one eyebrow, a smile playing on his lips. "Sorry, you should have told me not to come in here. Does Lily know about this?"

Lily.

I jumped up, trying to calculate approximately how long I'd been with Sirius. Too long, that's for sure. There was no way the girls wouldn't be suspicious.

"Oh, I have to go!" I said frantically, launching myself towards the stairs.

"I take that as a no," Remus said, pressing his lips together as I fled towards the dorms.

"McKinnon, wait!" Sirius called, and I paused for half of a second at the bottom of the stairs, poised on the balls of my feet.

"Sirius—"

"Just come to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday," he said, standing up, his hair still slightly mussed from where my fingers had ran through it.

My stomach soared; a real date with Sirius Black! It deflated just as quickly as I realized that we couldn't, no matter how much I desperately wanted to. "Sirius…I can't," I said apologetically, "James and Lily will probably be going."

"So?" he asked, taking another step towards me.

"I'm really sorry, Sirius," I said, ignoring the breaking sensation somewhere around where my heart was located, before fleeing upstairs. As I opened the door I heard a faint, grumbled, "Thanks a lot, Moony," but I shut the door quickly and faced my two best friends.

"Well," Lily said, surveying me coolly. "That took a lot of time for you to not find your homework."

I grimaced, hoping I didn't seem too breathless. "Oh, yeah, I think it must still be in my bag, because I searched everywhere and couldn't find it."

Alice gave me another look, like the ones she had been giving me all afternoon that said: 'You have been acting really weird, but I'll wait and ask you about it later, and you better tell me the truth. I averted my eyes from her, pretending I didn't see, because while Alice is very understanding when it comes to matters of the heart, she would undoubtedly accidentally let something slip around Lily.

With a huge sigh and a forced smile (would anyone ever be happy about having to turn down a date with the one person they'd been secretly pining for?) I flopped down next to Lily and lightly said, "So, what'd I miss?"

After a slightly uncomfortable moment, Alice launched into a speech about how Lily and her had had a humongous debate about what to do now that her feelings for James had been confirmed. While Alice was all for Lily confessing her love to him tomorrow morning when she returned to the Head Dorms, Lily was steadfastly refusing and instead insisting that she should just go with the flow until something happened on its own.

I settled down to listen, images of Sirius and I dancing in the back of my mind.

a/n: I know Lily's control over Marlene and Sirius is probably pissing some of you off (I mean, I was getting pissed off as I was writing it!) but Marlene's just trying to be a good best friend. Don't worry, it won't go on for too much longer:)

Anyways, drop me a line (or two, or three).

Thanks for reading!