The last chapter for If I Stay.

Kougami

A week had passed since Gino had first shown signs of regaining consciousness, his fingers and eyes moving only slightly. After that it felt like all the progress had come to a sudden halt, Gino wasn't improving or worsening but the wait was almost killing me. We all knew at that point that Gino was going to pull through after that but we just didn't know when and that was the worst, waiting. The doctor had told us that it could take a few days, weeks or months for him to regain complete conscious depending on the damage to his brain were.

Pops was the one who pointed out that Gino was awake when he entered the room that morning. Akane and I were talking and hadn't even noticed when Gino had opened his eyes; he didn't say anything either so I felt rather stupid for having missed that but what mattered was that Gino was finally awake.

At first it looked like he was completely disoriented, as if he didn't even know where he was before going back to sleep. This happened a few times for the next couple of days. At first the most Gino could manage to stay awake was a few minutes and then it slowly prolong to ten minutes and after five days Gino can now stay awake up to an hour before becoming too tired. The doctor confirmed that it was completely normal for someone coming out of a coma and Shion further reassured us that for someone who came out of a coma is very exhausting for them. Just being able to open their eyes required a great amount of effort and apparently when someone goes into a coma their brain doesn't rest and that is the main reason for why they are completely burned out after waking up.

Today counts eight days after Gino finally woke up from his coma… Seventeen days since the incident, finally I can breathe again but Gino still has a long road ahead of him. His muscles have gotten lazy after having been in the same position for so long. His legs are too weak and due to his injuries in his stomach the nurses won't allow him to walk in fear for them to open up. The first few days pops would help Gino to bend his arms while he was sleeping, that helped to get them moving again. He also helped Gino to exercise his legs too, something we've kept secret from the nurses and thanks to that Gino can move them a little bit but I wouldn't encourage him to go walking any time soon though.

Since he woke up even now he's not very talkative. He often fixates at the ceiling like he's lost in deep thoughts, I wonder if Gino will ever be the same again. "They say you'll be able to start walking after the stitches are removed." I say breaking the long silence.

"I'm aware…" Was his answer, never looking away from the ceiling; his hands on his stomach.

He was in a lot of pain when he first woke up, maybe that's the problem and like always he doesn't say anything. "Are you in pain? I can go get the nurse." I ask.

"I was already given something for the pain but it's still there a little…" This time he looked at me when he spoke, never removing his hands on his stomach. His head is healing nicely, it hasn't caused Gino much discomfort but it's the stab wounds that have been most problematic.

"You sound better than the first few days after you woke up. I feared you had brain damage, you didn't make much sense." I blurt out giving him a smile.

The first few days Gino had a hard time pronouncing certain words and I feared for the worst but the doctor told us that it was normal and it got hilarious at a point. The second day when he woke up, the inspectors of division three came to visit but it was more like snooping around than actually coming to see how Gino was doing. Anyway when Gino woke up, just out of the blues he just tells them that he hates their guts and that they should stick their heads back into their asses and fell back to sleep. These sudden outbursts happened pretty often the first few days. We all know now thanks to those outbursts that pops is a great man and that he loves him. Shion blamed the meds that helped ease his pain as the cause of those outbursts, saying that it was the drugs talking and not to take anything he says seriously but none the less they were hilarious.

"I don't remember…" Somehow it doesn't surprise me. The first few days the nurses kept him so heavily drugged to ease him from the pain that I wondered if he was going to be okay. I think for his own good, it's a good thing he doesn't remember because knowing Gino, he'd probably die from embarrassment.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just relieved that you're alright. None of the damage will be permanent so you'll be back to your old self soon." I tell him. Yeah soon he won't be in any pain, his wounds will have healed and he'll be able to continue his life like nothing had even happened. Division one will be back on duty again and we'll move on.

"I heard from Kagari that Tsunemori had trouble with Dime…" Oh yeah that… Kunizuka or Kagari must have told him about that incident. The next day after Gino was in the intensive care Akane took Kagari with her to Gino's place to care for Dime. Dime not familiar with her bites her arm but luckily Kagari was there to calm the dog down.

"Yeah but that was my fault I should have gone with her instead of Kagari. He was just protecting his territory after all." I add. I should have seen that incident happen but I got careless. I was so worried about Gino that I failed to think how Dime would react. After it happened I went with Akane to make sure it never happened again but the injury had already been done.

"It's the first time Dime ever bite anyone. I'll have to apologize to Tsunemori for that." Gino says as he returns his gaze to the ceiling.

"Dime mostly got her jacket or should I say that the jacket got most of the damage so the injury to Akane's arm is a minimum." I tell him. Good thing Akane was wearing her winter jacket otherwise Dime's powerful jaws would have done some serious injuries to Akane.

The awkward silence fills the room again, just like all the other days that have passed since Gino woke up from his coma. I can't think of anything to say, there are so many questions that I'd like to ask him but I don't want to trigger any hurtful memories from that night. Gino is awake finally but we've been warned over and over again that his mind is still frail and it wouldn't take much to give him an episode but avoiding something that is bound to resurface again eventually is it really a good idea?

Not speaking about what happened in that incident, I honestly don't think it's a good idea. I'd be willing to bet that's what Gino keeps thinking about, all the memories and the pain he just keeps it all to himself. He's trying to come up to term with what happened on his own, he doesn't want anyone to worry about him but he's a fool. He never gets it. By not talking to us about his problems, about things that bothers him only makes us worry about him even more.

The day he woke up, he was fixated onto pops like there was nothing else around him, like all that mattered to Gino was pops at that moment but after a few days that has past just by looking into his eyes I know there's something that's been eating him. That look in his eyes, I've never seen it before and it's hard to explain even.

"Gino… What happened that night?" I ask breaking the silence again. I can't just ignore what I want to know or can I bring myself to respect the warning that the doctor gave us, I just have to know.

"I got stabbed and my head bashed." Was his answer in a boorish tone. Like it's his way of letting me know that the subject bore, no didn't interest him what so ever.

"Don't be a smart ass, I already know that and you know that's not what I meant." I shoot back at him. If there's one thing that pisses me off about Gino is how he always tells you the obvious and avoids the real subject when it comes to personal things in hopes you will drop the subject altogether but he should know me better than that. He should know that I wouldn't just drop something that I want to know. We've known each other for so long and we used to be able to tell each other anything and everything but ever since I became an enforcer, Gino has pushed me away and yeah I have a problem with that.

He lets out a sight before looking in my direction with his green eyes of his. "Isn't it obvious Kougami, I made a mistake and let my guard down. What's more to tell?"

Again another answer that just circles around the subject, he avoids it like the fucking plague. "Gino you know that I know you almost too well so why do you feel the need to give me a bullshit answer like that?" His expression doesn't change as I spoke; he still seems as uninterested as before.

"Has it maybe not occurred to you that I might just not want to talk about it?" Yeah very convenient Gino but you know that won't do for me.

"Gino-"

"If you're worried for my wellbeing Kougami it's no big deal but pressuring me to tell you about what happened that night won't make me say it anyway. I'll say it just once Kougami, that's something I'll be taking to the grave with me." His tone suddenly changed to what I remembered, severe and serious. It's without a doubt that it's a touchy subject but so far as I quickly glance at the monitors his readings hasn't change so I'll take it as a good sign and keep on pushing and pressing my luck.

"That's the thing Gino that I just don't get. Why? Do you think that I or the team will think less of you or something?"

He lets out another sigh, this time I can sense a bit of frustration and annoyance in it but his facial expression is calm but I can see that he's trying to stay in composure. "That's not it. I dropped my guard when I shouldn't, I was the one who messed up and I paid the price for it. That's all there is to it, how it happened isn't in any way relevant or important. Shibada is dead and so is the hostage so what does it even matter how he attacked me, it won't make any difference."

"You just seem to drift off into your own thoughts a lot Gino… Wait a minute how do you know that Shibada and the hostage are dead? Did Kagari tell you?" I ask cutting what I was trying to say short when I processed what he had just said. How on earth does he even know that? Did Akane tell him? No we all talked about that and we all agreed that it be best not to mention anything from that night so did Risa come by and told him what happened?

"No, no one told me. I just know that's all." He casually answers as if it was nothing and I'm sitting here confused and he's not even noticing or simply doesn't care.

"You were aware of everything that was happening around you huh… So Shion was right but we never spoke about the hostage's status around you so how would you know that?" I ask. The things that Shion had said about Gino being able to hear us is pretty much confirmed and that was mainly the reason why we decided not to talk about any cases around him at all. Akane feared that talking about cases could give Gino anxiety and make his condition worst. Good thing we did that.

"I was aware of everything in ways you wouldn't even believe me if I told you and it's hard to explain and yet alone to understand myself. You say that I drift into my thoughts too often, I'm just trying to remember all that's happened those days but a lot of my memories are becoming fuzzy." Clearly he thinks too lowly of me. Won't believe him? Like seriously Gino? If you want to offend me continue you are succeeding. Like all those years of friendship just doesn't mean anything to you anymore.

"Then you heard how pathetic I sounded back then huh?" I blurt out, the only thing that I could think of that didn't involve starting a fight.

Gino sits himself up straight with some difficulties and before I even realized it I had jumped to my feet to help him but he brushes my offer off.

"I was ready to die, I didn't want to fight anymore but I didn't know how to end it all but you pulled me back. You made me stay. You can call it pathetic if you want but it's what brought me back." After a few minutes of silence he breaks it and it wasn't what I was expecting. He didn't look at me as he spoke, simply starred at his hands. "You think that you had it bad but no one can even imagine for a second how I felt. I wasn't able to just hear but I saw everything."

"Gin-"

"Having to look at my mangled body, seeing everyone's reaction and no matter how loud I yell no one could hear me. I've seen sides of everyone that I didn't even think they had and the worst part was that none of it made any sense. I couldn't feel anything or could I seek comfort from anyone, all I could do was watch as everyone else suffered and broke apart." When he started talking he was calm but the more he spoke, the calmness was gone and was instead replaced by all the emotions he had been bottling up inside. Strangely enough I'm satisfied with myself that the bottle finally opened; it's what he needs the most right now.

"Gin-"

"When I had made up my mind, tired of fighting, tired of it all you came and forced me to stay and then I was trapped in an endless loop and the next thing I know is this intense pain that just didn't go away and then I heard dad's voice and I woke up…" Tears finally found their escape as they run down his cheeks. I don't know a single thing about comas nor did I know how Gino felt but I had to get him to say it and I know it now.

I wrap my arms around him bringing his face to my chest, careful not to apply any forms of pressure to his stomach. He took his composure fast enough but at least he got that off his chest… So Gino when Shion told me that morning that you were not doing well, you had decided to allow yourself to die. That's what you wanted but you stayed for me and I'm more than thankful that you didn't go.

"Don't ask me about what happened again… Certain things are just not worth saying or reliving." He says. His voice low that I almost didn't hear him.

If Gino really did see everything, I think I may have an idea what exactly happened that night. We live in an age that with the right technology you can do almost anything and just thinking about how Shibada could have gotten Gino to drop his guard; Gino is probably right… Seeing how we reacted, hearing the truth could be just as bad.

"Call me selfish but I'm glad you stayed. Gino don't go where I can't follow." I tell him and I hear him respond a low yeah and I can tell that he's getting tired. I got him pretty worked up, best to let him rest now. What matters now is that he's finally awake.

Thank you for the sticking around for all 10 chapters my lovelies.

Like always review and tell me what you think.

Apparently from A real guest all of you who do not have an account aka guest are fakes and technically my works are fic states are padded hahahahaha this is hilarious.

Now off to my next work whatever it may be.