Part 10: There and Back Again

The surface of the wormhole shimmered silently and Sam waited a few paces away, Jacob's head heavy in her lap. Selmak was quiet, not having said a word since Sam began pressing the painfully familiar glyphs for Earth. Some part of Sam thought there should be celebrating or maybe just relief. They had Jacob back. Egeria's Legacy was safe. Keren would never hurt anyone again.

Instead, a strange sort of quiet had encompassed them both. For the first time as long as Sam could remember, she felt a great reservoir of calm fill her, matching the gentle rippling of the event horizon. She had reason to be anxious or at the very least tired, but with Egeria's necklace cool against her chest, her father secure in her arms and an open connection to Earth at last, Sam could only feel guarded optimism that although her life would never be the same, it would at least be lived with purpose once again.

Jack was the first to break through the rippling surface, Daniel close on his heels. Teal'c came next and he was accompanied by two MPs. Jack looked annoyed but resigned to their presence, glancing back at them as they stepped through.

Sam remained still, not really surprised by the MPs' presence. Daniel took a couple wary steps forward, his eyes momentarily caught by the unforgiving desolation of the planet. They had been warned of the harsh conditions, but nothing ever prepared one for such absolute destruction.

"Sam?" Daniel eventually questioned softly, his eyes now on hers.

"Daniel," she said in confirmation, a reassuring smile spreading over her face, but his uncertainty reminded her of another uncomfortable truth. The MPs were the first clue, but the continued wariness of her team reminded her that as much as they wanted to believe in her, her identity was still unconfirmed. They couldn't afford to let another potential Trojan Horse walk freely around the base.

Sam's hands tightened momentarily on her father's figure before she gently shifted her weight. "Teal'c," she said, her voice sounding calm and steady, "could you see that my father gets back safely?"

Teal'c nodded, glancing smoothly at Jack before reaching for the still unconscious man. Out of the corner of Sam's eye, she could see the guards reach for their weapons.

Jack stepped in front of them, proving exactly how much trust he had in their escort. "Keren?" he asked, eyeing the unconscious form suspiciously.

Sam swallowed back sudden unease at the thought of the broken body drowning in the mud. "Dead," she said evenly, nodding her head in the direction of Keren's corpse.

Jack gestured for one of the MPs to go check. Teal'c lifted Jacob from Sam's lap and she slowly got to her feet, her hands held slightly wide to reinforce that she was unarmed.

"There is a plaza about half a mile to the east; you'll want to send a retrieval team."

"Egeria's Legacy?" Daniel asked breathlessly, his eyes bright with curiosity.

Sam nodded stiffly, some part of her aching in the face of Daniel's familiar earnestness. She wanted to reach out and touch him, her hand clenching compulsively at her side. But the second MP was still watching her with dark, suspicious eyes as if she was a criminal. Which she was.

"Weapon?" Jack asked.

Sam blinked once and brought her attention back to Jack. She shrugged carefully, a half smile tugging at her lips, knowing that Egeria might have said that knowledge in its own way was the most powerful weapon of all.

"Not as we might have thought," Sam said.

Jack's eyes narrowed at her cryptic answer, but Sam just shook her head in apology. Maybe it was everything she had experienced, or just Selmak's vacillating emotions, but she gave herself the liberty to be a bit philosophical for once.

"But what is it, Sam?" Daniel asked.

Sam looked over at Daniel and then back to Jack and nothing could have stopped the wistful word tumbling from her lips.

"Hope."

Something flashed in Jack's eyes for a moment, but Sam simply lifted her hands up to him, wrists pressed together as the MP returned with his sorry bundle, confirming Jacob's freedom from Keren.

"I'm ready to go home," Sam said. Just as she had promised.

Somewhere in the background Daniel made a sound of protest, but Jack just held out one hand to the MP, who passed him a pair of handcuffs. He gently clasped them around Sam's wrists, holding her steady gaze the entire time.

Jack nodded at Daniel to dial the gate and Sam watched Teal'c carry Jacob through the event horizon with obvious care. With one last glance at Egeria's final home, Sam let Jack lead her up to the wormhole, conscious that once again she was restrained and at the mercy of others.

But with his hand at her elbow, she didn't stumble.

Stepping through the gate, Sam was flooded with the strange feeling of disconnect one experienced when finally returning to a place that had once been familiar. But she couldn't quite be sure if the SGC changed so that it didn't quite fit right anymore, or if it was just her. If she was just stretched somehow. The grey walls used to be warmer, but maybe that was just Selmak comparing them to the flashing blue of underground crystal caverns.

Hammond was warm, yet guarded as he greeted her, a response she was becoming quite familiar with. It was almost comforting to hear him say, "Welcome back," and order her to infirmary. Jack, Daniel and Teal'c tried to follow her, but Hammond called them back with a firm call of "Briefing room."

A battery of tests was preformed in the infirmary by Dr. Warner rather than Janet for some unexplained reason, and Sam had to begin to wonder if they were purposively isolating her.

Jacob was still unconscious a few beds down, suffering from a much longer exposure to radiation. Dr. Warner had cautiously assured her Jacob would be fine, that he just needed a few days rest to recover.

'You could heal Jacob much faster,' Sam eventually observed to her long silent companion when she finally tired of watching Dr. Warner nervously circle around her, flinching each time he drew blood or administered a test.

It was the first either of them had spoken of the inevitable issue of Selmak's return to Jacob. Selmak was silent for a while longer and Sam was beginning to worry about the symbiote's withdrawal.

'They will not allow me to join with Jacob without confirmation of my identity,' Selmak noted tiredly.

While that was true, Sam felt there was something more, another reason she was putting off her reunion with Jacob.

'What is it?' Sam prodded.

Selmak began evasively humming, but Sam pushed past the distraction, feeling the timbre of Selmak's emotions resonating beneath it.

'You want him to have a choice,' Sam concluded. 'You don't want him to blended again under the pretext of illness.'

Selmak's humming stumbled for a moment, before continuing again. Though where the symbiote had picked up the Battle Hymn of the Republic, Sam had no idea.

'He has never regretted blending with you, Selmak. You must know that.'

Selmak abruptly abandoned her attempt to avoid the conversation, heaving a deep mental sigh. 'Yes, of course,' she answered smoothly. 'I have never doubted that, but he has been through a trauma that perhaps only you and Colonel O'Neill can ever truly understand.'

'He was forcibly controlled by a symbiote,' Sam said with understanding, her tongue suddenly thick in her mouth.

'He has been violated and abused for weeks,' Selmak observed, her voice tight. 'I will not force myself back on him. It has to be his choice.'

Her father's experience was never far from Sam's thoughts, but no matter how traumatic, she couldn't believe he would ever forsake Selmak.

'He will choose you,' Sam said resolutely, because she knew without doubt that Selmak could never be like Keren or Kanan.

Selmak wasn't as sure.

Hammond, Janet and SG-1 all entered the infirmary just as Dr. Warner finished his examination. Janet looked like she wanted to cross to room to hug Sam, but she hung back with the others.

Selmak was more than a little annoyed by how they were being treated, somewhat like a Goa'uld who would, at any moment, jump up and force everyone to do her bidding. Sam tried to calmly remind Selmak that it was better that they were playing it safe, but the symbiote was already grumbling in the background and flashed their eyes purely to unnerve the still hovering Dr. Warner.

The doctor took a few stumbling steps back and despite herself, Sam had to duck her head to hide her smile of amusement.

'Behave,' Sam demanded.

"Sorry, sir," Sam said out loud. "Selmak is just a little tired of being prodded."

Hammond nodded absently. "I just wanted to let you know, Major, that a committee from the Pentagon is being brought over to conduct an inquiry."

Sam's eyebrows shot up at the word inquiry. Interrogation was probably a more accurate, if not less diplomatic, word.

"I take it I am to be held in custody until the conclusion of the inquiry," Sam noted wryly. She chanced a glance at her teammates, and while Jack and Teal'c were as inscrutable as ever, Daniel and Janet's faces made it clear they had argued Sam's case as best they could.

"It's alright," Sam said. "It's nothing I didn't expect."

Hammond nodded again. "May I ask…what you and Selmak intend to do now?"

It was rare that Sam heard Hammond sound so hesitant.

"Selmak will return to my father," Sam clarified, shocked that they all looked relieved. She didn't know if they had expected a fight or if they honestly thought Sam might choose to be a Tok'ra. "We would appreciate it if you could find Anise, so she may be here for the procedure."

"Anise?" Daniel questioned.

Selmak stirred and took control. "There is much that the remaining Tok'ra deserve to be told. I would share this with her. We will also require her to care for Samantha's wounds when I leave her. I would not have her experience any more pain on my behalf."

"Of course," Hammond agreed. "I'll have Walter send out a message. Anise can also help Dr. Fraiser set up a stasis tank for Selmak."

When Anise arrived a few hours later, she embraced Sam like a long lost sister.

"Selmak," she breathed. "I feared we had lost you."

Sam was surprised by the upsurge of affection that filled her, especially when her own feelings for Anise were strained at best. They spent a surprising hour together discussing what Selmak had learned, Anise's eyes growing wider and wider with each word. It escaped neither Tok'ra that this was a profound moment for their kind.

A few hours later they all gathered in an isolation room and Sam and Selmak were taking one last final moment to say farewell. There was really no need for words between them. Sam could feel Selmak's gratefulness for all they had done together, and Sam was sure Selmak knew she did not regret any of their time together.

But underneath all that, Sam sensed a tiny undercurrent of trepidation that was not her own.

'You don't think Dad will take you back,' Sam observed.

'I fear he may not believe himself worthy.'

Sam frowned. That was probably the last response she had expected. 'Why would he ever think that?'

'Keren,' Selmak said simply.

Keren. During her captivity Sam had become so adept at separating her father from Keren that she hadn't even considered the fact that Jacob saw himself as doing all those things. Including torturing his own daughter and the murders of many of his own kind.

'Keren will always be a part of my father now, won't he?' Sam asked.

'Yes,' Selmak replied steadily. 'It is the nature of blending. Just as you will always be a part of me.'

'And it won't bother you to have Keren's memories and experiences yourself?'

Selmak was quiet for a moment. 'Egeria spoke the truth, Samantha. In true blending there is the greatest joy and fulfillment. I love your father. I would do anything for him, because I am incomplete without him.'

Sam blinked back tears at the intensity of her confession. There was such a deep well of emotion behind her words and Sam was in awe of a connection of that caliber, to belong to another so completely, so unguardedly.

'I promise to remind him of that,' Sam pledged softly.

Sam watched Janet and Anise set up equipment and she began to feel the first curling tendrils of fear, something she had thought she'd banished. She hadn't wanted this blending in the first place, but she has come to depend on Selmak so much, part of her questioned if she would ever be able to stand on her own again.

'I never could have done this without you…,' Sam confessed.

'Yes…you could have,' Selmak said firmly, obviously sensing Sam's doubts. 'You are stronger than you know. Don't forget that now.'

Sam took a deep breath. 'I hope you are right.'

'I have no doubts. But to help you with yours, let me give you one last gift,' Selmak intoned softly.

Before Sam could question Selmak's intention, she was assaulted by an avalanche of feelings and memories. It was as if a wall in her mind that Sam had never been aware existed shattered suddenly, flooding her.

Sam stumbled under the onslaught and she could dimly register Jack's hand gripping her arm, the other wrapping around her waist, forestalling her rather graceless fall to the floor.

"Carter?" he asked with concern, his voice sounding as it from a great distance.

"I'm fine," Sam gasped rather unreassuringly.

He looked disbelievingly at her, but Sam didn't have time to address him, too busy coming to terms with what she was experiencing. She just leaned against him, confident he wouldn't let her fall.

She was five years old, watching a beloved sister carted off to the Temple, her face beautifully stoic. She was newly born, sliding through the warm, murky waters, feeling the currents play gently over her flesh. She was five hundred, celebrating her ascendance over an entire solar system, humans' backs under her feet. She was everyone and no one, all at once.

And finally Sam understood. Selmak had always been holding back from her, leaving her alone in her mind, alone in her decisions.

'Just the occasional nudge when I thought it desperately needed,' Selmak wryly noted over the cacophony.

Maybe the Tok'ra had always known the moment of separation would come, one way or another.

'This was never meant to be your path,' Selmak observed sagely. 'Just a slight detour.'

Sam felt her head lift slightly at Selmak's command. Daniel and Teal'c hovered a few steps away, their faces creased with concern. Sam could feel Jack's hand at her waist and Janet's cool fingers on her face. These people were her path, because she loved them and felt incomplete without them. Something she learned from Selmak.

Sam smiled wanly over the chaos. 'Thanks,' she said softly, knowing that her feelings could convey far more than her words.

Bittersweet affection filled Sam's being. 'No, Samantha. My thanks be to you.'

Sam straightened, still leaning slightly on Jack and looked up at Anise. There was warm understanding in the Tok'ra's eyes that Sam had never really noticed before.

"We are ready," Sam said steadily.

Bright light and soft humming slowly penetrated Sam's dizziness. She cracked open her eyes only to moan in protest.

"You're okay, Sam," Janet said reassuringly. "Anise is almost done."

True to her word, the light abruptly ended a moment later. Sam turned her head to the side, slowly opening her eyes again. Her vision gradually corrected itself and she found herself staring at a large tank, a symbiote swimming gently inside and for a moment, she was back in time, panic clawing at her throat.

But she was done being afraid.

Sam reached out one steady hand to the glass, running her fingers down the smooth surface.

"Sam?" Janet asked from her other side.

"Yeah," Sam replied thickly. "I'm here."

Hammond stepped into Sam's vision and she tiredly focused on his face. "Major," he said gently, "we just need you to confirm the identity of the symbiote."

Sam rolled onto her back, clearing her throat. "Selmak," she said tiredly.

Hammond smiled and clasped her shoulder.

Daniel was the next to step forward, grabbing Sam's hand and looking relieved at the confirmation. She focused on the warmth of Daniel's hand and felt Teal'c close in on her other side. Looking over his shoulder she could see Jack standing a few steps away.

He didn't look relieved, though. He looked unnerved. She didn't quite have the energy to wonder why.

Sam squeezed Daniel's hand and let her eyes slide shut. "Tired," she mumbled.

"Sleep, Sam," Daniel said softly. "We've got you."

She was willing to believe that.

When next she woke, she had been moved to the infirmary and was in a bed next to her father, who was watching her intently. When he realized she was awake, he looked away quickly, but not before she saw the pain in his eyes.

For a panicked moment, Sam reached out blindly with her mind for Selmak, only to rebuke herself and refocus on her father.

Growing up, Sam had never been particularly close to her father. Sure they did things together, when he was around. He had never failed to praise her for one of her achievements. But they'd never been what Jacob might call 'touchy-feely.' Hugs were rare, but not quite as rare as frank conversations about feelings.

Lots of things had changed for them since Jacob became a Tok'ra. In many ways it gave Sam and Jacob a chance to build a real relationship, even if she saw him less, if possible, than she did before. But even with their newfound closeness, they still rarely, if ever, broached each other's carefully maintained privacy, being far too alike in that manner.

So upon seeing the guarded pain in her father's eyes, Sam didn't bother with useless assurances that none of this had been his fault; that he hadn't chosen any of Keren's actions. She didn't even embarrass him by repeating Selmak's tender declarations.

Instead, she struggled out of her bed, trailing the IV pole that the nurses apparently wasted no time in sticking Sam with while she was unconscious. Sam slowly rounded the bed to stand by Jacob's side.

"Do you know what I see when I look at you?" she asked without preamble.

She didn't wait for a response as Jacob stubbornly stared at the ceiling, knowing there wouldn't be one.

"I see the man who took me camping when I was eight and convinced me that I could start a fire by rubbing two sticks together," Sam said, deliberately invoking one of the happiest moments from her childhood. She'd gotten the older man back for her useless blisters by rigging his tent to collapse in on itself (a skill she found incredibly useful off-world in later years).

"I see the man who wept at my mother's grave when he thought no one was looking. I see the hero other people and races hold you to be. I see my father."

Jacob stayed predictably stoic throughout the entire recitation.

"What I don't see is him," Sam said, deliberately not speaking Keren's name. "And neither does Selmak."

She leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek, relishing for a moment in his closeness. "You were worth everything," she whispered, knowing he blamed himself for her jaunt across the galaxy.

She didn't stay to argue with him, instead leaving him to his thoughts by retreating back to her own bed and pulling the curtains. She didn't sleep, but a few hours later, she heard Jacob ask to see Hammond, quietly requesting to have Selmak returned to him.

And all that was left for Sam to do was sit in her newly appointed cell and await the verdict on her future.