Ugh writer's block.
I finally got an idea on where to get to point A to point B with this story. =)
Thank you to those who had reviewed, favorite or alert this story.
In this chapter it will focus on Eli for a bit, angst…
I do not and will not own Degrassi. If I do own Degrassi you all will have you're eclare back lol =)
The mall was busy with people from all ages while a long brown haired girl looking through the clear window of a shop. Her chocolate brown eyes sparkled when she met the locket. She always loved jewelry. Her hand tightened its hold on Eli's and he smiled softly.
"See something you want?" He asked, curiously.
The faint sound of the song 'Joy to the World' in the background came to an end before starting a new Christmas song.
He found them annoying but strangely his girlfriend loves it. Christmas cheer, songs, decorations were Julia's favorite things.
She loves Christmas.
Her face dropped to a frown at his question. Did he say something wrong?
She shook her head.
"No, not really." She said before tugging him in the direction to a food court.
"I'm hungry, let get something to eat."
Eli let her dragged him away from the window.
He turned his head to see what his girlfriend was staring at earlier, before she dragged him out of sight.
His heart tightened as Clare softly humming the familiar tune of Joy to the World. He felt his eyes becoming blurry with unwanted tears. He held them back forcefully.
No…Not now.
He thought that he was moving on from her. He thought that he could try to move on with Clare as…friends…maybe something more, but like always his memories of the past came and haunt him of the person he mind as well murdered.
They were both walking around the park. Christmas was around the corner. It was amazing on how time passes. Over the last few months he listened to Clare talked about friends, parents, brothers and school problem. He never really told her his past. He felt guilty that she could easy trust him, but he cannot with her…he's afraid that he would lose her if she knew what he done.
Depression….was a very nasty demon. It often whispering disturbing things in his ear.
Why should he live while she's dead?
Why would Clare stay when she finds out?
She's dead and it's your entire fault. Why don't you just kill yourself now?
He escaped those demons wrath by writing, but now that his story was complete he had nothing to distract him. Clare deserves a better friend.
Her humming ended softly and his heart cracked a little.
"Eli?" Her voice was very tender as they both stopped walking.
Her blue eyes that he came to liked filled with worry.
"Are you alright?"
A sad fake smile reached his face. His green eyes were almost dull.
"I'm fine, Edwards." He lopsided smirked.
He felt her eyes wash over his face as she tried to find clues if he was lying. She wouldn't if her eyes didn't met his painful green eyes.
His breath hitched in his throat. He could felt his own heartbeat pounding against his rib cage.
He was breathless.
Her beautiful blue eyes always leave him like this. He cursed himself for being so weak.
Clare placed her hand on his shoulder comfortably.
He flinched on contact, but soon relaxed when he felt her warm.
The pain that he was feeling felt a little distant.
"You know I'm here for you right?"
He didn't know what to do anymore. His own hands trembled. His eyes watered once more.
A cloud of confusion wash over him as he found himself pushing Clare against the tree and pinned her hands above her head.
His lips found hers. She gasped surprised at the certain action. She struggled before giving in. She closed her eyes and she kissed him back.
The kiss was very desperate.
She felt something wet on her cheek, but Eli didn't pull back anytime soon. He cupped her face with his hands.
The kiss shared the emotion he was experiencing.
Then the kiss stopped.
He suddenly realized what he done. He pulled back with a jerk. His hand touched his lips still tasting her.
He took a few steps back, waiting for a slap or yelling from Clare, but nothing came.
"I-I'm sorry." He stuttered out. His head was a mess. He was a mess.
He took a few steps back when he watched Clare reach for him.
"Eli-"
"I-I can't. I'm sorry"
He ran off.
He heard his name being called over and over but he kept on running, never turn back.
His heart felt like it was being ripped from his chest.
Why had he betrayed her like this?
He wiped away the tears from his eyes as he leaned on his car. He heard a sob left his lips, but he was powerless to stop the crying.
He was a fool.
Oh why had he kissed Clare?
He felt an urgent need to ran away. Then the demons that he had avoided for so long took this time to attack him.
She hates you now, you know.
"Shut up." He hissed to himself. His eyes shut forcefully.
But you know it's the truth.
He felt his cellphone vibrated through his pants pocket. He knew who it was, but he made no movement into answering.
He let it vibrated.
After about three minutes of constant vibrating, it finally stopped.
Eli got in his car. His head hang low feeling very emotional weak.
He started up his car and within a minute he drove home…to a home that was very empty.
He should have known that he wasn't over Julia. Not in the longest run. He ran away from the grief for so long and now it bit him in the ass. He should have known that while she was dead he would never be happy.