Spike and Parker were sitting in the kitchen the next day, the boss had come round with the shrink to make sure I was alright after the trauma of the last week and to make sure my BP had rose again. I was out cold, had been for over 20 hours now and Spike had barely left my side through everything that happens once the PTS kicks in. All the crying, screaming and nightmares that come back to haunt me, he held me through and kept me sane by using a lifeline. I had started to wake up and I was sore in every part of my body, I knew I would be once the nitrogen started getting reabsorbed into my system. I looked out the window and saw a beautiful clear morning and I could feel the fresh air from the open window. Heading to the bathroom I cleaned myself up and got changed before heading through to the kitchen to find Parker, Spike and Jules chatting about rotas.
"Good morning sunshine, how are you feeling?" Parker inquired.
"Feel like crap, but a better crap than yesterday thanks to Spike. I'm starving, any food left in the house or has the Italian mouse eaten everything?" I said grinning.
"I went shopping this morning for you Mac, fancy some pancakes and tea?" Jules replied.
Nodding I headed across to the table and sat on the bench beside everyone. I knew they were only worried about me and needed to be reassured that I was fit enough to return to work on the next rota.
"Boss, think we could go and see the shrink today? You're going to want to know all the news that you weren't aware of from the arena. It's nothing bad, just usual crap that the brain remembers!" I whispered.
"Yeah, whatever you need Mac. I think it may be a good idea if Spike comes too. If you two are serious, then he has to know everything."
"I already do. She slipped last night after showing me her tally scores for what they went through in the arena. Her defences were so low from exhaustion she basically had nothing left to fight with. The commander turned her into a wreck boss….how is he justified to do that?" he replied looking at me.
"Spike, UNCO rules are specific when dealing with incidents like this. ALL HANDS are needed, and since she was military, they reactivated her and dragged her back to hell."
I was staring at Jules making the pancakes and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The same image of my team entering the building and doing a sweep; a shot went off and hit my cover. I dragged him to me and started work on him to stop the bleeding and stabilize his vitals. I then hear a click and watch as an IED destroys my team and blows me through the wall. I can feel nothing, but witness everything….the faces of my team, my face….Spike, Greg, Wordy, Ed, Jules and Sam…..fire!
I woke up again to the annoying beeping sound; I smacked my hand off the table again. Opening my eyes I looked at the ceiling and groaned – I was in the hospital again!
Looking about I noticed I was alone; I sat up and ached in every muscle of my body….what the hell happened?
The door clicked open and in walked Wordy, his face lit up immediately as he saw I was awake and responsive.
"Wordy, what the hell happened? Why am I back in hospital? Last thing I remember is talking to boss, Jules and Spike in the kitchen and then a headache…..what did I do?" I ask pointedly.
"You had a serious flashback episode caused by exhaustion. Seemingly when you went into the kitchen for breakfast that morning, you were still in the middle of an episode. One minute you were talking to everyone and next you were on unresponsive and having a full blown recall. Scared the crap out of everyone there and needed to be sedated by the EMS. Boss has gone nuclear at the Commander for ordering you into this mess." He replied.
I stared at him. I knew exactly what a full episode meant for me. I was out of the team for good. I would be unemployed, become depressed and end up being the 'Scorpio' hit. My monitor went haywire, people came running into the room prepared for a cardiac arrest and found me still sitting there staring at Wordy. Parker had run into the room at the first sound of the alarm with the doctors and breathed a sigh of relief as he saw me alive.
"Mac, I need you to calm down your breathing for me, can you do that?"
I gripped the pillow and closed my eyes. Running my head through the piano scales and four counts I brought my heart rate back down and controlled my breathing. I opened my eyes again and I just cried huge sobs. I felt Wordy and Parker take my hands and hold me through the last stages of the process. The 'grief stage' is when your brain accepts the issues and resolves the emotions to fit the scenario. I had never cried or grieved for my team mates, and the incident on the freeway had opened the door enough for things to be dealt with.
It must have been several hours later that I woke up again to find Spike beside the bed reading, he looked exhausted and was still in his tactical gear. I checked him over visually and found only a small wire cut to his hand which told me he had been disarming today. He clocked I was awake and leaned forward; he grinned and kissed my forehead.
"Welcome back to the world of the living, you've been out awhile. How do you feel?" he asked putting down his book.
"Lighter if that makes sense; doesn't feel like I have so much pressure on my chest anymore. Take it I just needed a good cry huh!" I replied taking his hand.
"That's what the boss said, you had it all bottled up inside and your brain couldn't deal with it anymore so it shut down to protect itself. You have been given a clean bill of health otherwise, but are going to be evaluated for fitness."
I nodded knowing that was SOP for this scenario.
"I'm guessing the Commander must be recruiting already to fill the space on the team…..any lucky candidates?" I replied.
Spike looked at me really confused and it dawned on him.
"You're not fired Mac. The Commander overstepped his mark and has taken early retirement after the team went after him for causing you all this harm. Greg even called in your old Colour Sergeant and he went postal…..think he actually threatened to get some friends over from Dundee and come kick the crap out of him. To be honest, they actually did come over….they want to see you as soon as your out and about."
I lay there and just stared at him. My old squad of 250 was over in Toronto to see me? What the hell where they doing here?
"You have another visitor by the way, my mom! She's brought you some clean clothes and home cooked food. She thinks you just need some pampering and she wanted to say goodbye before she left for Italy." He replied.
The door opened and she walked in and had a little cry with seeing me on the bed; she immediately came around and started to plump up the pillows and smooth back my hair. I grinned through all the pampering and sat up as I was fed a massive meal that we all shared in the room.
I was released the next afternoon after arguing that I wanted to be out to see Spike's mom away safely; they had relented after I agreed weekly psych meetings and random tests again through the SRU. I rushed to get changed and I drove to Spike's house at speed fearing that I would miss them, thankfully I pulled up outside twenty minutes later to find his car still there. I walked up the stairs and knocked on the door.
"Mackenzie! Why didn't you say you were getting out of the hospital today? Come in, Mikey is just packing the boxes upstairs!" she said surprised.
I was pulled into the house and kissed and cuddled by most of the family who had come to help her do the last minute boxes before heading to the airport. I headed upstairs and saw Spike packing up some photos from a spare bedroom; they must have been of his dad.
"You look like him; you have the same strong features and eyes as most of the men in your family," I whispered.
He jumped slightly and grinned as I walked into the room.
"Why didn't you say you were getting out? I would have picked you up!" he said kissing me.
"Didn't want to pull you away from your family today," I replied.
We headed downstairs with the photos and loaded them up in the car boot before going in for a last minute family goodbye. It was heart wrenching watching everyone say goodbye at the house, only myself and Spike would be heading to the airport with her – I knew he would have a bad couple of days to begin with, but I made sure she had contacts with Skype to keep in contact. It took us an hour to get to the airport and we all headed through to the departure lounge with her and I gave her a final hug and best wishes as her flight was called.
"You make sure he takes good care of himself and you child alright? If he doesn't then you know where I am!" she said smiling.
I laughed and brushed away the tears, I would really miss her and the support she had given me over the last couple of weeks. She turned to Spike who was in tears and she gave him the 'mama stare'. They spoke for a few minutes and then with a final kiss to us both and a wave, she headed through the gate.
I took his hand and put my arms around his waist as he dried his eyes; we watched as the plane finally took off twenty minutes later.
"Come on sweetheart, she would not like us standing here feeling sorry – she told us to live our lives! She is at the other end of the phone when we need her alright!" I whispered as I took his hands.
I gently led him away from the gate and back towards the main lounge so we could watch the plane leave safely.