Jude laid on the sofa clutching a photo of him and Connor. He'd been there for days.
Unable to find the strength to move. He didn't mean to hurt Connor, it was just a quick moment of weakness. He loved Connor and he knew Connor felt the same, or did he. Jude heard the keys rattle in the lock. He moved from the sofa placing the phot on the counter and dried his eyes. The door opened and Connor stood on the other side. He entered the flat averting his gaze from Jude. "Speak to me Connor, please" Jude pleaded
" I have nothing to say to you"
"Please I want to apologize"
"There's no need, I don't want to hear it" Connor replied
"Look I'm sorry ok, in didn't mean for it to happen"
"But it did, you kissed someone else, you have no idea how much I hurt"
"I hurt too you know, seeing you lying in that bed I thought I was going to lose you" Jude spoke as Connor noticed the sadness on his face.
"Regardless, you kissed someone else, I would never do that to you, now I came here to get my things"
"Where are you going to go?"
"I'm going to stay with my cousin and then go home"
"Why?"
"There nothing for me here"
"But I'm here"
"Exactly, we spent years apart and when we got together I thought that would be it, but if I see you again it will be to soon"
"Don't say that Connor". Connor made his way for the bedroom. Jude attempted to cut him off reaching for his arm. Connor pushed Jude away who ended up stumbling into the back of the sofa.
Connor looked at Jude as he recovered. His face blank, he said nothing and made his way to the bedroom and packed up the things he needed. He left the room and say Jude seated on the floor. Knees up against his face, hand interlocked around his knee caps. He scanned over Jude. He opened his mouth but closed it immediately after. He couldn't find the words to say goodbye, only a tiny bit of breath escaped. He made his way to the door left his keys on the table and closed the door behind him. Jude heard the door closed. He slumped to the floor pulled out his phone and made a call. "Mama" he spoke " He left me"
Connor sat on his cousins sofa staring at the TV his mind not entirely focused. "Hey everything alright?" his cousin spoke
"Yeah I'm good"
"Thinking about Jude aren't you?"
"No"
"Yes you are, what happened" Connor took a deep breath
"When I was in hospital Jude kissed someone else, my Doctor who happened to be his ex."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah"
"Wow, I mean it's not my place but don't you think your being harsh?"
"How am I being harsh?, he kissed another man"
"Yh, his ex, who comforted him while he was at his worst, you telling me you wouldn't have done the same?"
"No, after everything we went through as kids I thought he was loyal, that we were going to be together forever"
"Maybe you should just take some time apart rather than breaking up with him"
"No. I can't forgive him".
"Well it's your choice. I can't stop you"
"I'm gonna head back to states in the next few weeks I've got no reason to stay. I moved out here to be to him, I'll move in with my dad till I find my own place."
"Whatever you decide man"
4 months later
It was Christmas In New York the entire city a blanket of white. Rockefeller was light up like a Christmas tree and everyone was in the holiday spirits. Connor was doing some last minute shopping for his family and friends, specifically finding something for this new boyfriend Mark. They had been dating for a little under a month now and he wanted to get his boyfriend something special for Christmas. As he wandered Ralph Lauren he heard his name being screamed from across the floor.
"CONNOR STEVENS!" He turned and noticed this women charging towards him. As she approached he recognised the stern women
"Callie" he muttered
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO JUDE!" she demanded to know "HE HASN'T SPOKEN IN 4 MONTHS"
"Maybe you should ask what he did to me" He replied
"We know what he did, he made a mistake, any of us including you would have done the same"
"No I respect people, especially my partner"
"Why do you think your better than everyone else?"
"I don't, but Jude betrayed me and I can't be with him"
"Do you know how much he hurt after you left all those years ago?, I was there to pick up the pieces. He hadn't been happy in years not until you came back."
"I'm sorry ok, but I was at deaths door and he found solace with someone else"
"And he's sorry, but when you got back together you told him how you didn't want to be apart, after all you went through growing up he was always there and this is how you repay him. Just think how your life would be without Jude if you had never met him. Maybe he is better without you."
With that Callie left Connor who stood there for a brief moment before carrying on with the shopping.
Connor laid in bed wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. His mind focused on what Callie had said earlier about his life without Jude. As he drifted off he soon found himself in an out of body experience. He was standing looking over a younger version of himself, laughing and talking with some girls. He saw the happiness on his younger self's face but he knew it was only a mask as something was being repressed. It soon moved to his home with his dad who was attempting to catch Connor to give him a spanking for stepping out of line. He knew that in reality Jude was there for him in this scenario, however he was nowhere to be found. The dream then moved along a few years to an elder Connor who was married with a wife and two kids, but again he knew the happiness was just a mask as Jude had helped him to discover himself all those years ago. Connor began to toss and turn repeating Jude's name over and over. Then a scenario played out close to Connors heart, what if Jude was hurt and he was in Jude's place. Turns out he would have done exactly what Jude did and found solace and comfort in a weakened state. Callie's words began to play on him his life was different without Jude but not the life he wanted. He awoke suddenly in a heated sweat. He knew that he had to apologize to Jude. He quickly leapt form the bed and began to get dressed. He ran to his door, hailed a cab and headed straight to the airport. He boarded a flight bound for London to seek out his Jude.
Jude sat on a frozen metal bench in Leicester Square. The white snow nestled upon his body. It was a rare occurrence snow in London over Christmas. He sat there thinking, how it was his first Christmas without Connor as his boyfriend, his first Christmas alone. Heavy panting approached the gate, the rustling sound of the crisp snow being disturbed, the cold air coming from Connors breath. He stopped at the gates, glancing at Jude on the bench. His mind thought back to their first Christmas in London. "So our first Christmas as boyfriends, excited?" Asked Connor
"A little" responded Jude nodding his head.
" I got you something special" Connor said reaching for his pocket
"What is it?" Jude questioned
"Open it" Connor instructed. Jude opened the small box. Inside the small box was a silver frame with flecks of blue paint scattered around the case. It was a photograph of Jude and Connor. Their first photo taken as boyfriends. A tear rolled down Jude's cheek.
"You like it I guess" Connor joked
"'It's beautiful, just like this park"
"Well then how about every year we come back here, to this exact spot and sit and look at the scenery. It will be our tradition.
"Ok" Jude replied
Connor approached Jude who turned round suddenly. "Connor… what are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry"
"You're sorry?" Jude responded sharply "After you just left me here"
"I don't know…. I wasn't thinking"
"You have no idea how much I hurt" Jude said " I spent every day thinking of what I did, how much I regret it…I thought you would understand"
"I do…I do, I always said that I would never do that… I was wrong. Callie confronted me in New York, she said you hadn't spoken in 4 months, is that true?" Jude nodded his head "She told me to think how my life would have been different without you. That night I did, how I wouldn't have been happy, that I was wearing a mask to hide my feelings, you weren't there to help me with my dad and that if you had been in the hospital I would have found solace and comfort in someone else, I...I..I'Uh...I'm Sor-" Connor couldn't finish he began to cry. Jude looked at him. He thought of how Connor had hurt him, how he left him, but none of that mattered all he saw in front of him was his friend, his only friend. Jude extended his arm around Connors shoulder and pulled him towards him. Connor rested his head against Jude's chest. He felt his friend' tears. Jude took a deep breath "How did you know where to find me?". Connor raised his head from Jude's chest
"It's Christmas" He said as he smiled. Jude smiled back and pressed on Connors shoulder. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the photo Connor gave him on their first Christmas in London. Connor resumed his recent position and the two looked out at the scenery carrying on their Christmas tradition.