Hello everyone, I'm happy to report that the coolest of y'all actually went to CoolFolk to read ahead!! Thanks so much and I'm still encouraging everyone else to follow their ah-mazing lead... Anyways here's the next chapter...

--MC

AUGUSTIAN DAY HIGH SCHOOL

MUSIC ROOM

Thursday, August 30th

3:03 pm

Claire couldn't believe her ears. "Because of Abby."

"Why?" Her voice came out sounding all choked.

A fresh wave of tears cascaded from Vanessa's eyes. "Abby makes me feel…dead," she whispered bluntly. "And feeling pain reminds me I'm alive." She couldn't understand why she was telling Claire all of this. How could she expect the girl to understand? Claire was probably just going to run tattling to the counselor.

But then again, she had stayed so far. She hadn't told anyone.

Claire didn't know what to say to Vanessa. "What does Abby do," she finally began, "that makes you feel…dead?" Chewing her lip, Claire questioned whether she was going about this the right way.

Suddenly Vanessa thought of how good it would feel to share her burden with someone else, someone like Claire, who—suddenly, she could just tell; she was as certain now as she was uncertain a minute ago—wouldn't mind the burden and wouldn't betray it to someone who shouldn't know. It was just like Dr. Cairn always said—communication can free you. But Vanessa had never wanted to "communicate" with her psychiatrist.

Claire, on the other hand, wasn't her psychiatrist.

Vanessa inhaled shakily and looked Claire and her light blue eyes. "Abby's a famous actress," she said softly, "but I was the one who always wanted to be in a movie." Claire looked back at her with a gentle expression on her face. For a fleeting moment, Vanessa wanted to laugh at the cheesiness of it all—oh, the drama!—but she still found herself continuing.

"I never told anyone except Abby about wanting to be an actress. Then a talent agent went to Abby's middle school when she was thirteen. They had auditions for a part in a movie, and Abby won it." Reliving the memory made her heart ache with a dull throb. "The rest is history."

Claire nodded slowly, but she didn't understand what this had to do with Vanessa slitting her wrist. She didn't want to press her, though, so she waited for Vanessa to continue.

"But Abby knew how much I wanted to be an actress. I was eleven years old and acting was my only dream, I guess." Vanessa sounded a little sheepish now, and she cast her eyes down at her hands in her lap. After a moment, she went on, "And I felt so betrayed—Abby took the role without even giving me a second thought. She didn't even tell me about the auditions. She could have recommended me to the talent agent, she could have arranged for me to have an audition, too—"

Vanessa glanced up, and Claire saw a fresh wave of tears in her amethyst eyes as she said, "And Abby was suddenly a…superstar, and it was like she shined so brightly that I was nothing in comparison. My parents always fawn over her, and since Abby became famous, they've hardly given me a second thought. They always listen to her; they give her whatever she wants; yet they totally ignore me. It's like I'm nobody just because Abby is somebody." Vanessa knew how corny she sounded, but she didn't care. When you break the dam, the whole river has no choice but to surge forth, just as Vanessa's words were surging forth now. "Whenever I'm around Abby, I'm just numb inside, and she's so perfect—she's everything I could have been, and it's like I'm not even alive."

She paused and looked at Claire, who seemed to be listening sincerely. "And the only way I can prove to myself that I'm—that I'm actually alive," she choked, another batch of tears flowing forth, "is to feel pain. Like—like a knife to my wrist." Vanessa wiped the tears away from her face. "And everyone who knows—my parents, Abby, my freaking psychiatrist—they all tell me I have to stop, and I know I have to stop, but I can't. That's the reason I left my old school. They were all too close to finding out; my friends were all guessing that I cut myself. But I can't stop, or else I won't…even…know…if…I'm alive." Vanessa paused between each of her last words. Suddenly the river had slowed to a painfully slow trickle, and she felt totally spent.

Claire felt her heart clench in sympathy, but she didn't know what to do. Whenever she heard about people like this, it was always about how cheesy psychiatrists gave them a few pills, proved to them that their life was worth living, and moved on to the next patient.

But Claire didn't know how to prescribe pills, nor did she know how to show Vanessa that her life was worth living. Hell, this girl didn't even know how to prove to herself she was alive, except to…cut herself. Claire cringed mentally at the thought. She knew what she said next would count for a lot. Vanessa had just bared her soul to her, and Claire had to come up with the right thing to tell her.

Taking a deep breath, Claire closed here eyes for a moment before fixing them on Vanessa. "I know this might sound kind of corny," Claire finally began, "and to be honest, I don't know how I can prove to you that you're alive or that…your life's…worth living." She looked into Vanessa's eyes to gauge her reaction. Those intense purple irises were blurred with tears, but seemed to be pleading with her for…help. Salvation. Emancipation.

"And—" Claire stopped herself, took another deep breath, thought about what she was going to say, and finally exhaled. "I'm probably not the best person to judge, but this world sucks, you know? Nothing ever seems to go your way. And there are a thousand reasons to give up and—stuff…" Claire trailed off, suddenly not knowing what she was saying anymore, though she did know that she sounded impossibly sappy and shouldn't have said "stuff" because it was a second-grade level word.

She inhaled and exhaled again before continuing, "But it's just like what they always teach you in churches and things—" She mentally cringed at another second-grade level word. "—that you should always hope, right? Like however much…badness has happened to you, you can't give up…?" Claire found herself turning that last sentence into a question and decided it sounded better that way.

Vanessa was nodding, and she slowly wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. Claire was intimidated by the look of despondency in her eyes, but she new she couldn't stop now.

"And I'm really not the best person to be…preaching morals and…stuff like that—" Claire silently admonished herself; God, she really needed to study her vocabulary. "—but I guess what I'm trying to say is…you can't give up. Like, even though it's like the corniest thing ever…it's the truth. If you have hope and faith and everything, then no matter what people say or do or what happens, you'll have done the right thing…" Claire almost didn't know what she was saying, but in her heart she knew exactly what she wanted to convey.

"And I don't know how to prove any of that to you—" She looked into Vanessa's eyes again and saw a new light there, prompting her to go on. "—and it probably sounds like a bunch of cheesy crap, but you just have to take it, you know?"

Vanessa was nodding slowly, but Claire didn't think she was convinced. How could a girl who slit her wrist be convinced of hope so easily? Suddenly a very unrelated example popped into Claire's head. "Like in math, with postulates—you just have to trust that they're true, right? Like I said, I'm not the best person to be preaching to you, but you have to accept that if you…do the right thing—I guess that's the only way to put it—it'll be…okay, you know? You can't be all depressed and emo—" Claire's voice froze—she hadn't meant to let that term slip out of her mouth. But Vanessa seemed unfazed and was listening just as she had before.

"I guess you just have to hope for the best. Even if nothing works out, you'll know you did the right thing in hoping." Suddenly Claire was totally confident in what she had said, even if she had never thought about it before, even if it was the sappiest thing that had ever come out of her mouth.

Suddenly Vanessa and Claire locked eyes. Vanessa smiled, and Claire felt herself smiling back.

Was that too sappy...?? Haha lol, thanks for reading and please review!!

--MC