After skirting around the issue for a week, Kurenai finally forced Team Not Dead to confront the truth. Anko would've found it hilarious if she hadn't been the issue in question.
"Guys, you have to accept that Anko is human and has feelings too." Four blank stares regarded her from the ground where they were forced to remain after Kakashi buried them. Kurenai sighed. "Even cruel people have feelings and backstories you know. Anko didn't just appear on earth for the sole purpose of torturing you! She is your sensei, your elder, and a skilled shinobi who has a life outside of training." Que four more incredulous looks. 'Honestly' Kurenai thought 'Anko looks just as shocked as the kids.' "Kakashi, help me out here." The blank stares turned to Kakashi. The silver haired assassin flipped another page. "Maa, I don't know what you're talking about either Kurenai. I'm pretty sure Anko jumped out of the womb wielding deadly weapons and torturing little kids." Team Not Dead nodded sagely in agreement and Anko didn't know wether to be insulted or appreciative.
In the end, Team Not Dead decided that they were better off staying in denial no matter what sort of feelings Anko revealed next and they all went on their merry way. As they walked away, Kurenai had an unsettling glint in her eye. Kakashi flipped another page. There would be trouble soon.
.. .. … . .. .
Sakura did not want to deal with feelings. After dealing with them for nearly nine years she had decided she was done. Now, in normal households and with normal Konoha genin teams, with anything normal there would have been people to "snap her out of it" or "talk some sense into her." Team Not Dead was not normal.
"Pass the ice cream" "get your own, I paid for this shit" Shima reached over and refilled both their ice cream bowls. The three friends were collapsed on Sakura's couch recovering from the shock of the earlier lecture on Anko's "humanity." In a strange twist of fate, on their team it was the Aburame who was the most caring, the civilian-raised who was the most paranoid, and the Yamanaka who was the most brash. A bunch of weirdos with a weird sensei who had a weird sensei who had the bloody Hokage as sensei.
Now, I get it, you're probably wondering why this whole Anko Has Feelings thing is throwing these kids for such a loop. It's complicated. The kids are legitimately terrified of Anko and the only way they are functioning and working with her instead of pissing their pants and blacking out purely from PTSD is thanks to survival mechanisms in the brain known as grave humor, repression, suspension of disbelief, and dissociation. Learning that their object of fear and loathing was actually a human made her much harder to deal with.
Well then, you might think, what does she do that scares them so much?
.. . …. . . .
It was a lovely day. The best fire country had to offer. An bluebird sky dotted with picturesque clouds hovered above the country. It was warm but not muggy and, as it was a weekend, couples and families were taking walks through parks, buying ice cream, and eating watermelon throughout Konohagakure. Meanwhile, Team Not Dead was barely living up to their name.
Anko hadn't given warning when she attacked. She never does. Naoe had barely brushed her side with his reflexively thrown ice cream spoon. Sakura had shrieked and yanked on a nearby wire but only one of the twenty or so poisoned senbon shot from different angles across the room managed to hit her. From the resulting saccharine smile, Sakura knew Anko had the antidote anyway. Shima managed to plant some bugs but half of them were killed instantly from the insecticide Anko's clothes had been laced in. They all knew it was too little too late.
They woke up tied and hung upside down at least a hundred feet in the air in a grove of the largest trees they had ever seen. After Shima's bugs ate through the cords they realized something horrible. They didn't have any weapons or supplies. Shima's jacket with its thousands of pockets was gone. Their weapons packs were gone. Their sealing scrolls with food and tents were gone. Their shoes and bandages were gone. At this point they were thankful they had kept their shirts. The only bit of metal they had was their hitai ate and Shima's glasses (there was no way they were messing with those). They sighed, it was gonna be one of those days.
After a week had passed the kids were haggard. Their clothes were shredded, their skin was no better. Sakura had been using tiger teeth for daggers and vines for traps. Naoe had been taking over the most powerful creature in the area and using it to clear a path for the team. Shima was sunburned and pissed off. Her reaction to the last giant bear surprise attack was to scream in frustration and swarm the unfortunate creature with kikaichu. In barely ten seconds its bones clattered to the ground...picked clean. Naoe and Sakura exchanged fearful looks and edged away. Shima stormed over and dragged them behind her, they were going to survive or die trying.
Anko had also been harassing them the whole time so that on top of the joys of nature, they also had to contend with poison, snakes, genjutsu, and some mild mental torture techniques. A favorite of hers was a genjutsu that made the team see different characteristics of Anko in their teammates. For example, Sakura almost got shanked because her wide green eyes suddenly looked brown and her expression appeared full of murderous insanity. Team Not Dead had to cope with those they trusted most in this setting bearing the face of their torturer.
They were not okay.
…. . … . .. .
"Anko! Anko where are you! Ankoooooo! Come on you can't keep sulking, come out!" Kurenai called to the closed apartment door. Shockingly, the door actually opened. Less shocking perhaps was that Anko wasn't the one to open it. Kakashi slouched against the entrance. "She's not here, no one can find her or her team." He sounded blase and unconcerned but his book was noticeably absent. Kurenai knew enough not to call him out on it. "What the hell" she muttered "its been nearly two weeks, she doesn't usually sulk this long." Kurenai was tired. She hadn't seen Anko once since that little emotional intervention and she (Kurenai) was leaving on a mission in a few days so she wanted to make sure her wayward friend would be okay. Of course, when Anko wanted to hide she didn't do half measures. "We've been over all of Konoha damnit! And she can't take her team out of the village without signing them out first! She didn't! I checked! And I looked in all the training grounds her team can use!" "So what you're saying" Kakashi drawled "is that you're looking for somewhere safe for her team to be within the village ignoring the fact that nothing Anko does is ever safe? Hmm?" Kurenai paled. "You can't mean…" Kakashi gave her a look, he had realized too. He nodded "Training Ground 44 is her personal favorite."