Disclaimer- theirs are theirs- mine are mine

The song that inspired this chapter is Memories from Within Temptation-

My friends and I sit about talking about my different stories… nearly a month ago the conversation got around to who would I like to see play my characters if they were actually movies- so I got to thinking about and decided to do a blog and post who I thought I would like to see play them… so if you are interested you can check the blog link from my profile. It was a lot fun doing it… ENJOY- also you can listen to the song which inspired this chapter there….

Lujza is pronounced Luja- it means famous warrior

Chapter 10: Tristan's Memories

The flickers illuminated the stable interior with a soft glow from the torched flames that lined the massive wooden pillars. He carefully brushed her with the gentle touch of a lover, tender and kind. The palms of his hands slowly glazed over her neck just under her silky charcoal colored mane as his voice sung a soft gentle tune from his homeland. The tranquility of his voice soothed the beast, calming her into a sublime existence. He placed the blanket across her back before tossing his saddle on her as he had done so many times. Her head calmly nodded up and down as he placed the bit in her mouth and the bridle over her ears.

"That's my beautiful girl," he spoke in his native tongue, his words, his deep husky voice mesmerized the animal.

They had formed a bond over the years, this human and animal that was strong. His father had once told him of an ancient Sarmatian legend in which it was believed that fallen knights returned as great horses. He believed it to be true; his equine companion was excellent in battle, never faltering. They rode as one, she protected him, knew before he did sometimes where the enemy was. She and the hawk were all he had in this life on this island he was forced to exist.

A sadness overcame him, a heaviness in his heart. His heart, that which so many thought was cold, forbearing, unforgiving and hard as stone.

He was not always this way. No, he once had a life long ago and so far away. He had a family, a home, even a woman. He knew happiness, peace and most assuredly joy.

Then Rome came and took everything from them.

TRISTAN:

Made me promise I'd try
To find my way back in this life
I hope there is away
To give me a sign you're okay
Reminds me again
It's worth it all
So I can go home

All of my memories
Keep you near
In silent moments
Imagine you'd be here
All of my memories
Keep you near
The silent whispers, silent tears

The memory of her tear laden face as she watched him leave her side that day still burns in his soul. At night she found him, her memories would creep into his mind, haunting his dreams with images of her. He would hear her voice whispering through the breeze that flowed through the branches of every forest he had ever ventured in.

It was one of two dreams he had that were always the same.

The first of his dreams was the most haunting. She was there, standing in the mist, just at the forest's edge, his beautiful apparition, his wife, Lujza. Her dark silk strewn hair flowed in the breeze; her brown eyes beckoned him as her hand extended reaching for him. There was blood stained on her dress. As he made his way toward her she moved deeper into the woodland. All the while she called out his name, called for him to save her, to help her, to rescue her.

He had failed her; always he failed to reach her. Each time no matter how hard he tried, he never could reach her, never could find her. He had failed to protect her, failed to save her in real life and failed in his dreams.

He would hear her voice echoing through the trees calling out for him to find her, calling his name as he frantically searched for her and their son.

Then there was the dream he relished more, sadly this one he had few and far between. This dream allowed him to be with her, to feel her in his arms. It was the same, each time, the day of their binding ceremony and their coupling. He was with his beautiful bride once more. He loved her, loved her deeply.

Tristan was much older than most of the young Sarmatian's that Rome would come to claim, he was almost twenty summers. His tribe had moved around so much and lived so far in the cold north region of Sarmatia that Rome took it's time. Inevitably Rome marched in taking with them all the young men from the ages of twelve to twenty.

That dreadful day that Rome came for him, left him with only those images, those memories that are forever burned in his mind. His mother, father, two sisters, his beautiful young wife and their three year old son, were gone from him now and forever.

They had been childhood sweethearts he and Lujza. Her father was a tribal elder along with his father. Their pairing was of mutual consent and arranged by the families. But that matter not to Tristan and Lujza, for they had loved one another since they were children.

They grew up together, played together, and worked side by side together. It was always understood that they would be paired together. She was his, and he was hers from the very beginning.

He was tall and lanky in his youth, but he was strong, stronger then he looked. His dark hair always tossed in a mangled mess of braided locks. He was among his tribe's best hunters. His skills as an archer were well known throughout the region, as were his outstanding abilities as a scout. It was said that he could track a snowflake in the dead of winter.

Lujza was two years his younger, she was tall and thin like him. They were both quiet. Most people who knew them took the both to be shy. But the true fact was they were more observers than participants in open conversation. When they were alone conversation flowed with ease and comfort between them. She made him happy. She made him smile, something he did often in her presence. It just became natural, smiling.

She had a quiet strength about her that he drew from. She never complained, never nagged and certainly was never flighty as were most of the girls her age. Where he was repulsed by the loud obnoxious cackling of young girl's laughter, Lujza had the laugh of a song bird. It was soft, airy and light as the wind. She was an old soul, settled, and confident in herself and her abilities.

Lujza and Tristan-

Together in all these memories
I see your smile
All the memories I hold dear
Darling you know I love you till the end of time

They came, the Roman centurions, came one summer day when the sun was high. It shone against the brightest blue sky she had ever seen. They had come for her husband, her eternal love, father to her son. They came to take him to a far off land called Britain. He was taken away from them to serve as a knight for Rome. Fifteen years he would be gone. He would miss watching his son grow into a young man.

Tristan was among the cursed of their people, the Sarmatians, because of his sex; it was the same for all their men, as it will be for their son. They were forced into servitude to honor a promise made by their ancestors.

She watched in silence holding their son as he slept, watched her husband as he packed what little possessions he would take with him. The blanket his parents gave to them on their binding day, the binding cloth she made, and other small items that would remind him of them.

Fighting back the tears that welled in her throat; she could not let him see her weep. She did not want their final moments spent with tears.

He smiled at her from across their hut. She would miss that beautiful smile of his, the way his hair fell across his face, and the sound of his laughter. So many things she would miss about him. Her heart broke into a thousand million pieces as she watched her love prepare to leave.

"We can run, run somewhere they will never find us?" He heard her say.

The look on her face told him that she was unaware the words had even left her mouth.

He walked over to her slowly, kneeling before his wife. His hands caressed her beautiful face.

"I am no coward Lujza," he whispered as he placed a kiss on their sleeping son's head. "Would you have me spend the rest of our days looking over my shoulder?"

"I pray to the Gods that you will stay," she whispered as he wiped the tears that burned their way down her cheek.

"I will return to you in fifteen years. I will find my way back to you and our son," he placed a kiss upon her soft lips.

Another thing she would surly come to miss, the way his kisses made her feel.

"Tristan it is time," a voice called from outside their hut.

He said his goodbye's to his parents, sisters, friends and other family members, as did all the rest, ten in total were being ripped away this day. So many tears shed, frighten young men, sorrowful mothers, and grief filled fathers who knew what awaited their sons.

Standing before his wife with his forehead braced against hers, Tristan tenderly stroked Lujza's arms.

"Darling you know I love you till the end of time", he placed another kiss on her lips, the warmth of his mouth made her loose what little control she had. She tried so desperately to fight back the tears, but she was not as strong as he believed her to be.

"Please wife….I cannot bare it," He whispered softly as he bent down to hold his son.

"Crete, my son," he kneeled down on one knee, their son, just three seasons, slipped onto his father's lap. "Son, you must take care of your mother for me while I am away." He smiled that beautiful smile of his, the one she loved so deeply. "You will be near a grown man by the time I return, my son. I love you; always remember your papa loves you." He held him for dear life.

Crete wrapped his tiny arms around his father's neck, not understanding the full impact of what was about to happen. His father was to leave, and more than likely they would never see one another again.

He kissed her passionately once more before turning to leave. In a moment's time he was but a mere faint shadow on the horizon.

Lujza-

In this world you tried
Not leaving me alone behind
There's no other way
I'll pray to the gods: let him stay

The memories ease the pain inside
Now I know why

[Chorus:]
All of my memories
Keep you near
In silent moments
Imagine you'd be here
All of my memories
Keep you near
The silent whispers, silent tears

Several years had passed since Tristan was taken from them. Crete was now five winters, he was tall for his age with the look of his father.

There were few of their tribe left, mostly old men, woman and children. All of their strong men folk were gone. Gone were their men, taken to serve Rome for all its glory and greed.

The Goths to their east were invading. The fear that they would find them had become a reality. What was left of Tristan's village had been ransacked, his people had been scattered, hiding in the woods, in the mountains, anywhere they could.

They killed the old men, even the old women. Took what young women were there as slaves to be sold in Rome, raped those they chose. Lujza too was taken, raped and beaten. She was also on her way to Rome, to be sold at auction. What would become of Crete? Would he be taken and sold as well?

A few days into the journey she saw a chance to escape and she took it. They were hunted down like dogs, hiding in the forest thicket, fields, wherever they could.

Finally a band of Goths, whose leader was a giant of a man had tracked them deep in the woodlands. He came after Lujza, the large one, with a vengeance. She quickly grabbed Crete in an attempt to escape. She tried futilely to run before she was blocked by several other of the Goth men.

Suddenly she turned in another direction; she was flanked by more of the hunting party. Turning back she was met by the giant leader and his entire wrath. Feeling extreme heat, a burning sensation deep within her, she stopped.

Crete let out a loud cry which turned into soft whimpers. Tears rolled down his face as the child gave a terrified stare into his mother's eyes. Suddenly she grew cold, intense pain overcame her.

Holding on tightly to Crete, whose eyes were now closed; his body was limp in her arms, she began to tremble and shake.

The long steel blade of the Goth's sword had run through the both of them. She felt herself fall to the ground. All Lujza could think about were the memories of her sweet Tristan as her body tumbled.

"The memories ease the pain inside"

Feeling the cold steel blade of his sword as it was pulled out of her body; she trembled and jerked at its release. Finally their bodies hit the forest ground, Crete lay upon his mother. With the feel of the soft mossy grass underneath her body she gazed upward into the tree top canopy.

She could see through the tree tops at the sky. It was as blue as the sky was the day when Tristan left.

As she lay dying, her blood slowly drained from her body, she held tightly onto her son, life had already left him. He is free now.

She saw Tristan's face, smiling at her as he always did. The words he last spoke to her as he left her rang in her ears.

"Darling you know I love you till the end of time"

Tristan-

One day, one ice cold winter's day, several years after his arrival to his post at Badon Hill, his world became as dark and grey as the day itself. On that day the sun seemed a distant pleasure that would never bless his life again.

On that cold dark day word had come with the new batch of young knights who arrived at Badon Hill. Word from their homeland; the end of his world had come. His tribe had been ransacked, plundered, and most everyone massacred. Nearly every one of the inhabitants killed ruthlessly by an invading Goth tribe from the east. His entire family was gone; he had nothing, nothing left for him but his memories.

Memories, he had tried to forsake a long time ago. He found that thinking of them, thinking of her only brought sadness and pain. What good would come of that? He could not bring his loved ones back. He was not there to save them, none of the young men were. They were in service to Rome.

Present day back in the stable:

He stood quietly in the stall next to his dapple mare, his head braced firmly against hers. His hand gently caressed the mare's neck underneath her mane. He was collecting his thoughts; he needed to bury them deep within himself. Tamara would soon be here, and it would not be fair to the girl for her to bear the brunt of his pain. He knew he was a difficult man to deal with especially when his pain was near the surface festering like an infected wound.

Suddenly, without warning he heard her, she had caught him off guard. He heard the soft clearing of her throat. He spun around to gaze upon her, she was beautiful. Beautiful in a way he had not felt in many years. He looked upon her face, smiled at the way the amber glow of the flames caught the highlights in her hair. She looked up at him, so trusting, so loving. She smiled, it was soft and kind.

"You were far away in your thoughts," her voice so soft and low that he barely heard her.

"Yes, I was thinking of….." he stopped not knowing exactly what to say.

He had not spoken of his loss in so many years. Only very few of the knights even knew that he had been married or even that he had a child. It was never spoken about.

"Your home and another life far from here," She whispered as she tenderly placed her small hand on his forearm, stepping close to his side.

She knew what he was thinking he could tell. But she did not know the extent of his thoughts. He would have to tell her one day, if he pursued this. He looked down upon her face, into her eyes. He could easily fall in love with this girl, if he hadn't already.

He saw a lot of Lujza in her. Perhaps that is why he was so attracted to her so soon. She had her quiet strength.

"Yes, another life far from here," he said softly. "We should go."

"Yes, we should," she said as she made her way to the saddle.

Tristan helped her up on the saddle after which he placed his boot in the stirrup and flung his right leg over the haunches of his mare and settled in behind Tamara. She leaned back, resting against his chest. He smiled as her head braced under his chin, he wrapped his left arm around her waist and pulled her in tight, made a clicking noise with his tongue and they were off.

Neither spoke a word until they were clear of the gates.

"Thank you Tristan," she said as she allowed her hand to come upon his.

"For what?" he inquired as he opened his fingers and laced hers within.

"Seeing me home," she smiled as she looked up at him.

The slow rhythm of the mare's gate rocked the couple soothingly. Tristan placed the reigns in his left hand. Taking his right hand he slowly lifted it to her cheek. With his thumb he began to affectionately stroke the soft skin of her cheek. His long fingers laced gently behind her ear into her hair. Bending down, his lips brushed hers tenderly. Her eyes closed as she felt the warmth of his skin grace across her lips, she let out a muffled groan. Her eyes flew open as she had never made such a sound before. She pulled back slightly only to be brought back by his firm hand which was now cupped on the back of her neck.

"You do not like my kisses?" he whispered as he placed a tender peck on her forehead.

Her head lowered. He sensed she was embarrassed. He smiled.

"You have never been kissed before have you….Tamara?" he said as he lifted her chin with the crook of his finger.

She pressed against his finger in an attempt to lower her head once more. He would not allow it.

"No, I have not," she whispered.

"My apologies if I offended you…by taking liberties I perhaps should not have," he said as he smiled softly at her.

"You did not mean to kiss me then?" she inquired with wonder in her eyes.

"Oh no…I intended to kiss you…I have wanted to kiss you since last night," he smiled.

She began to speak but his lips found hers once again. This time more passionately more feverishly. Her words were lost in his kiss as he leaned her back into his arms. Her head rested in the crook of his left arm, while his right hand tangled in her locks. Soon his right hand reached down and swung her left leg over so that she now sat sideways in the saddle. Their kiss never broke as he hungrily plied at her mouth. Her hands were caressing the dark chest hairs that sprung from his shirt, as the other hand snaked around his waist. Finally from sheer need of oxygen they parted lips, he slowly pulled her up. His hand pressed her head to rest on his chest. He smiled contently as he heard a soft sigh escape from her mouth. With her fingers still fondling his chest hairs, he cradled her within his arms.

Her first kiss, this is how she imagined it would be, breathtaking.

To be continued…..