How I Met Jane Eyre
Hey everyone. K.J.A here again. This chapter was long and hard to write, but I finally got there in the end. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update this, but I had a few problems again today. Excerpts for this chapter are from Chapters 21, 22 and 23 of Jane Eyre. But before I go on, I would like to leave a message to Bonbonnett and any other haters of mine, who will read this in the future, and leave you a message.
Bonbonnett, if you have looked at this story from chapter 6 onwards, you will have spotted that I have tried to keep the events in close occurrence to the ones that happen in Jane Eyre, if that makes sense. After all, if I was to step out of line with the events as they happened in the Jane Eyre, not only would I be being unfair to my readers for my twist on this classic tale, but I must also ask of you why are you still reading this. Riddle me that, cats. Oh, and F.Y.I., my story, my rules. Just because I haven't mentioned some stuff yet, doesn't mean that I won't. So if you hate me for some of the stuff that I have written, tough luck, people. So I highly suggest that you deal with it, get over it and move on, like everyone else should do. Oh, and one last thing, Bonbonnett: just because I say that one thing will be mentioned in a chapter, that does not mean to say that I will not be mentioning other things as I go along. From now on, I highly recommend that you always bear that in mind. I mean no offense by this, I am merely just making a point. And now that all is said and done here, on with this chapter. Enjoy.
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Chapter 10 – A Farewell, a Homecoming and a Proposal
"And so to continue, my dears," I pressed on, "after I had been lost in my thoughts for some time, I went to join my guests in the billiards room, where Blanche challenged me to a game or two. I agreed, and after the first frame had passed, I felt a strange presence that only a lover could feel; for it was an electric buzz that came so suddenly out of nowhere, that I was sure that it was your mother who had entered, even before Blanche asked me: "Does that creeping creature want you?" It was only then that I did turn around and saw her. I studied her curiously for a few moments, and after considering that she was not there to confess her feelings for me, I followed her out of the room, closing the door behind me, my curiosity heightened, for I did not expect to see her until that evening, and I knew your mother well enough by now to know that she would not be coming to me in the middle of the day to ask for me without a good reason.
"So I asked her about why she wanted to see me and she told me that she wanted me to give her leave for a week or two to see a sick lady who wished to see her. I asked her what sick lady and where she lived as I felt every nerve of my body screaming at me, telling me to stop her from leaving, as I felt my recently renewed, loving, beating heart start to crack, with icicles starting to form at the centre; but I kept all of this to myself and she told me that the sick lady was a Mrs Reed in –shire. I had heard that name come up a few years back and asked your mother what she had to do with the old magistrate's widow, and she told me that Mrs Reed was her aunt –"
"Aunt!" Eddie and Janet exclaimed, looking at each other in shock: me and their mother had never told them of this, and for good reason.
"Yes, my dears, she was your mother's aunt. Your mother told me after we were married, for I was curious to know the full story, and she told me that her aunt hated your mother's mother, and thus hated your mother. Her (your mother's) uncle sent for her as soon as her parents had died, and when Mr Reed was on his deathbed, he sent for your mother, rather than his own children. After he had died, your mother spent years of abuse at the hands of her cruel aunt and cousins, until one day, when your mother was ten, she stood up to her aunt and was sent off to Lowood, and, well, you know the rest."
"Poor Mama!" Janet sighed, stifling a small sob.
"I know it's horrible, my dears, but that's what happened to her. Your mother and I have not told you of this before now because she does not like to speak or think of those days, for so much has changed in her life, as well as in mine. Anyway, when I learnt that Mrs Reed was your mother's aunt, I thought that your mother was lying to me, seeing as she had not told me this at our first meeting; and I told her that she had told me that she had no relatives of which to speak, to which your mother replied that she had none who would own her, and I then learnt that Mrs Reed had cast your mother off because she was poor and burdensome to her aunt, who disliked her (dislike being a light word for hate, if I don't say so myself). Anger grew within me then towards her aunt for acting that way towards the child. I then felt that she could do no good towards a woman who had brought your mother such pain as a child, and when I told your mother so, and that her children – John, Eliza and Georgianna Reed – could tend to her in your mother's place, she told me that circumstances had changed since then; for John Reed had committed suicide, had gotten into bad company and had squandered his fortune. I saw that your mother was resolved to go, her sense of right and wrong once again compelling her to do the former, and therefore I knew that it would be useless arguing against her; so I asked her to promise me that she would not stay long as I inwardly groaned in agony, for I could not live without her. She said that she would stay as long as she was needed, and seeing as I was not going to get a better response out of her than that, I turned the topic onto the subject of money (for she would need funds for her journey), and I gave her a fifty pound note."
"You were going to give her that much?" Eddie asked, shocked that I would off her such a sum.
"Surely she said no!" Janet said, the look on her face clearly expressing her hopes that her mother had said no.
I chuckled softly at my daughter's words and said, "Of course your mother said no, Janet. Once again, your mother's sense of what is right and what is wrong came into effect, and after we had spent a few minutes arguing about it, I put the note back in my pocket book, and pulled out a ten pound note instead. She then told me that I owed her, and I replied that she should come back for it when she was ready, for I was her banker. She then brought up the matter of business of my marriage, and that Adele should be sent off to school and that your mother should be placed in a new situation before my bride crossed over the threshold. I agreed readily at the Adele part, but as to your mother leaving me, that would never do; so I asked her to give me the money back to stop her from leaving; but she sneakily put it behind her back, saying that she had a need for it. I knew that she had to go, so I asked her not to advertise and to allow me to find her a new post, which she said she would agree to, if I in turn would find a school for Adele. I told her that I would and then I asked her to teach me how to bid her goodbye, – for I had not done that before with anyone – seeing as she was leaving me for a little while, and she told me that instead of goodbye, people say farewell, or something of the sort. I told her that saying farewell was very cool, and as much as I wanted to shake your mother's hand, I felt that would not do well enough for me, either; so instead I took to surveying your mother's face, every line of it, saving her eyes for last, so that I could have it implanted in my memory, which would haunt my dreams again when she was gone. Anyway, I took to beholding her until the dinner bell rang, and then I dashed off before your mother could see the pain in my eyes, as the ice spread in my heart.
"I heard your mother packing that night, and as I was about to knock on her door, I withdrew my hand quickly. To be honest with you, my dears, I did not know what I was going to say, only that I wanted to see your mother's face one last time before she left. I remember that I slept fitfully that night, tossing and turning, nightmares of your mother not coming back to me already were there, and she hadn't even left yet. I watched her leave Thornfield early the next morning, secretly watching her from behind a partly-closed curtain, and as she left, I felt the ice that had started to close my heart the night before, fully close around it now, its spikes hitting me hard and bitterly as they did. I knew that your mother would come back to me within a matter of weeks, but it still did not stop the pain I felt of her leaving me.
"That day, I became more distant from my guests: ignoring everyone, doing practically nothing and becoming rude to anyone who dared speak to me, guest or servant, I didn't care. Blanche, who I was now getting tired of – for now that your mother was gone, there was no need for me to play the jealousy card anymore – tried to get me to ride with her, smiling her flirtatious smile at me as she did, which I ignored, for quite a few times until I became rude with her, telling her that I wanted nothing to do with her. She was shocked at the sudden change in my behaviour, and walked off in a huff. I was becoming unreasonable with everyone, for all I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts of your mother. I thought that no one had noticed the reason for my recently changed behaviour from the gracious host that I was the night before, to the now rude and depressed master of the house; but I was not counting on one person of seeing into my troubled mind.
"I am, of course, speaking of my good friend Eshton, who, seeing as he is a scientist, it made perfect sense that he suggested that we should take a walk in the garden that day, in order to put new light into his recent discoveries. I was in no mood for being the host anymore, and when I told him as much, he told me that he knew why I was acting in such a way. I was shocked because I thought that no one had known of my aching heart (which I was secretly glad of), but I then remembered that Eshton had known me since our schooldays, like I have told you, and that he knew that it was not Blanche who had got me to act in such a way, and knew that it was your mother who did, for he had noticed my affection for her growing every day: he went on to tell me that he had watched your mother as closely as I had over the past few weeks, and went on to say that whenever I entered the room, your mother's face would light up, and that she was delighted to be in my presence, despite the other people there. He then told me that your mother loved me with all of her precious heart, and I felt my hopes rise at this, but I did not let them rise too much, for I would have to wait until she came back to me to uncover the truth. I then thanked Eshton for telling me what he knew, and together we entered the house. I was feeling happier than I had since the previous day, and I became involved with the conversation at dinner that night. My guests were shocked at my sudden pleasure at getting involved after my recent surliness, but they quickly got used to it and carried on as normal.
"Lady Ingram, who was once again trying to lure me into the subject of marriage with her daughter – which I was now getting sick of as I wanted done with her – and she proceeded this way for about five minutes before I told her that I gave them, as well as the rest of the party, permission to leave by the end of the week. Everyone looked shocked at this at first (apart from Eshton, of course), but in the end, they all did. The Ingrams were the first to leave looking rather coldly at me (I had asked Eshton the night before they left to tell Blanche and her mother that I had lost half of my fortune in the Continent sometime during the past year; and when I revealed myself to them, they demanded me to tell them that it wasn't true, which I said that it was, and to my relief they believed me) as they got into their carriage; and that was the last time I saw them, for which I am grateful of. They were followed by the Dent's and the Lynn's, and finally the Eshton's. Eshton himself told me that he wished me luck and happiness to your mother and I, and that when we were wed, we were more than welcome to join him and his family at his place, for he wished to get to know your mother better. I thanked him for his wishes and for his offer, before we parted on good terms as always.
"I waited patiently for your mother to return to me at first my dears, but as one week passed and then another, I began to get worried that your mother had broken her promise to me and had found herself a new position, and left me without a word; and whenever this argument came up, I reasoned with myself that your mother would never do such a thing to me. Each day, I began to ask Mrs Fairfax whether a letter from your mother had come to us to tell us of her return, but each day she told me that none had come. I was starting to get disappointed that no word had come from your mother, and I began to get desperate for her to return to me as quickly as she could.
"To distract myself from these thoughts, I decided to go into London to order a new carriage, hoping as I did so that your mother would be back at Thornfield by the time I returned, but to my dismay, she did not; so I then set about obtaining a marriage license and booked the church for the wedding –"
"Hold on, Papa," Janet interrupted me. "Are you actually telling us that you were thinking of marrying Mama when you were already married?" I looked at my children in shock, for I thought that they would have at least have understood this point; and when I nodded my head, Janet gasped and Eddie looked as shocked as his sister did. I was about to explain myself, when a thought suddenly hit me.
"Hang on," I said to my children suddenly, making Janet and Eddie jump. "Are you telling me that it has taken you this long to figure out what my intentions were with your mother, despite all the stuff I have told you about Blanche?" I asked them incredulously.
Janet and Eddie looked at each other for a few moments, as if they were trying to decide what to tell me, until Janet looked at me and said, "We're sorry it's taken us this long to figure it out, Papa. It's just that we thought that you were only mentioning marriage with Miss Ingram, that we had no idea that you actually wanted to marry Mama when you were still married. We thought it was all part of the game, you see. Well, that and the fact that we were so caught up in the story, and want to know how you and Mama came to be where you are now, that we overlooked it as a little thing," she finished, looking at me with pleading eyes as Eddie simply nodded at what his sister said. I tried to see this through my children's eyes, and I could see what they were going on about, in a matter of speaking. After I had given this some thought, Eddie asked me about why his sister and himself were sitting there before me now if I could not marry your mother when Bertha was still living. I told him that he would have to be patient and that he and Janet would both know why in time.
"Anyway," I then went on, "after I had booked the church, I then took to trying to distract myself by either spending my time in the garden, or riding on my horse, but to no avail; because my dears, it did not matter whether I was indoors or out of them, everywhere I looked and everything I read always reminded me of your mother somehow. And at night, I had such dreams; a few nightmares here and there, of course, but nine times out of ten, I would dream pleasantly about her, which would always start off with us being together, telling each other how we felt, which then led to kissing and so on.
"Anyway, another two weeks had passed, and there was never a more truer saying that "absence makes the heart grow fonder", for mine had grown fonder of your mother every day since she had been away from me, despite the icicles which were placed in my heart; for I took to thinking, day by day, how long it would be before she came back to me; for I missed her terribly, and was filled with a longing to see her once more, which was so painful that it hurt for me to breathe almost – and I didn't have long to wait either; for I remember that I was sitting on a stile with a book and pencil in hand (at the end of the month, for a month it had been since your mother had left me), writing about Bertha and thinking of better times that were sure to come thanks to your mother, when suddenly, I felt a change of energy in the air. I looked up and saw your mother walking towards me; and as she did so, the ice that had been surrounding my heart started to melt, as my joy at beholding your mother once more sprang gladly in my heart. I wanted to run to her, to hold her in my arms and never let her go, but I knew that this would have to wait for another time. Anyway, as she approached me, I thought I saw a bright gleam in her eyes, but the next second, that light was gone, covered by a veil, so it seemed. I didn't pressure her into telling me as to why this was, so I put my book and pencil away, and asked her what she had been doing with herself for the past month. She told me that she had been with her aunt, who was dead. I teased her more, saying that she came from the realm where the spirits of the deceased were, and that if I touched her she would vanish just as surely as she came. I called her a truant, teasing her from staying away from me for so long, and I finished by saying that I was sure that she had forgotten me quite in the process, which I knew she hadn't, but I was merely teasing with her.
"I knew I had said too much, but I couldn't help it, for I loved and missed her greatly, and not a day went by when she was away from me that I had not thought about her; and now that I beheld her form once more and saw once again the sweet smile that played on her lips, and beheld the light that shone from her eyes, I couldn't help myself. I didn't want her to leave me just yet, and seeing as she was not in a position to move either, we just stared at each other for a few moments, each of us clearly overjoyed in beholding the other again and enjoying at being close to one another again, before she asked me about the carriage, which she told me that she had heard about from Mrs Fairfax, in a letter, which the old woman had written to her. I told her that she would have to see it with her own eyes and teased your mother yet again, by asking her whether or not she could give me a potion that could make me handsome. I ignored her outward response of "It would be beyond the power of magic, sir", but instead I focused on her inward reply, for her eyes seemed to say: "A loving eye was is all the charm needed: to such you are handsome enough; or rather, your sternness has a power beyond beauty". I smiled my warmest, truest smile as I read what her eyes – those pure, beautiful portals to her soul – told me, before I stood aside, and told her that she should go up home and stray her little wandering feet at a friend's threshold. She got over the stile, before she turned back to me and thanked me for my kindness towards her, that she was strangely glad to get back again to me and that wherever I was in the world was her home – her only home. She then hurried on before I could catch up to her, and indeed, I was so shocked by what she had just told me that I stood there for a few moments, watching her form fade into the distance as she made her way towards the house, as I absorbed what she had just confessed to me – for your mother was usually so well-reasoned and always managed to keep her emotions in check, that it came as quite a shock to me to hear such words burst forth from your mother's lips; and as the words finally sank in, I felt such joy at those words that my face broke out a huge, wide grin, and I felt myself elated from pure joy, for there are not enough words to express at how happy I was to have heard those words from your mother my dears, for she had restored my hope that she loved me once more.
"I did not call your mother to the drawing room that night, my dears," I said. "As much as I would have liked to have done so, I knew that I couldn't, for she had been travelling long and hard, and I knew that she needed her rest; so therefore I decided to wait until the evening after to converse with her. But I could not go without seeing her that night, so I entered Mrs Fairfax's room, and smiled at the three women in front of me: Mrs Fairfax, Adele and your mother, and I took pleasure at seeing such an amicable group of people. I told Mrs Fairfax that I supposed she was all right now that she had got her adopted daughter back, and added that Adele was "prete a croquer sa petite Maman Anglaise", for I knew that they were just as happy to see your mother as I was, because they cared about her very deeply: and as I saw your mother sitting there with Adele on her lap, looking so peaceful with her eyes so full of light and life, I had a feeling that all was right with the world, because your mother now painted me a picture in that very moment, one which I had never before imagined until I met your mother."
"What did you see in her eye, Papa?" Eddie asked.
"I will get to that in a few moments, my dears, but first I must say that it is amazing how one person can change the whole course of your life, turn your life around from where you were originally falling into an endless, hellish pit, and rescues you, swoops in on such soft wings of light and lifts you up on high towards possible heaven; and influences you in a way in which no other has done before or since. Your mother has done just that and more, and I couldn't be more prouder of her, nor more thankful to her for making my life a better and brighter one, and giving me ideas of a family, which is what I saw as I looked on the three women in the room that night, surrounded by a golden ring of peace as it were, for I realised that for the first time in my life, after everything I had been through with all of my mistresses, I had not thought of the possibility that I could ever start a family of my own, because until I met your mother, I had thought that I could never find the One. indeed, the picture entered my mind so suddenly at first that I was quite shocked by the mere notion of such a thought; but as I looked at it further, and thought about everything that me and your mother could - and eventually would - have, I was even more surprised and happy at this, because I knew that it could be possible, and it was all made that way because of one beautiful, lovely, loving young woman who is, of course, your mother.
"To proceed with my tale, my dears," I continued, "after your mother came back, two weeks of glorious peace came over us and all because of your mother. I either called her to my presence more often than not, or walked in on her as she was teaching Adele, just to have the pleasure of being with her: to hear her voice, see her smile and to look and fall into those deep, clear, vibrant, beautiful eyes of hers, and never stop falling into them. I wished to spend practically every waking moment of my time in her presence. Besides, I wanted to make up for all the time that we had lost in each other's company when she had been at her aunt's, and I knew that this was the only way I could do so, whilst deceiving her and everyone else about my upcoming marriage to Blanche; so much so that Mrs Fairfax approached me one morning, and asked me when I was going to bring my bride home, but I just gave her one of my queer looks and a joke, because little did she know then that my bride already was home, but I didn't tell her that. Anyway, I could tell that when your mother looked sad, I knew that it was because she was sad to think that she would be leaving, for I knew that she had grown attached to Thornfield; but when she did, it gave me hope that it wasn't just the house, or Adele, or Mrs Fairfax that she would miss. I found myself delighting in conversing with your mother, and laughing at some comment that she gave. I had treated her with more kindness than I ever had done before, and I felt like I was in heaven, that was the joy and the peace I found and felt when I was with your mother, and I still feel that now, in fact.
"But getting back to the point, I knew that I would have to talk to your mother and tell her how I loved her, for if I didn't, I knew that I would regret it for ever; and just as luck would have it, such an opportunity arose two weeks after your mother came back to Thornfield, one glorious Midsummer's-eve.
"As I recall, I was in the library that night, smoking a cigar and, seeing as it was a fine, warm night, with the moon and the stars shining in the sky above (well, to begin with, anyway), and I was lost in my thoughts of your mother; and as I was thinking about her, a thought of great truth hit me like a crash of lightning - an epiphany. And I realised that before your mother came into my life, despite all the thoughts and feelings that I had begun to think of with my mistresses before each of those relationships went downhill, I realised that I had never known love; well, not the true, powerful love that I felt now with your mother. True, I had had traces of love, but I had never actually experienced what it was like to be in love.
"As I was thinking these thoughts, I saw a little figure walking on the pavement. It was your mother, of course, and as she spotted the smoke from my cigar and didn't want to be seen, she stole away into the orchard. I could not let her get away that easily, for seeing as your mother is an elf from the realm of the fairies, I knew that she could as easily disappear back to the realm from whence she came if left unseen by another living soul, so I followed her. Unfortunately for me though, your mother had been forewarned of my presence because of the smoke from my cigar. I saw her half-hiding behind the wicket and seeing as I did not want to startle her, for I knew that she would not have liked me finding her in such a way, I pretended to examine a moth. When I felt her pass close by me, I called her back to examine the moth with me; but little did your mother know that out of the corner of my eye, I was examining your mother's movements closely. After the moth had flown, she retreated back down the walk, but as I did not want her to go in so soon on such a beautiful night as that one, I told her so, and we headed back down the orchard, towards the horse-chestnut tree at the bottom. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye once again, and saw that she was absorbed in her own thoughts, and I knew that I would have to be the one to get the ball rolling.
"She agreed with me that Thornfield was a beautiful place and that she was very much attached to it. I then asked her if she would miss Adele and Mrs Fairfax, seeing that she was very close to them, and your mother told me that she had an affection for them both. She didn't say - yet - as to how she felt about me, so I said that it was a pity and we stayed silent for a few moments, until I spoke up again, saying something about how change was a natural part of life and should always be expected. She then asked me if I was to be married, and whether the marriage was to happen soon, which I affirmed, saying that she did tell me to look out for suitable positions for both Adele and your mother. Your mother told me that she would advertise immediately, and just as she was about to say more, she stopped herself. What she was going to say, I knew not, but I did not press her on this, and so I pressed on.
"I told her that in a month I was to be married and that in the meantime I would look out for a new position for your mother. She began to apologise - I think it was for leaving me with the job of finding her a new position, but I can't be too sure - but I merely brushed it off, for she had done her duty in serving me well, before I went on to tell her how I had found out from Lady Ingram about a Mrs Dionysius O'Gall and her five daughters of Bitternutt Lodge, Connaught, in Ireland, for that was where I told your mother of where she would be "going"."
"Papa!" Janet groaned.
"I know that it was cruel of me to do so, dearest, but I had to find some way of finding out how your mother felt about me, didn't I? Besides, I knew that if I told her that she would have to leave me, as much as it pained her in thinking that she had to leave me, as it pained me to tell her of such things, then that is what I had to do. I actually made Mrs Dionysius O'Gall and her daughters up, and I also came up with their ages, in case your mother wanted to know. I knew that your mother would get along well with the Irish, but I was not about to give my little elf up so easily, you know.
"Anyway, your mother then said that it was a long way off, and I told her that is was of no matter, for she would not object to the voyage or the distance, and she told me that she did not object to the voyage as much, but rather the distance, and then she said that the sea was a barrier from England and Thornfield, and when I pressed her from what else that the sea would be a barrier from, she said that it would be from me. She said that almost involuntarily and I detected a slight tremor to her voice as she said this, and I saw the walls that your mother had built around her heart in order to protect it start to crumble, for she then started to cry, but did not sob: and when I heard her say that she would miss me, I felt such hope at her words, but I knew that it was still too early for me to say anything to her, for I still wanted to hear more from her; so as we sat down on the bench underneath the chestnut-tree, I then decided that the time had come for me to reveal my heart to her, slowly but shortly. I started by asking your mother whether she was anything akin to me. She didn't say a word to me at this, and I'm sure that if she could, she wouldn't have been able to say anything, anyway, because her heart was grieving, so I pursued my topic, saying that when she was near me I had a string which was tied somewhere under my left ribs which was connected to a similar string which was in your mother, and that if she left me, I was sure that cord of communion would be snapped, that I would take to bleeding inwardly and finished by saying that your mother would forget me."
"Papa!" Janet cried out in shock.
"How could you say such a thing to Mama?" Eddie asked me incredulously.
"I know, I know. It was cruel of me to say such things, and it pained me to say them to her; but I was desperate to know what she thought, so that's why I had to push her, and it worked: for you see, my dears, your mother told me that she would never forget me, and I told her to listen to the nightingale in the wood as she sobbed convulsively, and I now knew that the walls were falling from her heart good and proper now. After a few moments of silence, she went on to tell me how she had never been born and that she wished she had never come to Thornfield. I decided to twist the knife in a little more by asking her if she was sorry to leave it. Then came such words from your mother, such words that if I hadn't seen her standing there in front of me, that I wouldn't have believed it was her speaking them, for she let her normal, rationalised guard down, and spoke with a passion that I knew lay within her, but I didn't think I would see or hear her speaking such."
"What did she say, Papa?" Janet asked.
"Well, she told me that she grieved to leave Thornfield because she loved it, and that she had lived a full life there, momentarily at least, having not been trampled on, petrified, or excluded from every glimpse of what was bright. She then mentioned me, and told me that it struck her with anguish at the very thought of leaving me. Your mother then went on to say that the necessity of departure was like looking on the necessity of death.
"After she said this, I knew there and then that your mother loved me as I loved her, and that all my hopes and dreams had not been wasted on my feelings after all. Her words spoke with such love, and the look on her face was indeed one of distress, that I knew that I had to come clean to her. I then asked her where she saw the necessity of departure, and she told me that it was in the shape of Miss Ingram and that she had to go. I realised that I had played the game too well, and when I told her that she had to stay, she said that she had to, and asked me whether I saw her as an automaton, a machine without feelings, and that because she was poor, obscure, plain and little that she had neither soul nor heart. I knew that she had just as much heart and soul as I did, and indeed she told me the same, and went on to tell me that if she had some beauty and wealth that she would have made it as hard for me to leave her as it was for her to think of leaving me. Your mother then said that she was not talking through the mediums of custom, conventionalities or even mortal flesh, and went on to say that it was her spirit which spoke to mine, just as both had passed through the grave and stood at God's feet, equal - as we are.
"I replied those last three words to her, before I stood up - for I forgot to mention that she stood when she told me that she should go - and I reached her side, drew her to me, and did the very thing that I had wanted to do ever since I first met her: I kissed her; and despite her struggles against me, and felt her soft, sweet lips against mine at long last. When I reluctantly withdrew my lips from hers, she told me that I was a married man - as good as married, in fact - to one who was inferior to me and who I did not love (two out of three of these points were true, of course). She then told me that she would scorn such a union, and told me that she would leave me, as she was a free human being with an independent will, who could go and do as she pleased.
"She struggled still. As I was worried that she would hurt herself, I let her go and then commenced to tell your mother that her will would decide her destiny: I offered her my heart, my hand, a share of all my possessions, to pass through life at my side and to be my second self and best earthly companion, but still she mistrusted me; and as we were silent for a few moments, she wept again, as a waft of wind blew around us, and I looked at her gently and seriously for a few moments, until I could not hold my tongue back for much longer, and I asked your mother to come to my side so that we could explain and understand one another, but she told me that she could not, for she still saw Blanche as my companion for life., and did not believe that I loved her."
"You still wished to marry her, even though you couldn't at the time?" Eddie asked me incredulously.
"Papa, how could you do or even say such things to Mama?" Janet asked, equally as shocked as her brother.
"I know what I did was wrong, my dears, but as I told you last night, I felt that I could and ought. Anyway, I told your mother to come to me once more, and told me that my bride stood between us. For one ridiculous second, I thought that your mother spoke of Bertha, but then I was brought back to my senses by remembering that she still thought that I intended to marry Miss Ingram. So I drew your mother close to me once again, and I told your mother that she was to be my bride, because she was my equal and my likeness (as she is today), and therefore I asked your mother to marry me. When I saw that your mother still did not believe me, I told your mother that I did not love Miss Ingram and that she did not love me, told her about the rumour circulating about my fortune, and that I could never marry Miss Ingram, because I loved your mother as my own flesh, and I told her so with all the love I could muster up.
"It was only after I said this that your mother finally started to believe me, for I saw the doubts that she had concerning my love for her start to fade, for she had thought that I had been mocking her until then. I was starting to get desperate for your mother to answer me, for I wanted to hear her say yes - the sooner the better - which is why I pushed her for an answer. I turned my face to the moonlight when she asked me to, because she wanted to study it, to make sure that I wasn't lying, but I told her to make haste, for I suffered. Every second that passed as she studied my face was torture to me, and when I told her this, she said that she couldn't torture me, for the only feelings she could give me were those of gratitude and devotion to me for making her happiness; and after a few more minutes had passed between us, she said that she would marry me, calling me "sir" as she did so. I told her to call me by my name, "Edward", because seeing as we would be married - and that we would be equals - it would be wise for her to do so. As soon as she had said my name, I drew your mother close to me once more, as I sent up a prayer to God that he would sanctify my union with your mother and that he would pardon me for doing so, for I had been tormented enough, and therefore I had the right to get pleasure and peace with her.
"As we were standing thus in each other's arms, the weather changed: the wind blew with more force than before, and I could barely see your mother's face, close as I was to her. I told your mother that we had to go in, saying before we did so that I could have stayed with her until morning, and I was sure that she was about to say the same to me, but didn't; for at that moment, a livid, vivid spark of lightning had leapt out of a cloud, as your mother lay her head on my shoulder. We hurried back inside then as the clock struck twelve, quite wet from the rain. I took off her shawl in the hall and shook the water out of her head, before I told your mother that she should go and take off her wet things, and called her "my darling" for the first time, before I kissed her repeatedly, and to my immense delight, I felt your mother's lips moving in time with mine. Each time I tried to move away, I found that I could not; for joy and love made me susceptible to what I loved most in the world. I finally broke off our kiss and walked away, smiling widely at what had happened. Besides, I had to move away, for if it had gone any further, I was sure that I would have taken your mother to my room at that moment, and would have truly made her mine, but I knew that what I had thought would have to wait until we were married, because I knew that your mother would not agree to do so, otherwise. I did, however, check to see if she was safe and tranquil three times as the storm lasted; and each time she answered me that she was safe, I was pleased and then let her be.
"Of course, I should have known back then that my happiness was to be short-lived, but I'll get to that later."
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So, that's all there is for this chapter. Next will be the courtship and the beginning of the "wedding". Please R&R. Oh, and please note: I will gladly take criticism for my work, but this is my story, and what I say goes. So get over it if you hate it. I am simply making another point her, that's all. See you next time, then.