Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: This chapter was difficult to write, I'm not sure why but it just didn't flow out the way it normally did. But I wanted to post something so here it is. I h ope you guys enjoy where this is going as well as recognize a bit more about what Jane was feeling way back when he started his relationship with Lisbon.
Chapter 10: War
Sleep came to Jane in the early morning hours; he spent much of the night turning the evening's events over and over in his mind. Seeing Hope and Teresa together was something he would never get tired of, would never take for granted, it was beautiful. And her insistence that she couldn't be a mother was ludicrous; he'd seem them together playing with Hope's dollhouse and then later sitting together and reading a book softly. She could be a mother; she was already falling into place easily there.
But it was when she remembered what had happened, what she had done, that made her fall apart. The guilt would eat her alive and she would try to flee to escape it; the irony was that the more she tried to escape the more guilt she created. He understood that vicious cycle she was in, the guilt was duller when you weren't facing the object of it head on…but it wouldn't go away until you came to terms with it.
Maybe she would see that too, he certainly hoped so. His talk with her had helped, he was sure that he'd sparked something in her, some tiny flame that would spread and get her to realize that she needed to be here with him and their child. He just had to keep getting her in the same room with Hope; their daughter would heal her.
Eventually that comforting thought helped him fall asleep and the morning sun roused him. He gradually became aware of his surroundings and specifically the bare feet poking into his side. Jane smiled then; he knew who the intruder in his bedroom was.
He turned over to see his little daughter curled up in a ball at his side; her dark curls a mess from sleep. She looked as angelic as always, a princess in a purple nightgown. He brushed the hair away from her face and smiled softly before leaning over to kiss her temple. Hope stirred at his touch and then blinked open her eyes. "Hello, munchkin," Jane spoke sweetly, "had a bad dream?"
"No," Hope admitted. "I just woke up and came here."
He sweetly caressed her hair; he knew what the problem was. "You're thinking about Mommy aren't you?" She nodded her head solemnly and Jane knew she was worried about her and the future. "You know she was so happy to spend some time with you yesterday."
"Really?"
"Of course, you saw how happy she was with you. She told you a bedtime story and played with you," Jane reminded her, "You were happy weren't you?"
"Yes."
"And so was she," Jane replied, "So there's a consensus."
Hope was quiet for a bit, she reached up to play with his fingers lightly as she was deep in thought. "Will she come back?"
"Yes," he told her firmly, "you're mother is going to come back, and soon. I'm certain of it."
She smiled at his certainty, it made her feel better. "I want Mommy to come back," Hope told him, "I want her to stay."
"I want her to stay too," Jane replied, "I want her to be your mother in every sense of the word. And I think she will, she's…she's getting better." Jane couldn't go into the specifics because he wasn't about to explain to Hope how her mother had finally managed to stop drinking so much. That was far too much for one little girl to handle.
"Is she?"
"Yes, she's happier," Jane explained, "I can see it, especially when she's with you."
"Then why does she go away?"
That was a much tougher question to answer. Jane sighed and looked up at the ceiling as he pondered how to explain this without worrying her anymore. "Your mother…she's still hurting and its difficult to just get past that. It takes time. But its working," Jane assured her, "soon she's not going to want to leave. She'll want to stay, then she'll never leave."
"You promise?"
He hesitated this time. A promise wasn't something he was comfortable with. He was confident that this would all work out in the end, but there was no way he could be absolutely sure. There were too many variables, too much was at stake for him to just flat out say that Lisbon was going to stay with them forever.
But he couldn't break his daughter's heart.
"I promise," Jane said, "your mother is going to stay soon. I promise." Now Hope did smile, that was all it took. She knew her father would never lie to her and that was enough for her. He grinned back and pulled her close. "Come on, lets get some breakfast."
"Okay!" Hope said enthusiastically.
He scooped her up in his arms and carried her out of the room so he could feed her. He loved this life, taking care of his beautiful child was near perfection. He just needed her mother to complete it.
Soon.
"How long have you worked with Patrick Jane?" That was the first question that Tommy and Stan's lawyer asked Cho when he was on the stand."
"Nine years," Cho replied simply.
"So you know him well, you are close?"
"As close as Jane will allow."
She looked a little surprised by that answer. "Care to elaborate on that?"
Cho sighed. "Jane keeps things to himself, he always has."
"Does that bother you?"
"No."
Rigsby chuckled silently at Cho's response; this lawyer wasn't going to be able to get much out of him.
Obviously Vance agreed since she decided to change tactics. "Were you surprised that Mr. Jane and Agent Lisbon had been working in secret to catch Red John."
"Not really," Cho said, "they've done that before."
"What about their relationship? Were you surprised about that?"
He shrugged. "We all knew something was there."
She nodded her head. "Isn't it true that said relationship is what brought Red John out of hiding and eventually led to his death."
"Yes it is."
"Was Agent Lisbon aware that getting into a romantic relationship with Patrick Jane would incite Red John?"
Cho met her eyes. "No, she was not. She said so herself."
"But Mr. Jane was. He knew that Red John would come after them if he got romantically involved with her, didn't he?"
For a second Cho actually looked uncomfortable but then his cool demeanor was put back into place. "Yes, he knew."
Now the lawyer's smile was smug. "What did Agent Lisbon think when she learned this?"
Cho sighed. "She said that he used her, that he was only sleeping with her to get to Red John."
"Was she right? Do you believe that Patrick Jane planned to use his relationship with Agent Lisbon to draw out Red John?"
Cho was quiet for a moment as he considered his answer. "I believe that Jane had a plan, yes."
Her smug smile returned. "So, the relationship, anything Jane said to her, his feelings for her, that was all part of the plan right? It might even be safe to say that it was all a lie."
"No," Cho replied, "I didn't say that."
"But you did say it was a plan."
"I said Jane used his relationship with Lisbon to get to Red John, I didn't say his feelings for her were a lie." Cho leaned back in his seat and began his long explanation. "Lisbon was the most important person in his life, we all knew that, it was obvious. He cared for her more than anything, even Red John. He saved her life, killed a follower of Red John in order save her, losing a lead in the process. Jane didn't care about Red John if it meant anything to do with Lisbon, he cared about her.
"He might have had a plan when he started sleeping with her but his feelings were real, I don't doubt that." Cho leveled his gaze with the lawyer and issued his own challenge, "Next question."
Jane didn't even bother to hide his grin. That was the definition of a win.
When Jane entered the CBI it was abuzz with activity, it didn't take a psychic to know what had happened. He eyed Cho first. "There was another murder."
Cho nodded. "Yes, we're going there now."
"Where's Lisbon?"
"Right here," Lisbon said from behind him. Jane turned to see her; she looked well, like she was determined to get this job done. But her eyes were clear even if her expression was unreadable. He didn't know if she spent the night crying over their daughter or had she reflected on everything calmly and rationally?
He was betting on the former.
"We need to get there fast," Cho told him, "This case is going up in flames."
That was interesting, very interesting. For the most part they had managed to keep the worst of it under wraps, something must have happened.
"Who's the victim?"
"A priest."
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The reporters were buzzing outside the church like flies on a corpse. But Jane ignored them with the practiced ease of everyone else around him. He was focused on the horror that was before him.
The victim was wearing his black suit and white collar, the latter stained mostly red with his blood. He was lying at the alter with the wall behind him painted with the same red cross as the previous victims. Undoubtedly the press would jump on this as a hate crime, they would be wrong though.
The chess piece resting beside him proved that much.
Jane stared at the piece carefully; he didn't touch it since he knew that would raise hell. "What do you see?" Lisbon asked him. He almost smiled; of course she would be the one to ask first.
"The bishop," Jane replied, turning to look at her. "Perhaps it is a bit on the nose but you can't ignore how apt of a metaphor it is."
"Two pawns, a rook and a bishop," Lisbon said aloud. "What does it mean?"
"The pawns are just that," Jane told her, "pawns. Used to bring the case to our attention. The real meat of this starts with the rook."
"Channing," Cho said, "she was an advocate to protect kids, that's why she was the rook."
"Why?" Rigsby asked, a little confused.
"The rook is protection," Jane explained, "that is what her role in this was, she protected our killer as a child."
"And the bishop is religious authority," Lisbon continued, "So our priest knew him too."
"Undoubtedly."
Cho nodded. "I'll talk to the administration, see what records they have on Father Gruden and what connections he had to our other victims and Todd Johnson or Jessup."
Rigsby left to do just that with Cho having to go outside and handle the press as much as he could. Jane kept an eye on Lisbon who was ignoring him entirely now. She was focused on the alter, specifically the candles that were waiting to be lit by the faithful.
He was willing to bet she hadn't set foot in a church for the past five years so this was rather unsettling for her. It was something he'd known from the moment he'd met her, how important her faith was for her. It wasn't just because she needed to believe in a higher power; in a better world and that there was real goodness and justice that was outside of her control. It was also a connection to her mother. She still wore that cross around her neck even now so not every thing was lost. Even if she was a lapsed Catholic her faith was still there, just buried beneath the pain.
She wanted to go, to light a candle for her mother and her brother. He knew she could hear that voice in her head telling her she needed to commune with her god. While he was more averse on the subject of faith, he never wanted her to fall from it; it was a part of her, a part of her goodness.
Lisbon finally turned away from the alter and met his eyes, he saw the pain there and uncertainty. He wanted to tell her that she should take this step, to move on but she didn't need to have him say the words to know what he wanted her to do.
Instead she walked away, down the aisle and out the doors into the bright sunlight. She was still turning her back on her faith…and everything else.
"You have a son don't you Agent Rigsby?"
Rigsby nodded his head and smiled proudly. "Yes I do, Benjamin is about fifteen months old."
"So being a father, naturally you sympathize with Mr. Jane."
"Being a father and his friend, I know that Jane wants to be in his daughter's life," Rigsby replied.
"But you know what being a father entails," The lawyer continued, "you know the burden of being a parent is, the responsibility it takes to raise a child in a good home. It isn't easy is it?"
"No, it's not," Rigsby agreed, "but it's worth it, every day."
Greta Vance stepped towards him almost like a predator. "Being Patrick Jane's friend, you know that he lost his family over a decade ago."
Rigsby nodded gently. "Of course."
"And you are aware of the problems Patrick Jane has gone through over the years following their deaths."
"Yes."
She cocked her head to the side. "Would you call his behavior stable? Living in hotel rooms, sleeping in the attic of the CBI…would you say those actions are the product of a healthy mind."
Rigsby raised his hand emphatically. "Now wait a minute, that was a different time, he was still healing and—."
"Answer the question, Agent Rigsby."
He faltered for a moment before finally admitting. "No, it wasn't normal."
That same smug smirk returned. "You must have thought about your friend over the years, wondered what would happen to him, if he would ever be able to move on."
"Yes, I wanted him to be happy."
She leveled her gaze with him. "Did you ever doubt that Patrick Jane could be a father again?"
Rigsby looked startled. "What do you mean?"
"Did you ever have doubts that Mr. Jane would be capable of being a fit parent?"
He hesitated. "Sometimes I doubted if he would be able to move on."
Now her smirk was like a cat catching the canary. "Did you have these doubts when you went to inform Patrick Jane that he was a father again?"
He was quiet for a long time as he thought back to the long ride into Nevada when he had nothing to do but contemplate what was about to happen, the bombshell he was about to drop on his friend. And finding Jane like that in that casino…
"Yes," Rigsby admitted reluctantly, "I wasn't sure if Jane would actually be able to take care of her." Before she could call him off the stand Rigsby intervened, "But that all went away the minute he saw her."
Rigsby looked towards Jane now as he spoke. "When Jane saw Hope it was…it was amazing. He was afraid, we all could see that. But he was also so happy, he was thrilled that he had a new child and he just fell in love with her in that instant.
"He can take care of her, he's already started. He's got a house, daycare, he set up everything. And he's doing it himself, from the moment he saw her he's been taking care of her himself. I may have doubted him but not anymore. Jane can be a father…he already is."
Rigsby was allowed to step down and the case was dismissed for the day. As soon as the judge left the chambers, Jane sought out of his friends. "Thank you, Rigsby," Jane told him kindly.
But the other man looked a little ashamed. "I'm sorry, Jane. I'm sorry I doubted you."
Jane smiled softly. "That's okay, I doubted myself. Hope scares the hell out of me." They laughed a little because they all knew that it was true.
But Rigsby grew somber. "I meant what I said though, you're doing a good job."
Jane nodded. "Thank you."
He smiled again, "We're going to keep it that way."
But they all knew that was easier said than done.
Lisbon splashed water in her face after hiding in the bathroom for a few minutes; she mostly needed to make sure she wasn't going to get sick. She was still struggling with not actually drinking anymore, she had a craving that was undeniable and along with it came some residual nausea and dizziness as the toxins still were leaving her system.
But she didn't go get a drink; the truth was she didn't want to. All she could think about was Hope. Her little girl smiling at her with adoration, the apple scent of her shampoo, the gentle rattle of her breath as she slept. Jane said that she needed her mother, she needed her. That was something that Lisbon had to fight to believe.
Forgiveness, she needed forgiveness from herself.
She didn't know how to forgive herself for everything she had done, the worst was leaving Hope. Lisbon was surprised that Jane wasn't really angry at her for that, he even suggested that it was the right thing under the circumstances. He was just mad that she didn't want him to know about their daughter. At least she could understand that much.
She had told Grace to not tell Jane but her friend had done exactly that, she'd broken her promise.
Lisbon stepped into the bullpen to find Grace busy at her computer, working on trying to find out where Michael Jessup was. She hadn't really spoken to her since she'd seen Hope, since she realized all that her friend had done. When Grace looked up their eyes met immediately, a mixture of emotions passed between them, mostly hurt, some anger and a great deal of pain.
It would be a long time before they could look into each other's eyes and not think about the night she'd left her daughter in Grace's arms.
"Have you found anything?" Lisbon asked knowing very well that it was unlikely.
Grace shook her head. "No, Jessup's address is old and no one seems to know where he is. He's been staying off the grid for a while."
"Okay," Lisbon said, she honestly wasn't sure what to say anymore. She had some questions and some important things that needed to be addressed, but she wasn't sure how to begin.
She was ready to leave when Grace actually stopped her. "I heard you went to see Hope yesterday," Grace said gently. "If you wanted to talk…we can."
Lisbon thought about that for a minute, a friendly chat about her child just seemed rather strange. But it did bring up the one topic she wanted to mention. "You gave Hope to Jane. You promised you wouldn't."
Now Grace looked upset. "You came to my home in the middle of the night and left your baby in my arms, you don't have the right to be angry with what I chose to do afterwards—."
"Grace—."
"You have no idea what happened afterwards!" Grace continued, ignoring Lisbon's attempt to edge in on the conversation. "You weren't there when Jane saw her for the first time. The moment he saw her she was the only thing that mattered to him. And you have no idea what he went through to keep her! Did you know your brothers tried to take custody away from him? No, you wouldn't since you shut everyone out!"
Lisbon was still focusing on a certain piece of information that Grace had mentioned. "My brothers…they tried to…why?"
"Because you shut everyone out, because you told everyone that you didn't want Jane to have anything to do with his own child!" Grace insisted. "You even made me promise not to tell him, did you even realize how wrong that was? He is Hope's father, he deserved to be in her life from the beginning, especially since he's the one who has been raising her for the past five years!"
"Thank you," Lisbon finally managed to say.
That surprising statement finally got Grace to stop ranting and be silent for a moment. "What?"
"Thank you for breaking your promise," Lisbon explained, "You did the right thing and…and I'm glad you did."
Her expression softened then. "Oh…I thought..." But she didn't finish the thought instead she shook her head as if to brush it away. "Jane, he's wonderful with Hope, he adores her."
"I know," Lisbon told her, "I can see that." She looked away for a moment before speaking. "He wants me to be her mother."
"Of course he does."
"Why?"
"You know why."
She still wasn't looking at Grace. "I don't, after everything I did why would he want me to still be her mother?"
"Jane cares about you," Grace reminded her, "And you are Hope's mother. Why wouldn't he want you to get better? To be with him and Hope?"
Lisbon shook her head. "I don't understand it, none of it. If he cared so much why would he use me? Why would he leave?"
"You told him to leave," Grace replied, "You put a gun to his head and then told him you never wanted to see him again."
"Why did he use me?" Lisbon continued, as if she hadn't heard her friend. "Why would he do that?"
"Jane didn't use you."
"Yes he did," Lisbon replied, "he did…and then my brother died and everything…I don't know how he got past that, how I can get past that."
Grace stared at her friend in agony, she knew things, knew things that might be able to help. "Lisbon…" she began mournfully but Lisbon just turned away. She was back into that same daze, the one that she had put herself in for five years as she tried to shut everything out.
Lisbon felt like she was stuck on a carousel with no way off, and the world just kept spinning faster and faster.
"You worked with Agent Lisbon for over five years."
"That is correct," Grace said calmly, she was nervous, there was no doubt about that. But she was doing well trying to keep her fears under control.
"And in that time you and Agent Lisbon became very close."
She nodded. "We are the only women on the team and we work long hours, it was natural that we became good friends."
"Did Agent Lisbon confide in you, did you talk about her feelings, share secrets, things like that?"
Grace thought about it for a moment. "Lisbon never confided much in anyone, but there were times when she would be honest with me about her life."
Greta stepped forward. "Did she ever talk to you about her feelings for Mr. Jane?"
"Not while on the job," Grace admitted.
"But after she quit the CBI, while she was pregnant, she would talk to you then."
She sighed. "Lisbon didn't tell us she was pregnant, not until I ran into her at the supermarket when she was about six months along, by then it was obvious."
"Is that a yes or a no?"
"It's both," Grace explained, "She said some things but other times I had to figure it out on my own."
Greta stepped back around towards her client's side of the room. "What did you and your friends do when you found out Agent Lisbon was pregnant?"
"We were surprised but we wanted to be there for her, she didn't have anyone to take care of her."
"Not even Patrick Jane?"
"Well he didn't know she was pregnant so that answer is obvious," Grace said rather icily.
"But you were the one who did the most for her."
"I was the one she was most comfortable with," Grace explained, "It's easier to talk to a woman about those kinds of things, so…yes, I suppose I was the one who was with her the most."
"And you were there when she went into labor…when Hope was born."
"Yes, I was."
The lawyer smiled sweetly. "That's very admirable of you, Agent Van Pelt. You are obviously a very good friend. In fact it makes sense that she chose you to give her child to, that is what happened isn't it?"
Grace flinched visibly and nodded her head meekly. "Yes, she knocked on my door and gave me Hope."
"What did she say exactly?"
"She said, 'I can't do this, I don't deserve to be a mother' and that she couldn't fail Hope like she failed her brother."
"So her behavior was in reaction to her brother's death?"
"I believe so, yes."
"The death that happened as a result of Patrick Jane's actions."
"No," Grace told her quickly, "that's not true. Red John killed her brother, not Jane. He had no idea that would happen, you can't pin that on him."
Greta nodded. "Very well. Let's go back to the night Agent Lisbon gave you responsibility of Hope. Did she tell you what to do?"
She sat back in her chair a little bit, relaxing a little but she was still very much on edge. "Yes, she did."
"What did she tell you to do with Hope?"
Grace hesitated. "She told me that she couldn't take care of her and that I should give her to someone else."
"Did she say who?"
Grace was quiet again; she didn't want to answer this question because she knew what it sounded like. "She told me to call her brothers."
The lawyer took a step closer. "Did you?"
"No."
"Did she tell you to do anything else?"
There was another moment of silence. "She told me that I could put her up for adoption, to a family that could take care of her."
Vance raised an eyebrow. "But you didn't do that either, did you?
"No."
"What did you do instead?"
Grace sighed. "I, along with Cho and Rigsby, tracked down Jane to tell him about Hope."
"Against Hope's mother's wishes."
"He is Hope's father," Grace reminded her, "He deserved to know about what happened so he could have the chance to take care of her."
"But was that what Agent Lisbon wanted?"
Grace fell back in her seat a little stunned. "No…it wasn't."
Greta took another step forward. "When Agent Lisbon brought Hope to you did she ever mention Patrick Jane?"
"No…she didn't."
Another step. "In her entire pregnancy did she ever talk about the father of her child with you?"
"Yes…she did."
That knowing smirk was back, but this one was even more dangerous. Grace knew she was in trouble before she even asked the question. "Did you talk with her about telling him about the baby?"
"Of…of course."
"And what did she say about that?"
Grace looked desperate now. "Lisbon was angry with him, she was angry and hurt and that was clouding her judgment—."
"Why don't you answer the question, Agent Van Pelt?"
She stared ahead completely deflated; her voice was wooden and soft when she finally spoke. "She said that she didn't want him to know. She didn't think he would want to be a father again and even if he did…she didn't…she didn't think that he would be able to."
Greta Vance smiled smugly at Grace. "No further questions
Lisbon knew Jane would find her at the café at the roof, she had a feeling Grace had called him right after their short talk. He was still taking responsibility for her and Lisbon still didn't know what to think of that. Kindness? Pity? Love? She didn't know and that made it all the more unsettling.
"You should have more than that coffee," Jane said sitting down at the table with her, "you could use more meat on your bones."
She gave him a rueful look. "Coffee is fine for now."
He looked slightly disappointed but didn't push her further. "Hope sends her love," Jane told her as if he was passing off a message from an old friend, not their child.
"I know," Lisbon replied, surprising him with that answer, "I love her too."
He stared at her, the enormity of that statement was not lost on either of them. They both had known she loved her daughter, Jane had never doubted it. But there was a difference in finally saying it. "Lisbon…"
"I'm thinking about the case," Lisbon interrupted, quickly turning from the painfully personal subject into something less so. "Two pawns, a rook and a bishop."
"Yes?"
"He's playing chess, taking out the pieces, building up to something," Lisbon pointed out.
"Yes he is."
"Then he must be playing someone," Lisbon said, "Who?"
"Isn't the answer obvious?" Jane asked but her confused stare told him otherwise. "We're the player, we're the ones who are in this game and he's bound and determined to get to checkmate first."
"Because we killed Red John."
"Yes," Jane agreed.
"So this is about revenge," Lisbon stated but continued. "Then why all of this? Why kill people that have no relation to us? If this is about getting revenge shouldn't he be going after people we care about?"
"That's a good question," Jane said and he meant it. He'd been focused on trying to help Lisbon that he'd all but forgotten about the case at times. That might not have been the wisest thing to do. "That means this could be about something else, perhaps he has some other agenda."
"Like what?"
"I'm not sure," Jane told her, "But it involves us. Maybe this was really just about bringing us back together, perhaps his real plan hasn't even happened yet."
"Well I'm here," Lisbon pointed out.
"Yes and so the pieces changed, he switched from pawns to the rook then the bishop. The pawns were just that, needed to bring us back to this place. Now here we are, he's laying the groundwork down."
"But we know who he is."
"Do we?"
"If not Michael Jessup, then who else?"
Jane raised an eyebrow. "Who indeed? No other name comes to mind, but with this kind of game its wise to question everything."
"So what do we do then?"
"Nothing new," Jane told her, "we keep pressing on, but we should be careful. He could make this personal sooner than we think."
She shivered and gave Jane a serious look. "Hope, she's just a little girl…"
"Nothing is going to happen to her," Jane told her firmly, "I value her more than anything in this world and if you think I don't have the best security system and gun in my home, then think again."
"You made fun of me for my guns," Lisbon reminded him, a ghost of a smile on her lips.
"Yes," Jane agreed, "But I find them quite necessary sometimes."
The smile remained on her lips for a few moments before vanishing again. "Jane, I want you to know that I'll protect her too. I won't let anything happen to her, even though I left I never would want…"
"I know," Jane interrupted, putting a hand over hers. "You wanted to protect her from the beginning, that's why you left and why you chose to give her to Grace. I never doubted that, just like I never doubted how much you loved her."
The smile appeared again, small, fragile but very real.
He took a risk again. "Will you come tonight? She'd love it if you did."
Tears sparkled in her eyes, he heard her stop breathing when he asked that question. Then she shook her head. "I can't, it's too much, too soon."
"Okay," Jane said, not hiding his disappointment, "I won't push you."
"Thank you," she replied, a tear slipping down her cheek. "Thank you for letting her love me."
"Why would I do anything else?" Jane asked.
She didn't answer, instead she pulled her hand back and stood up, the conversation taking a turn she didn't like. He knew what he'd done, what had happened between them. He knew.
Jane was left wondering about the conversation too, wondering what that meant, if things were still falling apart. He wanted her to believe, he needed her to believe.
Jane looked at ease while sitting on the stand even though he was anything but, and it wasn't from the very uncomfortable chair. He knew that this attack was going to be brutal, with the wealth of information they had already discovered about this life; this was bound to be painful. But a part of him was looking forward to this, after watching this lawyer attack his friends he was ready to turn the tables on her a bit. If he could take a small measure of enjoyment out of this then he would
"Mr. Jane," she began calmly, "you are here to seek custody of Teresa Lisbon's daughter, Hope."
"No," Jane replied easily, "I'm here defending my rights as a father to my child."
"Yes of course. Hope is your child, at least biologically."
"She is my child in every way shape or form," he corrected.
"We are not questioning that Hope is your biological child." He knew she was purposefully only referring to Hope as his in the genetic sense, she wanted to stress the idea that Hope wasn't his child emotionally. A shrewd move if it didn't make her sound stilted. "What we are questioning is your ability to take proper care of her."
"Well given the chance I'm certain I can prove it."
"Because you've had a child before?"
Jane wasn't able to hide the pain of being reminded of his first daughter. But the pain wasn't as sharp anymore, it would never go away but he felt a certain measure of peace with it now. And Hope was an excellent balm for any pain. "Yes I had a daughter before and yes I do have experience with children."
"Would you consider yourself a good father to your first child?"
He wasn't sure how to answer that question, he didn't know how honest he should be. He wasn't worried about being caught lying, he just had no desire to treat Charlotte's memory so callously either. "I'd say I was an absent father," Jane explained, "I provided for her, gave her everything I thought she wanted and needed…but now I see the mistakes I made." He looked away from her. "It's why I'm grateful for Hope, she's another chance for me to do this right, to be more than just a provider but to be a better father."
"Well that's very noble of you," she said, but her voice was tinged with doubt. That was fine, it was why she was here, to make him look bad. "You worked with Agent Lisbon for nine years."
"We've long ago established that."
Greta walked over to the table and picked up a file. "And in that time you have gotten hundreds of complaints lodged on her personal file, coerced her into fraudulent and sometimes borderline illegal plans, she has been suspended several times and nearly fired as a result of your actions." She closed the file and looked him in the eye. "You seem to view her as collateral damage."
"If you read further you'll see that every time I was essential in keeping her job," Jane reminded her, "I would never let her be hurt because of me."
"You don't think you hurt her when you seduced her in order to get your revenge?"
She had him there and she knew it. He chose to remain silent, she wasn't really looking for an answer anyways but she took a smug stance close to the stand. "Why weren't you aware that Agent Lisbon was pregnant?"
"I wasn't in Sacramento," he told her calmly.
"And why is that."
"She told me to leave, I was doing what she asked," Jane explained, "Had I known she was going to have my child, well things would be very different."
"You were in Las Vegas when Agents Cho and Rigsby found you to tell you about Hope, correct?"
"You already know the answer, why do you ask pointless questions?"
"Just answer the question."
Jane rolled his eyes. "Yes, I was in Las Vegas, a very interesting place to be at the time."
She smiled her predatory smile. "Did you agree to go back to Sacramento?"
"Not exactly."
"Because they handcuffed you and forced you into the car," she reminded him.
"Hmmm," Jane shrugged, "I wouldn't say forced, I could have gotten out of the handcuffs if I'd tried, but I was curious to know what they were hiding." He smiled now. "Believe me, if they had told me I had a daughter then I would have been a much more willing hostage."
She leaned forward now. "And how did you feel when you found out you had another child?"
"Like I'd been hit over the head with a chair."
"Excuse me?"
Jane rolled his eyes again, this time in annoyance. "Surprised. I was surprised; I think any man would be. But I knew right away that she was my child." Jane smiled sweetly, "It was the eyes, and the ears…but mostly the eyes."
"Did you want more children?"
He paused now as he considered the question for moment before admitting. "I hadn't thought about it."
Greta raised an eyebrow. "You never thought at all about having more children?"
"I didn't plan for the future."
"Because you were focused on revenge."
"Because any plans I made, Red John would have found a way to destroy them," Jane explained.
"If you never planned anything before, how can we expect you to be prepared for Hope now?"
"Because with Red John dead I can think about the future, I already am." Jane went on, "I can't stop making plans now about Hope. Where she's going to go to school, what activities she'll be involved in. I have plans for her."
She studied him for a long time and Jane knew she was going to change tactics; he just had no idea what strategy she was planning now. "You loved your wife very much, didn't you?"
Jane paused for a second, batting down the pain. "Yes I did," he gave her a curious look, "why is that relevant?"
"I'm trying to make out your character, Mr. Jane."
"Good luck with that."
Her eyes narrowed. "You eloped with her from the carnival circuit, started a whole new life with her. You had a child together."
"Thank you for restating my life history," Jane replied sarcastically.
"And you went on a decade long quest for revenge after your family was murdered," The lawyer finished, ignoring his remark. "It reads like the perfect tragedy, it is touching and romantic."
"Is there any point to this or are you just looking for a book deal?"
She smiled. "With that amount of passion you put into, that amount of love. It's hard to believe that you would have anything left to give away to someone else."
Jane leveled his gaze with her. "What exactly are you implying?"
"You loved your wife…and you loved the daughter you had with her."
"We've already established that."
She took a step back towards her clients. "I believe that my clients and this court have a reason to be concerned that you won't be able to have the same depth of emotion towards Hope that you did towards your first child." Greta smiled mockingly, "After all, she isn't your wife's."
It wasn't often that Jane was shocked into silence but this was definitely one of those times.
The first thing he felt was anger and that was something he couldn't hide even if he wanted to. He glared at her for a long time, even as his voice remained even and calm. "You have no right to say that of me. Hope is my child."
"The child born by accident, the byproduct of your plan."
"She is still my child," Jane hissed out, "And it is insulting that you say I would think less of her because she doesn't belong to my wife. It doesn't matter who Hope's mother is, she's my child." He kept his eyes level with hers. "But her mother is Teresa Lisbon, someone I care deeply about, if anything I cherish her more."
The lawyer raised her hands in a supplicant gesture. "How are we supposed to believe that?"
"Because that is what I am telling you."
"But you've lied so often in the past. You lied to your clients, you've lied to suspects and the families of victims. You've even lied to Agent Lisbon, a woman you claim you care so much about…even after you seduced her simply to catch a killer…just like you've done in the past." She sneered at him. "So really Mr. Jane, how can we believe you?"
Jane was staring off to the side, away from the judge and the rest of the courtroom. He wasn't paying any attention to what was being said by the lawyer who was supposed to be questioning him or the judge who was trying to get him to talk. He was thinking, thinking about everything that had been said about him this past week and everything that he had done.
They knew everything, the good and the bad that he had done over the years. They knew what he was trying to do now and they knew about all of the pain he had caused the most important person in his life.
But there were some things they still didn't know.
"Mr. Jane, will you answer the question?" Judge Walcott asked harshly.
Jane finally looked over with a blank expression on his face. "Can I say something…make a statement?"
The judge gave him a curious look before nodding his head. "Go ahead."
This time Jane turned his attention to Lisbon's brothers, they were the ones that needed to hear this, he couldn't care less about what the lawyer or the judge thought. No, he knew exactly whose approval he needed.
"It's all true," Jane began softly, "everything that has been said, everything you said. I've done some terrible things. I was a fraud; a con artist and I didn't care. My arrogance is what got my family killed and that is a guilt that I will have to live with for the rest of my life, that's never going to go away. And you are right; I hurt Teresa, more than once. I treated her terribly sometimes and she deserved better than me, you are right about that."
He looked them in the eye when he continued. "But you are wrong about one thing. None of that comes from indifference. I cared about your sister; I cared about her more than anything." He smiled now, "I knew I was in trouble from the moment I met her. She was the exact opposite of what I was, honest, sincere, honorable…and noble. She's everything I wanted and wanted to be. I knew from the beginning that the best thing for her would be to walk away…but I needed that goodness, her light, her strength. I needed it because she…she gave me a reason to get up every day and live my life, my revenge…that was a purpose but she…she was everything else, the air I breathed every day.
"I know I didn't always show it. I admit I drove her crazy almost every day," He said this with a big grin, "It was just too tempting to mess with her. She was wound so tight that I had to push her buttons, I'm sure as her brothers you can understand what I'm saying." Tommy actually nodded his head a little at that statement.
Jane sighed now. "But when the game began…I knew he was going to go after the people I cared about most. I tried to keep her safe, I tried to push her away but the more I pushed the harder she pushed back." Jane smiled again, "she wouldn't let me go…and the harder she held on…the more I loved her for it." He met their eyes again. "I loved her, I loved everything about her… I still do.
"Eventually I couldn't fight it anymore. There were two options, I could love her…or I could leave her. And I couldn't survive without her…so I had no choice. I had to love her just like I have to breathe." He looked down at the wooden rail in front of him. "I knew that Red John would come after her, he wouldn't stand for any distractions or real happiness. I knew that much, and the only thing I could do was try to catch him this time…I knew if I failed then I would lose everything. He would take her from me…and I couldn't survive losing another woman that I loved…not again."
"It was a plan," Jane admitted, "I entered into a relationship with her knowing exactly what would happen. That much is true. But never let it be said that I didn't care for her because the truth is…Hope was conceived in love. I love her mother and I love the child that resulted from that love.
"I don't deserve another chance, I know that and admit it freely. But I want it. I want to be a father to my child for the same reasons you want to be in her life. I want Teresa to be a mother to her and I want to be able to tell her everything that I have said here now. I don't deserve a second chance…but I want it. I want to do better next time…and I believe that I can. I'm ready," Jane said sincerely, "I am ready to be a father again."
And there was nothing but silence in the courtroom
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The whole room was filled with a tense air as they all silently waited for Judge Walcott to make his decision. This was it, the moment that would define the lives of everyone in this room. They all knew that this was going to change everything, and they were all afraid of what he might say next.
"Over the course of this hearing I have heard numerous testimony from friends and family over the merits and faults of Patrick Jane and his relationship with Agent Teresa Lisbon." The judge began simply, "One thing has stood out to me, the amount of love and loyalty shown for this woman that has transferred over to her child.
"Everyone here is concerned about the welfare of this child, it is remarkable that so many people have such affection for her and that is a testimony to not only the loyalty Agent Lisbon inspired but also the people who are considered closest to her. But I have to think about what is best for this child and I truly hope this decision will provide the best solution for everyone involved."
He turned his focus to Lisbon's brothers. "You have shown understandable concern for your niece's welfare. Over this hearing you have brought forth ample evidence to support your doubts on Patrick Jane's intentions and feelings towards your sister…but that is not what is on trial here. The question is: is Patrick Jane a fit parent for Hope?
"There are some troubling facts, his history of deceit and his past mental health are concerns that needed to be addressed. However, that was in the very distant past, since then by all accounts he has done much to try and overcome what he did. I cannot dismiss the good he has done, bringing justice to hundreds of victims and their families…even with his rather unorthodox methods.
"Despite all of these concerns, you have shown no proof that Patrick Jane is unable to care for Hope now. In fact, the evidence shows that he has already begun to provide for her and is able to give her a safe and loving home. And with her mother missing…I am reluctant to dismiss another parent from Hope's life."
Now small smiles began to bloom on the faces of Jane's friends as they began to pray that they were right about where this was going.
"So, I am granting full parental rights to Patrick Jane and Hope will remain in his custody. I firmly hope that all parties involved can reach a resolution that will benefit everyone." Judge Walcott banged on his gavel, "case dismissed."
Only then did Jane breathe a sigh of relief. He was ecstatic, Hope was his and no one, no judge or misguided family member could take her from him now. But he was reluctant to celebrate when he saw the sad looks on the faces of Lisbon's brothers.
It didn't dampen his mood much though.
He met up with the rest of the team and happily took Hope back in his arms, holding her up against his chest and breathing in the scent of her hair. "You did it!" Grace exclaimed, giving him a light hug while Rigsby slapped him on the back. "She's yours."
"She was always mine," Jane said, his eyes captivated by the child in his arms, "Now the government simply agrees with me."
There was a long moment of silence while Jane simply basked in the presence of his child, content just to keep her close. It was reminder that she wasn't going to leave him now. But now was the time where the scars from the trial could finally be brought back, and the team couldn't ignore the elephant in the room any longer.
"Hey," Rigsby began gently, "what you said up there…about Lisbon…"
Jane put on his mask once more. "Yeah, I thought that was pretty good."
At first they seemed startled by his nonchalance and for a moment they almost believed him, almost believed that it was a ruse. But it was Grace who smiled softly at him. "Jane…I think we all already knew."
"Eh well," Jane let his voice trailed off. He wanted to drop this because he'd laid his heart at their feet, he didn't want to do so once more. Not to them, to someone else but not to them. It was private and he wanted it to stay that way.
And they knew that.
After a few moments of silence and simply standing in the hallway Rigsby broke it with a bit smile. "Hey, we should do something to celebrate."
"Like what?" Cho asked.
"I don't know…go get a drink."
"With a baby?"
"Okay, not a drink…but something." He turned his gaze back to Jane, "What do you want to do, Jane?"
Jane thought about it for a moment and smiled down at his baby girl. "I want to take my daughter home."
They all smiled softly at him. "Yeah," Rigsby agreed, "I guess you do."
Jane leaned down and kissed the top of his daughter's head before walking out of the courtroom with his friends, ready to close this week of his life forever.
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Jane did exactly as he said he would. He took his daughter home, changing her and giving her a bottle before putting her down for a long nap. For a while he simply stood over her crib and watched her breathe, he loved this view, seeing his daughter sleeping. But there was one thing he wanted to do, one thing that was not quite finished yet.
Hope woke up a couple of hours later, whimpering for some attention and a new diaper. Once she was clean and smelling fresh once more, Jane changed her into a fresh white dress before packing everything that was needed into her diaper bag and setting out for the car.
His daughter stayed awake for once while in the car, the long nap having settled her need for sleep. Jane's destination was a middle grade hotel in the heart of Sacramento, as he got out of the car he was silently grateful that he worked with people in law enforcement who didn't ask any questions when he asked them to track someone down.
Lisbon's brothers were sharing room 315; he simply took the elevator and strolled to their room, knocking only once. He had no doubt they were in there, perhaps about ready to partake of the mini-bar as means of drowning their sorrows. Well, he had a feeling that the child in his arms could fix that up.
It was Stan who answered the door. As soon as he took in the sight in front of him, his gaze hardened. "What are you doing here?"
"Just give me a minute to explain," Jane said.
"Are you here to brag?"
"If I wanted to do that do you really think I would have brought Hope with me?" That mollified Stan and Tommy who was by now standing beside his brother. Jane sighed a little, relaxing now that they were willing to listen. "I understand why you had to do all of this. I get it. I treated your sister horribly and you don't know me at all, and what you do know isn't very good, top it all off, I'm the one who got her pregnant so really it makes sense that you hate me. That's fine, you can hate me if you want."
He looked down at Hope who was resting her head contentedly on her father's shoulder and then back up at the two men in front of him. "But it doesn't have to be this way. I know you want to see her, to be with her. Right now she is all you have left of your sister and you have every right to be a part of her life…but you can't leave me out of it too. Because I need her for the same reason you do."
Tommy looked up at him hopefully. "What are you trying to say?"
"You are Hope's family and I want her to know you," Jane explained. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes, whatever you want. You can come down here to see her; I'll bring her up to Chicago. I'll send pictures, have weekly phone calls, whatever you want and are comfortable with. You can be involved in Hope's life as much as you want."
Jane was serious now. "We can put everything that has happened this week aside, we can ignore that you hate me and what I did…we can do that for Hope. Can you do that, can you be a part of Hope's life even though I'm a part of it now too?"
Tommy and Stan exchanged looks, their gaze turning from Jane to Hope back to Jane and then back to each other. He knew the silent conversation they were having and he couldn't help but smile at what was about to happen.
Stan glared at him. "I'm never going to like you."
"I'm fine with that," Jane grinned. He gestured his head towards the baby in his arms. "Would you like to hold her?"
Stan's gaze was now centered on Hope; he nodded his head numbly, completely in awe of the baby. Jane smiled and gently placed Hope in his arms, she let out small little sigh as she exchanged hands. Stan held her close with Tommy leaning over to gaze at her too. "Hello Hope," Stan said softly, "We're your uncles. Did you know that? We're your uncles." Hope let out another coo before wrapping her small fist around Stan's finger.
Stan looked up at Jane and Jane saw tears in his eyes. "She looks just like Teresa."
Jane nodded, "Yes she does." He watched the three of them for a moment before finally asking a little awkwardly. "Can I come in?"
Stan didn't look up from the baby but Tommy gave him a small smile. "Sure, come in."
And Jane smiled as they shut the door behind him, knowing that now everything truly would be fine. Right now all he wanted to do was watch his daughter be spoiled by her uncles.
This is what happiness felt like, for everyone.
A/N: Well I hope you guys see how things happened between JAne and Lisbon now, him pouring his heart out on the stand wasn't easy but it was necessary. The next chapter actually features a bit more of Jisbon in the present as Jane and Lisbon finally have to talk about what they are feeling NOW. And a flashback shows Hope's first Christmas in Chicago with her uncles and her father all under one roof ;)