I wasn't coherent enough, when I woke up, to be surprised that I DID wake up. I could only pry one eye open, just barely, and what I could see was Aigle solemnly pressing a strange mess of squished flowers and berries on the other side of my face.

"'urts..." I managed.

She looked at me with sympathy. "You are awake."

I wanted to go back to sleep. I wanted to just pass out and never feel the fire eating at me again. She pinched me when my eyes started drifting closed, not unkindly, but jarred me enough to keep me aware.

I looked around... Arethusa was tending to the dragon's lame paw. The other two were picking flowers, looking between the two of us uncertainly.

"This will not cure you." Aigle said, apologetically. "Arethusa said... if you get back to your home, the horse man can make an antidote with this." She pulled my hand out and pressed a semicircle into it. It wasn't any bigger than a gas station bathroom key fob... But instantly I knew what it was when I managed to focus in on it: the tip of Ladon's claw, still glistening with the poison in my veins right now.

"Chiron..."

"Mm. Him." The nymph looked down at me, her fingers brushing through my hair. My head, I released, had to be settled on her lap. Another time, I might have been embarrassed. "You... had it. Why didn't you take it?"

I didn't answer right away. To be honest, it took me a few moments just to work out what she was asking. I wasn't at my best right then.

"Heart wasn't in it," is what I tried to say. I'm not really sure if I managed more than a mumble. But Aigle's eyes misted up and she waved to her sisters to come near.

"We'll change your bandages... You'll have a day with this poultice. You'll need to get back before then."

I don't really think I stayed conscious through it, but they were kind enough not to wake me until my face, chest and back had been bound again. They helped me to my feet, and gave me a fresh cut sapling to keep my balance.

And I left.. not really understanding where I was going or how, just that I had to keep moving or I would die.

... And so here's the part where I can never let this journal be read by anyone else ever. You see, there's another way into and out of camp that I think only I know about. I found it a few months ago, and have practiced wandering around a little bit before the quest came down. There's an entrance to the Labyrinth in the woods. Just in case, I'm not going to write down exactly where it is, but it does exist. If you know just where to go and how to push ... it just opens up.

I could never figure out how to go anywhere I wanted to. The Labyrinth seemed to have a mind of its own and confounding progress was on the top of its agenda... but I could always ALWAYS get home. It never stopped me from going back.

I don't know how I found the glowing delta on the side of the mountain face, or even remember exactly where it was. Maybe my father actually was looking out for me, and guided me the right way. Maybe all of the bad luck of this quest finally panned out to some blind, dumb luck. But I made it in.

I don't ... really remember a lot of the trip. Things sort of faded in and out, over a numb litany in my mind ... just keep walking. Just keep walking. Just keep walking.

I remember flashes that I'm not sure if they happened or if they were hallucinations. I remember heavy limestone blocks giving away to a beautiful cavern of ice and crystal. I remember striking a strange serpent legged woman in a steel corridor. She hissed something at me and fled.

I remember the walls growing teeth, a nose pushing out of the bricks and the mouth opening wide, trying to swallow me. I staggered away, listening to the mouth slam open and closed over and over again behind me.

But worst of all... I remember a hole in the ground. No, let me try that again. I remember a hallway opening up into a malevolent, bottomless pit. It stretched from wall to wall, and seemed to go down far, far beyond anything my eyes could make out. I stumbled back away from it when I felt my shoes activate, turning the bright red of the Lamia's spell.

They pulled me.. and I frankly had no strength. I called out, I screamed as I was dragged to the hole, but they wouldn't deactivate no matter what I did. Instead.. the air went cold... and dark? Everything seemed to stop and I felt a voice, a presence far more powerful than I had even standing in the audience of the gods themselves.

"It's not time yet."

I didn't really know what it did, and I didn't really process what it was talking about. I just knew that my shoes had frozen. I hurriedly unlaced them and shoved them into my backpack. Adrenaline had given me just enough speed and clarity. Whatever it was that spoke to me laughed.

"Remember, hero. Who actually answers your prayers when you really need them."

And it was gone. The hole. The voice. Anything I recognized. I was in another part of the Labyrinth. I really don't know if that happened at all.

There was also something about a dancing juggling poodle saying something about boxing glove arrows. I'm pretty sure that one was a hallucination. I lost my walking stick somewhere in there, and I used the walls to hold me up as my vision began to fade, and the pain became a creeping, cold numbness.

I wish I had some explanation or even a chronology. But all I know is that I was nearly totally blind by the time I could smell the forest and a distant fire. I could hear voices, the shouts and excitement I could only associate with Capture the Flag. I could feel the sun on my face. And I promptly passed out.

I don't actually know who found me, but Annabeth told me later that Chiron had worked over my sorry self for five days straight. I was nearly lost more than once, and it was, according to the healers in Apollo, a miracle I kept the vision in both of my eyes. They couldn't do anything about the scar, though. The poison had resisted nectar as much as the healer's salves. Apparently, I honestly would have died if Chiron hadn't found Ladon's claw in my pack. Which was good, because I don't remember putting it in there. Aigle was probably the one who saved me. Again.

As it was, I woke to Annabeth sitting in a chair right next to my bed, trying valiantly not to doze. By the deep lines under her eyes I knew she'd been trying not to doze for far longer than she probably should have.

"Hey." I croaked, all suave and smooth like that.

She nearly fell out of the chair. "Luke...? LUKE! CHIRON!" She scrambled up and called for the old centaur. "Chiron! Luke's awake!"

Immediately, there was a crowd around me in the tent. There were more people and more questions than my admittedly still fuzzy brain was going to keep up with. It was a relief when Chiron wheeled into the hall.

I'm pretty sure he took control of things, the way he usually does. Because I fell right back to sleep.

When I woke up again, Annabeth had curled up on the bed next to me. I don't know if she had pulled my arm over her or if I did it myself in my sleep... but it was warm and comfortable and I didn't really feel like moving. Whatever happened, I still had her, my little sis.

I reached out and ran my hand over her hair, and I saw her eyes drift open and a small smile cross her face. She snuggled closer.

Chiron quietly cleared his throat, drawing my attention up towards him.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I swallowed a gallon of lava." I squinted at the ceiling. I couldn't see out of one eye at all, the bandaging was too tight. "During a liquid nitrogen bath."

"Recovering well, then." I looked at him. I couldn't tell if it was a joke or not, and his face gave nothing away.

"I didn't get it. I failed."

"I know." That sat heavy between us. What was I supposed to do in a situation like this? Apologize? Ask for another chance? Make excuses?

I didn't really want to do any of those.

"So. What happens now?"

"Life goes on." Chiron said, not unkindly. There was something to his set of expression that ... kind of grated at me, but I couldn't exactly put my finger on it. He made himself busy checking on my dressings. "Recover, I expect you'll be on your feet in a month or so. Train. Perhaps someday the gods will seek your service again."

"Someday..." I couldn't help a laugh at that. It wasn't a good kind of laugh.

"Luke... There's something I want to ask you. I understand you are tired and you've been through quite the ordeal, but this is important." I squinted at him until his face came back into focus and made a 'go ahead' gesture. "How DID you get back here?"

You know, I don't know where the thought came from... but at that moment I just didn't feel like I should tell him about the passage. Like if I did, I'd lose something important. I went with it. "I don't remember," I lied.

Chiron looked at me for a long moment, before pushing back away from my bedside. "Perhaps that is for the best. Rest. This has been all levels of a disasters." He sighed, and left.

"Are you really okay?" Annabeth asked, quietly.

"Dunno." I answered. It was the most honest answer I had.

She frowned and nodded, accepting it. She understood. She settled back down and looked up at me, grey eyes hungry. "What was it like? Out there."

I told her. I told her about the eagles and about the hotel nowhere. I told her about the Lamia and the kid. I told her about the bridge, and what it looked like. I lied and told her I looked at all thirty million rivets for her. She giggled and correct me. There is, apparently, only 1.2 million rivets, though she appreciated the effort. I told her about the big buildings and the sky at sunset. I told her about the garden and the dragon. I left things out, sure, I didn't need to tell her about Hera or Hecate or that other thing in the Labyrinth... but I talked until she fell asleep... and followed soon after, feeling a little bit lighter.

The next day, Annabeth returned, distraught. Chiron had declared that with the failure of this quest, he would not be accepting or giving any more out except in the direst of circumstances. She was panicked. I was panicked. No more quests would mean kids like us couldn't leave again. No one. Even the others, who had homes, who only stayed to train during the summer couldn't find any chance of acknowledgement from their parents... I tried to get up, but the world was still too unsteady and my legs gave before I'd even gotten upright at all.

She made me stay down, checked my wounds and then ran back out, declaring that it HAD to be a mistake and that she'd get to the bottom of it.

There was no mistake. I didn't get any visitors but a few awkward visits from cabinmates and Annabeth. She was sullen now, her thoughts inward. She would mumble to herself now and then, but for the most part, the next week... I recovered by myself. It gave me a lot of time to write.

When I was able to get up and walk around... it was worse. I saw disappointment on the faces of my cabinmates. They didn't look directly at me, as if I was something shameful. I saw hatred on the faces of others; I had ruined things for them. But the hardest was the pity. "Poor thing." They said. "You never had a chance. A fool's errand, to throw you to a task of Hercules."

I wanted to scream at them that I almost had it. That I had decided not to. That there were reasons for it... but I didn't. I bit my lip. I looked away... and I learned started to smile instead, enjoying how it threw them off. Enjoying the looks of relief I got, that ol' Luke was back to normal.

It's... really hard not to hate every one of them. Even Annabeth, who spent more time badgering Chiron about a quest than she even did her studies, anymore. It's hard not to hate myself... why I didn't pick the fruit? Why didn't I just follow my fate and damn all the consequences? Be a hero like I'd always wanted to do.

I guess I don't have any answers, and my dreams have been getting worse every night. Every night, they replay everything over again, except uglier, crueler. If I hadn't already written down what happened, I'd have a hard time keeping straight what was my memories and what was the dream anymore. Chiron says it's probably an after affect of the poison but... it's hard to want to sleep or stay awake these days.

Anyways. I'm done writing. I know Hal said writing about it would help, but I'm getting angrier and angrier every time I try. So I'm gonna give it a break and get my head on straight. I'm almost out of space anyway.