Moon Scars

Ch 9- Obsessed Love

…..

Everything was different since that Monday. Edward insisted that I didn't change my life at all when it came to being around others, but our relationship still overflowed beyond the meadow. When I was with my friends, I was thinking about Edward, when I was with my dad, I was wondering what Edward was doing, and when I had to suffer through time with Jacob, I was paranoid at the thought that Edward was with someone else too.

I wanted to end things with Jake, this wasn't fair to him, but I told Edward that I'd do anything for him and for some reason he wanted me to keep up the pretenses of Jacob being my boyfriend. But even though my and Jake's title didn't change, we weren't the same. We were never particularly physical with each other, even before; we used to kiss a lot, but now I was able to always come up with an excuses and Jake just didn't seem to really mind, or notice. He was still my best friend and I didn't want to hurt him, but that was all that I felt for him anymore, and wondered if I ever really felt anything more than that. I was sure I never felt anything close for him as I do for Edward, but I didn't really care enough to think through my old feelings in order to figure it out.

Everything was backwards, the couple of times that Jake did manage to kiss me, even though they were just quick pecks, I really felt like I was being unfaithful to Edward. Edward, who wasn't technically anything to me, was more important to me than anyone else in my life. I wondered how long we'd be able to keep up this charade, it couldn't last forever, eventually I would break it off completely with Jake and Edward and I could just be together out in the open, but how long did I have to wait for that?

Edward seemed to try to keep a lower profile at school since we had been together, I usually only saw him with his family and on the rare occasion that I saw him with a random girl, he looked repulsed and seemed like he was trying to get rid of her. We started getting reckless with our secret; we just couldn't make it through the whole school day without communicating, or touching in some way. When we'd pass by each other in the hall, we'd make sure that we passed close enough by, that our hands would touch; he would even inconspicuously let his hand brush over my ass whenever he could.

But our need for each other only grew.

It had been three weeks since we first connected and I lost my virginity, and we had found a way to be together practically every day since then. In the beginning I was worried about how often we were having sex knowing he that he hated it, but when I asked him about it, he swore that it felt different with me and nothing hurt him when we were together. He got over his kissing dislike as well, and our lips were constantly dancing together when we were alone.

There were many times though, that we just couldn't wait until school was over to be together. We would both ask our teachers to be excused from class for whatever reason, and we'd meet in his car, or even in an empty classroom or bathroom. We even had sex in the hall one day while everyone else was taking mid-terms. But those kind of excursions didn't happen too often, it was just too hard to mess with condoms and worry about being caught. It was never about fucking, it was just that we needed each other and that need far outweighed anything else in those moments.

And I texted him all the time. If I took a step back and looked at myself from an outsider's perspective, I'd say that I was an over-obsessive girl who wouldn't leave the guy she was with alone, but it really wasn't like that. He always responded to my texts, and would write me back right away, he'd even initiate the texts sometimes.

I was sitting with my friends at lunch in the cafeteria, and I couldn't help but sneak glances at the table that Edward was at with his brothers, when I felt my phone buzz with an incoming text.

How the hell do you eat that shit, it looks disgusting? – I smiled at my phone, it was so typical Edward.

It's better than being hungry all day. – I texted back to him; then added. – I can think of something else I'd rather have my mouth on.

Well, Y don't you come over here & kiss me then – He responded.

Really? Can I?- I asked

NO!- He wrote back to me way to quickly.

Dont tempt me if U R not going to follow through.- I warned him.

Oh, U can follow through, just not here

Ok, where? - Maybe I was too obsessive after all.

Damn, horny much? - He wrote, and I smiled.

Come on, you are totally not playing fair

"Bella, who are you texting?" Jessica asked me from across the table.

"Huh? Oh, no one. I mean, it's my friend from out of town." I lied horribly.

"Oh, cool, I guess." Jessica said completely knowing that I was lying.

My phone buzzed again, so I looked at it.

Let's get out of here.

"Hey guys, I'm actually feeling a little sick, so I think I'm going to head home." I told them so they wouldn't get suspicious.

"Oh, Bella got a bootie call" Jessica teased, taking me by surprise.

"What?" I asked half offended and half terrified that she knew the truth.

"Oh come on Bella. Jake's not here right now, and you're all texting and smiling, then suddenly you're leaving for the day. It's so obvious, you guys are meeting to fuck." Jess said casually.

"Whatever, think what you want but I'm leaving." I got up and headed straight for my car, Edward's car was already out of the parking lot.

My place – he texted to me.

Many times we needed more than just a quickie, so we would leave school. No one was home at either of our houses during the day, so when we decided to ditch school we usually went to either his house or mine. We used to go all the way to the meadow every time, but our desires couldn't wait that long anymore, so we still kept the meadow for Fridays.

Edward was waiting by his car in front of his house, and he smiled at me when I pulled up. I ripped my seatbelt off as he came to open the door for me. I practically jumped out of the car and into his arms, not wasting any time on hellos before planting my lips to his.

"Let's go in, I have a surprise for you." He led me in and up the stairs to his bedroom.

"You got a new couch?" I asked confused.

He smiled, and pulled the cushions off before lifting up on a handle of some sort. It was a hide-a-bed that pulled out to a full sized bed, which was already made with sheets and everything. I couldn't help the smile that took over my face, knowing he got it just for me. I turned to face him, and pulled him down on the bed on top of me.

"So much for foreplay" Edward said with a chuckle after I got both of our clothes off and was trying to pull him into me. "Wait" he said lightly as he rolled a condom on. Fuck, I hated condoms. I mean I appreciated their purpose, but I wanted him inside of me, not a piece of rubber.

"I had to wait long enough all day." I told him quickly. He grazed his perfection on my inner thigh teasingly, knowing how much it was killing me before finally giving in to my desperate pleas. He slid into me with the smallest whimper from his lips, as I drifted into pure ecstasy. His thrusting was quick and just as eager as I was feeling; we were perfectly in sync, the more I wanted, the more he gave without a word needed between us.

It didn't take long before I was tightening around him, and he was groaning in my ear pleasurably as a response. He pumped into me a few more times before collapsing on top of me, but still holding his weight in a way so he wasn't heavy.

"I love you Edward" I told him softly, without thinking. I fell in love with him that day he took me to the meadow for our project, but I wouldn't admit it to myself until the day we kissed by my truck. But this was the first time that I said it out loud, and his silence that followed made me regret it almost immediately.

"Shit." He said suddenly and my face rushed with heat from embarrassment. I didn't know if he was ready for the 'I love you's' so soon, but I didn't expect him to get upset either.

"Fuck, someone's home." He finally said after a moment of silence. I was relieved that his lack of response had nothing to do with what I just told him but now I was concerned, and maybe a little hopeful, that someone was going to catch me in his room. We both got dressed quickly, and he looked out of his window trying to figure out who was home.

Edward took a deep breath of relief. "It's only Rose and she's probably already in her room staring in the mirror, I bet she didn't even notice your truck, so we should be ok but let's get out of here just in case."

We walked down the stairs quietly, but Rose was waiting in the living room for us accusingly, with her arms crossed in front of her.

"Well, well, well." She said coldly.

Edward stared at her for a brief moment with an unrecognizable look on his face. "Fuck off Rose." He said finally then led me towards the front door, and I was surprised when Rose followed us.

"Oh, Carlisle is going to love to know that you two have been romping between the sheets. Just a project partner, huh?"

"I mean it Rose, shut your fucking mouth." Edward seethed.

"Really Edward, what the fuck are you doing? You're really going to screw up her life you know, not to mention get a whole football team pissed at you. Just don't get Emmet pulled in to the fight when the varsity team jumps you for fucking around with one of their girlfriends." Rosalie said callously.

I wanted to yell at her to mind her own fucking business, actually, I wanted to jump at her and pull her perfect golden hair out, but Edward grabbed my hand and dragged me outside before I had a chance to.

He didn't say anything before he opened my truck door and motioned for me to get in, but his face was hard and distant.

"Edward, don't listen to what she said. We're going to be fine; we just need to stay connected until we can figure out a way to be together all the time." Edward just stared at me silently, as if he was deep in thought. I grabbed his hand and wove my fingers into his. "Can't we just…be honest. I don't want to hide anymore, and to hell with everyone else."

I could see Edward's jaw clinch tightly as he shook his head no. "I'll see you tomorrow" He said then shut the door before going back into his house. I didn't fully understand his wish for us to stay hidden from everyone else's knowledge, but I knew that it had something to do with my reputation. He just told me that he didn't want people to look at me differently and he didn't want to change my life, but I still had no idea what that had to do with him, and me staying with Jacob officially.

I waited until the house door was fully closed behind him, before I drove home. I hated driving home after being with him, because it felt more like leaving home instead of going there.

As soon as I got up to my room, I pulled out my cell and started texting Edward right away. Again, I was acting like an obsessive teen, but really he was actually very protective of me and asked that I text him whenever I get home, just so he knows that I'm safe. Usually we end up texting most of the night until we fall asleep.

I'm home – I wrote, and waited for a response.

Ten minutes later and he still never responded, so I tried again.

Edward, R U there? – Still nothing, so the obsessive chick really started take over.

Edward please write back to me

R U angry at me?

I'm going crazy here

R U even home?

R U with someone?

Y R U not getting back to me?

I miss U already

I luv you.

Is that Y U R mad, because I said that I luv U?

If U think that it's too soon for that, just tell me and I'll wait before saying it again.

Please text me.

Edward?

I started getting double vision from looking so intently at the tiny screen on my phone, and even though it was early, I became really tired but I still texted him a few more times.

I need to see you, can we meet?

Will you come over here, my dad's not home and I really need to talk to you in person.

Edward, I don't know how to live without you anymore.

My fingers hurt from the over pounding of the buttons, and so I decided that calling in a pizza would be better than cooking for dinner. Charlie wasn't supposed to be home until later that night, so I figured that Pizza would be perfect anyway because it re-heats well.

Ten minutes later, there was a quiet knocking on the front door. I knew the pizza couldn't possibly be ready by then, so I had no idea who would be waiting on the other side of the door.

"Jake? Hey, why are you knocking?" I was surprised to see him, it had been a while since he came over last, and I was even more surprised that he was knocking, Jake never knocked. I stepped aside so he could come in. "I ordered pizza, it should be here in like a half of an hour or so." I told him then noticed the horrible look on his face. "Jake, what's wrong?"

"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly. "Jessica said you weren't feeling well."

"Yeah, I had a headache earlier, but I feel OK now." I told him.

"I came by a couple of hours ago to check on you, and you weren't here." His tone was still quiet and distant.

"Oh, well I went out to pick up some things at the store; Jake, what's wrong."

"Why do you think there is something wrong?" He asked

"Jake, come on, I know you and I know there's something wrong."

"Really, you know me huh? I thought I knew you too, but I was so fucking wrong." He said suddenly hostile.

"Jake?" I asked confused.

"I got this text from you just a little while ago that asked me to come over here. Well, let me get it out so I can see what you wrote word for word." -Jake pulled out his phone, but I was confused because I haven't texted him in weeks. - "It says 'I need to see you, can we meet?' Then the next one says 'Will you come over here, my dad's not home and I really need to talk to you in person.'" -My heart leapt out of my chest, what the hell did I do? - "So stupid me, got in the car and headed over here, but then I got another texts that shocked the hell at me. 'Edward, I don't know how to live without you anymore'." -Jake just stared at me full of hurt and betrayal in his eyes.

I had to remind myself that this is what I wanted, I wanted Jake to find out about my relationship with Edward, but this was not the way I wanted it to happen. I must have accidently put his number in the text address instead of Edwards after I started getting foggy brained, at least I didn't send all of the texts to him.

"Jake, I'm so sorry" I whispered. I thought about this conversation so many times over the past few weeks, but now I had no idea what to say.

"Are you fucking him?" He asked, and it was obvious that the words were painful coming out.

Tears flowed down my cheeks before I nodded slowly to him.

Tears welled up in his eyes too, but he fought to keep them contained. "Why?" his voice broke.

I shook my head this time, having no idea what to say. Of course I knew why, it was because I was completely in love with Edward and nothing else mattered to me, but I couldn't tell him that, it would just hurt him more.

"Bella, I understand that we've been distant lately, but every time I asked you about it, you said everything was fine. Look, if you needed to get away and take some time apart, I would have understood that. But why behind my back, and why with him of all people? I just don't get it. We've been together forever and we never came close to having sex, and out of nowhere, you let that prick fuck you. Why, Bella I need answers?"

"I don't know what to say" I said quietly. "I never wanted to hurt you, I just…I love him."

Jake laughed once humorlessly "You love him? Edward Cullen? The fuck-up who put my dad in a wheel chair, is stoned all the time, and has screwed practically every chick in school, you love him?"

"I never meant for it to happen, but I can't turn it off either." I said slowly.

"Bella, he's not even alive. He's like this soulless zombie that walks around school all the time, who doesn't even give a shit about anything. Do you really think that you have a relationship with him, because I can guarantee that he's not just fucking you, he doesn't even know what it means to be monogamous." He didn't sound upset anymore, it was more like he was just concerned about me.

Jacob's reaction surprised me. I thought that he'd be so angry and hurt that he'd lash out and scream profanities at me, which is what I deserved. But Jake was a far better person than that, and he was actually still being my friend and trying to watch out for me by warning me to stay away from a guy who he thought wasn't right for me.

"Jake, he's not really like that, you don't know him…"

"Yeah right, and I'm sure Kim would have said the same thing when he fucked with her. Don't you get it Bella? He's not in love with you, he doesn't care about you, all he cares about is getting laid and he'll do, and say, anything to get what he wants." He said trying to reason with me in a convincing tone.

"Edward might have been like that before, but he's different now, he loves me too."

"Oh really? That's an all time low. I can't believe that he tells you that he loves you, just to get in your pants." He said, then noticed how my face changed. "He's never actually told you that he loves you, has he?"

"No. But I can feel that he does. Edward is just a very guarded person, and I don't need him to say the words to know how he feels." I said defensively.

"How long?" he asked. "How long have you been fucking him?"

"About three weeks or so."

Jake was silent, deep in thought for a few moments. "Well, I will say one thing, three weeks is way longer than he's spent fucking any other chick that I know of. Usually he only fucks them a couple of times before getting bored."

"Jake…I really hate that you're hurting right now, and I really am truly sorry that I caused you this pain." I said with the tears still flowing down my face.

He looked away from me, "I'm sorry too. I think I'd be ok with us being apart if I knew that you were going to end up happy, but Bella, he's only going to break your heart or get you hurt in some other way." He looked at me finally. "Bella, please. Be careful and know that I'll always be here for you."

I cried for a few more moments and watched his car disappear around the corner at the end of my street, but I didn't deserve to cry over him any longer, so I stopped. I only hope that Jake is strong enough to move on right away and find someone worthy of his love, and someday we can find a way to be friends again.

I went back into my room and checked my phone hoping Edward had text me back, and I was relieved that he did.

Goodnight- was all that he wrote, which worried me, but at least it was something.

….

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