AN: Takes place between "On the Head of a Pin" and "It's a Terrible Life" Feedback would be greatly appreciated!
"Well, I guess I'm not the man either one of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me."
Dean looked away and expected Cas would disappear. He didn't. They sat in silence, not uncomfortable, but not companionable either. Too exhausted to be anything other than just there.
Castiel's presence was at once soothing and infuriating to Dean. Cas didn't make him talk like he knew Sammy would as soon as he got back from calling Bobby.
At the same time Cas was a reminder of all that he had done.
Lucifer.
Hell on earth.
The motherfucking apocalypse.
All my fault.
The ultimate fuck up in a life characterized by massive fuck ups.
The nurse came in then and started checking his vitals. Jenny, according to the shiny plastic nametag. She asked the obligatory "How are we doing today?" and chattered about the blandness of hospital food. She blushed a little when she checked his catheter.
She's cute Dean realized, he hadn't noticed before. Didn't really care now, just an observation. She administered more Demerol in Dean's IV. He welcomed the oblivion of drug-induced sleep.
***
Sam called Bobby. He also called Ruby.
She was thrilled he'd managed to take out Alistair. "Shit Sammy, you're in the big league now"
"Yeah, well, I'm gonna be on Cas's radar now."
"Yeah well you saved his holy ass so I don't think he's gonna be all making with the smiting."
"Besides," she snorted "he never do that to Dean."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Never mind. I gotta beat on our girl. How long you gonna be there?"
***
Dean was in the hospital a full week- longer than he'd ever been before, even after the car wreck that should have killed him. Castiel was the reason. He'd secretly upped Dean's pain meds to force him to sleep and manipulated his lab work so they'd keep him "for observation". It seemed the best way to force him to heal and get some peaceful rest. Cas figured Dean would be back to torturing himself soon enough.
When he finally was discharged he was withdrawn, couldn't even muster a quip about the indignity of being wheeled out in a wheelchair. Sammy slid behind the wheel of the Impala and told Dean that they were off to investigate some "leads." He intimated that they were leads on possible cases but Dean was pretty sure they were leads on Lilith.
He couldn't bring himself to care.
***
Zachariah was not pleased.
Dean's depression was irritating, but hardly material. In fact, it was, on the whole, very helpful. It solidified Sam's view of Dean as weak and pushed the younger Winchester on the path toward Armageddon.
No, the issue was the grunts on the ground. The rank and file angels like Castiel. They needed to buy that the fight was for the seals and having the key player on the bench wasn't projecting that image.
So Zachariah was forced to intervene. Play God… so to speak…