What if the inscription on the headstone had matched? (Spoilers for season four)
Tomato Soup
It should've been raining. That thought never failed to cross her mind each time she landed on the planet. If there was rain, like there had been h very first time she ended up on the planet, then maybe the tears might've been obscured under the visor of her helmet. But, standing there in a beautiful twin suns, there was no hiding the fresh trickles, staining her cheek. Fast and heavy, they slipped down her cheeks and dripped from her chin. Her footsteps echoed faintly against the landing ramp from her lion to the planet's surface. The castle hovered high in the atmosphere. Not that Pidge could see it. If she had tried to crane her head back and look, the blinding sun would force her gaze away. However, the green paladin knew it was there, and knew that they were probably watching her. But she was grateful nonetheless that they had given her a semblance of privacy as she had been allowed to touch done alone with her lion.
It had been seven months since her discovery and yet it never got any easier. She still dreamt about him, about Matt. His smile, his laugh. Small memories that she hadn't thought about in years. Each one seemed more precious than diamonds or a life jacket in the middle of an ocean. Sometimes it would hit her, in the middle of the day when she seemed to find herself alone or when her thoughts were wandering. Pidge remembered way he used to stretch his arms out and pose like a dork in an attempt to make her laugh. It always worked too. She'd make a funny face back and quickly steal his glasses off his face in a small game of keep away.
Matt would sit down and they'd play silly games and make little codes that they'd leave around for their dad to hack. None of the ones they ever made stumped him for even a moment, but that didn't mean that Matt and Katie didn't try.
Pulling her helmet down, Pidge walked down the steep steps of her lion and made her way across the cold, windy surface of the abandoned planet. This wasn't the first time she had made this trip, she'd done it more times than she could count and yet each time, every step felt like lead beneath her. Holding the package close to her chest, Pidge slowly walked through the rocky overcliff and made her way up the steep and daunting hill.
She remembered when he was getting sent off the Garrison. She had been so proud of him, so inspired to follow after him and dad. She used to spend hours studying in her room, working through algorithms. She'd even stolen his old textbooks from his room just to see the different notes that he had scrawled in the margins. Katie had been the saddest when she had watched Matt and dad leave on their space exploration mission to Kerberos. She was so proud, so pleased to see them shuttle off to the stars and yet, she remembered the undeniable ache in her heart. They had always been one step ahead, a little further from her reach where even if she strived her hardest she could barely reach. She studied her heart out and followed after Matt and her father. All the way to the ends of the galaxy she went to find them.
Lifting up her hand. Pidge shielded herself from the storm brewing in the atmosphere and gazed upon the momentous statue before her. Her eyes settled to the small memorial plaque and her eyes read the alien language neatly printed on the front. She didn't need a translation, she had long since memorized the words.
'In honor of the 127,098 brave warriors that stood against tyranny. The quest for freedom is won through sacrifice.' -
With her head bowed, Pidge paused by the inscription. The first few months, even the sight of those words had made her incredibly angry. But now, her feelings had numbed into something that even she couldn't even describe. Was it apathy? No, there was nothing apathetic about the way she felt. It was a cold feeling of emptiness that resided in her. A blatant and cold realization that no matter how angry she got, the truth of the situation would never be changed.
Sometimes, Pidge felt like she was drowning, gasping for air as she clung to the shadows of her memory for the person she so desperately wanted to see the most.
Holding the package tightly to her chest, Pidge's footsteps quietly echoed across the glistening back obsidian that bolstered up the hulking monument. Her shadow stretched long and her footsteps were persisting until she finally reached the edge to gaze out on the other side. Looking out, her eyes scoured the familiar horizon with a weariness that had begun to take form in her mind and body.
Her first time here had been a blur of panic and denial. She had gone racing through the valley in a desperate attempt to refute everything that she was seeing. But when she came across the sleek gravestone with his name imprinted on top, that was the point where Pidge could no longer deny the truth and simultaneously her greatest fear.
Matt was gone.
From the records she had managed to pull up, he had died in the heat of battle, putting up a heroic fight alongside thousands of others in an attempt to defeat a large Galra invasion. While their heroics were of great victory, they had not been without casualties. By the time she had even reached Arus to begin her search, she had already been long too late.
The quest for freedom is won through sacrifice.
Those words had stuck with Pidge, revolving around in her head for the past few months on a loop. There was nothing she knew more than sacrifice. She had given up so much already in her attempts to help fight against the Galra. Already as a Paladin, she spent each and every day with her life on the line. She had left her mom alone on Earth with no idea where she had gone. She had to watch as people were slaughtered in the sake of Voltron, for her sake. She had seen more of universe than she ever dreamed there could be and yet every step was shadowed with death and her blood soaked footprints were being left across the stars. So after all the sacrifices she had already made, why did it have to be him?
Pidge slowly made her way through the graveyard. She passed headstone after headstone, each one as identical as the one before. In the heart of the graveyard, on the end of a path was the one gravestone that looked a little different from the others. The sky had begun to clear and already Pidge could see the beautiful blooms of the flowers gleaming in the sunlight. Standing tall in the middle of a small field of pink flowers was the headstone she was looking for.
When Pidge had found Matt, she hadn't left him. For days she had sat beside his grave, unable to do anything but stare at the same inscriptions over again. The mission that had taken her across the universe had finally ended. She had cried until she couldn't cry and even then the sorrow enveloped her and she was left with nothing but her wretched grief and heartache. Curling up next to the stone, there really was nothing left to do but listlessly remain. Wait for a sign or a sound, some shrivel of hope. Nothing came. Pidge was left with nothing but the desolate reality of her existence. Matt was gone and she really was alone. What kind of hero of the universe couldn't even save their own brother? So she waited, an ever faithful sentry to the long since fallen.
Her oxygen levels were decimated and almost gone by the time the other paladins had found her. She could only watch with blurry eyes as four figures converged on her position. The shadow of the sun had left her unable to see who they were but she had immediately known as two arms gently tucked her in and lifted her up off the ground. She had been barely been able to turn her head and move let alone protest as Shiro had swept her up off the ground and carried her up the castle steps and into the ship.
For days Pidge did nothing but sleep, falling into a dreamless state of grief and sorrow. By the time she had truly awoken, it was Lance who was watching over her bedside. They had all been taking turns to wait for the day that she awoke. She was sleeping in a room she had never been in before and she had long since been changed out of her uniform. Grasping for her glasses, she traced the rims of the wiry frames and with a horrible realization that the previous events had in fact not been a dream.
In the six months that had passed, she had been getting better. She could manage her daily routine and although the ache hurt just as much, it was little by little becoming more manageable. The pain never stopped and Pidge was sure it never would but she was slowly learning to live with the ache.
The flowers had been a collaboration of Allura and Coran's efforts. It was tradition that an honored fallen Altean warrior was to have a graveside of beautiful, pink Nostalite. The flowers were sacred and when bloomed, they gave a personal scent to each and every person who passed. The scent triggered a memory function of the brain that reminded the visitors of the essence of the person they remembered. It was the very fragrance of nostalgia itself. The only ones who could smell the flower planted on Matt's graveside were Shiro and Pidge as they were the only ones in the group who had memories of Matt. But for Pidge, the flowers didn't just give off a smell, the essence enveloped her. It changed and seemed to morph with her own emotions.
Today, Pidge could smell the makings of homemade tomato soup in the breeze. Tomato soup and grilled cheese had been Matt's favorite, so much so that when he was young, his clothes used to smell like it. Pidge had always hated it because when she had gotten his hand-me downs, they always were stained a yucky puke color from old spills. But the once detested scent now made Pidge feel like she was at home. Her fingers traced the pink petals and she quietly collected the ones that had fallen. The flowers would stand on his graveside forever, their existence was fueled by the memories of those who remembered him. As long as his memory was alive, the flowers would stay alive as well. The petals collected would be saved and could be used for planting at a later time.
Unwrapping the paracel that Pidge had, she set down two small mugs and a grilled cheese sandwich. Splitting the sandwich in half, she carefully placed one half down on the packaging and set it in front of Matt along with a steaming mug that she had just filled from a thermos. She stared at the small picture frame that had been placed down at the base of the headstone, and traced the photograph.
It had been Shiro, Lance and Hunk that had collaborated together and created a small memorial for him. Small strobe lights were carefully placed around, creating a candle light visual once the planet shifted into its darker hours. The picture frame held a recent picture of Matt that had been taken on the day before they had left of their fateful Kerberos mission. Next to the inscription was a small lit candle that brought a fragrance of incense to mix in with the smell of tomato soup. If you looked in close, you could read the small note that had been carefully carved into the headstone.
Matt Holt; dearly beloved son, brother and friend- cherished and missed by all who knew him
"Hey Matt, it's been a while." Pidge pushed the parcel of food closer before grabbing her own. "I know it's not mom's tomato soup, or tomato at all but Hunk has been doing some experimenting in the kitchen. I think it tastes pretty similar. It's a bit spicier but the grilled cheese really balances the taste out." Crossing her legs, she grasped at the edge of her helmet. The airtight locks hissed slightly as the pressure realized and she lifted the helmet over her head before settling it beside her. That had been the final piece that had put the place together. Hunk, Lance, Shiro, Allura and Coran had all come together and created a small oxygen field around the place that would not only allow her to breath but allow the flowers to grow to exponential proportions.
Their colors could be seen all the way up from the atmosphere and it was nice to see that the field was growing and the seed was spreading and taking hold in the planet's surface. The princess had said that over the next decade, the planet will slowly be populated by the flower until the surface is completely covered. Pidge bit down into her sandwich and closed her eyes. The light felt warm against her face and it was almost unfairly nice out. The grilled cheese was slightly cold to the taste but Pidge didn't really mind. She sat and ate, enjoying her time as she filled Matt in on her latest adventures. The breeze felt cool against her back and the shades of pink brought an elegance. For a moment, Pidge could pretend they were somewhere different and it really was just him and her sitting, laughing and sharing each other's company like they had always done.
"-I'm not really supposed to be telling anyone this," Pidge looked down at her half eaten lunch, "Technically this is all super top secret Voltron stuff, but its like you used to say, 'What the Garrison doesn't know won't hurt them.'- in this case of course it's the Coalition but you know what I mean.." She leaned back against her elbows and took in the sky, "When this is all over Matt, when we finally defeat the Galra, I'm going to come back." Lifting herself up, Pidge carefully dusted the crumbs off her lap and wiped the last of the petals away from the graveside, "And after that, we're going to go home, together." Tears sprang to her eyes but this time, Pidge refused to let them fall, "You, me and dad. I'm gonna find him too, no matter what it takes." Taking a small breath, she basked in the warmth of the sun on her face. She gently pulled the wiry glasses from her face, "But it might take a while. I don't even know when I'll be able to come back- so until then, do you mind keeping these safe for me?" Pidge reached down and placed the small, worn code booklet down on the ground among the bed of flowers. Her hair swept over her eyes and her slowly growing locks fell in curls around her shoulders. Her fingers shook and it was hard to get her hands to cooperate. Pidge as slowly unclasped her hands from around the binding. She wouldn't be needing it anymore. "Mom's waiting, you know. And I don't want to keep her any longer than we have t-to." A lump had formed in Pidge's throat and she was starting to have a hard time breathing. Her voice cracked and a watery smile touched her lips, "I at least owe her that, owe you that. One last trip home, I promise." Sitting in a field of beautiful pink flowers, Katie sobbed.
By the time she had reached the castle, the twin suns had long since set on the horizon and the two small moons were beginning to rise. The petals rustled in the slight wind and Pidge watched the patch of pink as the planet faded in the distant as the castle moved farther and farther away before disappearing all together.
Holding the petals to her chest, Pidge sunk down against the window and breathed in the smell of tomato soup. Matt may have been gone, but he would never be forgotten.