I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, as I had been doing for the last two hours since I got home from the rink.

Mac and I kissed.

Mac and I kissed.

I was so stunned I couldn't do anything else but think about it over and over again. I thought about his hands, how they were—and his mouths was—oh, God. I couldn't very well say that I didn't want to, or I that I hadn't liked it. I'd kissed him back. Rather enthusiastically. I hadn't even wanted to push him away. I had to.

I didn't know what to do know. I couldn't just go living my life like this, now that I knew that Mac wanted to kiss me, and I wanted to kiss him, too.

My head had been spinning nonstop. I smashed my face into a pillow. Do not think about it, I commanded. Do not think—

The front door opened and Lynn poked her head in. "Knock, knock. Hello?"

"In here," I called, sitting up.

She came to stand in my doorway. "Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing." That honestly couldn't have been further from the truth.

She sat down on the edge of my bed. "So did you make it to class or not? What have you been doing all day?"

Oh, you know, making out with sworn enemies. The usual. "I went to art," I said weakly.

"That's good. The team has practice tomorrow, right? I was thinking we could watch again and go out to eat afterwards—"

I felt my whole body stiffen. There was no way I could to another practice yet. I didn't want to face Mac again. What would I say? What would he say? Whatever it was, I was not ready to deal with it yet.

Lynn was still talking. "I ran into Andy today, you know, Robby's brother? He said he wanted to come to."

I had to stop this. "Oh, tomorrow?" I interjected, thinking fast. "I can't. I have to study for a test."

"You sure?"

I nodded. "I need to study a lot."

"That's too bad."

"It's okay. You guys go on without me." I didn't know how I was going to survive the time up until the Olympics without running into Mac. But it would have to be done.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had been avoiding Mac for three days. I didn't go to practice, to Smith's, or hang out with anyone else from the team. The day before I was working at the diner and Rob walked in halfway through my shift. I dropped everything I was doing and hid in the back. I gave Lynn a phony explanation why I didn't want to see him, in turn she told Tommy that I was hiding because he was a scary ex-boyfriend of mine. Tommy, bless his heart, went out and asked Rob to leave. Bullet: dodged. After that I didn't leave my apartment unless I had classes, as I did today. I was walking down the hallway to meet Julia and Lynn before Anthropology.

"Cal! Callie!"

Oh no. That was not the voice of Lynn or Julie.

"Cal, wait!"

How did he find me? I didn't turn around, instead I sped up my pace. I quickly sidestepped my slow walking peers, thinking if I could get around the corner and out of sight I'd be home free. I would have broken out into a run if there weren't so many students.

"Cal," I heard again and knew he was no less than two feet behind me. I can't compete with someone who has done that many Herbies, now can I? I will never be that athletic. I turned on my heels just in time to see Rob stop in front of me.

"Hi," he said, winded, smiling in relief. He grabbed both my elbows to steady himself and I didn't hate the contact. Hair was falling in his face and he was wearing a white button down that was, well, button downed enough to give me an eyeful. Damn him.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded as he steered me to the side of the hall. "I'm in school, Jesus Christ." I didn't bother to ask how he tracked me down.

"I really need to talk to you."

"I have to go to class."

"Cal, please. Why have you've been avoiding me?"

I didn't think he would notice my absence; apparently I was more obvious than I thought. "I haven't," I lied uselessly.

"Yes, you have ever since we…you know."

I glanced at the clock. "Mac, I seriously have to go now." The hallway was thinning out as people got to their classes at the top of the hour.

"Wait. I'm not letting you get away again."

"Look, I don't have time for this—"

The sound of people walking around the corner made me shut up. "I thought I just saw her." It was Julia's voice.

"Where did she go?" That was Lynn talking. I started to walk toward them but Rob grabbed my arm and pulled me into a dark, abandoned classroom nearby, closing the door behind us. How convenient.

"Are you insane?" I whisper-yelled. "Let me through." I tried to push past him but he gently pinned both my shoulders against the wall. There was no force behind it and I could have easily escaped but I was suddenly weirdly calm. I didn't feel threatened as I had that one time with Peter. Julie and Lynn stopped walking right in front of the closed door. I prayed they wouldn't look in here. Being found alone in an empty classroom in this position with anyone, especially Mac, was not good publicity.

"Don't say anything," he whispered to me.

"As if I'm going to," I snapped.

"Shh!"

"What do we now?" We heard Julie ask.

"We should get to class. Maybe she's in the bathroom."

"Yeah, let's go before we're even later." Their footsteps faded away.

Mac dropped his hands.

"What do you want?" I asked but there was no venom behind it.

"Now that you're acknowledging my existence again, I'm going to make the most of it."

We shouldn't have been this close. Any minute I was going to tell him to move away from me. Any minute now.

A lock of wavy dark hair fell in front of his eyes. I did the worst thing I possibly could have done. I reached up and smoothed it off his forehead.

He squeezed his eyes shut. "Cal—"

I didn't let him finish. I wrapped my hands around his neck and crashed my lips over his. He was surprised at first; it took him a second to respond. When he did it was with a force that equaled my own, so much different than the tentative press of lips in the locker room. He backed me up until I hit the classroom wall, his hand cradled the back of my head to keep it from colliding. I threaded my hands through his hair, wondering how I could have pushed him away before. Sure, there were plenty of reasons why I shouldn't have been doing this, but honestly, it was one of the best kisses I'd ever had. Who knew he, of all people, could have this affect on me? But I guess it all made sense. All those insults, glares, and arguing, they were all somehow leading up to this.

We both separated for air, breathing shakily. Rob took a few deep inhales and pressed his forehead against mine. "God, Cal. I can't ignore this anymore," he breathed, closing his eyes.

I knew exactly what he meant. "This is a bad idea. This is such a bad idea." It would be bad for the team, create a huge rift again just when things were getting better. To do well in the Olympics everyone had to be on the same page. There was no way I was going to let myself mess up my brother's and my best friends' chance at their dream.

He opened his eyes again to stare at me intently. "What if—what if we just didn't tell anyone?"

I untangled myself from him and took a step back so I could think clearly. My brain tended to be sluggish when we were in close proximity.

"I mean, it's not like this would be anything serious. It couldn't. We can hardly stand to be in the same room for long periods of time without fighting."

"Unless we've got our tongue down each other's throats," I pointed out.

He huffed a laugh. "Right. I've never done anything like this before."

"Neither have I. But I'll be going back to Boston after I graduate." Which is why I had purposely avoided getting into a relationship with anyone. A predetermined end could make things...messy, and after my breakup with Peter I was hesitant anyway. This could be the perfect solution.

Mac nodded. "So what do you say? We don't tell anyone, agree to end it after the Olympics are over, and nobody gets hurt."

"That sounds great," I admitted.

He smiled, ducked his head and we kissed a bit longer, his hands cupping my neck and mine resting on his stomach. "I should get going," I said eventually. "I wasn't lying when I said I had class."

"When can I see you again?"

"I don't know. I suppose it would be a bad idea for us to be seen in public."

"I'll find someplace we could go. Minneapolis is a big city. In the mean time, you could come over to my place."

"I thought you lived with Broten?"

He informed me that Neal had moved out a week ago to live with his girlfriend. The next time we were both free was the day after tomorrow, in the afternoon. We were both upset it couldn't be sooner, but I guess one is inconvenienced when entering a secret relationship. We exchanged phone numbers (although he couldn't call me, at least not while Dave was home) and he gave me his address and directions. We kissed one last time, just a quick press of lips, and I went to class, wondering how the hell my life ended up like this.

XXXXXXXXXX

Two days later after I got off work, I found my way to Mac's apartment complex. I had been there once before when I spent the night with Bah, but I wasn't exactly paying attention then, and I think I'd mentally blocked out most of it anyway. Today I just hoped I wouldn't run into him or anyone else from the team.

As I walked toward his door, my stomach was rioting with frantic butterflies. What was I, fourteen? Shaking my head at how ridiculous I was being, I knocked on his door. When he opened it, we grinned at each for a few seconds, and the next thing I knew we were kissing.

"Hello," I said casually once we parted.

He smiled. "Hi."

"How are you?"

"Good. Great, actually. Do you want something to drink? Coffee?"

"Yeah, coffee sounds good." We beamed like idiots at each other before he made his way to the kitchen.

His apartment was just like mine and Silky's: a connected kitchen and living room area, two bedrooms, one bathroom. However, it looked sufficiently more put together. It was immaculately clean; I couldn't quite believe a twenty-one year old guy lived here. "Nice place."

"Thanks. It's a bid weird now with Neal gone. Quiet."

When the coffee was finished we sat down at the kitchen table. This whole experience felt slightly uncomfortable and surreal. I felt like I had to be polite, I wanted to be polite, which was so weird because it was McClanahan.

"I feel like I know nothing about you," he told me.

"That's not true," I stalled. I hated talking about myself. I thought I might be able to get out of it since this was just a fling, but I suppose Mac didn't want to fraternize with a complete stranger.

Mac inclined his head. "Yeah, I know that you're twenty years old, you're majoring in culinary arts, you're from Boston, and you have a mean right hook."

I couldn't help but feel guilty at that, albeit a bit proud. "Did I ever apologize for that?"

He waved his hand. "I was being a dick. Let's leave it in the past. Where did you learn to hit like that, though?"

"I took boxing lessons in high school." Jack's idea. He wanted me to know how to fight, seemingly to protect myself from Dad. Not that I ever would have fought back. Probably best to get off that subject. "Where are you from?"

"North Oaks, it's about a half an hour from here. Do your parents still live in Boston?"

And here it comes. Luckily, I was prepared. Questions about family were usually the first thing people asked, and I wasn't ever ready to dish out my life story upon someone I had just met. "Yeah. My mom's a nurse and my dad's a plumber." The latter wasn't totally untrue. My dad had had a wide range of skills, and he picked up odd jobs like plumbing all the time. "What do your parents do?"

"My dad is a lawyer and my mom stays at home. I had a pretty run of the mill childhood."

I wished I could say that. "Same here." Well, say it honestly.

"I love them, though. My family, I mean. They're good people."

"I can tell you came from good people."

He smiled shyly into his coffee mug, and the stomach butterflies awoke once again.

"You have a nice book collection," I remarked nodding toward the two book shelves on the other side of room. "I like to read, but most of my material comes from libraries."

"Yeah? Here, let me show you."

He gave me a tour of sorts, explaining to me exactly how all the books were organized, he had a precise system, he said. I couldn't help but find it endearing. He began to pull out a few of his favorites, babbling about each one. "…and Slaughterhouse Five, have you ever read Vonnegut? I have to tell you he's a total nut. I had to read one of his books for my English class sophomore year, absolutely hated it, but I picked up this a few months ago, and it completely blew my mind."

We talked for a few minutes about books until we ended up on his couch, sitting much closer than necessary. We brought our faces close together until I could feel his breath on my face.

He smiled mischievously. "Kiss me, coffee breath."

"What do you think your breath smells like, asshole?" I grabbed the sides of his face with my hands and exhaled right into his face.

"Argh!" He took my wrists and pinned my arms down to do the same to me.

"That's awful," I wheezed. "Did you eat en entire clove of garlic before I came over? Limburger cheese? A century egg? Surstromming?"

"Okay Ms. Food Expert, I'll have you know I brush my teeth three times a day."

"Seems excessive."

"Effective. What the hell is surstromming?"

"Traditional Swedish cuisine, Baltic Sea herring, also known as the smelliest food in the world. I tried to convince the boys to find some while you were in Europe so I could taste it for myself but they refused."

"I wonder why."

"Don't sass me, or I won't kiss you anymore."

He snorted. "You're bluffing."

"True," I said, and leaned in to prove it.

After that, Rob and I fell into a sort of routine. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I got out of class at two, and the team got out of practice at one. If Silky or any of the guys happened to be around I told them I was going to the library to study or I had picked up an extra shift at work. Then I went over to Rob's place and we spent a couple of hours together. The whole situation was slightly surreal. Luckily the fact that we still argued over every little thing kept me grounded in reality, even if things weren't so heated and usually ended in laughter. But even if they were heated, there was usually a good outcome. I found myself looking forward to those days more and more, until they were basically the highlight of my week.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Why are you so smiley?"

I looked up from where I was scrubbing burnt food remains off my stove. "Huh?"

"You. Smiley." Rizzo was sitting at the kitchen island wolfing down my leftover vegetable stir fry. "How come?"

"I didn't know I was," I said sheepishly. I'd been wiping down the same clean corner of the stove for the past three minutes.

"I'm glad you're happy in any case. I didn't know you would be so far away from Boston."

I smiled (again). "I still miss Boston, but Minnesota is growing on me."

"You take that back!" Silky said, bounding into the room." Boston is the best place on earth."

"I didn't say it wasn't, I just said—"

Silky jammed his hands over his ears. "La la la, can't hear you!"

"Grow up, David," OC said as he and Jimmy joined us.

"Riz, how are you eating right now? Practice is in twenty minutes." Jimmy wrinkled his nose in distaste.

"I'm hungry."

"Speaking of which, are you coming, Cal?" Silky looked at me with wide eyes.

"Um. I'd rather not."

"Come on, you aren't still worried about your…your outburst." Rizzo said.

"Oh, is that what we're calling it now?" OC asked sardonically.

I shot him a glare before turning back to Rizzo. "I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable there."

"Brooks has probably forgotten about it already. He's never mentioned it, and he never said anything to Jack. Did he, OC?" Jimmy prompted.

"Yeah, because I haven't made eye contact with him since it happened."

Jack wasn't mad at me anymore, but he got prickly whenever this subject was broached.

"Ignore him, Callie," Silky said. "Please come along? I hate going in Rizzo's car, he drives like a maniac."

Rizzo squawked indignantly. "I don't! You sound like the Minnesota boys." He began talking in a very high falsetto: "Oh Rizzo, you drive so fast! We're all going to get killed! Do they even make you take a test to get your license in Boston? Or do they just hand them out at the door?"

Jimmy snorted. "Who was that supposed to be?"

"Broten, obviously. He's a squeaky mouse."

"So what do you say, Cal?" Silky asked.

"I'll go if we can stop having this conversation."

Fifteen minutes later we were at the rink. I was feeling slightly jittery as I milled around with the players in the lobby. I broke away from the pack slightly to get something out of the vending machine. I'd only been standing there a minute when I heard a voice behind me.

"Hey, you."

I turned around to see Rob standing there. I felt my face split into a broad smile. I glanced around quickly to make sure no one was around before stepping forward. "Hi," I said, almost shy.

"So you decided to show your mug after all?"

I knew it was a joke but it made my stomach twist uncomfortably. It must have shown on my face.

"Come on, I was just kidding." He encircled my wrist with his index and thumb, giving it a little tug. "You know no one cares, right?"

"What about Herb?" I asked.

"You got me there."

"Has he banned me from the place or something?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine as you long sit higher in the stands so he won't notice—"

"No," I interrupted. "I can't deal with this. I'm going home."

"Cal, come on. The whole team's behind you, it'll be fine." He gave my wrist a squeeze and moved to take my hand but quickly dropped it as Rammer approached.

"Hey, Callie! Nice to see you again."

His words were slightly sarcastic and Rob bristled. "Rammer, don't start."

"Start what?"

"You know what. Cal's welcome to come here."

"I was just having a little fun," Rammer said, slapping me on the back. "Since when are you two so chummy?"

"I was just minding my own business trying to get food, when Mac started bothering me."

Rammer laughed. "Classic Mac. See you in the stands, Cal."

"Really?" Rob asked me once he was out of earshot.

I shrugged. "I had to say something."