This story is dedicated to Westisland
(There will be a longer dedication at the end of the story, going on about how much they mean to me and all that crap, but I just wanted to mention it now)
A/N: I know, I know, I suck! How long has it taken me to update? Too long... I've had some pretty bad writers block. And then the internet stopped working. But I finally got over it! And accidentally wrote this chapter a little too long. It was 4119 words. So I've split it in two, and I'll post the second half as another chapter... later today? I just thought it was a little too long for one chapter and i didn't want people to be put off and decide not to read it just because this chapter was really long! ANYWAY!, Here it finally is!
I hate not being okay with my best friend, it kills me. We hardly ever fight and I can't stand it when we do. Usually these things are resolved so easily. We sit down, and we talk about it, and we work it out. I'm just not sure if we can do that this time, it's a little more complicated then usual…
"So…" I muttered, watching her calmly. We where sitting on my hotel room floor facing each other in silence and I wasn't sure I could stand it anymore. She told me there was something she wanted to talk to me about, some feelings she needed to discuss. I'd sensed her unease since the beginning of the week, I knew something was up. She sat staring at her hands, dark waves of soft hair falling in front of her face so I couldn't make out her expression.
"Mickey, what's up?" I asked softly, reaching over to touch the back of her hand lightly with my finger tips "Hey, you can tell me anything!". She finally looked up, offering me a small smile coated in watermelon lip gloss, I could smell it even from there. Pulling at the hem of her yellow DC games T-shirt she slowly cleared her throat, preparing to speak but trying to pro-long it for as long as possible.
"I umm… I'm jealous" she stated, looking up at me and biting her lip "Of you… and Caitlyn" she admitted, a light crimson blush growing in her cheeks. My heart ached a little, as I so wished she'd said something else, like maybe 'I'm in love with you'. But at least it wasn't something bad, at least it was something easy. I laughed, taking her hand in mine and squeezing it gently.
"Jealous, why?" I asked, laughter still in my voice. She looked down again and for a moment my hope peaked. Could she? Could she maybe… love me, like I love her. My heart started hammering in my chest every time her lips moved as though she where about to speak, though every time it was just a slow breath.
"It's just… you guys get to be on the same team. And your spending so much time together… And I guess I'm just jealous cos… I miss you sometimes, and I want you all to myself. I don't want to share you with the world, and I don't want to share you with Caitlyn. You're my best friend" she looked up at me and turned an even darker shade of red "I guess I'm just being a little selfish. I'm sorry". I beamed at her, my trademark smile and shuffled forward so I could pull her into a tight hug.
"I'm sorry. I do want to spend more time with you, I wanted you to be on my team. But we both have other friends who we can hang out with, okay? Besides, you know I'll always love you most of all" I told her, pressing my lips against her forehead before I pulled away. She grinned back, looking a lot lighter now, as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
"I love you to!".
This time isn't as easy. We're sitting on my bed, legs crossed and facing each other. Just after dinner I confronted her, said we needed to talk, that there where some feelings we needed to discuss. My mouth feels dry now though, all the courage has seeped from my bones and I'm feeling nervous. Mikayla keeps glancing at me and then at the door, as if trying to estimate how hard it would be to escape, which only un-nerves me even more.
"Mitch, what's up?" she finally asks, reaching towards me gently and brushing her finger tips over the back of my hand, sending goosebumps crawling across my skin. I'm trying to think but her touching me is turning my brain to mush and obliterating my verbal skills. At first I stammer, my nervous mutterings disappearing into the silence just as soon as they came and then I swallow loudly and focus on the spots on the lamp, trying to calm myself.
I want to tell her, tell her that I can't stand it. She's been all over Nate ever since he arrived. She's not usually like this, she's kissing him twenty four seven and constantly hold his hand and sitting in his lap and I'm so sick with jealousy I just can't stand it anymore. Surely she knows what she's doing with me. I just want to ask her to stop, please stop. My eyes wander from the lamp to the clock, 7:17 pm. The boys will be expecting us down stairs and ready in thirteen minutes. It's now or never.
But it's now that I realize, I can't do it. I love her, yea, but she's my best friend first and foremost, and I could never ask her to do something that could make her unhappy. My shoulders slump and I let out a groan like a strangled cat as I bury my face in my hands.
"You know what, just… forget it" I tell her, leaning back onto the soft doona cover. It excepts me gladly and I sink down into it, soft and warm, comforting. Her heavy sigh fills the room and she gets down on her hands and knees and crawls towards me. She shouldn't look so gorgeous and seductive right now. The way the low light casts shadows across her face and her dark hair swings side to side as she moves.
"Mitchie… Come on, tell me what's wrong" she pouts, now towering over me. I forgot to breath for a minute, and now find myself gasping for air, head light feeling slightly dizzy. Mikayla frowns, placing a cool hand on my arm, looking deeply concerned. She is the sweetest person I've ever met in my entire life, and not that fake kind of sweet that you find in so many people, she's absolutely sincere. Maybe that's why I was drawn to her, even all those years ago when we first met at Barney. I still remember her at seven years old, the way she gave me at coy smile before she spoke to me for the first time. And I still remember thinking 'my god she's beautiful'. But I don't have time right now to be remeniscing over what was.
"It's nothing, really! We should probably get ready, we're supposed to leave in ten minutes and we're not even dressed yet" I tell her, moving out of her reach and sitting up again. I can still feel the ghost of her touch even after her hand has slipped off my arm and is now resting on the cream doona cover, it's like hot pins and needles dancing over my skin.
I didn't have lunch here today, I couldn't stand to be in their presence anymore. Everyone was sitting round in the lounge room, Shane had his old, battered acoustic guitar out and Jason was holding a tambourine at the ready. Mikayla and Nate where sitting on the lounge singing along at the tops of their lungs, and she was on his lap. There fingers where intertwined like only ours used to be. As I stood watching them I closed my eyes and wished we where eight years old again, because back then she was mine and mine only. She would hold my hand and kiss my cheek and sit in my lap and sing too only me.
I excused myself and Mikayla hardly seemed to notice that I left, which only made me feel even crummier. I made my way to the only place I knew, the café just a couple of streets away. Mikayla and Jason's little private meetings had stopped since Nate arrived, probably because she'd been spending almost every second with him instead. Taking a deep breath I shook my head and pushed my sunnies back into my hair as I stepped inside.
The moment I was through the doorway the air was instantly cooler. My sandals made a slapping sound against the smooth white tiles as I made my way over to the table we'd sat at last time. I sat in the same seat and picked up the menu, staring blankly at it's front cover.
"Good morning… Mitchie, is it?" I look up at the sound of a cheery voice calling out my name, slightly confused as I thought no-one would find me there. The owner of the voice turned out to be a much too happy waitress, waiting for my order with a broad smile that actually seemed sincere. It got me wondering, when was the last time I was sincerely happy? When was the last time I smiled a genuine smile? Probably the last time Mikayla made me laugh, more than a couple of days ago.
"Yea… a coffee and a cheese and tomato sandwich thanks" I told her with a small, completely insincere smile, and I struggled just to do that. Images of Mikayla and Nate where still swimming round my mind, clouding all other thoughts and creating a horrible sick feeling in my stomach. By the time she brought me my sandwich I wasn't sure I could eat it.
"How's Shane doing? He hasn't been here for a couple of days" the waitress asked as she placed the plate gently down on the table in front of me, cheap china clinking against the hard table top. She smiled warmly at me, flicking a curl of blonde hair back behind her ear and suddenly I recognized her. It was the same girl that had served us the last time, 'Joanne' if I remember correctly. I tried to make an effort to be friendly, lifting the slightly stained coffee cup up to my mouth and taking a tentative sip before I answered. It was still a little too hot to drink and it burnt the tip of my tongue, causing me to recoil quickly.
"He's good… Nate just got back so.. Do you know Nate?" I stopped to ask and she gave me a small nod of confirmation so I continued "And me and my friend have been visiting so we've all been hanging out a lot. Plus, it's quite warm, so we've all been lazing around in the air conditioning and the sleeping by the pool". She laughed and I felt a little better, giving her a slightly more genuine smile as I stirred my coffee slowly.
"So, do you know Shane well?" I ask, glancing back down to the searing hot liquid swirling round and round inside the slightly off white cup. When I cautiously looked back up I found her gazing back with a knowing look, like she could see straight through me, and it unnerved me slightly. After a moment she smiled and took a seat across from me, crossing her arms on the cold surface of the small table.
"I guess. He comes here a lot, we kind of talk. I've got to ask… do you like him?". The questions caught me off guard and all I could think to do was answer truthfully.
"I don't know… But I should, shouldn't I? I mean, not only is he a charming, handsome pop star but.. he's so sweet. He's nice and funny and smart and he really likes me. Why don't I like him? I'm obviously insane…" I add, trying to make a joke of it, but when I tried to laugh I choked on the hoarse sound that came out of my mouth.
"Yea, maybe your insane. But you fall for who you fall for" she told me softly, placing a gently hand on top of mine before she rose to her feet and headed back to the counter again, red and white dress swishing behind her as she walked. I watched her go with a sigh and muttered to myself.
"Yea, I know. If I could choose, I wouldn't be head over heels in love with my best friend".
"The black halter top?" she says, holding it up against herself to show me, before placing it back down on the bed and picking up another "or this cute green singlet with the little glittery bits?" she points them out and they shimmer in the lamp light. They both look gorgeous on her, but then, she could wear a garbage bag and still be the best looking girl there.
"Black. The black halter top, it looks good on you," I tell her as I pull on my leather boots "go with the black one...". She glances down at them both again before nodding and pulling off her shirt to put it on. I shouldn't be looking. God, why am I not looking away? She's wearing a plain black bra with a little pink bow in the middle and I shouldn't be looking at it. Soon she pulls the black halter top down over it though and then looks back at me with a small smile. I've been caught.
"What do you think?" she asks and for a moment I blush, till I realize she's talking about the top.
"It looks good. It looks hot" I tell her with a small smile before turning my attention back to my boots quickly, though I'm already done putting them on. It's better than looking at her though. She looks beautiful.
A/N: Yea, I know! Not the best chapter so far... But there will be HEAPS more Semi goodness in the next chapter, which is already finished and ready to post. I'm going to wait a little before posting it though, give people a chance to read the first chapter before I post the second. So, I hope you liked it! :D