I've got 99 problems and writing this chapter is thankfully no longer one of them.

Disclaimer: I don't Final Fantasy, just this story regarding it.

There weren't many things that made Zack angry. Sure, he got irritated when Genesis would try to rile him up and disappointed when paperwork filled up entire days, but it never crossed into the point of being upset. Even on the battlefield emotions were overshadowed by forced calm, a tactic of Angeal's that finally sunk in a few years back. But that…

"I wish to court you."

That made him angry.

"I know I didn't hear you correctly, General," Zack reasoned lowly, "Because I know you'd never corner a cadet into receiving your advances."

He heard Cloud's sharp inhale and met the gaze of his superior head on, "I can't allow it."

In all his years of knowing Zackary Fair, the general could not place an instance that he witnessed such intensity. Angeal, for all his infinite wisdom, could not beat out the easygoing demeanor that seemed impossible to maintain in his army. Perhaps he had overstepped a line.

He'd have to tread lightly if he wanted to be alone with Strife and not attract the attention of Angeal's Protégé. It might even be wise to get closer to him as well, Sephiroth mused, for Fair had known Cloud the longest.

The general projected careful indifference, "I did not intend to entrap Strife. My apologies." He turned his gaze swiftly to Cloud, "If you have interest in me, please seek me out and say so. Until then, I take my leave."

Zack's shoulders dropped as he headed toward the elevators, and a soft exhalation followed. Such relief shown for his departure gave way to yet another hypothesis:

Zackary Fair knew exactly why he'd sought out Strife.

He was in on this too.

"But…why?

Zack groaned, "I don't know Spikey. Maybe he just…saw you around or something? Thought you were cute and decided to bite?"

They had been at it all night. The activities they normally took pleasure during sleepovers were today accompanied by a reanalysis of the current situation, but they had no more answers than they did hours before. The crunch of a chip made by Cloud's elbow stirred him further, "He doesn't normally date. Maybe that's why he was stalking you?"

Grimacing at the mess of snacks on the floor, Cloud deadpanned, "We made a fucking mess."

Zack lazily peered past Cloud's shoulder to access the damage: Chips out the bag, sodas barely balanced on his plush carpet, unwrapped candies spread around two controllers to his console.

"Eh. I feel like we've done worse," Zack retorted while comfortably curling around Cloud once more. Cloud was warm and the room was lit only by the dim light of the pause screen on his tv. Damn was he sleepy.

"Zack. Zack don't fall asleep; I need help."

The older soldier groaned as he felt a spike of hair poke his closed eye, "Help with what? I don't think we're gonna understand Seph's intentions by talking about this again."

The cadet was quiet for a moment.

"I…I'm considering saying yes."

Zack distantly heard his consciousness scream in alarm as he roughly turned Cloud to face him, "Are you serious?" He knew that his hand was gripping Cloud's arm a little too tightly, that his face was a little too close, his voice a little too high.

"Zack…You're greening up."

But he wasn't aware of that.

" You're so young and he's ancient!"

"I'm 16, Zack. You're only 3 years older than me, and he's only 25."

"Only?! He's almost 10 years older than you- and how did you know how old he was?!"

"Stop freaking out for a sec-"

"No! I'm not gonna. What if he takes advantage of you, Cloud?! He's the most enhanced person on the fucking planet and you're barely scraping by your physical courses-"

"I'm not weak!"

"Yeah but you're not at soldier strength either!"

"Can you relax for a second!" Cloud demanded while sitting up in anger, "You have a goddamn problem, Zack."

Staring up, Zack retaliated, "I have a problem, Spikey? If you wanted to date him so bad you should've just said yes!"

Cloud huffed and got to his feet, "You spoke for me, remember? You disrespected our superior and didn't look at me once. I didn't have a chance to say anything because your head was so far up your own ass that you failed to realize that it was only between him and me!"

Cloud's breathing sounded loud in the silent room. The first class' gaze rested on the shadow of the TV screen, looking through rather than at it.

"Just," Cloud began more quietly than before, "just tell me what's wrong."

"What do you mean? I gave you my reasons-"

"No," Cloud sighed, "it's not that. You say that I've changed in the past year. Well, so have you."

Zack ran a hand through his hair in exasperation, "Spike-"

"No. You don't get to make excuses."

They paused. Cloud had grown up a lot in the past year, Zack mused ruefully. When they'd met the cadet was antisocial, quiet and passive. Opposites attract, and he was drawn to Cloud like a moth to flame. The blond had opened up over time, eventually reaching a point where they could joke and wrestle and he didn't have to salute every Gaia damn time he saw Zack.

Now, looking up into quietly furious blue eyes from his position on the floor, the sable-haired teen couldn't help but feel a little intimidated. Something he thought he'd never feel because of Cloud Strife, of all people.

"You used to nag me all the time about getting to know people, about making friends and dating and all this other stuff I wasn't ready to do. Now I am, and you've been a nothing but a huge jerk. You weren't like this before. What happened?"

Zack took a minute to mull it over. ShinRa had shown him its true colors once he'd made first class. The mysterious inner workings of the company and how his mentor operated became clear. Classified mission reports were now open to his revision, and he saw the opposite of his dream. Imperialism and theft, disregard for the environment, avoidable casualties that were now just numbers on a report. He barely saw the field, barely saw any good done. Every decision the board made was surrounded by greed and selfishness.

And Zack? He was only there to get them what they wanted.

"ShinRa's a den of monsters," He uttered while getting to his feet.

"What?" Cloud questioned.

"That's what someone told me a long time ago. I understand it now," Zack looked down at Cloud, feeling much more at ease with the difference in height, "I don't want you to get hurt, in any way."

"The only one that's been hurting me is you. How can I trust you if you're constantly trying to force information out of me?"

"How can I trust you when you're always lying? You say you'll be one place, but you aren't. One day you're not talking to anyone and the next you're getting danced on at a party-"

"You asked me to come!"

"That's not the point. You've been busy, that's for sure. What has taken up so much of your time? Why do you lie to me about where you're going and what you're up too? Of course I'm going to try to force it out of you– I'm starting to think you've fallen into a bad crowd or something."

"Is this because I'm a cadet? You think I'm weak to everyone and everything? I can tell you right now that peer pressure isn't something I give in to easily, Zack."

"I know-"

"No, you don't," Cloud grit his teeth in anger, "Do you do this to any of your other friends?"

He didn't. They both knew he didn't.

"Sometimes-"

"Don't lie to me."

"Why not? You do it to me all the time," Zack retorted flippantly.

"There's a reason for it! Gaiadamn it, why do you care about it so much?"

"Because we used to be close and now we aren't! I liked being the one you confided in. Guess you have Geal' and Genesis and Sephiroth to do that with now. "

Cloud stared at his companion in bewilderment, "You're jealous?"

Zack opened and closed his mouth, clearly attempting to find a retort, before breathing, "Yeah. It's stupid, huh?"

Honestly, the blond had no idea what to make of someone being jealous over him. Him. Scrawny nothing-from-no-where cadet that barely socialized with anyone.

"It's just. ShinRa isn't what I thought it was, Spike. Yeah, I'm kind of jealous that you're making all these friends all the sudden, but I'm also worried that some of them may be bad people. I don't want you to get hurt. I want to keep you safe."

Zack tiled Cloud's chin up to meet his gaze, "But I can't feel like you're safe when you're keeping secrets from me. If you want me to just stop bothering you so much, I will. Just tell me you don't want me prying."

Thinking back on it now, Cloud realized that he'd never tried that before. Sure, he'd lied most of the time and beat around the bush the rest, but Zack was telling him something important.

Zack was telling him how to get his way.

"You could've followed me around," Cloud thought out loud, "You could've asked my bunk mates where I was or even pried information from Angeal or Genesis, but you didn't."

"Of course I didn't," Zack exclaimed, hands waving in front of him, "I wanted you to come to me."

He looked torn a few seconds, and then he was embracing Cloud in that same way he did when they made up weeks ago, "I care a lot about you, Spike. I really do."

"But if you need time to decide my place with you," Zack pulled away, "I'll give that to you."

There was something suspicious about the way his friend worded the phrase, Cloud mused. It almost felt as though he were referring to something else.

"Thank you," Cloud responded decidedly.

It seemed he wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

On his list of bad ideas, marching up to the General's office to tentatively accept his offer was surprisingly not at the top. It was odd to think that General Sephiroth had a genuine interest in him, but then again, appearing to be in two places at once tended to get people a little curious. Maya had assured him nothing would come of it, and you'd think a deity of illusion would try a little harder to not give other people heart attacks. As it turned out, Maya was a very quiet, reclusive spirit that gave him one word answers and liked to walk around in his image. The benefit was he could be pushed into the location she was in, and vice versa, without anyone noticing. The consequence was, well…

"Hi. My name is Cloud. Cadet Cloud Strife. I'm here for the general?"

Sticky situations, yet again, with General Sephiroth.

"Do you have an appointment?" The secretary asked, pushing up his glasses with an index finger. The glare aimed at Cloud was very, very real.

"Uh.." Cloud responded articulately, "No?"

The loud tip-taps of the keyboard continued, "Then you aren't here for the general."

The blond blinked in confusion and watched as the blue-haired man, probably only a few years older than he, cleared his throat and pulled a sticky note from the computer.

"Can...can I make an appointment?" Cloud asked uncertainly.

"No." The man deadpanned.

"Can you give him a message for me?"

"No."

Cloud was about to give up and return to the safety of the library when the door behind the desk cracked open.

"Avin. Let him in," Sephiroth spoke, though Cloud swore he could hear amusement under the command.

Leaning back in his chair, Avin glanced at the cadet and swept an arm toward the door, "He will see you now."

Cloud automatically trekked into the office (while frowning uncertainly at Avin) and closed the door just in time to see Sephiroth circling the broad, mahogany desk to take a seat once more. Cloud shifted his feet and tried to decide if a salute was appropriate, but then realized it would look stupid if he saluted after 10 seconds of just standing there. Being awkward sucked.

"Please," Sephiroth gestured to a plush, dark red chair in front of him. The cadet gave a small smile and wordlessly accepted. It was a modern looking piece of furniture, with the back and sides being one long piece that made a comfortable U shape. Looking around, everything else was black leather.

"Uh," Cloud began, "Did Genesis- I mean Commander Rhapsodos give you this chair?"

Sephiroth stared at him for a long moment, "Yes. Yes he did. I was not aware that he spoke of my office furniture."

"Oh," Cloud sputtered, "He doesn't. It just, it doesn't look like something you'd get. The couch and thechair are black and you know Gen loves red. Probably got it from The Junon Exchange or something."

Cloud wrung his hands in his lap, thankful that the enormous desk covered up his fidgeting. He had not come here to talk about the office decor.

"You know Genesis well," Sephiroth spoke approvingly, "though I'm surprised you witnessed him reading a magazine and still live to tell the tale."

Cloud chuckled, "Yeah. When I see him reading one I tend to move as far away as possible and avoid breathing. I tried to leave the room one time and he got offended that I was 'treating him as if he were fire-breathing dragon'."

The general scoffed, "He is a fire-breathing dragon."

Cloud rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, but even dragons want company once in awhile."

The sincerity and simplicity of the statement hit Sephiroth somewhere deep.

"Well," he responded, "I'm also aware that you've befriended another one of my commanders- Angeal. As someone who kills every plant I touch, I thank you for your diligence toward his garden."

Cloud flushed under the praise, "He told you about that?"

"Of course," Sephiroth revealed, "We tell each other everything."

Truth be told, the general was expecting some sort of panic to show in the cadet's eyes, but Cloud's body did not so much as tense at the statement. Either this boy had not sought to take advantage of he, Angeal's and Genesis' period of silence or Cloud was a very good actor.

A small ping alerted him to a text on his PHS.

"Are you taking the exams this year?" Sephiroth asked while casually opening the text message. He half heard the answer as he read Genesis' remark.

Genesis: Cloud spotted at the market on Main Street.

Below was a well-taken photo of said person surveying items at a trinket stand. Sephiroth squinted and drew his gaze back at the cadet, "Do you have any siblings, Cadet?"

He shouldn't, Sephiroth knew. According to his file, Cloud Strife was an only child and had no family aside from his Mother, who resided in Nibelheim.

"Uh, no sir," the blond responded, "do you?"

"No," Sephiroth spoke while looking from the picture on his PHS to Cloud again. Both were wearing the same casual attire. He began to text Genesis back, "I'm sorry Cloud, I don't mean to be rude. Give me one second."

Sephiroth: When was this taken?

Then, thinking fast, the general held up his phone a snapped a picture of the cadet across from him. The snapshot sound resounded in the room, and Cloud blinked innocently, "Sir?"

"Sorry Cloud," Sephiroth repeated as he attached the picture to his message and pressed send, "Someone requested to know what the person I wished to date looked like."

And there it was. Cloud breathed a thanks to the gods for the topic having been brought up. He sat up straighter, "About that. I'm not entirely sure if it's a good idea. I don't want to deal with accusations of favoritism, or the paparazzi following me everywhere, or having obsessed fan girls trying to track me down and kill me."

He briefly saw the corners of Sephiroth's lips twitch up before continuing, "But you seem like a nice person. So if you're willing to just hang out, inconspicuously, then that would work for me."

"Hmm," The elder brought a hand to his chin in thought, "I've seen this situation before. Zackary called it something like 'friendzoning'."

Cloud choked on nothing, "Well. I mean...yeah I kinda am. Sorry."

The ping of his PHS covered the awkwardness well. "Give me a second," Sephiroth asked politely.

Genesis: Took it 10 minutes ago. When did you take that one?!

The general licked his lips in thought while putting his PHS down, "Alright Cloud. I accept your offer of friendship."

"Thank you, General," Cloud stood, "I would give you my PHS number, but I assume you can get it on your own."

Sephiroth quirked an eyebrow," "Are you insinuating that I misuse company resources for personal gain?"

"No," Cloud laughed and opened his office door, "Genesis has my number." Closing the door behind him, Cloud purposely met the general's gaze, "I thought you told each other everything."

With that, the blond gave him a two-fingered salute that reminded him remarkably of Zackary Fair.

Zackary.

He distantly heard the click of the door and Avin saying something most likely rude before hitting number one on his speed dial.

"Sephiroth?"

"Angeal. Bring your pup over tonight. It's time to get some information from him."

"You should be more careful," Cloud hissed as he grabbed his lookalike by the arm, "I'm almost certain now that the General is suspicious of us."

The scent of exotic spices and fried food wafted through the air as they sped walked through the market. It was hot, and Cloud did not appreciate having to wear a hooded jacket zipped up to his nose, but it wasn't worth being caught by anyone they knew. Like Genesis, who should still be ghosting around the place.

As soon as the blond had finished his meeting with Sephiroth, he'd booked it to his room to change and sprinted through headquarters to get to the market. Sephiroth had oriented his office in such a way that his back faced the wall of glass, which basically became a mirror when the sun no longer hit it. The General was a smart man, but even Cloud knew better than to check his phone when there was a window behind him.

He'd seen the picture of Maya as himself in the market, and he pretended to ignore the General's very subtle change of expression. He was screwed.

"He knows something's up and there are other people watching me for him," Cloud whispered to Maya, who was all wide eyes and small affirmations. They passed a woman who must've put on an entire bottle of perfume, and Maya sneezed in response.

"Wow," Cloud chuckled, "that's the loudest thing I've heard from you."

Knowing full well that they couldn't go anywhere that he frequented, Cloud did something he hadn't done in a long time: get lost on purpose. The trick was to make as many turns as possible, and seek out he most dingy looking alleyways, the faintest forest trails, and the darkest corners. It had been handy in Nibelheim, where bullies often chased him through barren trees and slicked ice caves, and it worked even better in a city.

"I'm going to take us through some weird spots," Cloud warned Maya, "but it's to make sure we aren't being followed. Hopefully, we'll find some place that we can talk comfortably."

It was odd talking to himself, and it was even odder seeing Maya break out into a serene smile with his face. As if hearing his thoughts, she giggled.

A few twists and turns later found them outside a bar crammed in between an abandoned storefront and a vehicle repair station. This was the poorest part of the upper plate, Cloud knew, and he'd purposely passed the entrances to the lower plate in order to confuse any potential followers. Most people on the run found a haven down there, as it was near impossible to track anyone down in the mess of ruins, secret caves, and hidden safe houses.

It would sound incriminating to hear that Cadet Cloud Strife had gone to a hole-in-the-wall bar with a mystery companion, but it would be even more incriminating to hear that he'd gone into the lower plate. Wanting a drink was a better alibi than exploring the slums for fun.

The old wooden door creaked open, the smell of cigarettes and booze eagerly escaping it. Maya scrunched her nose and looked at Cloud with an expression that asked 'really? 'He nodded, and they hesitantly entered the dim room. Thankfully, a quick gander revealed that the bar was an intimate, quiet place, with only a few low-toned people on stools and a pair in a booth. Cloud sighed in relief.

They had gotten lucky.

Maya took his hand and let him over to a back corner booth, making eye contact with a chatting waitress on the way. They fell gratefully into their seats.

"Welcome. What can I get for you? Wait- Cloud?!"

Scratch that. They weren't lucky at all.

Maya looked between him and Rikku in dawning horror. Cloud cleared his throat and softly kicked his lookalike under the table. Stirred from the action, Maya smiled at Rikku and presented her thumb in a show of goodwill.

"Uh..Nice to see you too?" Rikku laughed and brushed her hair back, "What are you doing in a place like this?"

Maya patted her throat with her hand and made a small noise of pain.

"You're dehydrated? Is that why you can't talk?"

Maya nodded so rapidly Cloud thought her head would fly off.

"Okay! Let me get you two some water. On the house, of course."

When she was out of hearing range Cloud took a deep breath, "Okay, Maya. We haven't really had a chance to talk since you took my identity"

A huff of outrage and crossed arms was Maya's response.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You just freaked me out a little, you know? One minute I was in the library and the next I'm in my room. How was I supposed to know what you were doing?"

It had stressed him out so much. He knew it was the work of a deity, one that didn't mean any harm, but he'd genuinely thought Maya had just been transporting him around. It was when he'd come face to face with himself in the garden that he realized Maya had been doing much more.

"I just want to know what you're in charge of. Are you a kind of mirror spirit? Maybe a copycat kind?"

Maya kicked him hard in the shin. As Cloud bent over to touch the definite bruise forming , he heard the clink of glasses on the table, "There you guys go. Let me know if you need anything else, Cloud."

"You didn't need to kick that hard to warn me," Cloud growled.

Maya innocently sipped at her water before setting it down on the table. With a wave of her hand the water inside changed to a honey-color that foamed.

At her behest, Cloud took the drink and sipped at it. Instead of the alcoholic tinge of beer, he tasted water, "Wow. Do you know how useful that would be at parties?"

Maya smiled and spoke in a sweet, high voice, "I'm a deity of illusion. While I can change the appearance of something, I cannot alter what it actually is."

"I'm guessing you can't change your voice, then?"

Maya smiled, "That is correct. I can change what is seen, not what is heard."

The blonde shifted his gaze to the now normal-colored water, "And does it wear off?"

"Oh, no. It can last forever. It's only weakness is it doesn't work if the person is aware of the illusion."

Sitting back, Cloud met Maya's gaze, "Then why walk around in my image? You could just as easily appear to be someone else and save us a lot of trouble."

"I can't just pick anyone to impersonate. As you, I could walk around ShinRa grounds freely, therefore staying close. I could've pretended to be someone else, but it's easier when my target doesn't interact with many people."

Cloud felt his eye twitch, "Are you calling me anti-social?"

"I need your help," the spirit redirected, "I need you to cast Esuna on me. Level 3."

The duo started at one another, unmoving. The sounds of laughter and glasses clinking echoed around them. Cloud considered ordering a legitimate beer, because on that list of bad ideas, Maya was making her way to the top.

"Maya?"

"Yes?"

"I've never used materia in my entire life."

Authors note: Thank you for your patience and for reading! Please don't forget to review and let me know if something needs fixing.