Thinking about being held quietly in soft comforting arms made me rustle in my bed, he has been long gone after making sure I would be fine alone for the night. I can never tell when he is teasing and when he is being kind and I think he means it to be confusing. I cover my head and sigh into the feathers beneath me, I want company, I'm not ready to go to sleep just yet, I've been alone with random visits from people who don't seem to mind me being alone. I hate being alone. I throw the covers off me and pull my robe off the brass chair sitting next to the bed, I throw it on and tie the ribbon in the front and walk to the window wanting fresh air but find that it isn't throwing open or unlatching. I frown at the wooden frame shaking my head and rubbing my fingers against my forehead.
"Are you well?" A voice asks from the corner of the room. I gasp looking up but seeing no one there,
"Is that you Spider?" I asked pulling my robe closer to my skin. A chuckle sounded and I knew I was right. "I dislike being alone and yet it seems that everyone is content to leave me as such," I sit on the cold ground in a flourish of nerves and irritation.
"I think they just want you to feel better before unloading the mystery of Wonderland on you." He replied patiently. I didn't reply, I was feeling highly emotional, which was unusual for me but here I sat, a bundle of emotions. "I found this for you," He said when I remained quiet. "You must close your eyes," Something deep within me smiled and I complied closing my eyes, I heard a shudder of movement and silence once more, "Okay, open your eyes," A single shoe sat on the ground,
"My shoe!" I squeaked with unexpected delighted, I found it's familiar touch soothing, calming me down for a moment. I picked up the shoe and a single red rose fell out of the the inside, onto the ground. I knelt down, lightly grabbing the fallen flower being mindful of the thorns. "Where did you find this?" I asked airier than I meant to,
"In your gardens," Spider replied with ease, almost confused at my manner. "Did they not tell you of the royal gardens?" The confusion in his tone was clear, making me smile.
"No one has told me anything other than anyone I can't remember right away will appear in a fog which I mostly worked out myself." I said looking over the velvet petals, "Oh and that I am royalty of some kind," I wrinkled my brow,
"Did you want to see it?" Spider asked making me look up,
"Can I?" I ask feeling excited.
"You can do anything you wish," He came to me, covered in shadow except his long spider like legs and arms that stretched to me, "Just ask and I will make it so," My expression softened,
"She will not be asking anything of you this night Spider," The mocking of the name I had given him rang clear to everyone in the room. I jerked my head to the toned silhouette standing in a tailored suit and holding a playing card in his right hand, a thick brim hat with a feather and another playing card tucked in the bright red band,
"Hatmaker?" I questioned barely above a whisper, he looked up at me revealing bright purple eyes, "Cheshire," A chiseled jaw appeared in the smoke, giving way to defined cheekbones and a smiling mouth that held no joy, only mocking jests and sarcasm. Both men stared at me as I remembered everything about the man standing before me. The first time he was assigned to me as a bodyguard, the first time he held me as I cried over a bloodied knee, the first tender kiss on my forehead, the first time I realised I was in love with him, he tried to stay away from me after that, he assigned someone else to his post and I never saw him after that day until I went to look for him, what happened in the garden? I can't remember, what was it? A feather light touch, looking up, Cheshire floated in front of me, a candle on the table lit at some point and Spider was gone.
"Say it again," He asked with his hand softly touching my face. He turned his head slightly to the side as he gazed at me with soft lilac colored eyes.
"What?" I asked feeling fuzzy in the mind trying to remember him and at the same time remember other things, what did my mother look like? Am I the girl in the Spider's story? I couldn't be, could I? The timeline may fit but she died and I'm not-
"My name," He said interrupting my thoughts. I looked to him watching as a smile of happiness lightly played at the edges of an otherwise sarcastic smile. I searched his eyes for something, he has something only he could give to me and I couldn't place what it is he has,
"Cheshire Cathlind, originally from the Marshlands, taken in by the Master of the Guard and put to work starting as an informant, moved into his own and became known as 'Wonderland's Assassin' than met the Princess of Wonderland and had a change of heart, becoming her most faithful of bodyguards," I paused wetting my lips, realizing just how close he stood to me, "She held a secret that no one else knew," I said with a sad look resting in my eyes, he took a deep breath in,
"And what was our most beloved Princess' secret?" A hollow tone entered his voice, fear and winter had entered the room but the windows stood shut.
"She was deeply, madly in love with him, she confessed her love and he rejected her, giving his job to someone else and abandoning her, he came to visit her once when a King from another territory came to call, he told her to go to him, to the King," I stepped back from him, "I was in love with you, I thought you hadn't wanted me, I thought you were giving me away," A tear entered my eyes at the realisation,
"I hadn't meant-" His face paled as he stepped back, a soft crunch sounds in the room as he backs away from me.
"You had meant for me to marry someone else because you thought it was proper," I choked out putting my hand to my mouth, "I would have run away to the marshlands with you and lived atop a mushroom for the rest of my days if it meant I could stay with you," His hand reached out for a moment,
"You deserve so much better than me," He said barely above a whisper,
"Didn't I deserve to be happy?" His face looked back at me as if I had struck him. My hand went out to him to come back to me but he stood and shook his head, "Didn't I deserve to live how I wanted with you?"
"The day before your wedding you called me to you. I wasn't going to go but I thought I could have some peace if we said goodbye," He scoffed, "I should have known you better than that," I breathed evenly, a tear streamed down my cheek as I waited for what he wanted to tell me, "You asked me that exact question then that you did just now, 'don't you just deserve to be happy?'" He put his hand in his hair, "Of course you do!" He shouted in agony. "You deserve everything!" He threw his hands in the air leaving his hair a mess. "And I can give you nothing," He sighed defeated as if he knew what was coming next. I walked up to him and lightly touched the hand that hung loosely at his side,
"You can give me you and that's all I have ever wanted," A knock sounded and I looked to the door,
"I'm sorry your majesty, I heard a loud shouting, I wanted to make sure everything was alright with you." The shaking voice of the rabbit sounded in the room.
"Everything is fine, I apologize for disturbing you," I said watching Cheshire's face as I spoke.
"Please never think you are bothering me, your grace," He said in a firmer voice, "Call on me should you need someone, I will let you get your rest your majesty," A pair of footsteps predated the silence that followed after.
"I used to sit on the balcony of the castle and wonder where you were, what you were doing, if you maybe loved someone else," Tears choked off the end of my sentence but he seemed to hear me fine as he squeezed his eyes shut,
"I could only love one person in my lifetime," He walked to the door and set his hand on the knob and looked back at me, "Maybe when all your memories of me return you'll remember why I left and stayed gone," He turned the handle and was gone with the click of the lock. I began to rack my mind when I saw a splatter of red color on the floor, I knelt down and caressed the rose petals on my fingertips but I couldn't hold it in any longer, waves of tears and fear shook me as I knelt on the floor, the thorns ripped my skin open as I curled up onto the cold wooden floor and cried until the pain subsided and slept claimed me.
"Your Majesty?" A worried voice sounded at the door. "Your Majesty are you well?" I sat up seeing that I was in my bed once more and the rose was gone but the marks it had left behind were real and red. "Your Majesty?" The voice called out more worried than before.
"I am well," I said looking around the darkened room, "Forgive me," I said pulling my long hair away from my face,
"I am pleased to hear it your majesty," The voice sounded intensely relieved at the sound of my voice. "You have missed breakfast and lunch but dinner is prepared and warm as we speak if you majesty is well and feeling up to it," I nodded before I thought about replying.
"Yes please, I will be ready momentarily."
"Very good your majesty," The voice sounded scuffling off. I climbed out of bed and rushed to the closet, throwing open the doors than remembering the command I slam it back again, "Simple tea dress, white and black with a matching pair of shoes," I swing open the doors and inside sat a simple dress, with ruffles and a snow white fabric wrapped around the tulle, fashioned with black lace around the tiers of the dress I tugged it out and taking only moments to disrobe I tug it on over my head. I lace it with care, smiling that it had ties on the sides where I could reach. I pulled on white lace stockings and pulled on the same shoes I wore the previous day and walked hurriedly to the door and down the hall to the dining area, where, of course, no one sat. I sat down and ate like I had the previous day, slow and lady like but eating my fill, afterwards I returned to the main area where the rabbit stood sipping tea.
"Oh! Excuse me your Majesty!" He shouted standing up, tea splattering the table. He quickly wiped it up and turned to me, "I didn't hear you coming or I would have cleaned up."
"That's all right, please enjoy your tea," I said smiling.
"I just wanted to wait and remind you that the mask ball is tonight when you're ready," He said with a nervous tone in his voice. I smile softly,
"Of course, if you'll allow me to get changed I'll be out here within the hour," He smiled back and nodded, bowing,
"Dress as what ever animal you wish," He smiled at me softly, "I'll go finish preparing than," He paused and wrung his hands together,
"Is there something you wished to ask?" I said pausing myself to watch him flitter nervously,
"I'm told you remembered someone's face," He said softly clearly nervous to be here,
"Cheshire's," I provided. He nodded his head and looked at me before his eyes darted away. "What is it?" I ask.
"Your MAjesty can see my face?" He asked with a twitching nose,
"I can," I replied,
"Or do I still look like a rabbit to you?" He asked with a light chuckle. My face went red,
"Forgive me," I said feeling embarrassed,
"Not needed your majesty," He said lowering his head, "You will see me as a white rabbit until all of your memories return and that is just fine with me,"
"Why is that?" I asked before I could think, he laughed good naturedly,
"Before when I first took you away from here, I left you with a wonderful family, time has turned them but at the time they were the best option, you had seen me in your rose garden, you followed me all throughout wonderland," He paused with a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face, "You called after me but I was afraid that if I had stopped running that I would ruin everything, you eventually caught up to me and I had to take you back, make you think it was a dream,"
"Before?" I asked feeling overwhelmed by the information he had just laid out. He seemed to snap back into the moment and flushed under his fur,
"If you will excuse me, I must complete the plans for the ball," He bowed and before I could think of a reply he was gone. I finished the walk back to my room twisting my hands together. My nerves would be the end of me, I carefully turned the knob to reveal a room bright with candle light which made me grin to myself. I closed the door and hooked the latch to lock the doors, I crossed the room to the open window and closed that one as well hooking the latch with a careful air about myself. I have never been one for nerves but since arriving here it seems as though there is nothing else I can surrender to but my nervous and emotional state.
"Oh how unlady like," I muttered to myself walking over to the closet, giving it a long fixated stare. "I should pick something that represents me but I've changed so many times since this morning I can hardly remember who I am, much less who I was," Sadness touched the edges of my heart as I stood with a light hand on the front of the cabinet.
"They say when you start talking to yourself it is a true sign of a mind gone soft,"
"I am most certainly not going soft," I replied with a furrowed brow as I turn to see the familiar set of soft purple eyes watching me. He shrugs at me with a distance look in his eyes,
"I heard a certain family will be here and I wanted to warn you, if you see red eyes watching from afar, find me or the white rabbit, we will keep you safe." I felt my brows wrinkle and I shake my head, "Please promise me you will do this, do not follow the glow no matter what you see." I stood ready to refuse until I looked into his eyes which it had hardened to a amethyst, he stood taunt, irritable and distressed, and I felt my head nod before I could really read into it, "You must say the words," I looked at his face as it morphed into one of deep worry,
"I promise, if I see the red eyes or a glow I will stay away from it no matter what I see." I repeated and his eyes softened back to their regular lilac color.
"Thank you," He said watching me carefully. "I have followed you on more paths of curiosity than I care to admit." I felt my face blush as the comment. A chuckle bubbled from him which made me look at him, frowning, "I'm sorry my Queen," He said putting his hands up and trying to hold his laughter inside. I threw up my hands up and sighed, turning around and walking to the window. I reached for the latch but felt a hand on my own, I look up to sullen, broken eyes looking at me,
"What is it?" I ask turning to him and setting my hands on his chest. A set of purple cat ears sat back against his head as if he were listening for something. "Why aren't you looking at me? What is it Ches?" He set his hands on mine,
"There is something I think you should know before the ball but I have very strict orders to not tell you," He admitted staring a hole in the floor. I lifted my hand and set it under his chin to make him face me,
"Ches, you can tell me anything, I don't want to get you in trouble but maybe there's another way to tell me or hint to what it might be," I said watching him internally struggle with going against orders and keeping me safe. His ears perked up and a smile graced his mouth,
"There once lived a King," He began,
"I think I've heard this one before," I said teasing which made him blush and frown.
"Sh, listen," He chided, I put my hands up in his signature mock surrender. "There once lived a king in a beautiful land and he needed a Queen by his side. So he searched the country, high and low and then he went to the kingdom next to this one where he met a woman who was out picking flowers." He explained gathering shadows with a purple tint and creating a story with it, "The King speaks to the girl and the King knows that this is the woman he has been searching for. He asks if he can meet her again and she says he can, he came back everyday for a month, on the last day of the month she tells him that she can no longer see him, her father found out about their secret meetings and said he would kill the King if he saw him ever again."
"Did he know he was a King?" I asked unable to stop myself, he looked up at me and shook his head,
"Had she only told him things might have ended differently." He admitted swirling the purple haze in a circle, "The King pleaded and she agreed to meet with him one last time." A female figure appeared with a red hood, a tall man with dark hair and mismatched eyes made my breath catch in my throat, "Before the King can go to her where she wait for him, a werebeast shows itself," The woman's figure with its hood on jumped back in fear to the creature with burning red eyes gleaming at her, "The King ran forward and slayed the beast and saved the girl, he turned to her expecting to see a relieved smile or thanks, he was greeted only by tears," A tender face appeared in the smoke with tears streaming her unseeable face. "He went to her and asked what was wrong and the woman admitted that the werebeast was her father in wolf form, she had been dropped off at his doorstep because in her village they sacrificed children to the werecreatures of the forest to keep the creatures at bay but the werecreatures kept the children and raised them as their own and she was such a child." The woman was turned from the King and the King stood with his hand calling after her, "He beckoned to her, begged her to listen to him, to go to him but she could no longer bear to see the man that had killed her father. The King wandered for a great many years, alone and no one but a horse to guide him. His kingdom fell to ruin and crumbled as he had," The face of a man covered by the purple smoke and mist appeared before me as the mismatched eyes stared at me from within the haze. "The King stopped at a small inn one night after he had lost his way, and his horse." He paused carefully created the scene of a man with slumped shoulders hidden away under his large brown cloak, his head hung as he pushed the door to the worn tavern open. "His boots clicked heavily as he crossed the narrow floor and before he knew it a beautiful woman stood before him, he looked just as his love had down to the very small birthmark on the inside of her wrist, he whispered her name, afraid that if he spoke it out loud it would no longer be real." The face of the man remained hidden as he stretched out his hand to the sunshine haired beauty that stood before him. "She turned to him and he knew it was her, she explained that she needed time to gather her thoughts and figure out that he had only been trying to protect her and she loved him even more but when she went to find him she saw the kingdom and realized what had happened, distraught at the thought of losing everyone she cared for she traveled and somehow ended up in the inn." There was a bright white light and the picture turned into one of a wedding, a kingdom being rebuilt and a pair hand in hand as they lived happily ever after. "There was only one difference between the two women,"
"Two women?" I asked furrowing my brow, Cheshire nodded his head patiently, he pulled up the images of the woman in love from the first part of the tale and the woman who the King married from the second part of the story, "The eyes," I say wrinkling my forehead and furrowing my brow, "They look the same but something is different about the eyes," I felt a soft, gloved hand grasp my own as the image faded away,
"When everything seems upside down and the world breaks and falls around you, remember that you Miss Alice can see the difference between the two types of people." He lightly kissed my hand and bowed, removing his hat and releasing his messy dark hair and perked up purple cat ears. "Now I believe you have a grand ball to prepare for Your Majesty."