AN: as always massive thank you's to the people who reviewed (and the people now following the story). So quick shout out to Fashion Fairy 26, Shay and Adelina Riverflow for their reviews. And on a completely unrelated note - how the hell am I at chapter 10 already?!

Damaged Goods

Chapter 10

Sakura

Apparently trying to avoid the person you live with is harder to do that said. It doesn't matter how many hours I put in under the hood of a car, how long I hang out at Eriol and Tomoyo's or how many shots of tequila I sink at the bar - at the end of the day I still have to go home. So I try to leave as early as possible and slink in as late as I can - but I can't avoid him constantly, though it's not through lack of effort.

Unfortunately, the one thing I can't avoid is my need to shower - and after spending 11 hours at work there is no way I'm even going to entertain the though of crawling into bed without showering. I'm grateful that the apartment is empty when I practically crawl through the door, dead on my feet and smelling like the inside of a carburettor. My forced distance is creating a bit of tension in the house and I'm finding it easier just to just to lock myself in my room, listening to loud music and doing a bit of sketching. Something I've not done in years, and something I still suck at.

After scrubbing myself clean, I practically stumble out of the shower, my muscles screaming at the sudden movement as I climb out. Since the infamous me being sprawled wearing nothing but a microscopic bath towel incident, I splashed out and bought myself a robe that lives in the bathroom - I'm not being to be caught with my metaphorical pants around my ankles again.

Opening the bathroom door I stumble through the steam straight into Syaoran. Crap, so much for avoiding him. He catches me as I stumble backwards and my body again sings at the happiness of human contact. Stupid body doing what it wants when it wants without checking it through with my brain first!

"Hey Syaoran," I manage to force out sounding sheepish. "Not seen you in a few days, how are you doing?"

He flashes me a grin, and I know I'm in trouble just from the look he's just given me. "I'm good, why are you avoiding me."

I cringe at his direct approach. "I'm not avoiding you, I've just been really busy at work, making up for the time off I had last week." Even to my ears my excuses sound lame.

He lets it drop, but I see a flash of something akin to disappointment cross his face. I ignore it and sidestep past him. "I need to go get some clothes on before I freeze to death in the hallway."

"Ok, well I've put dinner in the oven so you should come out of the cave when you're dressed and we'll hang out for a bit. That is unless you're avoiding me?"

Bugger it, bloody man's got me there – there's no way I can feign an early night and lie there in the dark waiting for him to go to sleep so I can turn the light back on. I smile, making a non-committal grunt as I make my way to my room.

Syaoran

10 minutes after pretty much man-handling her into eating dinner with me and Sakura is dressed and on the recliner, still blatantly ignoring me. She's hiding behind the plate of food I handed her a few moments ago and doing everything to avoid making eye contact with me.

"So I'm guessing you're busy at work?" I ask, trying to jump start the conversation. She nods as she shovels more food in her mouth, something I think she's doing to avoid having to reply. I wait her out.

"Yea, just because it's the beginning of winter, everyone panics and brings their cars in to check that they'll make it through the winter." She states, leaving very little room to continue the conversation. "So it's all routine bollocks, just lots of it."

I nod in response and we lapse into yet more silence, neither of us really making any attempt to talk to each other. The weird thing is that the silence isn't entirely uncomfortable, which is now just frustrating the shit out of me. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, either I say nothing and we continue limping along in this pseudo-friendship, or I bite the bullet and try and get her to talk to me. Which will invariably lead to an argument.

The crash of my plate as it hits the coffee table makes her jump and she shoots me with a glare that I returns in full force.

Sakura what the hell is going on?" I know I probably sound exasperated and ready to bounce my head off the table in frustration. "The last week you've completely avoided talking to me apart from saying hello and goodbye. I've managed to get you to sit in the same room as me for more than 5 minutes and you've spent the majority of the time chewing your nails, staring off into space and avoiding looking at me."

"Nothing's going on." She replies. "I'm just tired from all the hours I'm working at the garage and my brain doesn't feel like functioning around human company right now."

"Bullshit – something's bugging you and you're shutting me out. I thought we'd got past all this bollocks a couple of weeks ago." I know I'm raising my voice, but now I'm realising just how frustrated I am over this. We went from talking and hanging out every day to her flat out avoiding me with no reason. .

"I'm not shutting you out." She forces out through gritted teeth, her temper starting to bubble over. "Things are just a little weird right now and I needed some space to sort my head out."

"How are they weird Sakura? Seriously, apart from the fact that you've opened up to someone other than Eriol and you've managed to sleep more than a couple of hours a night. If anything I would say that's progress compared to where we were when you first moved in!"

"I'm not going to fight with you over nothing Syaoran." She shouts. "I'm going to bed, thanks for dinner." She storms off to her room, slamming the door behind her and I hear the lock click.

Well that could have gone better!

Sakura

She's poised over me, anger streaking her grey eyes.

"Please Mom," I plead, my voice thick with fear. " You don't know what you're doing, don't hurt me. It's me, Sakura, your baby girl."

The look in her eyes softens for a moment, and she uses a free hand to stroke my cheek. "I'm sorry my darling." She mutters. "It has to be this way; I have to set you free in order to get her back."

Out of the corner of my eye I see a flash of silver glinting in the half light that streams through the kitchen window. Time slows as my concussed brain tries to catch up with what's actually happening. She's lost it this time. There's no coming back from this, she means to kill me. I can see the knife clearly now, her intentions clear as day even in my confused mine. My arms feel like lead as I raise them up to protect myself.

The first cut has me screaming in pain as time rights itself and moves at a faster pace. The burning sensation that spreads up my arm shocks me out of my thoughts and lands me back in the fucked up situation that I'm in. The first swipe of the knife has cut me clean from elbow to wrist, and the pain radiating up my arm is enough to make me want to throw up and then pass out.

She's slashing at me again, another scream as the knife makes contact with my skin. I can feel the blood trickling down my arms and pray that somehow I'll manage to survive this. Struggling beneath her I manage to get some leverage with my feet but my socks slip on the floor, leaving me squirming with no footing. The pain in my arms is starting to dull and I can taste blood on my lips. My head is swimming with images and I wonder if this is my life flashing before my eyes?

Again it seems like time has slowed, it's still moving at the same speed, it's just my perception that's changed. I turn my head, looking over to the picture that's hanging on the wall. It was the family portrait that was taken a few weeks before my dad died, and one of the few pictures where my mother managed to force me into a dress. We look happier there, there's a lightness to mom's eyes that's been missing since he died and a happiness in my eyes that I don't think I'll ever find again. God I miss him so much and the thought sends the tears pooling in my eyes to overflow and mix with the blood that's not surrounding me. What am I doing? I should be fighting to get her off me, not surrendering like some little girl.

I'm his little fighter.

With that thought I manage to find purchase with my feet, ignoring the pain in my arms and the heaviness in my limbs as I let the adrenaline take over. Somehow I manage to dislodge her enough to make her pitch to the side, giving me the opportunity I need to get out from under her. My lungs are burning from the sudden exertion and my head is spinning from everything that's already happened. I stumble out of the kitchen, ignoring the black spots that cloud my vision, knowing that if I give into them it will be the last thing I ever do. I have to get out of here, I have to get out the front door so someone can see me.

I lurch from wall to wall, the hallway narrowing as the adrenaline starts to abate. I can't give up fighting, not yet, I can see the front door, I'm so close to getting out, to getting help.

And then I slip, in the same puddle of water I tracked in earlier that started this whole episode. Falling I barely have the energy to put my shredded arms out to brace my fall. My hands slip in a mixture of blood and water and I collapse where I land, unable to find the energy to get up and make it to the door that's less than 6 feet away.

I can hear her storming through the hallway behind me, now she's on my back and I'm screaming for help, for someone to rescue me. My voice is hoarse and thick with the tears that now flow unashamedly down my face. I barely register the pain as she slices at my back, my brain starting to shut down in shock.

I'm still screaming as I wake up, just as Syaoran crashes through my locked bedroom door. I'm so caught up in the memory that I don't even notice his presence until he's crashing next to me on the bed. My scars are burning as my brain tries to convince me that it's not real, that it's just a memory and that I'm actually safe.

"Sakura, SAKURA" Syaoran's shouting, terror evident on his face as I try to pull myself back into the present. I've pulled my sleeves up, trying to convince myself that it's not real, that I don't have huge gaping lacerations all over my arms and that I'm not swimming in a pool of my own blood. I'm gasping, my breath coming in short quick bursts and I feel like I'm going to pass out.

Syaoran pulls me into his arms, positioning me so I'm cradled on him and tries to calm me down as I slowly descend back into reality. My heart is still racing but I've managed to steady my breathing enough to get some oxygen back into my starved brain. I can feel the solid warmth of Syaoran's chest as he holds me against him, the soft murmurings that make little to no sense to my addled brain, the low timbre of his voice soothing my frazzled nerves.

"What are you doing in here." I manage to force out through my chattering teeth. "You're not supposed to be in my room." Of all the things to say I can't believe that that's the first thing that comes to mind. I feel him tense up next to me as he realises he's broken one of the cardinal rules that I set down before I moved in.

"I'm sorry Sakura," he exhales slowly. "You were screaming bloody murder and I couldn't help myself, I had to check you were ok. Jesus I thought someone was trying to kill you!"

I manage a shaky laugh, "there are no monsters under the bed Syaoran, just the ones lurking in my mind." Against my better judgement I find myself snuggling into him more, the heat his body provides a distraction for my quivering body. "And you owe me a new lock!" I protest weekly.

He forces out a chuckle, "Sakura, I think you'll find I owe you a new door. What were you dreaming about or is it the same as usual. I've never heard you scream like that before."

The concern is evident in his voice and I know there's no way I can just brush this off as something normal. I don't normally get that far through the attack to remember that part, normally I wake up before I get to the memories of the pain that was inflicted upon me.

"More of the same," I mutter, "just more of it in its full Technicolor glory." I'm scratching my scars again, trying to convince myself that the itching isn't because my skin felt like it was on fire a few minutes ago.

"Stop scratching," Syaoran admonishes gently as he removes my hand with his, restraining me gently so I don't feel threatened. "You'll end up scratching a hole through yourself if you keep that up."

I'm too tired to fight with him right now, the adrenaline that kicked in when I woke up leaving as quickly as it appeared. I feel myself sag against him and my eyes start to droop before I force them back open. I can't fall asleep again, I'm too scared that the nightmare will continue, or worse just keep looping round and round the worst memory of my life. But my body is refusing to listen to my demands.

I'm half aware of Syaoran extracting me from his lap and putting me down so I'm lay on my side. I then feel the dip of the mattress as he climbs in next to me, wrapping is large arms around me. I should be pushing him off, I was supposed to be keeping my distance, but at the moment that's just not happening. I'm too tired to fight whatever it is that I'm feeling and before I know it I'm freefalling into the void that heralds sleep.

It's know it's early when I wake up from the weak shaft of light that's pushing its way through the gap in the curtains. It's too warm and I find myself trying to push the quilt off me and get some air, my sleep addled brain refusing to wake up. There's a comfortable weight on my stomach, the heat radiating from it confirming it's not the quilt. I shift slightly, forcing my eyes to open and take in the scene that surrounds me.

The first thing I notice is that my bedroom door is practically off its hinges and hanging loosely in the doorframe. Well I guess he wasn't joking when he said he owed me a new door and I roll my eyes at the excessive use of force to get through a locked door. Craning my neck round I can see what I'm assuming is Syaoran's arm slung over my midsection. Right now I should be freaking the fuck out, because this is a huge spanner in the works, but I'm actually too comfortable and relaxed to care.

His denim clad legs are entwined around me and I wonder how the hell he fell asleep still wearing his jeans. I manage to turn round so I can look at him properly without twisting my neck and my breath catches in my throat – he may still be wearing his jeans but that doesn't hold true for anything above the waistband. I can see the rippled muscles of his stomach and the smooth tanned skin crating a contrast between the pale tones of mine. But what I can see properly for the first time is the intricateness of his tattoos. Six birds trail up from his abs, their movement so lifelike that I half expect them to fly off into the early morning sunshine. His left arm has 3 stars, each with a name scrawled in beautiful cursive in the centre. I recognise them as his parents and his little sisters name.

"So I can always keep them close to me," Syaoran drawls and I jerk back embarrassed to be caught snooping. His moves his arm up to rub the sleep out of his eyes. "And your bed is well comfier than mine!"

Just like that, he manages to dispel the awkwardness that was hovering over us and I find myself relaxing back into the pillows. Our legs are still tangled up and I know I need to get up and shower before I drag myself into work, but I'm so comfy and relaxed that I don't want to ruin the moment by extracting myself.

"What was she like?" I ask timidly, wondering what his past was like before his family were ripped out of his life.

"She was full of energy, and by that I mean she was constantly bouncing around, firing on all cylinders and driving me and my parents mad. She was the baby of the family even though there were only a few years between us, and because she was daddies little angel she got away with murder. If I skipped curfew I got my ass handed to me, if she did she'd somehow worm her way out of a grounding and make my parents forgive her." I stare at him, he seems relaxed and content to talk and I can't bear to interrupt him. "She was a constant pain in the ass, always trying to convince me that she was allowed to come out with me to parties or come out with me and my friends, but nevertheless she was one of my closest friends, knew all my secrets and always had my back when I was in trouble.

We lie there in silence for a moment, me mulling over the things in the universe that ended up throwing two broken souls together. My brain keeps telling me that I need to take a step back, that I need distance and that feeling sorry for the losses that both of us have suffered is futile and something that I should stop doing. But the empathic side of me wonders if maybe I have found someone that might be able to put up with all my crazy. I am starting to wonder just how long I can keep avoiding that little voice.

AN: so there we have it - a bit more on both their pasts. As always please R&R - reviews make me happy
dk