Music From Mozart

Garcia was pattering around Dave's kitchen, while he was still asleep. The jet had come in at the wee hour of four am. He'd come home, and snuggled in next to her, and promptly passed out.

She had never wandered unsupervised through his cupboards, but she had added to them-her favorite candies, and she noticed he had a selection of pears in the fridge. She loved pears.

The phone rang, and she reached for it so it wouldn't wake him up. "Rossi residence."

"Excuse me?"

It was a woman.

"Rossi residence," Garcia repeated. "Can I help you?"

"I was looking for Davie," the woman, said, puzzled. "Who are you?"

"Dave's girlfriend," she said. If he had been seeing someone else…

"I'm Davie's mother."

Garcia almost laughed with relief. "Penelope Garcia, ma'am. I'm pleased to meet you."

"Don't 'ma'am' me, young lady," the woman also laughed. "Call me Carolyn. Where is Davie?"

"Crashed out asleep," she reported.

"That bad boy. He knows it's my birthday."

"Oh God," Garcia shook her head, hair bouncing. "He didn't say a word to me!"

"Probably because he thinks I died over the weekend."

"Carolyn!"

Dave's mother cracked up. "I love doing that to people. It's not my birthday, either, just a trick I play."

"No offense, but good. I nearly had a heart attack." "So," and she could hear Carolyn Rossi getting comfortable in some plush armchair. "You're the mysterious young lady he's been talking about."

"Before we go any further, I wasn't responsible for whatever destruction he ascribed to me. It was him."

"I know, dear. Even when he was two and blamed his brother Joey for the frying pan incident, I knew. But he only says good, glowing things about you."

"Probably on Mondays. I always fix up his computer on Mondays. He brings me a box of chocolate-covered doughnuts and I keep him up-to-date on current technology. A struggle not unlike pulling back molars with a pair of pliers, I might add."

Babbling. She was babbling to Dave's mother like they were both in high school, and Carolyn was the principal.

"Don't I know it!" Carolyn empathized. "When cell phones became the thing, Joey bought me one. When I asked Davie for his cell phone number, he blinked and wanted to know who I, his mother, had mistaken him for."

"I am pleased to announce that he can now send roughly legible text messages."

"That's it. Wake up my son's sorry ass and get him on the line. I want you as my daughter-in-law. Better, I'll disown him and adopt you in his place. I always wanted a daughter. Instead I had ungrateful boys who forget to call their mothers."

"Carolyn, I can say I would absolutely love to be adopted by you. Mainly because you're pure evil genius and can assist me in my quest for world domination, but also because you're a truly awesome person."

Garcia heard shuffling and groaning, and then Dave-even more unkempt then usual-dragged his bearlike self across the kitchen threshold. He eyed Garcia.

"Is that my mother on the line?"

Garcia gave him her best chipper grin. "Make coffee while Carolyn and I have girl talk time, okay sweetie? And peel me a pear, too."

Dave rolled his eyes to heaven, hands outspread. "Help me, Father, because somehow I offended You so that you brought these two women together."

Garcia could hear Carolyn snicker. "Is he praying?"

"Oh yeah."

"Good. I knew the right girl would put the fear of God in him."

Garcia made herself at home in one of the kitchen chairs. "So what were you going to tell me about Dave and his youth?"

Author's Note: I don't know if Rossi actually has a brother, but in one of the season 3 episodes, can't remember which, there is a fuzzy photo on Rossi's desk of him and another guy doing some kind of bromance hug thing. They were both really dark, so I added water and made him Rossi's Instant Brother.