Chapter 10

Happy New Year

It was the day after Christmas. Lily mustered her courage and knocked on the front door of her home on Spinner's End. Petunia pretended— or perhaps did not, it was hard to tell these days— that she did not notice Lily's presence. Vernon was her world, and the promise of a normal life that her sister's peculiarities could never touch.

The peanut brittle was gone by the time she got there.

Her mum insisted she was not angry at Lily for ditching Christmas, but she saw right through the stretched smile.

Her gran had fallen sick and couldn't make it to the holiday festivities.

Lily was glad she came.

She truly was. She had faced something that had scared her and found it not a frightening sight, but rather a sad one.

"Your mother wouldn't be happy to see you with that," her father said, settling down beside her on the front porch. Lily shrugged and took a swing from the Scotch bottle she'd flinched from the kitchens.

"Well hey. If you're going to drink, have the curtesy to share."

She smiled ruefully and passed the bottle to him. "I'm sorry. For everything. It's just— I don't think I can do this thing as well as I used to."

"I know you're growing up, L," he sighed. "But you can never grow out of family."

"It's not easy for me to be here anymore," she confessed to him, squishing the muddied snow under her boot. "But you're right. I'm— I'm growing up. I guess that means I have to be a better problem solver."

Her father chuckled. "A lot of grown ups I know aren't good problem solvers. I'm proud of you. Especially because I understand that you're kind of caught between two worlds right now."

He patted her leg once or twice, and Lily was surprised to battle tears from her eyes.

"I'm afraid that if I don't choose between the Muggle and wizarding worlds, I won't really belong anywhere." She battled water from her cheeks. "And— and because of Petunia, and all the awkwardness at home right now, it was easier to choose magic over you. I'm sorry," she choked out. "I'm so sorry."

"I am too."

"For what?" She pinched her nose as if to plug the emotions sapping out of her.

"For not letting you know sooner that you will always belong here. L, this is your home, and your family loves you. We're kind of shite at showing it sometimes, but that comes with the job."

"Thank you."

"Now get out of here."

She turned confusedly. "What?"

"You're getting drunk outside in the freezing weather with your father in the prime of your youth on Christmas holiday. I accept your apology. Now go back to Bex's place."

She didn't know what to say. "I— I was just— okay. I will."

"Love you, L."

She was laughing through her tears. "I love you too, Papa."

Lily was glad she left.

"I'm too old for this," said Jonathan Potter atop his old broom. It sagged languidly in the air, as if it was as tired as he was. "And I'm pretty sure my broom is, too."

"Yeah, how old is that thing?" Sirius squinted at it through the sun amplified so brightly by the snow beneath it. "I'm pretty sure it's survived the London Blitz."

"Careful, young man," chuckled Potter Senior. "I'm not dead yet."

The boy's smile hesitated. Jonathan Potter would be permanently admitted into St. Mungo's for intensive treatment and 24 hour care in one week. It was all anyone could do to pretend the truth wasn't lurking under their noses.

Jonathan sighed. "Aw, c'mon. It's not too soon if I'm the one making the joke, right?"

"Merlin." James shook his head. "How can a man with no comedic discretion be my father?"

"Sorry, Prongs. Makes all the sense in the world to me," said Remus, tossing the Quaffle across the broom circle to Sirius. James had lost their good Quaffle last year in a scuffle with a gnarled old witch, who claimed their practice could never be conducted on private property again. She had then proceeded to blow up the ball with a flick of her wand. The old one they were using now was a relic of James's childhood— one of those super light ones children used in junior leagues.

"We should swing by Diagon Alley sometime soon," James thought aloud, peeling into a back loop to catch Sirius's curveball. "Pick up a new Quaffle. See if we run into any mates from school. Hit up the Leaky Cauldron for some—"

Jonathan Potter narrowed his eyes.

"—Pumpkin juice. What do you say?"

"Let's go tomorrow night, for New Year's Eve. I'd have an excuse to kiss that fit bird that works the bar. Finally."

The last comment came from Sirius, who had miraculously chased down Remus's wide shot with a resourceful diving motion. "Care to join, Papa Potter?"

"I appreciate what you boys are trying to do," said Jonathan, "but I'm afraid reliving my youth isn't on my top ten bucket list. I'm going to visit Nancy that night, I think. You have fun, though. And stay safe."

It was the wish of a dying man.

If only he had known what

a tall order it was.

"We know you have nothing better to do tonight."

"We do too!"

"Attending the bloody Abbott New Year's party doesn't count."

"Why? Because you weren't invited?"

"You honestly think someone would forget to invite this face?"

"Your face is fine, Black. Your personality, on the other hand?" Lily clucked regretfully. "Well, let's just say it's a good thing you're attractive."

Sirius punched James in the arm. "Y'hear that? Evans has finally begun to acknowledge our steamy, silent love affair."

"So silent, so subtle," Lily said thoughtfully, "that some even argue it nonexistent."

"The nerve of them." Sirius grinned with fake indignation.

"Anyway," said Lily, hopping off Bex's front porch so that she was closer to the two boys, "I thought tonight was a full moon. Which would be problematic because of—reasons."

Sirius smirked. "It's actually pronounced 'Remus.' And check your calendar again. It's in two days."

"Hold on, Evans," said James, smacking the boy beside him, "You know about his condition? Since when?"

"Our fifth year." Lily folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not that clueless."

"But I thought we were the only ones."

"Don't flatter yourself." She smiled. "Remus is one of my best mates. And mates don't keep secrets from each other, do they?"

"Of course not." James sounded a bit odd to Lily. She regarded him suspiciously. Maybe Remus's secret was only half of the full moon puzzle she'd been piecing together throughout the years. But she didn't push it. The truth would come out sooner or later.

"So are you coming or what?" asked Sirius, bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"Let's see if Bex has an opinion on the matter."

Predictably,

Bex did in fact have an opinion.

"I've always jumped on any excuse to ditch a social event," the girl grinned as she joined Lily at the exit of the Floo Tunnel Network. Outside, the gaudy lights of Diagon Alley beckoned.

Lily had to agree with her this time. According to Mary's letter earlier that day, Ryan would be in attendance at the Abbotts. Avoiding him was a priority on her current agenda.

"There you two are," said Remus, beaming at the two of them through a tangle of brown hair. "Sirius heard a rumor that they've opened a newer Zonko's shop down the street. Care to join?"

The six of them played with magical pranks and made fun of singing romance novellas and indulged in ice cream even in the freezing weather. They tried to trip each other on the slippery ground and started snowball fights with strangers and dared Sirius to eat the most questionable beans that Bertie Botts had to offer. And for a moment, they all forgot their troubles. Lily was high on the chilly air and inevitable invincibility of a youth married with freedom, temporary as it was. She wanted to chase the feeling until it was reduced to shadows and dust.

And suddenly sun was all but the memory of a light aloft the horizon. They crowded into the Leaky Cauldron, which was bustling with laughter, warm bodies, and a fiddle melody Lily recognized from somewhere.

"A firewhisky, please," James told the woman who'd come to their snug booth.

"Make that two," put in Lily.

James raised an eyebrow across the table. "Never pegged you for a hard liquor girl, Evans."

"Firewhisky? I'd hardly call that hard liquor."

James appraised her dubiously. "Not to offend, but you look like a bit of a light weight to me."

"Said the bean pole."

"Hey. I am lanky in all the right kind of ways."

She snorted into her drink. "I didn't know there was such thing."

Merlin, it was a welcome feeling to be downing liquid fire again. Twenty minutes later and Lily was feeling warm and giggly, like any normal adolescent ought to be on New Year's Eve.

"So, first snog, Worms?" Sirius asked for the third time that night. Peter had been suspiciously quiet since they'd began going around the table sharing stories.

"I told you. Tabitha Beesly, the girl who used to live next door. I was seven."

"That doesn't count," Sirius insisted. "You didn't even French."

"I didn't say that," Peter said, grinning sheepishly.

"I want to meet this Beesly girl," James whistled.

"I think she's at Durmstrang now," Peter sighed. "Okay, Lily. First kiss. Go."

She wracked her memory. "First real snog? I want to say Gareth Vane, second year."

Bex spit out her butterbeer. "You never told me about that!"

"Because we were both crushing on him!"

"You backstabbing bitch of a best friend!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, yeah? Who exactly was your first snog, Bex?"

Her dark eyes dropped. "Sebastian Vane, second year."

The table erupted into laughter.

"Okay, okay. I think we've heard everyone but James'," said Remus, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"Now that you mention it," James said thoughtfully, "this is the anniversary of James Potter's first snog of many. I was a first year. It was the McKinnon's New Year's party—remember that, Padfoot?"

"How could I forget? I tricked a third year into making out with me by lying about my age. She wasn't too happy later, but I think I made it up to her."

"Anyway. Marlene and I'd been flirting for half a year at that point. When midnight came, I finally plucked up the courage and gave her a New Year kiss or two. Or ten."

"Marlene. Our Marlene? Seriously?" Lily asked.

"Yeah. Does that surprise you?"

"I just— I always imagined your first kiss would be with someone…"

"Who was a bit of a slag? I'd call you out for your lack of respect for me, Evans, if I wasn't already hung up on the fact that you've imagined my first kiss before."

"A figure of speech."

But now she was thinking about it. The New Year lurching forward with the force of steaming train, welcomed into the world by bursting lungs and buoyant songs. James, long legs carrying him purposefully toward his target, hands yanking her around the waist, pulling her lips against his own.

Need I tell you, reader,

that the girl Lily was picturing

was not Marlene McKinnon?

"See, Frank, I told you only friendless tossers go to the Leaky Cauldron on holidays," a friendly, familiar voice sounded, shaking Lily from her stupor.

"What does that make you?" James grinned, rising from the table to give Alice Fortescue a back-breaking hug.

"Touché, Potter. You all know Frank, right?"

It turned out Alice had brought half the six and seventh year along with her. Before long, the Leaky Cauldron was buzzing with young life.

"The Abbott party blew," none other than the aforementioned Marlene McKinnon informed Lily and Remus. "They didn't even have good booze there. So Dorcas and I peaced out of there as quickly as we could."

"Dorcas?" Remus's eyebrow shot up. "Was it her idea to come here?"

Marlene laughed. "She's quite over her crush on Black, Remus. We all inevitably went through that phase. Luckily for Lily and me, that phase was over by second year."

Lily shook her head at at the memory. "What can I say? He had great game for an eleven year old."

"But didn't he," signed Marlene appreciatively. Her eyes found Sirius across the room, chatting up the barmaid. "Too bad he's only capable of loving himself."

"I knew I liked you for a reason, McKinnon," said Remus.

"Right back atcha. Listen, I'll talk to you later? Dorcas needs me."

"She is so not over Black," said Lily. Remus nodded.

"If anyone asks, you two know nothing!" she called back at them, scurrying across the room to her unfortunate friend.

"Don't worry," Remus said, glancing from Lily's worried expression to Dorcas's smitten face. "One conversation with Padfoot will cure her."

"I don't know. Black's not so bad."

"Of course he isn't. He's brilliant. But most people don't ever see that side of him." He paused, looked at her fondly. "Welcome to the club."

"I think I'd have to get a dorky nickname before I joined your club. James still won't tell me what 'Prongs' comes from."

"Don't worry about it. But you do have a nickname, last time I checked. Cherrytop, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah," Lily remembered. But James hadn't called her Cherrytop that much anymore. "I thought he only called me that to take the mickey out of me."

"You thought he was mocking you? Lily, for the smartest witch in our year you really are obtuse. Did you see the way he looked at you when he used that stupid name?"

"So what was it, then? A term of endearment?"

"Thank you, Sherlock, for that incredible deduction," he said moving to bump her shoulder with his.

But James hadn't called Cherrytop that much anymore. Suddenly the observation meant something different to Lily.

"Good on him," she joked weakly. "He's totally over me, then."

"Well, yeah. Wasn't that the point of your infinite conversation on Christmas night? To be friends?"

Friends.

"Yep."

Remus looked at her sideways. Oh Merlin. He was going to suspect something stupid, something that obviously wasn't there. "Lily Evans, are you—"

She was prepared to launch into a hot speech of denial when James and Marlene suddenly approached them.

"Does anyone else have this weird gut feeling that Frank and Alice—" began Marlene.

"—Are totally shagging?" finished James.

"No," she said, shoving him playfully, "are totally going to get married the moment Alice finishes school." She crossed her arms.

"Oh my God, yes," agreed Lily. "They keep giving each other these eyes—"

"—Bedroom eyes—" insisted James

"You wanna bet?" she asked, matching Marlene's stance.

"I know bedroom eyes when I see them."

She narrowed her own. "Wanna put ten Galleons on it?"

"Done."

"Good."

He held her gaze brightly, steadily. "I'll come collect in a year, Evans. Be ready for me."

Evans. Not Cherrytop, or Cherry, or Chers, but Evans.

Friends.

Something was stuck in Lily's throat. She realized it was her voice.

She couldn't speak (why couldn't she speak?) as he connected her eyes with his own. The group went silent for a moment.

And then: "Well thanks for backing me, Lils. That's six for me, four for you, James." Marlene cracked her knuckles dramatically. "I'm not saying that you're a loser, but…you're a loser."

"Watch it, McKinnon. No one insults me and gets away with it."

"Yeah? Well watch me."

Lily tried not to watch them openmouthed, but it was difficult. James was wearing his flirting face, the one with the quirked lips and dark raised eyebrows and bright cheeks and glinting hazel eyes.

"Y'know, I should really go find Bex," she said quickly. She broke away, not moving ten paces before Remus was tugging on her arm.

"Lily, what in the name of Merlin is going on with you?"

"Nothing!"

Nothing. She was fine. She was— she was—-

"One minute until midnight!" Frank Longbottom called from the bar. The congregated crowd whirled toward the large grandfather clock ticking against the wall.

"Sixty!" someone called. "Fifty nine, fifty eight, fifty seven…"

"You have feelings for James, don't you?" Remus shouted over the crowd.

"I do not!" she screamed back. "Don't be daft. Half a year ago I hated his guts!"

"A lot can change in half a year!"

"Thirty five, thirty four, thirty three…"

"You're barking mad, Remus Lupin."

"You're so bloody stubborn, Lily Evans."

"Twenty eight, twenty seven, twenty six…"

"All I'm saying is that you better act while you can," said Remus. "He won't wait forever."

"There's nothing to act on!"

"If you're not careful, you'll run out of time."

"Nineteen, eighteen, seventeen…"

"Oh, yeah? What do you expect me to do, Remus? Run over and jump his bones at midnight?"

"A New Year's kiss would work for me, but I'm sure James would appreciate—"

"God, I joking, Remus!"

"Eleven, ten…"

"Were you?"

"Eight, seven…"

"I—"

"Five."

"I don't know."

"Three."

"Now or never, Lily."

"Two."

Lily's head was reeling. She turned, delirious, through the masses, in a desperate search for the pale boy with the black spectacles.

"One."

Lily stopped cold. She had found him. And he hadn't found her. Instead, his fingers were tangled into Marlene's hair, his lips twisting against her own, from where they kissed fiercely in the crowd.

And Remus was right.

Her time had ran out.

James wasn't sure how it had happened. He wasn't sure who had grabbed the other first. All he knew is that they were chanting the countdown and suddenly the room was a buzz of cheering and music and magic lights and he was kissing the beautiful girl beside him with the strength he needed to get through this new year.

And it had felt good.

(He didn't notice the other beautiful girl,

the one who wondered now if she had the

strength she needed to get through

this new year).

"Wow," Marlene laughed, only pulling back for air. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Five years, I think."

"I hope this isn't too bold," she said, cocking her head, "but is there any way I don't have to wait five more years for the next one?"

"I might be able to arrange something," he said, smirking just the slightest.

And then the first curses were fired and the first fireballs were hurled through the windows.

"Bloody hell!" Marlene shouted, ducking down as glass shattered past them. The room had exploded into chaos. People screamed and ran. "Are we under attack?"

A green light knocked the boy beside them to the ground, where he lay motionless.

"We need to get out of here. Now." James tried to steady his voice. Surely that wasn't a Killing Curse. Surely the boy at their feet was not dead. "Now!"

He grabbed her hand and they started sprinting toward the back door.

"You don't think— that it's—" Marlene broke off as she dodged a purple curse streaking just past her ear.

"Yeah," said James grimly. He yanked his wand from his robes and swallowed, hard. "Voldemort's here to wish us a Happy New Year."