RESTURANT. HANSON and LAURIE sit across from each other at a table in silence. LAURIE looks relaxed, HANSON looks nervous and awkward.
(After a moment)
LAURIE: See?
HANSON: Yes, I could practically feel my aura being cleansed as we sat there in silence
LAURIE: And think of what wonders it could do if you do the week of silence like I do at least once or twice a month. It's a shame that more people don't practice the silence exercise, the world would be a lot better place if people could just stop with their busy lives for one moment, don't you think?
HANSON: I know I'm gonna tell everyone about this
LAURIE: I'm glad. So, Tom, you're a Police Officer?
HANSON: Yea, I work with Harry
LAURIE: Yes, he did mention that
HANSON: So, when you're practicing silence
LAURIE: Yes?
HANSON: What if something happens where you have to talk?
LAURIE: No one has to talk
HANSON: Let's say you're being kidnapped
LAURIE: Well then I hope that world is not in just a sad state as not to notice a poor innocent girl being taken against her will. And I'd also have to believe that someone would be capable of taking a complete stranger
HANSON: Hate to crush the roses, but people are quite capable
LAURIE: Of taking people that they know, and I don't know anyone that would take me. I already give all that I have.
HANSON: Oh, oh okay
LAURIE: I feel that it is important for people to give back to their friends
HANSON: Me too
(A waiter passes by with a tray full of steaks. LAURIE begins praying)
HANSON: What are you doing?
LAURIE: Shh
(LAURIE finishes)
LAURIE: I'm sorry, I just had to pray for those poor little innocent souls. I don't understand how people can eat meat!
HANSON: Me neither. The barbarity.
(WAITER appears)
WAITER: And mixed greens for the lady (sets salad down in front of LAURIE) And our delectable Salisbury steak for the gentleman (sets steak down in front of HANSON)
(LAURIE looks upset and begins praying again)
HANSON: This was a guilty cow. Mean spirited thing. Used to tip other cows.
(LAURE looks more upset)
HANSON: You're praying for me now, aren't you?
LAURIE: No (Motions to HANSON'S PLATE) and Shh!
HANSON: Right, silence exercise.
THE NEXT DAY. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS and PENHALL sit at their desk going through their address books.
HOFFS: What about Addy? I like Addy
PENHALL: Addy? The girl that bakes cookies for the neighborhood kids?
HOFFS: What, I think that's sweet
PENHALL: You can practically hear that woman's biological clock ticking the second you enter that house. In fact, I swear you can hear it within a ten-mile radius all around her.
HOFFS: What who have you got?
PENHALL: Well, Bambi's been lookin' for a relationship
HOFFS: No
PENHALL: Why?
HOFFS: The woman's name is Bambi!
PENHALL: That's discrimination! Bambi's a perfectly lovely young girl
HOFFS: And her occupation is
PENHALL: Dancer
HOFFS: If I don't get Addy, you don't get Bambi
PENHALL: All right, I have to put my best friend's interests first
HOFFS: Okay, what about
(STEVE JOLIE enters)
HOFFS: (Awkwardly finishing her sentence) the restraining order?
PENHALL: Well, you're just gonna have to work around it, Jude
HOFFS: Okay, good, good work, Officer Penhall. We certainly avoided that problem. Yeah.
PENHALL: Go us
(HOFFS and PENHALL sit in awkward silence)
HOFFS: You know what, I think I left some case folders in my car. You mind helping me carrying them in, Penhall?
PENHALL: Well, sure, Jude! I'd love to help!
(PENHALL and HOFFS exit)
(HANSON enters and sits at his desk, oblivious to what's going on around him)
("BLOWFISH" and IOKI enter and walk through the CHAPEL as they talk)
"BLOWFISH": So you set him up with the yoga instructor?
IOKI: Yeah, I thought him and Laurie would get along really well
"BLOWFISH": Promise me something, would you, Ioki?
IOKI: What?
"BLOWFISH": Never become a matchmaker
("BLOWFISH and IOKI exit)
(HOFFS and PENHALL enter and walk through the CHAPEL as they talk)
HOFFS: You know, I could have sworn I but that box in there this morning
PENHALL: That's all right, Judy, I'll help you carry in the box tomorrow.
HOFFS: So we settled on Rachel
PENHALL: Rachel would be perfect (loudly) For the case
HOFFS: (Even louder) Yes, for the case
(HOFFS and PENHALL exit)
("BLOWFISH" and IOKI enter, IOKI following "BLOWFISH" and walk the opposite direction they had originally)
IOKI: Rory and Patrick, they're married with two kids! Count them, one, two!
"BLOWFISH": It was just a joke, man
IOKI: Kirk and Emily, they've been dating for over a year now
"BLOWFISH": Oh, but no marriage?
IOKI: He's been shopping a lot recently
"BLOWFISH": Harry, it was just a joke
IOKI: And Michelle and Molly are happy
"BLOWFISH": Michelle and Molly? Before I get too excited about the prospect of you being friends with girls that like other girls, tell me if Michelle is French or not. Cause I've heard that in France, Michael is pronounced like Michelle
(IOKI and "BLOWFISH" exit, "BLOWFISH" following IOKI)
(Enter LAMPTON and FULLER looking at a toy catalog walking through the CHAPEL)
FULLER: So you're saying that my niece would like a Polly Pocket better then a Ninja Turtle?
LAMPTON: A lot better. And make it a pink Polly Pocket. Polka dots encouraged.
FULLER: But where would I find a Polly Pocket?
LAMPTON: (Flips ahead a couple of pages) There
FULLER: Oh
LAMPTON: That one
(LAMPTON and FULLER exit)
(HOFFS and PENHALL enter walking through the CHAPEL as they talk)
HOFFS: Trisha
PENHALL: No Cindy
HOFFS: What about Marsha?
PENHALL: A parent seriously named their kid Marsha?
HOFFS: Well somebody named their kid Cindy
PENHALL: Yeah, but at least Cindy didn't have a tagline
HOFFS: She's still a Brady
PENHALL: Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!
(HOFFS and PENHALL exit)
STEVE JOLIE: Officer Hanson?
HANSON: Huh?
STEVE JOLIE: Is this normal?
HANSON: What?
(IOKI and "BLOWFISH" enter arguing, HOFFS and PENHALL enter arguing, and LAMPTON and FULLER enter with LAMPTON listing off toys and FULLER taking notes)
STEVE JOLIE: This
HANSON: They're just talking. It's what we're doing right now.
LAMPTON: (to FULLER) Oh, and I know that your son would love the new Van Halen CD, he's at the right age, and it's awesome.
FULLER: (to LAMPTON) Van Halen? The hair band?
LAMPTON: (to FULLER) They're all hair bands
FULLER: (to LAMPTON) Oh, what about for my ex-wife?
LAMPTON: (to FULLER) Did the marriage end on bad terms?
FULLER: (to LAMPTON) Oh yeah
LAMPTON: (to FULLER) Whose part?
FULLER: (to LAMPTON) Mine, why?
LAMPTON: (to FULLER) Because if it was her fault you won't have to get her anything, but since it was yours I'd say a nice bottle of perfume.
FULLER: (to LAMPTON) What if it was mutual?
LAMPTON: (to FULLER) Cheese of the month package deal
FULLER: (to LAMPTON) What about jewelry?
LAMPTON: (to FULLER) Implies relationship, perfume implies friendship. Maybe you could add in some Christmas flowers for an "I'm sorry" part. No roses.
HOFFS: (to PENHALL) If I don't get Marsha, you don't get Cindy!
PENHALL: (to HOFFS) So it's agreed, no Brady names
HOFFS: (to PENHALL) And I'm not a big fan of the name Jeannie, either
PENHALL: (to HOFFS) What about Samantha, she was a witch. Jeannie was a Genie
HOFFS: (to PENHALL) And I won't want a Ginger to come in and sweep Fido off his paws
PENHALL: (to HOFFS) Maybe we should rule out all names that appear on Nick at Nite
HOFFS: (to PENHALL) Agreed
"BLOWFISH": (to IOKI) You introduced Demi Moore and Bruce Willis?
IOKI: (to "BLOWFISH") Yeah, I went to high school with Demi and I met Bruce when I was working down in LA at this really bad Chicken Joint. I mean it would seriously make KFC look like a five star establishment.
"BLOWFISH": (to IOKI) You still know them?
IOKI: (to "BLOWFISH") Nah, we've fallen out of touch, but they did promise me Godfather for one of their kids
"BLOWFISH": (to IOKI) Wow
LATER. HANSON is sitting in a RESTURANT with RACHEL eating.
RACHEL: So, you're a cop
HANSON: Yea
RACHEL: With Judy and Doug
HANSON: Yep
(Awkward pause)
HANSON: So you're a teacher
RACHEL: Yep
HANSON: What grade?
RACHEL: Kindergarten
HANSON: Huh, I really don't remember kindergarten
RACHEL: It's a great age. You have any kids?
HANSON: Who me? No.
RACHEL: It really is a great age. Really cute.
HANSON: I'm sure
(Awkward pause)
RACHEL: So
HANSON: About that
(HANSON and RACHEL look around the room.)
RACHEL: Check?
HANSON: Please God
RESTAURANT. HANSON is on dates with various girls in various restaurants. With each date his outfit changes. He starts out with a pained expression on his face, which later evolves into bored.
HARRIET DATE.
HARRIET: I just love Sal, he's such a good husband, don't you think?
JULIET DATE (HANSON sits a little lower in his chair).
HANSON: I think that Shakespeare is interesting
JULIET: Me thinkest thou is lying
EMILY DATE (HASNON sits a little lower in his chair)
EMILY: And you know what, he never called. Can you believe that? He'd said he'd call, but he never did. What kind of jerk does that. I mean what an
BECKY DATE (HANSON sits even lower in his chair).
BECKY: Ass. Mary and Joseph had an ass with them.
HANSON: Ass meaning donkey?
BECKY: Duh
HANSON: Just checking
INTERROGATION ROOM. LILY STEVENS is interviewing "BLOWFISH".
LILY STEVENS: So you're the janitor here
"BLOWFISH": Maintenance engineer
LILY STEVENS: Right
"BLOWFISH": Is that all you need?
LILY STEVENS: Does the Jumpstreet Chapel seem to run efficiently?
"BLOWFISH": Now that I'm here, it runs like clockwork
LILY STEVENS: So you're vital to the program?
"BLOWFISH": Exactly
LILY STEVENS: All right
"BLOWFISH": Good
(LILY STEVENS writes on her pad of paper. She looks up and sees "BLOWFISH" still sitting in his chair waiting for her to say something).
LILY STEVENS: We're done here, Mr. Bonaduci
"BLOWFISH": Right
("BLOWFISH" exits)
SYLIVA DATE (HANSON sits even lower in his chair). SYLIVA and HANSON sit in silence.
SYLVIA: (After a moment) I like dogs
(HANSON begins drinking his wine quickly then motions for another)
JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS is sitting across from LILY STEVENS. LILY STEVENS is taking notes on a pad of paper throughout the interview.
LILY STEVENS: Well, Officer Hoffs, I've heard nothing but praise about you
HOFFS: Thank-you, Officer Stevens
LILY STEVENS: You're superiors have nothing but good things to say about you, your colleagues respect you, you do good work
HOFFS: Thank-you
LILY STEVENS: And from what I've gathered you could have a job anywhere you want
HOFFS: I suppose
LILY STEVENS: So?
HOFFS: I like my job here, Officer Stevens
LILY STEVENS: Even if you could get a more glamorous or a better paying job?
HOFFS: The pay doesn't bother me, I've survived off less, and I don't need glamour, Officer Stevens. I didn't become a cop for glamour, I'm not that naïve. I became a cop to make a difference, and I really believe that I am making a difference here at Jumpstreet.
LILY STEVENS: Making a difference in a fellow officer's love life?
HOFFS: Excuse me?
LILY STEVENS: We're not idiots, Officer Hoffs. We know what you and Officer Penhall have been talking about the past couple of days, and it has nothing to do with police matters.
HOFFS: We're merely attempting to help a friend out. It's not affecting our work in the least, and we're doing something nice for a friend.
LILY STEVENS: So it's not detracting from your work?
HOFFS: Not in the least
LILY STEVENS: So you've made the arrest?
HOFFS: Not yet, Officer Stevens
LILY STEVENS: Then perhaps you should focus less on your social life and more on your job, Officer Hoffs
HOFFS: Perhaps you should focus more on the department then on one officer, Officer Stevens.
LILY STEVENS: Interesting, Officer Hoffs, very interesting.
HANSON'S DATES. MARLENE DATE. HANSON has a lot of empty wine glasses around him.
MARLENE: So, I told her, what are you a nurse? Nobody wears white after Labor Day!
SANDRA DATE.
SANDRA: So, I recently played girl number four in the Community Theater's presentation of "Grease", and before that I was elf number fifteen in "Santa Claus" also at the Community Theater. But things are really picking up for me. I mean, I've had offers to be bystanders on "Law and Order" a lot.
HANSON: Wow
SANDRA: I know, and everybody knows what happens after you're a bystander on "Law and Order"
HANSON: Then you're what?
SANDRA: (Laughs and sorts) Oh, I always forget when I'm out on a date with non-Thespians, you play the dead person on "Law and Order".
HANSON: Oh wow, the dead person
SANDRA: Totally. I mean it's like such a great break to play the dead person. You have no idea how many careers have been started from it.
HANSON: Like who?
SANDRA: (Pauses in thought) Well I can't think of any right now
MARGE DATE. HANSON has even more empty glasses around him.
MARGE: I wonder why they call it a date. I mean a date is merely a numerical value associated with a given day. And really how do we know that the numerical value is right. I mean who says that there is such a thing as a leap year? Or that certain months should have thirty-one days and others shouldn't! I'll tell you who, Big Brother that's who!
(HANSON motions for the check)
HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON enters after his last date. He walks in, picks up the paper, and listens to his answering machine.
ANSWERING MACHINE: You have one new message
PENHALL: (over ANSWERING MACHINE) All right, Hanson, buddy, friend, man, dude, have I got the girl for you!
(HANSON cuts off PENHALL'S message by pressing delete)
ANSWERING MACHINE: Message deleted
(HANSON sets paper down and begins hitting his head against the table)
(PHONE RINGS)
(HANSON picks up the phone)
HANSON: (Wincing) Hello?
(CUT TO LAMPTON sitting in CHAPEL alone. CUT back and forth between HANSON and LAMPTON depending on who's talking)
LAMPTON: Hanson?
HANSON: Oh, thank god, it's just you, Priss
LAMPTON: Don't know whether to be pleased or insulted by that greeting
HANSON: Trust me, it's a good thing
LAMPTON: Can you do me a really big favor?
HANSON: Sure, no problem, Lampton
LAMPTON: Do you still have notes on that last case we worked together, Emma colored on some of mine.
HANSON: Yeah, sure, you still filling out that paperwork?
LAMPTON: Yeah, this is my last one, though!
HANSON: Yeah, you need it tonight or can I get that to you tomorrow morning?
LAMPTON: Actually, are they still at the chapel?
HANSON: Yeah, why?
LAMPTON: Cause I'm here, and if you could tell me where they are
HANSON: You're still at the chapel?
LAMPTON: Yeah
HANSON: What about Emma? She there with you?
LAMPTON: Nah, she's having her very fist slumber party tonight
HANSON: Oh, all right, the papers are in my desk, the file should be labeled
LAMPTON: Ah, organization, I like that in a man
HANSON: Don't say that to Judy or Penhall, they might just start advertising that part of my personality
LAMPTON: What?
HANSON: Oh, it's nothing, just this whole blind date marathon thing
LAMPTON: What blind date marathon thing?
HANSON: You haven't heard from your gal pal Judy?
LAMPTON: No, and please god never refer to us as gal pals again
HANSON: Hoffs, Penhall, Ioki, and "Blowfish" have taken it upon themselves to find me a girl.
LAMPTON: Well you have been looking rather lonely lately
HANSON: I'm not a monk
LAMPTON: (Laughs) Sure, whatever you say, Hanson. You don't have to take vows to be a monk.
HANSON: I'm just saying, I don't need anyone to find me a date
LAMPTON: So, seriously, how many dates have you been out on?
HANSON: I stopped counting after ten
LAMPTON: You mean you haven't started etching it into some random table?
HANSON: No, but I am on a first name basis with the wait staff now
LAMPTON: Wow
HANSON: I know
LAMPTON: Just say no
HANSON: Sorry, Nancy, you apparently have never tried saying no to Judy Hoffs
LAMPTON: Good point, forgot she was involved
HANSON: You see
LAMPTON: Well, I wish you luck and a mental breakdown
HANSON: Why a mental breakdown?
LAMPTON: If you have a mental breakdown you can't go out on anymore dates
HANSON: Actually, with these kinds of women, I'd fit right in.
(CONDOR enters in CHAPEL)
LAMPTON: Well, I wish you a lot of luck, Hanson, but I gotta go. Eli just got here and I've still got to finish up this paperwork before we can get out of here
HANSON: Oh, see you
LAMPTON: Bye
(HANSON hangs up phone and sighs. A minute later he picks the phone back up and dials).
HANSON: Hey, Penhall, man, I will go on one more date. This is the last one, though, all right? Just one.
THE NEXT DAY. STEVE JOLIE sits in the INTERROGATION ROOM with LAMPTON. He has his pad of paper, which he continually makes notes in.
STEVE JOLIE: Officer Lampton
LAMPTON: Officer Jolie
STEVE JOLIE: It says here that this is your first year with the program
LAMPTON: That is correct
STEVE JOLIE: What do you think about the Jumpstreet program?
LAMPTON: I really love being apart of it. It's a great program.
STEVE JOLIE: Have any problems with your coworkers?
LAMPTON: No, no they're all really great people.
STEVE JOLIE: And what about your daughter?
LAMPTON: I really like her too, I guess.
STEVE JOLIE: No, I mean with the kind of hours you must keep, it must be hard being a single parent
LAMPTON: It's hard, but I can handle it
STEVE JOLIE: So there haven't been any special considerations given to you
LAMPTON: No, I'm just another cop
STEVE JOLIE: So everyone here is allowed time off on a whim
LAMPTON: I used my sick days, Officer Jolie.
STEVE JOLIE: And it was okay for you to just take off unexpectedly?
LAMPTON: I took a long weekend after I had finished a case, using my sick days. It's perfectly allowed.
STEVE JOLIE: Do you often take long weekends?
LAMPTON: That was the first time I had taken one
STEVE JOLIE: Do you intend to take more?
LAMPTON: I don't see what this has anything to do with the Jumpstreet program
STEVE JOLIE: You are apart of the Jumpstreet program, are you not?
LAMPTON: Yes
STEVE JOLIE: Then it's relevant
LAMPTON: (Agitated) Perhaps, if the occasion calls for it
STEVE JOLIE: What if something were to happen to your daughter while you were on a case?
LAMPTON: What? Like she was practicing her trapeze act without a net again and broke her neck?
STEVE JOLIE: What?
LAMPTON: I'm kidding
STEVE JOLIE: I'm not
LAMPTON: Just trying to lighten the mood
STEVE JOLIE: What mood?
LAMPTON: This one
STEVE JOLIE: And how would you describe this mood that you're feeling?
LAMPTON: (Sighs) I would be very upset if something where to happen to Emma while I was on a case
STEVE JOLIE: Upset enough to leave, maybe even break cover?
LAMPTON: What kind of injury are we talking about here?
STEVE JOLIE: Falling off a trapeze kind
LAMPTON: I would leave, get into the nearest car and drive to the hospital.
STEVE JOLIE: But would you break cover?
LAMPTON: If I had too, yeah (STEVE JOLIE writes something down) Do you have any kids, Officer Jolie?
STEVE JOLIE: I don't
LAMPTON: Siblings, close friends, puppies?
STEVE JOLIE: I have a brother
LAMPTON: Are you close?
STEVE JOLIE: Yeah
LAMPTON: And let's say that your brother has suddenly been in a tragic car accident, you don't know if he's alive or dead, all you know is that he's in the hospital and nobody's talking. And let's say that this all happens while your undercover, a big drug bust, and you find out about your brother. What would you do?
STEVE JOLIE: This isn't about me
LAMPTON: Too late, it's already about you
STEVE JOLIE: I'd go
LAMPTON: And that's just your brother
STEVE JOLIE: I'm not judging, Officer Lampton
LAMPTON: I never said that you were
STEVE JOLIE: So, you don't believe that you recieve any special considerations because of your status as a single parent?
LAMPTON: No, why would you even think that?
STEVE JOLIE: I just find it intresting that you are the only one filling out paperwork while your peers work very hard on thier cases. I'm sure they wouldn't mind a hand.
LAMPTON: And I would be happy to give them both of mine if they asked
STEVE JOLIE: How long have you been working on that paperwork?
LAMPTON: Just a couple of days
STEVE JOLIE: Intresting
LAMPTON: I have a lot of catching up to do
STEVE JOLIE: And why would that be?
LAMPTON: Everyone always takes a couple of days every once in awhile when things are slow for paperwork. There's a lot of paperwork invovled with minors. It's no special circumstance.
STEVE JOLIE: I'm just making observations, Officer Lampton
LAMPTON: I just don't like the way you're observations seem to be headed, Officer Jolie
JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS, PENHALL, IOKI, and "BLOWFISH" are sitting around the conference table, each with address books out.
"BLOWFISH": We still haven't tried any of my girls
HOFFS: There's a reason for that, Sal
"BLOWFISH": And just what do you mean by that?
PENHALL: That they're all desperate to get married
IOKI: Or are married
HOFFS: I can't believe he and Roxie didn't get along
PENHALL: Oh did you hear, Roxie and Josh are back together
HOFFS: No way! Since when?
PENHALL: Apparently right after her and Hanson's date. He saw them together or somethin', got jealous, and realized that there was still somethin' between them
HOFFS: And she just took him back?
PENHALL: Apparently
IOKI: What about another one of my friends
HOFFS: Oh, he really hated Laurie
IOKI: She was peaceful, I thought he could use that in his life
PENHALL: He does have a lot of stress
"BLOWFISH": You know what, on some level, I think he likes the stress. Thrives off it, even.
HOFFS: I have noticed that
PENHALL: Interesting people, but we still haven't found Fido a date yet!
IOKI: Fido?
HOFFS: Hanson
IOKI: Why are we calling him Fido?
PENHALL: Because he's like a love-sick puppy
IOKI: Oh, so we're speaking' in code now
"BLOWFISH": Yeah, man, you're the cop, you should have known that
IOKI: Some things still manage to get past me, Sal. Unlike you, I don't pick up on each and every little thing.
"BLOWFISH": You're damn right I pick up on each and every little thing
HOFFS: And he didn't like Eva
PENHALL: I can see why
HOFFS: Why? Cause she's my friend.
PENHALL: No because that cell phone is attached to her ear
HOFFS: She's career oriented!
PENHALL: She talks a lot
HOFFS: She's a good conversationalist
PENHALL: She's extremely self-centered
HOFFS: Well
PENHALL: See
HOFFS: You wanted to set him up with a girl named Bambi!
"BLOWFISH": You know a girl named Bambi?
IOKI: Why haven't I met Bambi?
PENHALL: See? Any guy would be happy to be set up with a Bambi, Judy
"BLOWFISH" and IOKI: Yeah
HOFFS: Fine
PENHALL: That settles it, I'm callin' Bambi!
(LAMPTON and STEVE JOLIE exit FULLER'S OFFICE)
LAMPTON: Somethin' tells me you aren't talkin' about the movie, Penhall
STEVE JOLIE: Is Officer Hanson here?
PENHALL: Ah, no, he's out picking up lunch for everyone right now
STEVE JOLIE: When he's back, can you send him into Captain Fuller's office for me?
HOFFS: Sure thing, Officer Jolie
(STEVE JOLIE exits)
LAMPTON: So you're trying to set Hanson up on a date, huh?
(IOKI, HOFFS, PENHALL, and "BLOWFISH" all go silent and look around at each other)
HOFFS: What do you mean, Priss?
LAMPTON: Hanson called me last night and me ended up telling me
PENHALL: Dammit
LAMPTON: What? Why didn't you guys tell me
HOFFS: We didn't think you could keep a secret
LAMPTON: Really now?
IOKI: Well from Hanson, you two seem kinda close. We know you can keep them from teens. But teens are totally different from Hanson.
"BLOWFISH": Yeah, their teens
LAMPTON: Okay
HOFFS: So, yeah
LAMPTON: What's the big secret
HOFFS: Huh?
LAMPTON: You said I couldn't keep a secret, and I don't really know what the secret is
IOKI: That we're plotting against Hanson
LAMPTON: Oh
PENHALL: Yeah, and we don't want him to know
HOFFS: Cause that would ruin our evil plan
LAMPTON: I'll do my best
"BLOWFISH": We'd tell you more, but then you might be tempted to tell Hanson
IOKI: And we wouldn't want you to be tempted
LAMPTON: So you're doing this for my own good
HOFFS: Exactly
(HANSON enters)
"BLOWFISH": Dirty Harry's lookin' for you
HANSON: Is it my turn all ready?
PENHALL: Yep
LAMPTON: Sock him for me, would ya?
HANSON: Something tells me that's not gonna save the department
(ERIC WILSON enters)
ERIC WILSON: Officer Hanson?
HANSON: Yeah?
ERIC WILSON: I'm Officer Wilson, I'll be conducting you're interview. If you would just follow me.
(HANSON and ERIC WILSON exit)
FULLER'S OFFICE. HANSON and ERIC WILSON sit across from each other. ERIC WILSON has notes and writes on a pad of paper throughout the interview.
ERIC WILSON: So, Officer Hanson, this is your first year here at Jumpstreet
HANSON: Yes it is
ERIC WILSON: You like your job?
HANSON: Yes
ERIC WILSON: But you wanted to be a patrol officer?
HANSON: I did
ERIC WILSON: Why?
HANSON: Come again?
ERIC WILSON: Why did you want to be a patrol officer?
HANSON: I guess it was because my dad was a patrol officer
ERIC WILSON: So if you were given the opportunity to be a patrol officer, would you take it?
HANSON: I don't know
ERIC WILSON: It's a yes or no question, Officer Hanson. Either you do, or you don't.
HANSON: Well I don't know, Officer Wilson. I can't make a hypothetical decision. There are all sorts of other factors that go into making a decision like that
ERIC WILSON: Like the decision you made to come to Jumpstreet?
HANSON: It was either this or deskwork, I'm sure you're aware of that fact, Officer Wilson
ERIC WILSON: I am
HANSON: And I like my job here
ERIC WILSON: Have you ever had any disciplinary problems?
HANSON: I'm sure you're aware of each and every one of them. They are all documented in my personal file.
ERIC WILSON: And do you think these disciplinary problems might have resulted from the fact that you where basically forced to join the Jumpstreet program, or do you have some other reason?
HANSON: I don't think my disciplinary problems have anything to do with the Jumpstreet Program.
ERIC WILSON: But how the officers act is a direct reflection of the program itself. And if the program turns out nothing but rule breaking, deadbeat cops, then why keep the program?
HANSON: You think I'm a rule breaking, deadbeat cop?
ERIC WILSON: I never said that
HANSON: But you implied it. Strongly.
ERIC WILSON: You think that's an accurate description of yourself?
HANSON: I think you're full of crap
ERIC WILSON: And here you're file said needs improvement in people skills
HANSON: Funny how some things can be so terribly slanderous
OUTSIDE IN MAIN CHAPEL AREA. LAMPTON and HOFFS sit at HOFFS' DESK.
LAMPTON: So, what's the real reason you didn't tell me that you were all plotting to set Hanson up on blind dates?
HOFFS: Whatda mean?
LAMPTON: I kept my pregnancy a secret from my parents for four months, you really think I can't keep a secret?
HOFFS: What'd they think?
LAMPTON: I was getting fat. They kept pushing fat farms on me.
HOFFS: Attentive
LAMPTON: At least they cared enough about my delicate figure
HOFFS: Sure
LAMPTON: So why didn't you tell me?
HOFFS: No reason
LAMPTON: Judy
HOFFS: We just didn't think you'd be interested
LAMPTON: I work with you undercover, Judy, I know when you're lying
HOFFS: It's nothing, really, Priss. Just leave it alone.
FULLER'S OFFICE. HANSON and ERIC WILSON sit across from each other. ERIC WILSON has notes and writes on a pad of paper throughout the interview.
ERIC WILSON: Your fellow officers seem very concerned about you
HANSON: What do you mean?
ERIC WILSON: Well they're all trying to set you up on dates, I'd say that's concern
HANSON: They mean well, not concern
ERIC WILSON: Really from our observations this is quite a social program
HANSON: I like my coworkers, is that a problem?
ERIC WILSON: Do you think it interferes with your work?
HANSON: I think it helps
ERIC WILSON: How so?
HANSON: Cause I always know who I'm working with, what their limits are, and it adds a bit of authenticity when we go into these schools
ERIC WILSON: Understandable. But do you think that kind of bonding could occur at other precincts?
HANSON: Not like here
ERIC WILSON: Why not?
HANSON: Because it's smaller and we all share a sort of bond
ERIC WILSON: The fact that you all had to come here against your will?
HANSON: I wouldn't phrase it like that
ERIC WILSON: But this assignment was none of yours first choices, correct?
HANSON: Yea, but
ERIC WILSON: Interesting thing to bond over
HANSON: Whatever works
ERIC WILSON: Do you think you became a police officer because your dad was one?
HANSON: I guess
ERIC WILSON: So this wasn't just some kind of life-long ambition for you?
HANSON: I guess not
ERIC WILSON: Do you think the fact that your father died so young might have had a negative effect on you?
HANSON: Would you believe me if I said it didn't
ERIC WILSON: I'm just wondering if your disciplinary problems are deep rooted or caused by the lackadaisical environment provided by the Captain?
HANSON: Captain Fuller is a good captain. My slightly disagreeable actions are of my own accord. Don't twist that on him
ERIC WILSON: So they're deep rooted
HANSON: I never said that
ERIC WILSON: Are they?
HANSON: No
ERIC WILSON: Then I have to blame Captain Fuller for his lack of discipline
HANSON: I've had plenty of discipline
ERIC WILSON: Then why are you a repeat offender?
HANSON: I never repeat the same mistakes. I make different ones.
ERIC WILSON: In your record from the academy you were a by the book kind of guy. You followed everything to the letter, without question. What else changed?
HANSON: I became an actual cop and realized that the book isn't always right
ERIC WILSON: You sure about that?
HANSON: Positive. Are we done here?
ERIC WILSON: One more question
HANSON: What?
ERIC WILSON: Do you think the Jumpstreet Program is a viable department?
HANSON: Of course I do
ERIC WILSON: Why?
HANSON: That's two
ERIC WILSON: That's a continuation of the first. You never let me finish my sentence.
HANSON: Because it is. End of interview.
(HANSON exits)
THE NEXT NIGHT. RESTURANT. HANSON sits looking bored in a restaurant across from an empty chair. Eventually his eyes lock with ANNIE HART in a similar situation. ANNIE motions HANSON over.
HANSON: Hi
ANNIE: You being stood up too?
HANSON: Is it that obvious?
ANNIE: The bored meets 'I can't believe I agreed to this' look kinda gave you away
HANSON: Well you ain't lookin' to pleased to be here either
ANNIE: Being stood up by someone you've never met ushers in a whole new emotional low
HANSON: I'm Tom Hanson
ANNIE: Annie Hart
HANSON: Mind if I sit here?
ANNIE: Please
THE NEXT DAY. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. IOKI, "BLOWFISH", LAMPTON, HOFFS, PENHALL, HANSON, and FULLER sit around the CONFERENCE TABLE.
FULLER: It seems that we have somehow managed to pass their little test
HOFFS: That's good news, right, Captain?
FULLER: Yes and no
PENHALL: No?
FULLER: They want me to transfer one of you out of here.
IOKI: What?
FULLER: In order to keep our program, we can't take up so much of the budget. We now have an even smaller piece of the pie, people.
LAMPTON: And there's nothing else we can do?
FULLER: I don't know. I'm getting a lot of pressure from headquarters to transfer one of you out.
PENHALL: Who is it, Captain?
FULLER: I don't know
HANSON: How long do you have?
FULLER: I don't know
IOKI: You know anything?
FULLER: That I have to get rid of somebody
HOFFS: But we're a family, Captain
FULLER: Apparently family wasn't budgeted
HANSON: What are we going to do, Captain?
FULLER: I'm working on it, Hanson, but it's not looking good.
END CREDITS.