Bit of an odd chapter here, split into three. Thanks to all who are reading and reviewing.
Shayna sits with Serenity on the sofa, handing her a slice of pizza. "Serenity," she says to her daughter. The girl looks up at her, her green eyes happier than they have been for the eight years of her life. "Do you remember I told you I named you after my mum? Your granny?"
"Yeah. Granny Serena," she happily replies. "You're looking for her." She bites her pizza and Shayna hands her a glass of water, knowing food tending to stick in Serenity's throat. She takes it gratefully and gulps it down until Shayna takes it from her.
"You'll make yourself sick, sweetheart," she gently scolds Serenity's haste. Her mind flits back to the corridor, hearing her mother call her what she has just called her daughter; they are three generations of women cut from the same cloth, strong and flexible but fraying at the edges. Three women who have faced their own hells, even if the youngest is only eight years into her life. "Do you want to meet her?" she asks when Serenity is able to answer her.
"Can I?" she asks, and it's clear she's excited at the prospect. "Mummy, why have we never had anybody but Daddy?" It's a concept Shayna can't fully explain because she doesn't fully understand it herself. All she knows is that one day last year she had looked around her and there had been nobody but her innocent daughter and her abusive husband, and, without her even noticing, her life had contracted to within a five mile radius.
Shayna huffs a sigh and admits, "Serenity, your dad isn't always a nice man."
"I know," she replies simply. "I saw him hurt you." It shocks Shayna to realise that, despite her best efforts to keep it hidden, her daughter had seen the abuse for what it had been. If she sees the abuse then she sees the fear, and if she sees the fear then she sees the desperation. "Did he make the marks on your hands?"
Shayna doesn't answer and Serenity doesn't protest or demand anything. She just eats in silence and accepts now isn't the right time. She's always been like that. She's a very accepting young girl, who knows right from wrong but has never been able to act on it because of her father's warped ideas. But at least Serena seems to have a solid morality – in comparison to her son-in-law, anyway, but that would never be an unfavourable comparison. Not in a million years.
She switches on the TV to distract Serenity from the conversation, and she thinks back to how today took such a drastic turn. All Serena had done was try to stand up for a nurse on her ward, and instead she had been confronted by her daughter. Shayna doesn't understand how she had remained so calm; she had expected to receive a verbal beating for the manner in which she had revealed it, however unintentional, but instead her mother had sedately explained her reasons and her love. Shayna can't doubt it. She can't doubt her mother loves her.
She feels her phone vibrate in her pocket and sees the caller ID. She presses 'ignore' and hastily puts it back in her hoodie. He's looking for her and eventually he will find her.
The storm is coming.
Serena sits once more in her living room with Ric; why had she kissed him? After vowing to herself never to allow her heart to win her head over when it comes to Ric, she's kissed him, and she doesn't even regret it. He's the first truly decent man she's fallen for. He's never tried with intent to hurt her. He's never made her feel like she doesn't deserve the air she breathes. He's never put his hands on her and he's never tried to manipulate her. He's only been there, next to her, for two years.
She tells herself that she hadn't meant to kiss him, and that she's only seeking his comfort, not his love.
After her realisation that she's not only a mother but a grandmother too, she had fallen silent and he had sat down with a thoroughly amused smirk. After ten minutes of companionable silence, he says, "You look good. You know, for a grandmother." Serena's mouth drops open and she lets out a laugh; she picks up a cushion and hits him over the head with it. He reaches out and squeezes her thigh lightly, letting her know it's only a joke.
"Do you know how old that makes me feel?" she grumbles.
"You're only forty-eight, Serena," he reminds her. "You're much younger than I am." She traces the back of his hand with her fingertips, feeling him slowly link his fingers with hers. "You'll make a lovely granny." Serena cringes to herself at the idea, but she knows she'll love her granddaughter.
"You know, Shayna named her daughter Serenity," she quietly tells him.
"After you," he replies. She looks around at him and lets him see it all. Everything she feels, for once, is laid bare for him to see. "She's always loved you, and you've got to stop doubting that."
"I expected her to hate me." She stares at the floor, unable to look at Ric as she admits that she had always believed her child despised her. "All these years, I thought she must have hated me."
"People react in different ways," Ric reasons. "Some people allow themselves to be blinded by confusion, anger and hatred, and others find a way to understand and accept things for what they are. Shayna's got her head screwed on – something she must get from her mum." He shuffles closer to her and pushes his arm between the sofa and her back, pulling her into his side. "I know you've never been able to brace yourself for all this, and it must be hard to make sense of it. But don't think of it as the past coming back to haunt you. Think of it as your new beginning."
She turns her head and leans her chin on his shoulder. "Mr. Insightful himself," she accuses lightly, though she can't hide the smile beginning to creep onto her lips. "You always know what to say, don't you?"
"It's either give you my insights or watch you struggle," he confesses quietly. "I've seen you when you struggle and I'm not putting myself through that again."
"Cheeky."
"True though." In that moment, his eyes bright and sparkling, his smile wide and charming, Serena doesn't think she has ever felt so attracted to the man. There's just something about him that she can't help but adore, and every time she looks, that something is something different from the last time. "But I guess I can overlook your temperament, since you're so beautiful." He is winding her up and she knows it, but it takes a lot of effort not to pull her defences back up so quickly after letting them drop.
He leans in and kisses her, and this time it's no mistake, and there is definitely no hesitance. Her breath catches in her throat for just a moment before she reminds herself he is safe. She smiles against his lips and wraps an arm around the back of his neck. She pushes his jacket off his shoulders and lets her hand fall down his back, feeling the warmth of his body leaning softly into hers. Her own shirt falls easily off, leaving her in her grey top as she leans back to give him easier access to her.
She feels his hands wander down to her hips, lightly holding her to the sofa. His fingers touch her stomach and she lets the floodgates break open. Every emotion hits her there and then, and she has two options: take his love or break down and cry. She knows she'll end up doing the latter at some point anyway but she would rather Ric doesn't have to witness that ugly scene.
Serena stops him and takes his hand, pulling him up the stairs to her bedroom. Tonight she needs him; he is what is stopping her deluge of feelings flooding over her, and his touch is a comfort she had never thought she would want again. Taking complete control, she gently kicks the ajar door wide open and kisses him fiercely until it's his back against the wall. He pulls her top over her head, and she does the same to him.
She isn't aware of him undressing her after that point until he picks her up and lays her on the bed. She can feel him kiss her neck and she pulls him closer; she can't remember a man who is so gentle but passionate at the same time, and so careful but so confident. They are laid bare in every way, skin against skin, breath against breath, touch against touch, heartbeat against heartbeat, crossing the treacherous ground between friendship and love, and the unseen warnings in between.
Their fingers interlocked, they take each other for everything they've got, and give each other everything they have left in them, with no holding back.
It's one in the morning, or thereabouts, when Shayna's phone vibrates yet again. He was due back in the country yesterday but she had assumed that he would have drank himself into oblivion for a few days before hassling her. Evidently she had been mistaken. He's phoned her seven times in as many hours, and she's ignored every one of his calls. She wishes she could bar his number but she's not sure if she can even do it on her smartphone.
He terrifies her, and she sees now that it is totally wrong. All their relationship has ever been is wrong, but he's a convincing liar. It's the most frightening things about him, that ability to make a person believe whatever he say, even if it's just lies and deceit and nonsense. He may not have hit Serenity – yet – but she's watched him start to make his attempts to warp their daughter into a mini version of him. She won't have it. He's got off with too much for far too long.
This is why she wants her mum. She's left herself in isolation and she knows he has his means, and that when he gets hold of her, he's going to try and make her regret being born. He has no idea she's come in search of her mother, or even that her mother is still alive, because she's never trusted him not to block off that means of escape.
If he's calling her every hour then he can't be that drunk, and she isn't sure she likes that. If he's drunk then there is only so far he can travel, but there are no limits to what he would do to get his own way when he's drunk. She wants him to just vanish into thin air without another word to sting her or another slap to stun her. She wishes never to happen across him again but she knows it's in vain. He's a determined man.
But he's also intimidated by her abilities as a nurse and as a human being, and her intelligence; the honest fact of the matter is that he isn't intelligent. He's devious, and, to Shayna, there is a massive difference there. She's determined to outdo him, and she's determined to start afresh here without his influence.
The phone vibrates once more and she picks it up with a heavy sigh. This time it's a text message, and a perfectly sober one at that, if the grammar is anything to go by: Keep running. I will find you.
It sends a shot of fear straight through her and she reaches the uncomfortable conclusion that she's lived this for far too long. A woman shouldn't have to fear her husband. A man shouldn't have to fear his wife. After all, if she fears him and he fears her, what kind of a marriage can it really be?
Reviews/comments welcomed.