Disclaimer (warning: I don't speak fluent Czech)- Nemám vlastní soumrak

Here's 2 random little shouts:

gotbooks93 – Haha I tooollddd you it would get a lot worse! (or better for the two of us sadistic freaks lmao) and it's going to keep goin like this!

Hardcore Klutz: Haha the little stereo bit in here is for you! (because we both love great acoustics) ;) Btw. I did my research like a good girl…so the stereo and everything are real. Lmao

Replies to all your wonderful reviews are at the end of the story, as usual. Lmao

Important!! –Androphobia is a mental disorder in which a woman has an abnormal or persistent fear of men... And Stendhal Syndrome is kinda weird to explain… look it up ;)

Lyrics

'I still can't believe Jazz out played me! He must have cheated….' Emmett

'What was that about? I've never felt his emotions rage out of control like that before…' Jasper

I slid farther down into my seat, a small portion of my head formulating an excuse for him.

'I hope he's alright, he looked pretty upset when he left lunch…' Alice

I still felt unbearably guilty that she wasn't angry for how I had behaved toward her last week. She was far too understanding. I made a mental note to give her my credit card for a shopping spree.

'My hair was perfect today, I'm going to have to wear it the same way tomorrow…' Rosalie

I heard each of my sibling's distinctive footsteps, still in the schools hallway. I pulled into the middle of the row, willing them to walk faster. I didn't even care about the line staring to form behind me.

Outside my Volvo I could hear even more unpleasant thoughts.

'I still can't believe she turned me down! Now I'm stuck with Jess. Man, what I wouldn't give to dance with Bella. I'll bet she knows how to dance dirty too…'

I snarled through clenched teeth and glared murderously at Newton as he passed. The idea of torturing him –slowly and painfully- was quickly shifting toward to becoming a reality. How long would he be able to stay alive with his severed arm shoved down his throat? It might be interesting to watch…

'What the hell!?' Frightened panic spasmed across his face when he noticed me, and he took off into a dead sprint to his car. I took a sadistic pleasure in his fear.

'Shoot, I forgot to pick up my…'

'I can't wait for the party this weekend…'

'Mike looks bent up. I bet he wishes he had said yes when I asked…' Jessica Stanley

'Ugh, I can't believe how much weight I gained…'

'She turned down Mike, so that means I still have a chance…'

I instantly straightened out of my slouched position to get a better look in my rearview mirror.

Eric Yorkie was fidgeting nervously beside his rusty, green Impala. All it took was a fourteenth of a second for any trace of rage and hatred to completely evaporate. I didn't have to read her mind to know how utterly uninterested she was in the greasy imbecile behind me.

Then I heard the familiar lull of a heartbeat. Her heartbeat.

Just the sound of it made my stomach convulse painfully and my mouth boil with excess venom. With no clear reasoning, I reached over and buckled my seatbelt, praying it would somehow manage to hold me back.

My bizarre reaction made me feel even more psychotic than usual. I hadn't thought it possible.

The feeling intensified when my eyes refused to stray away from her as she strode to her car. The swing of her hips and light whisper of her breathing were mesmerizing. I greedily took in every detail of her form. Only the smallest voice in my head was yelling how disturbing I was behaving. I quickly silenced it; admiring as she lightly chewed on her full bottom lips and how the dim light managed to sparkle in the depths of her dark brown eyes.

She walked past without noticing me. I vaguely noted the dark rings under her eyes; was she not sleeping well?

'Now's my chance' He quickly and awkwardly made his way over the large red truck as Bella climbed in.

"Hey Eric," She smiled, the air puffing out of her as she hefted the backpack into the passenger's seat.

'She said hi to me!' "Hey Bella," He half snorted, grinning hysterically.

"What's up?" She toyed idly with something in her hands –bored. I angled myself to get a better look through the mirror. There was still a small dent in her front fender from Crowlie's van.

'Play it cool, no big deal…'

I already felt my amusement prickling and a grin forming. This was going to be good. I was blocking the exit with my car; she wouldn't be able to escape.

"Uh, I was just wondering…"he stuttered "If you would go to the spring dance with me?" His voice cracked into a high pitched squeak on the last word. I burst out laughing.

She dropped whatever was in her hands, and I heard it clatter in her lap; it must be keys.

"I thought it was girls' choice," She sounded startled, and I choked down another laugh.

'Crap! What do I say now…' "Well, yeah," He blushed furiously.

Oh, what a brilliant response.

She quickly recovered from the initial surprise and smiled warmly down at him.

An unknown emotion stabbed at me when I realized something. She hadn't even been able to stand looking at me in the classroom, let alone smiling.

My grin quickly faded.

"Thank you for asking me, but I'm going to be in Seattle that day."

The same excuse she had thrown out for Newton…

'Darn,' "Oh, well maybe next time," He added hopefully.

"Sure," She agreed. It was a clear lie.

Was she an Androphobic?

His expression brightened, 'Awesome! I have a date with Bella Swan!' and he all but skipped away. I offhandedly felt a pang of sympathy for him.

Seconds –seeming closer to hours- ticked past. I watched her face very carefully as the smile fell into what couldn't be misconstrued as anything but misery. She was miserable.

The hollow pit which had, for the past weeks, remained frozen and iced over was suddenly burning- abruptly swelling and scalded in my chest, shooting fire through my veins. With what… Vengeance? Malice? Hate? Isn't this exactly what I had wanted- for her to be miserable? More unbearably long seconds drudged past as I critically examined the depth of her eyes in the mirror; they weren't sparking anymore, and the dark bluish rings under her eyes seemed more prominent now. My fingers twitched; urging me to do something, anything. To take action on the unnamable emotion.

Hadn't I openly damned her to Hades every chance I received? Hadn't I wanted nothing more than her demise and cursed her with the same agony and suffering that she had inflicted upon me? Wasn't this what I had wanted from the very beginning?

'What is Edward having an anxiety attack over now?'

Jaspers thoughts startled me. Anxiety? I revaluated the situation.

I took in her too-thin figure, recently too-pale skin, the dark circles under her eyes, and her wretched expression. The burning in my chest boiled over- and then it hit me. It wasn't anxiety; I was worried. I was concerned about her well being

A whirlwind of confusion ravaged my thoughts. Why would I be worried about her? I had completely cut any ties with her last class period. I didn't have to acknowledge her prescience anymore. I didn't have to live in agony anymore. I was free. I wasn't supposed to care anymore. Was I?

Why had her behavior changed so drastically over the past month? Her ill looking appearance was clearly self- induced. Was there something I could do to stop it? I heard nothing but deep silencer as I bore into her mind.

Seven seconds had passed since Yorkie left.

'Yes! She turned Eric down…'

I took a quick glance as Crowlie jogged toward us, and then back to the small girl behind me, not wanting to miss a single movement she made. She quickly slammed the door and starting her car. She must have seen him coming.

'…now is my chance.'

She glanced warily over at him.

Through my jumbled mess of dark emotions, I could already feel the tingling amusement buried deep beneath them.

Then her expression shifted drastically.

For a fifteenth of a second, her furiously perturbed glare met mine. It was blatantly clear she didn't see the humor in my roadblock. I laughed, nearly forgetting about the previous dilemma. She didn't look miserable anymore- she looked pissed.

Rolling down her window halfway, she tore her livid eyes away from mine, and forced a weak smile over her scowl. Her head snapped towards to boy waiting expectantly outside. "I'm sorry, Tyler, I'm stuck behind Cullen," her right eye twitched when she said the last word.

'I never thought I'd have a reason to thank Edward for something,', "Oh, I know- I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here." His ecstatic grin grew wider, and Bella's eyes grew very wide in disbelief. "Will you ask me to the spring dance?"

Her jaw dropped as she blushed an odd shade of purple. This was, beyond doubt, the funniest thing I had ever witnessed. Her right eye twitched again; she must be tremendously aggravated. I could feel the crazed grin plastered across my face.

"Sorry, Tyler," her jaw snapped shut, "I really am going out of town."

"That's cool," 'I guess Mike was right' "We still have prom," 'At least he can't ask her to that dance before me.'

She scowled at the back of his head as he walked away.

In the back of my head I was deciphering her reasoning for turning them down. Eric Yorkie was for obvious reasons, but the logic behind Mike and Tyler was unclear. Lauren Mallory was no friend to Bella, so she wouldn't have said no to Crowlie for her sake. Even though Jessica Stanley was an acquaintance to her, Newton had made it very clear how uninterested he was in her. The tone of her voice had made it blatantly obvious that she wasn't really going out of town. Maybe I was completely wrong…

This whole situation was becoming more and more ridiculous, and the same nagging frustration of my inability to hear her thoughts was unbearably unsettling. It made me feel vulnerable.

Then her glare shot back to me, beyond fury. Red-hot flames blazed threateningly in her eyes.

I grinned back, challenging her. She took the bait and the flames exploded, I could nearly feel the heat of aggression rolling off of her in thick waves.

'Edward, I'd like to talk to you in private once we get home.' Jasper.

I nodded without looking up at him –still grinning- never moving my eyes from the girl's reflection.

'Great, just great. I got mud on the hem of my jeans.' Rosalie

"Hey bro," Emmett greeted me off handedly as my siblings climbed into their regular seats- Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper in the back, Alice in the passenger's seat.

'Edward?'

I infinitesimally tilted me head upwards, to let my tiny sister know I was listening.

'I don't know what you did to tick her off, but we should probably get out of her pretty quick.'

In the mirror, the livid girl's eyes narrowed and the corners of her lips pulled into a malicious grin. What evil was she coordinating in her head? Even while plotting against me, she managed to look beautiful.

What a strange pair we made. She was a compulsive liar, and I seemed to have contracted Stendhal Syndrome.

'If you value the Volvo's paint job, you will floor it out of here,'

My paint job? What had Alice foreseen? As if on cue, there was the monstrous thunder of her truck's revving engine. She was planning to rear ending me.

I couldn't hold in my laughter any longer as I pressed the acceleration pedal to the ground. I could see her violent glare in the mirror as we flew out of the parking lot, and down the road. It only made me laugh harder.

I couldn't stop laughing, every time it would slow down, I would remember the look on her face when Yorkie had asked her to the dance, or her furious glare- challenging me. If I was human, I would surely be crying by now.

It was nice, after being cold for so long I suddenly felt warm- As warm as a half-dead man could get at least. I smiled.

"I can't keep up with you man," Emmett groaned from the backseat, "One minute you're super pissed, and the next you are happy as a clam."

"Just ignore him, he's a freak." Rosalie sneered under her breath.

Alice swiftly turned around with a scolding glare "You guy's shouldn't complain so much."

"As you wish," Emmett grumbled sarcastically in response.

'Don't worry, I got your back' my tiny sister gave me a wink as she sat back down.

I smiled appreciatively down at her. It was nice to have some positive affection in this dark time.

It didn't escape my notice that Jasper had remained unusually quiet, staring intently out the back window. It probably had something to do with why he wanted to talk to me. I didn't bother him.

Small twigs and dirt clods crunched under the car's tires as we slowed to a halt in the driveway. No one hesitated to hurry outside.

"Hey Em," Rosalie called over her shoulder as she strode off into the garage, "come lift the BMW up while I take out the governor."

I rolled my eyes; taking out the main governor would exponentially increase the car's speed. I would have to do the same thing later tonight.

"Whatever you say babe," He grinned and followed dutifully after her.

'I wonder where I could buy a pair of earrings to match this…' Alice was already upstairs in her room.

There was only one person left….

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

I turned around to see Jasper with a wary expression on his face.

"Of course," I nodded.

He turned to slowly walk into the house, motioning for me to follow.

For a moment neither of us said anything, he seemed undecided about talking - like he was worried about my reaction. Guilt stabbed at my chest and my optimistic mood dissolved. Of course he was worried about my reaction; I'd given my whole family good reason to have doubt in me.

"I'm not going to make you talk to me," He finally said in a low voice, 'But I'd like to tell you something'

I nodded, too ashamed to look at him. We kept up our slow pace as we walked through the front door.

"Emmett may be too unobservant to notice…and Rose is too selfish to pick up on it…but…" He paused for a moment, carefully deliberating his next choice of words, "I want to help you."

I glanced hesitantly up at him, "What do you mean?"

He sighed and stared intently at the slow passing floorboards beneath us, "I feel everything that you feel," another pause, "Since the very beginning, since Alice and I became a part of this family… I have never felt these emotions around you before…" He cast a cautious glance at me, 'I'm not sure that you know how to handle them…'

Gradually his words sank in, because I knew he was right.

I offhandedly noticed that everyone was coincidentally busy in their rooms or in the garage- giving us some space to talk I assumed.

"Like I said, you don't have to tell me anything, and I don't expect you to. I just don't want you to have to deal with this alone…" He trailed off, waiting to see what my response would be.

"Your right, I don't know how to deal with it," I admitted under my breath, feeling oddly embarrassed "I don't even know what it is that I'm feeling most of the time."

A moment of silence passed.

"I could tell you if you'd like," He offered

I took a fraction of a second to think it through. Part of me wanted desperately for some form of release –to know exactly what I was dealing with. To be able to place the strange –sometimes infuriating- emotions, and figure out a way to deal with them. The other part wasn't as accepting of the idea. If he told me, I would have 

to live with his response. The same part also didn't know if I was strong enough. Whatever the human girl had managed to dig up, it might be better to leave them nameless- to not know exactly what I was feeling. It was too scared to know his answer.

But I knew what I had to do.

"Yes," I agreed, not giving myself time to change my mind, "Tell me,"

He sighed in relief and slowed to a halt on the top stair. "Most of the time, you are frightened" his expression softened, "And confused, and you feel alone."

I nodded, so far he his responses weren't far off from what I had expected.

"Why am I so angry at them… at the human boys?" I asked in a whisper

He turned his gaze back to the floorboards, "You're jealous"

"Jealous?" I gasped, unable to hide my initial shock.

Like a horrific train crash, my thoughts all crashed into each other.

He nodded, "And today in the car, you were…" He smiled weakly over at me "You were happy. Happier than I've felt you in a long time."

None of his answers were making any sense. Each syllable just piled on top of the other, each word making the other one even more baffling. Confused chaos raved my thoughts. I strained to separate each word, to try and make sense of what he was saying. Nothing made sense…

"Why?" I managed to force out with a deep exhale.

His expression remained calm –serene- as he placed his hand on my shoulder. I felt the immediate effects as cool, tingling sensations rippled through me. Ever so slowly I managed to soften my train of thought. I tried to put the pieces back together.

"The human girl," He gently released my shoulder "I can feel you when you are with her in class, you are so happy, so content… but at the same time you are hungry…and angry, and miserable"

"Because of Bella?" I whispered.

He nodded, "You know how I feel about our situation with the human girl. I think we would be better off eliminating the threat…"

Cold, panicked horror spasmed through me at the thought.

"But," he continued quickly, not giving me the chance to respond, "I trust you, and I know you would never do anything to endanger our family."

"Never," I shook my head. My family was more important than anything.

"I just thought you should know what you're dealing with…" He trailed off.

I tried to force a smile as I looked up at him. I failed miserably. "Thank you"

'We all care about you Edward… you don't have to deal with this by yourself.'

I nodded as he turned to walk back down the stairs. Unlike everyone else in the house, Jasper had always understood my need for personal space. Slowly, I made my way down the hall to my room.

None of his words had sunken in yet- like the calm before the storm. I decided to try and analyze every word separately.

He said that I was happy around her. As much as it pained me to admit it, I knew he was right. Whenever I saw her smile, or heard her laugh, or could see her animated expressions- my heart swelled. I had never felt it before, and it scared me. I found a strange, undeniable enjoyment in being near her- like there was no hollow pit in my chest.

He had said that I was content near her. He was right again, I still couldn't come close to even guessing why, but when she wasn't beside me –when I wasn't sure that she was safe- I was on edge and anxious. When I could see her in the hallways at school, or beside me in class, or even across the parking lot, I felt relief. I knew that she couldn't be hurt by anyone or anything- except by me.

He said I was jealous. Suddenly, like someone pulling up the blind on a window, I saw everything clearly. I was jealous of them. That was why I wanted to murder anyone who looked at her, and that was why I conjured up ways to get rid of. I was jealous, because they could talk and touch her like I never could. I had no right to covet her, but I did. I felt like no one was deserving of her, myself included. She wasn't mine, but I wanted desperately to have some kind of claim on her. But it would never, could never happen…

He said that I was hungry. This was one of the few things that actually made sense. I wanted nothing more than to drink in every last drop of the precious crimson liquids that pumped below the thin layer of nearly translucent skin, to feel the warmth of it flowing through my teeth, quenching my agony and mercilessly painful thirst. If I could taste but one drop, I would gladly die a thousand painful deaths. The scent of her skin was the most exquisite aroma in the universe. My throat dried out and my muscles coiled at the thought, so I quickly continued to the next word.

He said I was angry. This too made sense. Just the thought of her behavior made my skin boil. She had no right to ruin my life like she had. I had done my best to try and amend myself for what I was. I had done everything imaginable since my return from my brief absence, to be nothing but a virtuous being. Then she had arrived, forever altering my life for the worse. She was ungrateful that I had saved her, and that I spent every second of every day in pain, resisting slaughtering her. She was defiant and cruel and maddening; I had a right to be angry.

He said I was miserable. As much as I was furious at the very thought of her, and as much as I would more than eagerly sink my teeth into her warm flesh, I couldn't bear the thought of her not existing the world. She had invaded my every thought, and had shaken down my resolve. I knew that, even if she disappeared forever, I would still be immeasurably infatuated with her for years, probably even centuries. I was miserable because there was nothing I could do about it. I was condemned to be one of the walking dead for all eternity, and she was not. She was now and always would be forbidden to me. It was that simple.

My mind was quickly slipping into numbness from the intensity of it all, and my hand trembled as I opened my door.On the other side of the room was something I had not been expecting. On top of my dresser, was a sleek black stereo system. Confused, I snatched the note from on top of it. It was written in a familiar, nearly unreadable scrawl.

Hey Eddie,

I overheard Jazz and Alice talking about you the other day. They said you were going through a pretty rough time. Sorry bro, I know I'm not that understanding all the time. But your present let's me off the hook right? It's an IFA 2009 with Mark Levinsonit speakers. They were a pain in the ass to get a hold of too. I had to go personally go pick it up since they aren't legally available yet. Ok, don't get me wrong, because this was all MY idea, but Rose was the one who picked them out. I know she's not the best at being nice, but she really does care about you.

Enjoy the acoustics,

Em.

P.s. You still owe me a rematch in a snowball fight. I say we go hunting in Alaska next week!

I couldn't help but laugh, my heavy spirits lightening a little. I already knew that, when added together, they totaled up to a little more than million dollars. Esme was going to give him grief about it when she found out.

I smiled, and switched it on.

A deep, resounding voice –probably a pastor- was preaching vigorously to a crowd.

"I've spent most of my life walking under that hovering cloud, jealousy, whose acid raindrops blurred my vision and burned holes in my heart."

Dammit.

I quickly switched the channel, and the words of an unfamiliar, generic, techno song blared through.

"We're one mistake from being together
Let's not ask why it's not right
You won't be seventeen forever
And we can get away with this tonight."

I silently growled and cursed under my breath, then clicked to the next channel. Slow, rhythmic guitar strums flowed from the speakers, and a soft female voice started singing.

"I can't run anymore, I fall before you. Here I am, I have nothing left, I've tried to forget, but you're all that I am."

Click.

"Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same"

Click.

"I'll take the pain for you
I'll be the shield for you
needless to say
I'll stand in your way
I'll take the shot for you
I'll give my life for you."

Click.

"It's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late."

"Oh for god's sake!" I snarled, ready to just crush the cursed device before me. It was clearly a tool of the devil.

Before I could do anything irrational, I quickly reached shut it off, but the lyrics to the song caught my attention.

"Here I am, beside your bed,

You don't know I'm here, and you look so lovely while you sleep,

So I'll just watch you, and you will never know."

With another click, I was left in the deafening silence of my room. The song still echoes in my head. For a very long moment I stood perfectly still, reasoning with the decision I was about to make. It would be pushing things to the utmost extreme.

I wrestled furiously with was right, and with what I wanted. I could go to her house, to try and make sense of the chaotic mess my life had turned into. I could watch her while she slept, and she would never know. No one would know, and no one would be at risk. No one except Bella.

If I lost control for a single second, let my guard down for even the slightest moment. There was not a shred of doubt in my mind that if the monster had the chance, he would take her. She would die.

Was I really that selfish? That cruel?

The song echoed in my head.

I clenched my fists, and ground my teeth. I was strong enough for this. I could just go for a short minute, to try and unravel one of my many problems; she owed me that much. I wasn't sure how being near her would help, but I had to do something. Anything would be better than just sitting here.

I wanted to see her.

Without allowing myself to reason with my decision, I took off into a dead sprint down the stairs. No one heard it when the door shut behind me. Only a fifth of a second later, the house was a mile behind.

I was unarguably to cruelest, most selfish, disgusting creature on the planet for doing this. If I killed her, none of the humans would be able to make any sense of it. I would get away scot-free.

What made my whole body go rigid from horror and fear was the picture of her –Bella- lying cold and unmoving on her bed. Her deep brown eyes flat in color and her skin ashen.

Just the thought of it made me snarl. I would never let that happen. She would never be harmed at my hand.

I was not weak. I leaned forward and pushed myself harder. The trees flashed past at incredible speeds.

Suddenly –as her small white house came into view- my confident demeanor faltered, and then crashed to the ground.

In my head a whole new set of lyrics was echoing- a song that would haunt me forever.

"So my dear, I'm sorry it had to end like this,

As you lay on your back, never to move again.

I should have warned you that this would happen.

I'm sorry for my lack of self control."

SHOUT OUTS!!

CullenLover – Hooray! Lmao thank you so much for reading my story! It seriously like makes my day when I get online and someone left me a review. Haha and as for me updating… trust me it happens more than it probably should, most of the time its every other day. Haha im weak, I loooovvee writing this story! It's like crack. Haha. Well anywho, thank you soooo insanely much for your support and I hope I don't disappoint you!! Xoxo! (Haha Btw. I love the name, mine was CullenBoysLover for a while)

Hardcore Klutz – Haha trust me. Never once in this entire story will Edward ever come close to harming it. I simply adore his piano! (and the music that is made by it) And hey! He has a new stereo now! (with even better acoustics than the last one ;) Lmao I can promise you right now that I will in no way shape or form quit writing this story. It's pretty much all I think about when I have any free second to spare! If you have any other opinion about what you think should or shouldn't happen later on definitely let me know!! Thank you for being such a devoted reader!! Xoxo! Thanks!

anime123456781 – Haha why thank you : ) it means a lot to have someone not judge my writing so harshly. I really appreciate it. and thanks for writing a review, even if you were totally tired. Lol Xoxo

HorsecrazyJr. – You are so friggin awesome! Haha your like my unofficial grammar/spelling/pronunciation checker! Thank you so much for helping me out with stuff! I'm totally new to this and I'm an awful speller the way it is lmao I just lay in bed and picture exactly how I think Edward would react to certain situations. It's just kind of tough to put it into words AND use proper grammar. Haha Thank you so much for your extra effort!! You rroocckk.

xxxafc – Haha You totally gave me the idea for the nickname Eddie in your last review. Your wonderful! : ) Thanks for the inspiration!! If you have any other cute idea's definitely let me know! This story is for you guys as well as myself. : )

spyroeldragon – Jeepers! Lmao thank you! Its so crazy when people refer to me as an author, cause im completely not. Lmao I'm a regular girl who spends waaayyy to much time thinking about Twilight and when I start writing something I HAVE to finish it or else it's pretty much all I think about lmao. Thank you so much for your support. I will definitely update as soon as I can! (I can get pretty pathetically obsessive over this story, so it won't be long at all.) : ) Xoxoxoxo!

x.charli.x – Haha I know! I was like hhmmmm…. How would Mike think…. I really do believe that he's a good guy and really does care about Bella, but he is still a normal, perverted, kinda self absorbed teenage boy lmao. And maybe I'm going a little bit over the top with Edwards jealousy, lol, I dunno… if I was a 107 

year old vampire who had been completely alone my whole life, and just randomly stumbled upon someone that completely flipped my world around (whether I knew I liked her or not) I would be pretty over the top about it too! Lmao. Thank you for reading and reviewing!! I definitely (more than) appreciate it!

alfalfa7 – Thank you so very much for reading this and taking it a step farther, and reviewing. It means a lot. I'll definitely update as often as I possibly can. Which will probably (when squeezed between work and play) mean once or twice a week. Thank you again for your support : )

Jaciira – Haha thank you! Trust me, I read a tttooonnn of Midnight Sun stories… but there was something off on them. Like he wasn't jealous enough, or he wasn't handling things that I think he would have. I try to like honestly picture myself as him, and try to see how he was feeling or thinking. Wow that sounds weird, lmao I'm probably just crazy ; ) Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'll update as often as possible Xoxo.