Disclaimer: I do not not own Hey Arnold.
AN: Thank you for reading.
"Arnold?...Arnold?...Hey! Earth to Arnold!" The formidable silence was drivin' me crazy so I planned on taking action to break it. Otherwise, this lunch would be lasting all of us an eternity.
"Huh?" Arnold lifted his head from the plate his eyes had been staring at for what seemed like forever, and it was clear to me his mind was now returning to the present situation.
"I was jus' thinkin', you remember the time we all went to San Lorenzo to find your parents?"
"Actually, now that you mention it, yeah, I do remember. " A freakish like grin spread across his face like wild fire, in which he directed his undivided attention toward his wife.
"What?" Her inquisitive eyes fooled neither me nor Arnold. We knew she was aware of what the subject was about, but we continiued to play along with her little game of naivety.
"Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" Yeah he was, but I needed to hear the confirmation coming from his own mouth.
"When I look back at it, although I was pretty mad, it WAS pretty funny."
"Have you guys been back there lately to pay your respects?"
"We're going back next month to visit."
"You know, it was pretty funny when that dye job of yours didn't measure up to quality standards."
"Hey, it was the only box on the shelf and I needed SOMETHING." I scoffed at the incredibly lame excuse she brought forth. How pathetic!
"I get the SOMETHING part, but red?"
"Red?" My wife produced such a queer expression that it actually made it look as if her face had been deformed. Without warning, Arnold broke into an unrestrained fit of laughter, his wife all the while trying to keep her own amusement bottled up, but she exploded too, laughin' just as uncontrolaably as he was. For a moment, both were completely silent, then Arnold broke it by giving her an instruction, or more like a command.
"Don't ever do it again."
"Don't worry, I won't." They both busted out laughin' again and because they were so loud, the waitress arrived at our table to inform them of the other customers' displeasure.
"Folks, you need to pipe down or else you're outta here."
"Sorry," Arnold answered, furnishing me with that freakish grin again. "Excuse us a moment. We'll be right back." And out the door, BOTH of them went. I witnessed the couple howling with laughter outside the cafe's spacious glass window. My wife seemed unquestionably baffled by their merriment.
"Just whatever is so funny about red hair?"
"Like you wouldn't know," I answered with a tone of sarcasm.
"Well, to be perfectly honest, Gerald, as a matter of fact, I don't."
"All right then, forget I mentioned it. Anyway, those two are coming back from their little escapade." Man, what a roller coaster ride of emotions! That girl really HAD made him crazy!
"Sorry about that, Geraldo and company. It was a spontaneous reaction, ya know?" The 'Geraldo' thing was now a nickname instead of an insult, but the 'company' was a name I had yet to endure. She rarely called my wife by her first name, but she had her reasons, and I knew those reasons well.
"Hey, did you ever find out who gave you those tickets to Rio De Janeiro?" I turned to my wife. "I heard from some reliable sources there was a possibility it could have been you."
"No, I'm sorry, but it wasn't me." She shook her head, shrugging her shoulders.
"Who could it have been then?" Arnold reacted by looping his arm around his wife, squeezing her tightly.
"You?!" I asked in disbelief. "You were the one who supplied those tickets to Arnold?!"
"Yep, sure was me, Tall Hair Boy. I also made the arrangements for the San Lorenzo trip."
"Just one question. Why did you give Arnold tickets to Rio and not to San Lorenzo?"
"Couldn't get 'em. It's a long story."
"Let me tell you about it, Gerald." Arnold seemed all fired up to tell the tale.
"Shoot then." I was startin' to think maybe there was more to that girl than I realized.
It wasn't because I loathed the idea of writing on the subject of Mongolia for a world history project, but the fact as to who the teachder had assigned to me for a partner to do it with. Not that I didn't like Eugene, however, nearly everything I'd done with him whether it be a project or merely an outing, would lead us into some sort of calamity. I examined the possibility of swapping partners during the time it took me to walk from Algebra II to Mr. Albreight's class. At least Mr. Albreight was lenient about the switching thing, unlike Dr. Parks, who was dead set against it. If I played my cards right, there was the slim chance I might be able to persuade Phoebe into exchanging partners, especially since Gerald had explained to her my considerable interest in Panama. Then again, her own partner, Lorenzo displayed just as much enthusiasm as I did in the country. Of course, Phoebe could do the Mongolia project with Eugene if she wished. On the other hand, I could wind up being paired with Helga again resulting in one more castastrophe, topping off all the others, but it was worth the risk of asking anyway. Brazil wouldn't be that bad of a country to write about even if I WAS matched up with Helga.
When I arrived, the classroom seemed to be in an uproar over the entire matter. At least I wasn't the only one who was displeased with the person or country designated to him or her. Sheena and Helga were discussing the issue with the teacher, so I found myself stepping up to Phoebe's desk to ask her if she would allow me to be her partner. Lorenzo was already by her side and it was obvious both were in deep conversation concerning their plans on the topic they were expected to present. Clearing my throat, I began to proceed with my inquiry, although it was considerably apparent what her answer would be.
"Hey, Phoebe."
"Hello, Arnold. What brings you to this section of the classroom?"
"Well, I was just wondering if, maybe you'd like to change partners and that way I could work on the Panama project." Lorenzo gave me a contemptible glare.
"I'm sorry, Arnold. I'm aware of your pronounced preoccupation with Central America, but Lorenzo and I have already started our assigniment. I find it in my best interest that I must refuse your offer."
"That's okay, Phoebe. I'm sure Mongolia is just as interesting as Panama." Now, it was my turn to relate my situation to Mr. Albreight, knowing full well he'd cave into my request. Getting out of working with Eugene was worth a shot anyway.
"Mr. Albreight?"
"Now, Arnold, I already know what you're about to ask. The only problem is, you're a little late in coming to the picking and choosing, and that leaves you with only one choice."
"You mean I'm stuck with Eugene then?"
"No-"
"Oh, I get to work with Eugene! Isn't this exciting?" Sheena's overenthusiastic response induced an expression of tremendous fear emerging from Eugene's face.
"Uh...yeah...sure...heh,heh..." Underneath his desk was a pair of trembling legs. Whatever made Eugene nervous around Sheena was beyond me. She seemed like a highly intelligent, yet normal girl.
"So then, who's my partner?" No sooner had I asked the question than Helga snaked her arm around my back, resting her had on my shoulder, looking me straight in the eye, giving me one of her infamous replies.
"Me, Football Head, and not by MY choice either."
"You're my partner, Helga?" Oh, no! Not again!
"You got it, Hair Boy."
"You?"
"What are ya, deaf?!" Her turbulent comeback had me jumping a foot backward, but I was tired of the bullying and let her know it by dishing out a piece of my mind.
"You know, Helga, I'm sick of you insulting and intimidating me all the time, so from now on JUST SHUT IT!" Despite her shock from my sudden outburst, she spit a reply right back at me.
"Oh, really? Who said I had to take orders from you, Bucko? At least I'm not the cause of five detentions and one-"
"Don't you even mention that, Helga!"
"Ooooh! Arnold's fighting with his giiirlfriend!"
"SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, HAROLD!"
"THAT'S RIGHT, PINK BOY, SO PUT A SOCK IN IT!"
"Well, if you ask me, you two sure ACT like a couple."
"Like you'd know anything on the subject of couples, Princess Rhonda!"
"YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT RHONDA AND I'LL POUND YA!"
"Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever, Harold."
"I MEAN IT, HELGA. I'LL POUND YA!"
"NO YOU WON'T!" A slew of 'oohs', 'ahhs' and 'ahas' derived from my impulsive reaction.
"Then she IS your girlfriend!"
"HELGA IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" I bellowed. With that, Helga and I turned to each other simultaneously, both our faced the shade of candy apple red. Finally the madness ended by the teacher's shrill whistle.
"All right class, settle down! Now take to your seats so we can start on the history of the Roman Empire, and remember students, the projects you're working on are to be done on your own time. Don't forget it has to have historical context as well."
"Oh, goody."
"Come on, Helga, it's not that bad."
"Yeah, right!"
"You mean to tell me you got paired up with Helga again?!" Gerald's incredulous facial appearance said it all.
"Yeah, I got paired up with Helga again," I sighed.
"But I thought you could switch partners in that class."
"That's the problem, Gerald. By the time I asked Mr. Albreight if I could switch, everyone had already picked somebody, except Phoebe."
"Don't go puttin' the blame on Phoebe now."
"I'm not. Besides, she and Lorenzo have already started working on their assignment."
"What's yours and Helga's assignment?"
"Brazil."
"That's not so bad. You know, I heard a rumor goin' around. It seems that everybody thinks Helga's your girlfriend."
"The rumor's not true, and she is NOT my girlfriend!"
"Excuse me, but could you scoot over, please?"
"Oh, sorry, Phoebe."
"I'm jus' sayin'."
"I already know what you're trying to say, Gerald."
"So, why, of all people, did you come to her defense?"
"Because, Gerald, nobody needs to be threatened by Harold like that."
"Arnold, aren't you forgetting something?"
"What's that?"
"That Helga's skilled in two forms of martial arts and could take on Harold AND you any day!"
"I guess you're right, but still, he shouldn't be like that."
"And Helga should act like she does?!"
"Well, no, but she's mellowed out somewhat."
"MELLOWED OUT?! Just what planet are you on, Arnold?!...You know what I think...I think you just might LIKE her."
"I do NOT like Helga, Gerald!" At this, Phoebe began chuckling to herself, but was disrupted the arrival of Sid and Stinky.
"That's not what I heard, Arnold. I heard that you was holdin' a torch for Ms. Hot Tempered Helga. Is it true that you two are an item?"
"Stinky...shut up!"
"Then it must be true, on account o' your face is turnin' all red!"
"Wow! It's gotta be true! Congratulations! Not only is she hot tempered, she's hot looking!"
"Sid, just grow up, will ya?!" It wasn't like me to become mercurial, but the entire group was trying my patience, giving me no other choice but to leave. "Listen, Gerald, I think I'm gonna eat lunch by myself today. I'm going outside before I snap at anybody else today."
"You okay, buddy?" Gerald pulled me aside displaying a look of genuine concern on his face. "You know I was jus' goofin' when I mentioned the possibility of you likin' Helga."
"Yeah, I know, but I just wanna be by myself this afternoon."
"Ya sure?"
"I'm sure."
"Okay, I'll catch ya later then."
"We know the REAL reason Arnold wants to eat lunch by himself today."
"Yeah, it's on account o' he's gonna eat lunch with his girlfriend, Helga!"
"Don't be silly, Stinky. Helga's eating lunch with Jack and Henry today."
Escaping the cafeteria's chaotic rows of endless tables drowning in ongoing gossip and other talk, I moseyed my way down the hallway to the high school's front doors. Unlike my mind, the sky's blue hue seemed lucid beyond all accounts. My train of thought was cut short by arguing within my hearing range. Recognizing the voices of Helga, Jack, and Henry, I decided to eavesdrop on whatever their dispute was.
"Since when did you become exclusive with that weird headed kid?"
"Since NEVER, Jack!"
"That's not what I heard!"
"What you heard was a bunch of lies rolling off the tongues of a bunch of losers!"
"Yeah, sure, Helga. So why is everybody claiming you're his girlfriend?!"
"HOW SHOULD I KNOW?!"
"Will you guys stop fighting?"
"Stay out of it, Henry!"
"Fine, I'm going back to the cafeteria to find Lila."
"Suit yourself."
"I thought you wanted ME to be your boyfriend!"
"GUESS AGAIN, BUCKO! Now get outta here before I decide to use one of my Ju Jit Su moves on you!"
"You know, I could beat you if I wanted to!"
"Yeah, right! Who did you lose to three tournaments in a row?!"
"Fine, but don't think things will be the same between us."
"Us? There is no 'us'! and why should I care?!"
"You just wait and see!"
"Like I'm really scared!"
"You oughtta be!"
I heard the sound of clattering heels running down the steps behind me and before I knew it, Helga plunged right into me.
"OW!"
"Oh, it's YOU! You too, Football Head?"
"Yeah, me too," I sighed, not for the first time either. "You know, you starting up a conversation with me might make matters worse."
"The hell if I care!" She was in a contemptuous mood, because I didn't think I'd ever heard her use language like that before.
"You wanna sit down and talk?"
"Not really, but I might as well since the damage is done, thanks to YOU!"
"Thanks to ME? I just wanted to work on the Panama project, but YOUR best friend refused to be my partner!"
"What best friend? Lately she's been spending all her time with Tall Hair Boy, who just happens to be YOUR best friend!"
"Yeah, I know. Gerald hasn't spent that much time with me either lately."
"Really? Anyway, you wanted to do your project on Panama?"
"Yeah, San Lorenzo."
"San Lorenzo?"
"That's where my parents might be if I could ever go there and find them."
"Maybe you will someday."
"You? You're actually giving me positive reinforcement? Anything wrong with you today?"
"You want me to run down the list, Hair Boy?"
"No. Hey, I heard from Mr. Sawyer that your mom's been working at the travel agency."
"Yeah. Has been for about six months. Maybe if she stays off the smoothies, she'll keep this job."
"From what Mr. Sawyer says, she's doing great."
"Whatever. Well, it's time to head back to class, Football Head. You ready for English?"
"Since we're both in English together, you wanna walk with me to class?"
"And confirm the rumor that's been going around?! Not on your life, Bucko!"
"Fine, forget I asked." She'd been nice the beginning of the school year. What happened?
"Mom! Mom! I need your help!"
"Helga, honey, what is it dear?"
"What's the family package you can win if you sell so many trips to Alaska or Hawaii?"
"I think it was Brazil, honey."
"Brazil, eh?" A plan hatched inside my head. "Mom, I really need you to try and win it for me, please?"
"Well, I'm sorry, Helga, but Mr. Sawyer's already won it."
"Mr. Sawyer?"
"That's right, dear. He doesn't seem all that interested in it for some reason or another though. Why don't you go over and talk to him, honey?"
"Talk to Mr. Sawyer?...Okay." I shuffled my way over to his cubicle and addressed him with a 'proper' greeting.
"Hello, Mr. Sawyer."
"Oh, hello, Helga. How are you doing today? Lila's been wondering why you haven't called her ever since the two of you started attending public school again."
"Been busy. Mr. Sawyer, I heard you won a family package that you have no interest in and was wondering if I could have it."
"Actually, it's only four tickets and reservations to some hotel. Why do you want them, might I ask?"
"Well, ya see, it's like this, Mr. Sawyer. A very close friend of mine wants to find some missing persons, but can't afford the tickets to Brazil."
"I can understand that. I'll tell you what. I'll give you THREE of the tickets. I'm keeping one for Lila so she can study other cultures in other countries. Do we have a deal?"
"Three is good enough, and exactly the amount I need. Done deal." After I confirmed my decision, Mr. Sawyer presented the tickets to my delight. I swiped them out of his hand, scrambling out the door. "Thanks!"
This was not one of my better days in chemistry class. It being lab day, I sat myself down and let my head embrace the desk.
"What's this?" I felt a piece of paper underneath my cheek. "To Arnold, from Anonymous."
"Hey, Football Head, how's it goin'?"
"I don't know yet. I just got an envelope from Anonymous."
"Why don't you open it then?"
"That's what I plan on doing right now." I slid my finger underneath the seal, breaking it open. "What? Tickets to Rio de Janeiro? Did you know my parents spent their honeymoon there?"
"How would I know that, Hair Boy?"
"You know, I bet Lila gave me these tickets! I'm going to talk to her right now."
"Whatever." Helga growled for whatever reason. She'd been awfully moody lately.
"Hey, Lila. Thanks for the tickets to Brazil."
"Why, Arnold, I'm ever so sure I haven't a clue what you're talking about."
"You mean, you didn't get these tickets for me? But you must have, because there's three, enough for me and my grandparents."
"I'm oh so certain I didn't get those tickets for you. Now, if you'll excuse me, Henry and I have work to do." It seemed she was trying to get Henry to focus his attention on whatever the lab assignment was, but it was obvious he was preoccupied with other issues. I returned to mine and Helga's desk.
"You know, Helgal, if Lila didn't give me those tickets, then I wonder who did."
"Beats me, Football Head."
AN: Constructive criticism is appreciated.