Chapter 10
"Thoughts of a Dying Atheist"

Edward

I kept my mind open, waiting to touch Alice's voice, unwilling to relent to the thirst that ravaged my increasingly weak body. I drove as quickly as possible, speeding back towards my family, eager to get out of Forks and away from the pull of Bella Swan. Nothing I'd ever faced was more difficult than leaving my heart behind me. I knew my soul was cracked into multiple fragments, but it really didn't matter anymore. The only thing that concerned me was finding Alice and giving her a piece of my mind.

It was when I was three miles away from the house that I sensed them. My hands instantly tense on the steering wheel as panic flooded through me. Not this, not now. I couldn't face them. I couldn't bring myself to bring this down on my family, though I knew that they knew what would happen if they stayed with me.

The Volturi were waiting for me.

I pulled the car to the side of the road and climbed out. I was weak, so weak. The thirst had robbed me of my strength, and the run I'd taken that afternoon while searching for Alice only compounded it. I needed to hunt, and I needed to hunt now.

I ran into the depths of the woods and let my self control go. I let my mind reach outward, touching on the consciousness of whatever surrounded me, searching for something that would give me sustenance. I could feel the pull of my mind and I crouched, knowing that a meal was just around the bend.

The breeze carried the scent of the large buck I hunted and while it wasn't exactly mouthwatering – it wasn't human, for which I was grateful – but I was so thirsty, having let myself go for so long, that I lunged after it without thinking much about it. The creature didn't have a chance to run before I rammed myself against it, tearing into its neck with my teeth. I drained the deer in less than a minute.

While I could feel the hunger ebbing, it wasn't enough. I had to hunt more.

I let my consciousness go again and gave myself to the hunt. My body tensed into a hunting crouch, and I sniffed at the air. The wood was teaming with life, with plants both healthy and dead, with bugs and small game that didn't interest me in the least. I could smell the thick, fermenting smell of rotting wood, the dampness of the moss that overtook the fallen logs.

My anger was unrelenting and more forceful now than I'd ever experienced. Alice clearly defied my wishes and went back to Forks, most likely to find Bella and interrupt her life somehow. For what reason, I didn't understand, but I knew she'd been there. I'd come across her smell.

And now the Volturi were waiting for me. I hadn't yet touched on my family's minds, but something told me they were still alive, somehow. Maybe Aro's relentless fascination with trophies was keeping them alive while they waited for Alice and I to arrive.

Little did they know that Alice wasn't with me, nor was I with Alice.

I caught the scent of another deer and ran after it. I caught it and drained it from the large artery in its neck and, fully satiated, I decided that I had enough in me to challenge the Volturi.

Maybe now I would get my chance to die. It was a selfish decision, I knew, considering how it would undoubtedly leave my family in harm's way, but I knew myself to be a selfish creature. We all were, to some extent. But maybe some piece of me, deeply rooted and sheltered, didn't want to die. If I was so willing to go to death's arms, why had I hunted? In my starved state, I couldn't have put up a fight against Demitri, and he surely would have killed me.

But this wasn't about just me anymore. I had my family to think about; Carlisle, and his patience and love, my "creator" of sorts. Esme, my mother, with her gentle and caring heart. Rosalie and her selfishness though I loved her all the same. Emmett and his optimism, despite whatever challenge was thrown his way. And lastly, but not least, Jasper, and his calm demeanor. I wasn't thinking entirely of Alice, because she wasn't there and in harm's way. But she was still in the back of my mind. I couldn't forgive her at that point for interfering in Bella's life.

I climbed back into the car and headed towards the house and the waiting Volturi.

Aro, Marcus and Caius were there, of course, as were quite a few of their henchmen. Demitri and his superb tracking talents was among the many. Perhaps we could take them, if luck was on our side. If it wasn't, I'd find a way. I'm easily the type who would self sacrifice.

The scent of them was overbearing. They had the sweetness of a vampire, what lures in human prey the easiest. It enticed them, drawing on their senses to trick them into false security. Mixed with that sweetness was the rusty copper smell of blood. Human blood. It made the back of my throat ache, though I'd just glutted myself on two helpless animals. It didn't matter, though. Human blood would always draw that reaction from me.

Unfortunately, the smell grew stronger and stronger as I approached the house. I could hear them now, my family. Their voices were loud and clear in my head and it was as if I had never tuned them out in the first place.

Alice… Edward. Where are you? Please, let them be safe. Please. Esme's voice was the first.

Outnumbered. That's alright. I'll take the big one, Demitri. Might as well make it fun if I'm not sure the outcome. Come and get it! You know you want it! Emmett's voice was a myrad of fighting scenarios and maneuvers. I drank them in as I picked through his words.

Carlisle's mind was calm, the eye in the storm. Perhaps… And he was thinking of ways to calm down the Volturi, to buy more time. He wanted to know if they'd found myself and Alice, and if that was the reason why Alice had left in the first place.

Could kill him! Edward did this to us, he's destroyed us! I'm going to KILL him if I ever get to see him again. How dare he? Rosalie screamed, lashing out insult after insult. I was taken aback by her ferocity.

Last was Jasper's voice, filled with hurt and pain and anger. He was sad that Alice wasn't there beside him, worried where she would be and if she had come into harm's way. He wanted to keep her away from the Volturi, and would do so at whatever cost came to him.

As fast as the car would go, I plowed my way up the drive and threw it into park before it had completely slowed down. I climbed out of the car and into my waiting doom.

They were waiting.

My family and the Volturi were circled on the front lawn, a large area secluded by trees from prying eyes. In the middle of the circle stood Aro who had with his fingers steepled together to form a small triangle. He was smiling his sick, twisted version of a smile, knowing that some way, somehow, he would bring an end to Carlisle's coven that he so "secretly" despised. His curiosity was a hidden plague.

They were all staring at me, watching wide eyed as I stomped to the circle to stand between Carlisle and Emmett. I could feel my family's internal sighs of relief that I was still somehow alive, but their worry at Alice being gone still. It upset them, and that, in turn, upset me. Aro was furious. He hid it well.

"Well well! Look who we have here!" Aro smiled wider, finding a way out of his anger. He would be able to kill me, along with Carlisle, or he could somehow finagle me into his twisted version of a coven. "Edward! And I was so afraid I wouldn't see you this afternoon. How are you? And where is young Alice? Is she not with you?"

I shook my head. There was no way that sick bastard would get answers from me. But I wouldn't display my anger for him. I wouldn't make it any more amusing than it already was to him.

"Oh, come now. You must know something! If you would, please…" He held out his hand, palm facing upwards, waiting for my touch. I steeled myself and hid the anger from my mind, stepped forward, and reached out to him. Our hands touched. Through his mind, I could see my own thoughts, feel my own pain.

The pain flooded back, nearly knocking me off of my feet. I could see Bella held in Jacob's arms again, reciting her love, and kissing his mouth. I could see my hand moving swiftly across that small piece of paper, sitting at Bella's small desk, and the pain I felt in my head and heart at the words and their meaning. Then I felt the hunger, the burning ache of thirst and the shallow pit of darkness that was my life as I stewed, alone, hunkered down on the couch in my bedroom. Also were the recent memories of trying to find Alice, the faint waft of her scent and Bella's screams of agony through Jacob's eyes, along with his worried calls to her.

Aro pulled away, unsmiling. His eyes seemed resentful, hard. I wanted to smack him.

"What an odd life you live. All of this, and for a human! So much pain. I warned you about this, young Edward! And I gave you a decision to make, did I not? Do you remember?"

I simply nodded. Caius stepped forward, his long white hair swaying slightly behind me. His face was a deep scowl. Two henchmen moved with him, flocking him at either side. When he was standing beside Aro, the henchmen separated, and one went to stand on the opposite side of Aro, protecting and shielding him against me.

Aro smiled his sick little smile again. "And you remember, I'm sure, what the options of that decision were?" I nodded again. His smile widened. "Oh, Edward. I have that you've made this decision for yourself. I really, truly hate to kill you and your family. It's such a terrible loss, don't you think?" He was staring at Caius now.

Caius's scowl deepened. "I think not! I told you this would happen, Aro, but you're such a fool."

"Now now, Caius. Edward here has made his decision out of love. How sad it is that we must find the girl and kill her, though. She really would be a great addition to our family." He wasn't thinking that they would kill her, though. I saw it plainly in his mind. They meant to kill us, then find Bella and turn her so she could join their family. My stomach knotted on itself.

"No, Aro. You won't."

"Hm?" He cocked an eyebrow at me, his powdery white face looking as though it would slide from the bone beneath. "Oh, silly me. I forget that you can see my mind." He feigned a little laugh.

"What?" Carlisle asked, his voice soft and low.

I looked at him. He was frowning, the small and barely visible (completely invisible to humans) crinkles at the corners of his eyes showing. "They mean to kill us and find Bella. They want to change her, not kill her."

They can't do that! Carlisle said in his mind. This is preposterous. What are they trying to do?

"Simple," I said, "they're trying to destroy us to get to her."

Great, just great. You're going to pay for this, you asshole! Rosalie was shouting at me in her mind.

"Are we done with the pity party?" Caius asked, his voice hard and impatient. I found myself scowling and tensing into a crouch. My family did the same beside me.

"What now! I'm truly sorry about this, Carlisle." Aro frowned slightly.

"Unfortunately, Aro, you're not," I said. "And we're not going to go down without a fight. You won't touch Bella. My decision was to keep her away from this, to keep her away from you and your sick little games. You won't touch Bella." I was growling, a thick snarl building in my chest.

The Volturi guard was now all around Aro, Caius, and Marcus, who had walked forward and was standing beside his brothers. His face was set and stony, the perfect picture of boredom. Why he looked that way all the time, I couldn't fathom. I saw it in his head, though, his displeasure of having to serve with his "brothers," and his betrayal towards Aro from the death of his wife. It suddenly made sense.

Beside me, Emmett was tensed and ready for battle. The muscled bands of his arms were flexing dangerously, contracting and constricting in anticipation for a good fight. He was smiling, his teeth shining awkwardly against the sun. Nothing could hold him back.

I readied myself for the lunge, the glory of tearing at stony flesh with my hands, my teeth, when an unexpected sound caught my attention. I heard it before the others; the dull roar of a powerful engine, the squeal of tire against asphault, and a very powerful, whimsical voice.

Wait, Edward, wait! Wait for me! Don't do anything stupid!

Then the others noticed as the vehicle turned onto the long drive and started down. I was stunned silent, forced to straight back into a standing position. Alice put the car in park and climbed out.

Then the passenger side door slammed shut. My body went as stiff as a 100 year old sycamore.

Bella stared at me with wide, blistering red eyes.


Well I know the moment's near
And there's nothing I can do
Look through a faithless sigh
Are you afraid to die?
And it scares the hell outta me
And the end is all I can see.

A/N: A very super special thanks to everyone who has read this, listed it as their favorite, put it on alert, or commented. Your praise is so thoughtful and thankful. I appreciate it more than I can put it into words.