Chapter 10

She did it. Her first week in school, she finished it today. I turn of the engine after parking the car at Abby's school. Jane has been back to work ever since the day before yesterday, and even though it's been tough to get through the days by myself, I know it's good for Jane to be back at work. She loves her job. She has more energy and she feels more alive when she's out on the streets.

I get out of the car and see a large crowd of kids walking out of the concrete building. I try to spot my little girl and after a few seconds I see a reddish ponytail in between the children. I smile, there she is. "Abby!" I wave and see her smiling when she spots me. She waves at a girl that walks away, says a quick 'goodbye' and hurries towards me.

"Hi, baby." I wrap my arm around her shoulders and kiss the top of her head. "Can I see your classroom?"

She nods and takes me back inside. I have an appointment with her teacher this afternoon, to discuss Abby's first week in school. I know she's been doing okay, but I'd like very much to talk to her teacher. "How was your day?"

"It was okay." Abby shrugs and she leans against me when we walk, showing me just how tired she is. She's utterly exhausted and I wrap my arm tighter around her. "Here it is, mrs. Walter is waiting for us, I think." She points at her classroom and I see a middle-aged short woman sitting behind her desk.

"Ms. Isles." She stands up from her seat and shakes my hand. "Nice to see you again."

"Hello." I nod my head and sit down in the seat she points out, Abby sitting down in a smaller chair next to me.

The classroom is filled with bright colors and I can tell there is room for creativity and art around here. The atmosphere is nice and I feel at ease. I look at the woman in front of me and see kind, grey eyes looking through a pair of glasses. She tucks her blond hair behind her ears and starts talking. "Let me start off by saying that Abby is a great asset to the class."

"She is?"

"Oh, yes. She's a little quiet but she's a bright girl. She's doing well in most classes," she grabs a folder from her desk and opens it to read something. "She has some catching up to do in math," she looks at me and smiles reassuringly, "which is why she's doing some extra work. She's quite advanced in biology, so she's doing those exercises in less time so she has time to catch up on math."

I nod and look at my daughter next to me. She's skilled at biology, and that makes me so proud. I like to think I had something to do with it, I loved teaching her little things about my work when she was younger.

"I understood you used to be a doctor?"

"A trauma surgeon, yes. But-…" I sigh and look into my lap, unsure how to tell her I quit my job due to my abusive husband. "I've been out of it for a while."

"Well, I'm sure Abby has gotten some of your skills." Mrs. Walter smiles and closes the folder. "She's more advanced than most kids her age."

I smile proudly at my little girl and quickly reach out to caress her cheek. "I'm glad she's doing okay."

"She is." The teacher nods and folds her hands. "There's just one thing-… I mean, it's not really a thing… But I've noticed she shuts down in gym class." She looks at Abby and I see care in her eyes. She truly cares about my daughter and that puts me at ease.

"What do you mean?"

"Well… She draws back and creeps into her shell during gym class. She participates like she has to, but that's all." Mrs. Walter sighs and looks at her hands on her desk. "I think maybe… I don't know about your past, but could it have something to do with the fact that our gym teacher is a man?"

A silence falls and I look at my daughter, seeing her staring at her feet.

"I don't mean to put you on the spot-…" she continues, "it's just something I noticed."

"No-… It's okay." I manage a smile when I look back at her. "It's uhm-… It's no surprise she might have some issues with male authority." I swallow a lump in my throat and try my hardest to blink away the tears burning in my eyes.

Abby's teacher averts her gaze and takes a breath. "Would it be better for Abby if we take her out of gym class for a while?" she asks softly, her tone caring. "Abby?"

Abby looks at her teacher but I don't think she really understands our conversation.

"You don't like gym class, do you?" her teacher asks.

Abby shakes her head.

"And it's not because you don't like gym in general, is it?"

She shakes her head again. "I liked gym class at my old school."

"Right. Now, Mr. Gordon is a very nice guy, and I'm sure you'll get used to him in time. But how about we'll take it slow for now?"

"How?" Abby looks at her teacher, confused and tired.

"How about… How about you attend gym class every other week? Instead of every week?"

Abby hesitates and looks at me for approval.

I just smile and nod my head, grateful for her teacher's understanding. I know she has to get used to male teacher at some point but right now it might be good to take it down a bit. "That seems like a good idea, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." She nods but I know she doesn't fully understand. She doesn't realize male authority makes her uncomfortable. She just knows she doesn't like gym class, but she doesn't know why. She doesn't know the depths of her fears and possibly her trauma.

I reach out my hand and take her smaller hand in mine, squeezing gently to let her know I'm here.

"Other than that, I know Abby is going to be just fine." Mrs. Walter puts the folder away and smiles at us. "If you have any questions, Ms. Isles, just let me know."

I shake my head. "I don't have any for now."

"Well, you have my card." She stands up and shakes my hand again. "I think it's time for Abby to go celebrate the weekend," she chuckles at my exhausted girl and gently touches her arm. "And get a lot of sleep, I think."

"Oh, yes." I laugh and wrap my arm back around Abby's shoulders. "A lot of sleep."

By then I had no idea how our sleep would be interrupted that weekend. If only I knew. When we get back home, Jane is waiting for us, much to my pleasing surprise.

"Hi!" I smile and walk towards the kitchen to cup her cheek and kiss her lips. "I didn't know you'd be home so early."

"I'm not, I'm just taking a break. I have to go back later."

"Hm." I purse my lips and watch her greeting Abby with a sweet ruffle through her hair.

"How was school?"

"Fine." Abby shrugs and sits down on a chair at the dinner table while Jane gets her something to drink. "Oh, Maur," she points at the coffee table, "you got a letter."

I see the white envelope and grab it, but I stiffen when I see the handwriting. "No…" I whisper. It can't be. I'm imagining things. I open the envelope, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. When I unfold the letter and read the first words, I drop the piece of paper on the floor. My entire body is shaking and I put my hand in front of my mouth.

"Maura?" Jane stands up and looks at me, concerned.

I shake my head. I can only look at the letter that is now upside down on the floor. Before I realize what is happening, I'm running upstairs.

"Maura!" Jane hurries after me. "What's going on?" She finds me sitting on the edge of the bed, breathing hard and blinking away my tears. "What was that letter, babe?"

"It's him," I whisper through the lump in my throat. "He sent me a letter-… How… How does he know my address?" I look at my girlfriend who has turned blurry because of my tears. "How does he know where we live, Jane?"

Jane shakes her head, surprised by the information. "It's him?"

I nod.

"What did he write?"

"I didn't read it-…" My breath hitches in my throat and I close my eyes when horrible flashbacks run through my mind. The way he held me down. The way he hit me, kicked me, screamed at me. I feel his rough hands on my back, his dirty shoes kicking me in my stomach. I hear his screams towards Abby, I hear her cries in the back of my mind. I hear my little girl calling out to me when he closed me up in our room, unable to even go to the bathroom.

I can't get out of the flashbacks. I hear his voice, I smell his smell, I feel his hands. He's pulling my hair, telling me how worthless I am. He's shouting at Abby, telling her she's useless. I felt powerless, so powerless as I locked myself in Abby's room, holding her to me as tightly as possible while I whispered to her how much I love her, how she is anything but useless, how she is my entire world. I hear him banging on the door, screaming to let him in. I feel myself crawling away in the corner of the room, waiting for him to break the lock and entering. I put my body in front of Abby's, to at least make sure he'll get me instead of her.

"Maura…" A voice rings through in the back of my mind but I don't register it. It's not until I feel two warm, strong hands on my face that I open my eyes and see a blurry pair of dark eyes looking at me. "Maura… He can't get to you… He's in prison, babe."

I nod and finally feel like I'm back on earth. Jane is here with me, she's holding my hands, looking at me with tears in her eyes. "I don't know how he sent you that," she says softly, "but I do know he's in prison, he's heavily guarded and there's no way he can get to you."

"I know," my voice is hoarse and my breath finally slows down along with Jane's fingers stroking my knuckles. "I don't know why that got to me…"

Jane shakes her head. "I understand." She gets up from her kneeling position to sit next to me. "Nothing to be embarrassed about."

I nod and lean sideways, resting my head in the crook of her neck. I close my eyes and concentrate on the feeling of Jane's arms around me, the feeling of safeness and love I get when she holds me. The way my stomach tickles when her lips press against my temple, the warmth that spread through my chest when I snuggle myself closer.

The feeling of bliss gets interrupted when I hear my daughter's small voice calling me. "Mommy?"

I look up and choke on my leftover tears. There she stands holding the letter in her shaking hands, tears trickling down her pale cheeks. "Oh God…" I could just hit myself. How could I be so stupid? How could I leave that letter downstairs? In this moment I despise myself. I had to protect her and I failed. I look at her and I know I failed her. Again. There she is, crying because I failed to protect her from him. Even now that he's gone, I still can't keep him from hurting her.

"My baby…" I stand up and lean down in front of her, cupping her face and wiping her tears with my thumbs.

"H-how does he know we live here, Mom?" she whispers through her tears.

"I don't know, honey."

Her bottom lip quivers and I see great fear in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Abby," I whisper quietly. "You shouldn't have read that."

"What if he gets to us again?"

"He can't, love. He's in prison, remember?"

"Then how did he send that letter?"

"I don't know."

Abby's breath hitches in her throat and her small fists are balling while holding the letter. She stays silent for a while and then looks up at me with those big, green eyes so similar to mine. "I'm scared, Mommy," she whispers while fresh tears trickle down her cheeks.

"I know, sweetheart…" I manage to get out. I wrap my arms around her, lifting her up from the floor as I hug her as close as I can. She doesn't see my tears but I can't stop them. That small voice of hers telling me she's scared; it breaks my heart.

Her skinny arms wrap around my neck and she hides herself against me. I hear Jane slowly stepping towards us and taking the letter out of Abby's hand. She puts it away and wipes a tear from my cheek. I feel Abby lifting her head to look at Jane. "H-he's in prison, right Jane?"

"He is, baby," she answers quietly. "And he can't get out, I promise."

Abby nods but I know she's not convinced. I don't know what he wrote in the letter, but I know it can't be good and it triggered horrible memories. I don't know what to do, so I just decide to handle this the way I used to handle it back when we still lived with him. I sit down on the bed, resting my back against the headboard and taking her in my lap. She shifts sideways and hides herself against me, curling up just like she used to when she was little.

Jane sits down on the edge of the bed and carefully caresses Abby's hair. "You want something to drink?" she asks softly. "A snack, maybe?"

Abby shakes her head.

"Nothing?"

"Water would be nice," I whisper while resting my chin on my daughter's head. She wants to do something, it doesn't matter what.

"Mommy?"

"Hm?"

"What's a dyke?"

I close my eyes and swallow hard. "It's a very unkind word to describe a lesbian," I answer quietly. "A very, very unkind word." How does he know I'm in a relationship with a woman? How can he possibly know all this?

"Did you read the letter?" she whispers.

"No, I didn't." I sigh and rub my hand up and down Abby's back. "It was bad, wasn't it?"

Abby nods. "He says he's coming back."

"He's lying, honey. He can't come back."

"But… But he says he's your husband-…"

"He's not, we're officially divorced."

"He says he's my father, Mommy," Abby says, her voice high-pitched and small through her tears. "He says he's always gonna be my dad…" She sobs and hides her face into my chest. "Is that true?"

I don't want to tell her the truth. I don't want to tell her that he'll always be her father, even if it's just in the way of conceiving her. "He lost his parental rights to you," I answer quietly while wiping a few tears from my cheeks. "Technically, he's not really your dad anymore."

"Did we divorce too?"

I smile at my little girl's logic. "Yes, sort of."

"So he's lying about that too."

"He is."

"I don't ever want to think about him ever again," she sobs against me.

I sigh and pull her tighter against me. "I know, sweetheart. Me neither."

We stay silent for a while, trying to erase the memories from our minds. It takes a long time for Jane to come back, holding a large glass of water and putting her phone in her pocket. "Here you go," she whispers while sitting next to us. "I made a few calls to the station."

"Why?"

"I'm gonna get to the bottom of this, Maura," she looks at me, her dark eyes determined. "I'm gonna find out how he got your information."

I smile at her and move my arm away from Abby to take her hand. "Thank you."

"You're safe, Maura," she squeezes my hand. "You're both safe."