December 1994
It's been an odd weekend in Stars Hollow. Rory has never seen rain in December and it's a mystery to her, a mystery she is uncomfortable with. She doesn't like mysteries. Her life seems to be full of them nowadays.
Like why there hasn't been any town festivals in a month. Like why Mrs. Kim is being so nice to her. Like why her Mom is making an effort to make meals, which, after the first week, are less burned and more edible.
Like why Luke is now no-name.
She tried asking her Mom why Luke came by when she wasn't here and took home his toolbox and all she told her was that they shouldn't talk about Luke anymore. She would have pressed further, but her mother fixed her with a working version of the death stare.
Since then, there hasn't been any mention of Luke in the house or in her mother's presence. She hasn't even tried calling him. She's been too scared to, but today, her fear isn't as strong as it used to be.
She gets up from her window seat and pads into the hall where the phone is. She picks it up and looks at the keypad. She looks over her shoulder, the sneaking feeling that her mother is watching her keeping her from dialing the numbers. She shakes her head and goes into her room, pulling out the green polka dot rain boots he got her when she told him she didn't have any and an oversized blue raincoat from her closet. She slips the phone in the large pocket and goes to the foyer, grabbing her matching blue umbrella.
Rory opens the door and steps out into the cold, wet, gray world. Pulling the raincoat hood over her head and opening the umbrella, she begins her journey to the center of her universe.
It is by chance that Luke looks up from taping a box in time to see her blue umbrella bobbing up and down as she walks/skids towards the diner. He drops the tape and goes to the door, swinging it open just in time for her to stomp up the steps.
"Rory! What are you doing here? Is your mother with you?" he asks, looking out behind her.
"No, I came by myself because, well," she looks up at him, her bangs wet and her doll blue eyes peeking through them, upset, "I came because Babette said you were moving and I probably won't get an opportunity to say goodbye."
The truth as to why Rory risked her mother's angry, and even worse, disappointed, looks suddenly makes her feel sad. She's felt this sadness before, whenever she and her mom see her father off at the bus terminal. She would hold her mother's hand and feel the stiffness in her mom's hand. But she won't be seeing Luke off. One day she'll want eggs with extra bacon and he won't be here. He'll be gone.
Her nose starts to itch and she knows she's about to cry. Luke must've known it too because he puts an arm around her shoulders and leads her to her favorite table, sitting her in a chair and taking the one opposite her.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you myself, but I would never leave without saying goodbye," he says to her.
"But you're going. And you're not my Dad, so you don't have to call me and Mom, you don't have to come back," she says miserably, wiping the back of her hand across her nose.
Luke smiles sadly. "That's true, but I want to call you and your Mom, I want to come back and visit. And I will."
Rory's face lifts a little and she sits up a little straighter. "You will?"
"Of course I will. You're one of the best and brightest things in my life, Rory. And you're the only one who can beat me in random facts, how can I not?" he says with a grin and she grins too, her sadness lifting.
"Is it true that you're going to Seattle?" she asks.
"Yep, it's true."
"Can you tell me why?"
She braces herself for him to tell her that it's for him to know and for her to not find out, but he sighs and rubs the back of his neck.
"Well, because…hold on, I'll be right back," he says and gets up, going upstairs. She waits, wondering if it's something serious and devastating. What if he brings down a book about tropical diseases and tells her that he's seriously sick and the only treatment is in Seattle? What if it's something good, something good like he has a girlfriend in Seattle? Then that's not good. At all. Her Mom is his girlfriend.
She is weighing both scenarios when she hears him slowly coming down the stairs. There's another sound too, a gurgling, giggling sound that reminds her of baby commercials. She sees Luke hunched over a little, looking down, a smile on his face and she follows his line of sight to a cute little girl in jeans and long-sleeved purple sweater, little brown pigtails peeking out from beneath a purple beanie. Luke swings her off the bottom step and sets her onto the ground, making sure she's steady before letting her hand go.
The little girl looks at her and claps her hands, smiling.
"Rory, this is April, my daughter."
Rory stares at the still clapping little girl, who is taking tentative steps towards her. She slowly stands, not sure what to do or what to say. She feels odd, out of place.
She takes a tentative step towards the little girl and bends, holding out her hand. "Hello April, I'm Rory."
April looks at Rory's hand, then at her face, and laughs, giggles, taking Rory's finger and tugging it. She finds herself smiling and she reaches out to tug one of April's pigtails.
"I like your hair. Did you do it?"
April shakes her head and puts a finger in her mouth.
"I like her," she says, standing up but maintaining her grip on April's hand.
"She didn't run from you, so she I guess she likes you too," he says, smiling.
"Where's April's mom?" she asks, wondering if he's going to Seattle because he has a new family.
Luke's smile vanishes and he goes behind the counter, lifting a blue bag onto the counter.
"April's mom- she died. So I'm taking care of April now," he re replies, taking out a Beauty and Beast sippy cup and going to the back.
Rory waits until he comes back to say, "I'm sorry."
He looks surprised and he nods, setting a bottle of apple juice on the counter. "Thanks," he says giving her a quick, sad smile.
She nods, unsure of whether or not Luke's grief is the kind of grief she's seen in movies or read in books. He doesn't look any different; then again, he doesn't look the same.
"Are you hungry? I can make you a burger or some chicken fingers or pancakes or whatever," he says, switching the subject and pouring the juice into the sippy cup.
"Pancakes," she answers automatically and April starts to pull her forward, reaching up to the counter.
"Pancakes it is. Hold on, I'll get her," Luke says, coming around to take April.
"No, it's okay, I can lift her."
Rory lets go off April's hand and lifts her up so that she's sitting on her arm, her face close to hers. She climbs onto a stool and reaches for the sippy cup, placing it in April's outstretched hand. April takes it and looks at her, a smile on her face.
"Aple joose," April says, her voice small and squeaky.
She nods, very much impressed. "Yeah, apple juice. Good."
"Goood," April mimics, taking a drink from her cup, her eyes never leaving her face.
"I think you have a new friend," Luke says with a grin, and goes to the back, turning on the grill.
She nods down at April. "I'm your friend, Rory."
April moves the cup away from her mouth and places it to Rory's mouth.
"Ory."
When Luke brings her back home it is well after seven and it is bitterly cold. The Christmas lights are on and the jeep is parked in the drive. He pulls up in front of the walk and stops, turning off the engine. Three pairs of eyes watch the lighted house with varying degrees of interest. Silence and a certain heaviness that wasn't there on the way here settle over them.
April starts to babble and wave her hands, breaking the silence.
"She likes the lights. Mom must've of put them up when she got home," Rory says, staring out through the window. Mom had put up the lights- Luke used to put up the lights. It's really happening- Luke is going and they're going to put up lights without him.
She is about to cry, so she opens the door and jumps out, grabbing the bags of food Luke prepared for her and her mom in addition to the pancakes her made for her lunch.
"Thanks, Luke, for making me pancakes and for not chewing me out. Bye," she looks from him to April and nods quickly, "bye April."
She closes the door and walks up the walk, her tears making the snow and the uncovered dirt blur together.
"Rory."
She turns around and Luke is there, holding her umbrella.
"I didn't get to say goodbye," he says.
"I don't care, just go. Leave. We're already doing okay without you, see?" she points to the Christmas lights.
"Rory," Luke says, coming forward to hug her, but she shakes her head, grabbing the umbrella from him.
"Just go! Leave! I don't want to see you! Leave!" she cries at him.
"I'm sorry, Rory."
Luke sighs and gives her one last look before walking back to the truck. Rory watches April wave at her as the truck pulls away from the walk and she chokes back her tears until the red taillights disappear from view.
She runs up the steps and reaches for the door handle but the door swings back and her mother is there, hugging her, rubbing her back as she sobs.
"He's leaving Mom," she cries, "he's really leaving."
"I know hon," Lorelai whispers, her heart breaking for her daughter and for herself.