Chapter 10: Zugzwang
Author's note: This chapter has no omake and you might find out why later on. Thank you to all those who greeted me! A special shout out to those who reviewed: My Name is Alice, MikomiCosplay, laughtillyourstomachhurts, Zecrea and Savage Kill.
Thank you for all those who put this story on favourite! Also, there are a lot of time skips which I'll probably return to for the next chapter(s). We'll see. Again, thank you so much for your time in reading this! This may not have an omake, but I hope it still is interesting. The omakes will return a chapter after this, so don't fret.
It was wise of her to tell how she had felt, it was foolish of her to say it aloud. She was wise beyond her years, yet she was childish as they came. She was certain if she said something, there would be a reaction from him. So certain… that would say how she—she vomited mentally, as she thought of the word—felt, then there would be something.
A spark, a certain je ne sais quoi
A reaction
There would be something, unlike this all-consuming sense of not knowing paired with self-loathing and regret of not saying anything.
Surely, she had to say something to him?
It wasn't like she could keep avoiding him like this. They were in the same classroom, for crying out loud. They were there day in a day out. How was she supposed to—What was she supposed to say or do? Should she act differently? How different was different?
How different was too different?
Could she be indifferent?
She had to say something to him, didn't she?
Horoscope for Taurus: Today is a good day to spend with loved ones! If single, Taurus, this is the best day to test your luck on a new relationship. Love is on your side today and nothing could go wrong if you have your lucky item with you. Remember that fortune favours the brave!
Taurus ranks 2nd today!
Luck item: Charmander Pokémon
Ryuuzen had to smile to that. She liked reading her horoscope. Not that she was an ardent believer, mind you, but she had liked reading it. It brought her comfort on what to expect.
Lucky in love for the day?
Well, then, that made matters… a little more interesting. Her small charmander keychain dangled on her phone. Lady luck was on her side today and she might as well take a shot in the dark.
Today was going to be a great day.
She skipped happily to her classroom.
Today would be the moment of truth. Ryuuzen would confess and all this anxiety would die off. It would cool off and maybe they could be friends.
She was being realistic.
There was probably no chance in hell that he'd go out with her. What with the underlying tension between them and the awkwardness she tiptoed constantly on. It was unbearable. It was like walking on eggshells on the pavement on a blisteringly hot day.
She'd thought long and hard of how.
Ryuuzen would tell him bluntly, then hopefully ease slowly into friendship and later on, if not, then a relationship.
The worst that could happen was rejection. To which, she'd ask to remain friends with him—if he considered her a friend, she was more of an acquaintance—then, since he seemed like a nice guy… well, nice was a subjective term… maybe they'd still be friends.
Worst thing was friendship, which wasn't a bad thing.
It couldn't be that bad.
It was a brand new day after all.
She had cold feet.
Ryuuzen had practically chickened out of it the entire day. When she first came in, she rationalized that her entrance wasn't good. Then, she told herself that there were probably too many people. The best time to confess would be break time or lunch.
Both times, she wussed out because he was eating lunch so… enthusiastically that she couldn't have the heart to tell him that she liked him.
He was with Kuroko most of the other times, so those were a definite no.
…
It was already the end of the day. Time to be dismissed.
Maybe… she'd try again tomorrow?
She trudged and started walking away from the classroom, along with other student, toward the stairs. Kagami and Kuroko were still in the classroom. They were assigned with the room's clean up for the day.
Tomorrow for sure?
Ugh, no. She had already stressed herself out, made herself into this bumbling ball of mess, this lump of quick glances and she'd gotten so pumped this morning to do this.
Lady luck was on her side!
For once, she had to grab the opportunity by the balls.
She ran back.
She was a few feet away from the classroom door when she stopped.
Ryuuzen Rei had to look nice, at the least.
This was a confession after all.
She walked slowly, while combing her hair with her fingers…Her hair was straight, but not tangle free, she thought.
Ryuuzen was about to open the door, but then she heard it.
"Kagami-kun, be careful of those. You'll break them." Oh, it was Kuroko. At least, she was sure that Kagami was there. But then, how would she confess if a certain blue haired individual was there? Wouldn't asking him to leave be rude?
She hesitated and put her hand back to her side.
What should she do?
She had completely zoned out, until she heard Kuroko ask "Kagami-kun, what do you think of Ryuuzen-san?" Sweating profusely, she tried to wipe of her clammy hands on her skirt. What did Kagami think of her? Good things? Bad things?
"Her? Uh, she's very… persistent." Well, that was to be expected. She always did bother him for a date. Didn't that indicate that she liked him? Wasn't that enough?
"Kagami-kun, that's mean. Ryuuzen-san is a good person." 'No, Kuroko-kun. You're a good person.' She had to thank the guy later.
"Don't you consider her as a friend, Kagami-kun?"
"Ha? Her? She's way too clingy that I'd consider her a friend. She's more of, er, an acquaintance."
What
What was that?
…
She didn't know how to respond to that.
He didn't even consider her as a friend?
She could hear her own heartbeat from her ears. They felt like they would pop any moment. The drumming was so loud. She didn't know what to do, so she frowned, almost threatening to cry.
Clingy.
That was the word he used to describe her.
It meant he saw her as someone who was too… dependent. Someone who was weak. Was that really how she'd presented herself to him?
She was an acquaintance.
She turned around and walked away from them.