Chapter 10 – Secrets Revealed
Magnus wanted to groan; he had a moment of peace- finally. The last few months had been long and exhausting and he was gearing up for the next round of fighting. Something had happened, he didn't know what because Alec wasn't speaking to him about anything involving work. He had completely shut down on him on anything involving the topic. Magnus gave up and sent Gina a message asking for lunch but she refused to saying 'it wouldn't be a good idea until work settled down'. She did give him one clue saying Underhill was meeting his end at the company and told him to wait out Alec. He planned too, wait out Alec; that is but no more. He wasn't willing to wait any longer. He was going to wait for the kids to sleep and he was going to kiss Alec until he gave in. According to Gina, Underhill was no longer in their lives and he wanted his fiancée back, he kept getting ahead of himself and calling Alec his husband more than once, he had to dial that back a little but one thing was for certain he was going to get Alec down the aisle if it was the last thing he did. He always said after the horrible end of his first marriage that he would never make that trip again, but now he found himself desperate to get there. He wanted that feeling of not having to check his word choice when speaking about Alec. He never wanted anything more then to call Alec his husband and mean it in every sense of the term.
It had only been a few days since Raj's visit and he thought him and Alec had made progress which they had just not involving anything to do with work; Alec's most significant stressor. If work wasn't mentioned, then you wouldn't even know something was amiss but the second anyone mentioned anything HR related, Alec's eyes would cloud over and it would be Alec, but not quite his Alec. His siblings weren't even catching on anymore and it was annoying him.
Alec was currently picking up the boys from Clary and Jace's. The daycare was closed for the day for a teacher appreciation day; they did this once a year. The boys had missed daycare three out of the four days this week plus having Friday off, Magnus wasn't even sure what they paid for this week since they only made it on Monday. Raphael had missed so much of his kindergarten work he was afraid his son would get behind, it was a new program offered at the daycare and it was easy to get both the kids there. Max was too young for the program but Raphael enjoyed it. Clary watched the boys all day since she was still home with her son, it was all boys now which Izzy kept joking that she needed to have a girl to get the numbers back up for her and Clary. The 'boys needed a baby girl to protect', Simon had said. Izzy then promised they would, just not any time soon.
Magnus laid himself down on their couch with a deep sigh; he was lost and his family was lost. They were almost back to them but there was this dark cloud above them, and it had Alec's work tattooed across it. He couldn't figure out how to fix this. If Underhill had been moved or fired then why was Alec shutting him out? This is what they both wanted. This was supposed to help but it seemed to make it all worse. He felt the panic begin to rise in his chest. There had to be a way to move forward without ruining them. They loved each other too much to let anything pull them apart. He just needed to figure out a way to crack Alec open; get him to talk. That was his plan tonight. Kiss him until he either wanted him to stop, or he broke his silence. If he was honest with himself, he could tell it was toss up which outcome he was hoping for, getting Alec to talk was the preferred but spending a night in bed making out had its pros as well. He loved making out with Alec; he was such a good kisser who know the expert way to turn his head for the right pressure to keep any kiss lasting for hours. And Magnus could last for hours just kissing him. It wouldn't be the first time they spend time fully barely clothed just locked in each other's arms kissing and marking their bodies respectively. And tonight he was going to get his fiancée to a make out with him. He felt seedy when he said it like that to himself but he really missed being in Alec's arms. He told Alec he would wait for when Alec was ready to talk but he didn't know how much waiting he could take, so the kissing was going to be his ticket in; or so he hoped.
There was a soft knock on the door and unfortunately pulled him from his daydreaming; locked in Alec's arms with his lips smoothing over Alec's jaw. "Yeah." He called out when the knock sounded again but he stayed on the couch just a little longer. He slowly made his way to the door and frowned when it opened to the one person he hated most. He would have preferred Camille standing in front of him instead of Underhill, "I don't want you here." Magnus almost slammed the door in his face, "Go away Underhill, haven't you caused enough damage."
"I'm here to apologize." Underhill put his hand on the door jamb, hoping that would stop Magnus from slamming the door and breaking his hand, "I ruined my career for a blue-eyed crush. I need to say sorry for that but I can't face Alec, so I wanted to apologize to you."
Magnus held the door open as he was the only one home. "Make it fast."
"I did a lot that I regret. I know Alec will never forgive me and neither will you. I understand that and I'm not asking for forgiveness but I wanted to say it anyway." Underhill looked Magnus over, "I've come to my senses, unfortunately, it was too late and I did horrible things that I'm not proud of."
"You should be talking to Alec." Magnus frowned, he didn't want Underhill talking to Alec but he should hear his apology not him. "Apologize to him."
"I can't, not after what I did to him. He'll never look at me again. I can't look at me again." Magnus narrowed his eyes, he was missing something and Underhill picked up on it. "He didn't tell you." Underhill knew it, "Alec's too nice for his own good."
"Stop talking about my husband like you know him. What did you do?" There is was, the 'husband' word again. Magnus groaned internally. It was stuck in his head and it was going to be stuck there forever.
"I tried to kiss him, he pushed me away but I wouldn't allow that and I forc-" Underhill finished the word under his breath, but it was too late; Magnus knew what he was saying. Underhill saw the look flash across his face, he made a mistake.
"What? What did you say-" Magnus saw his vision cloud with red, "Forced? What did you do to my Alec?" He yelled at him taking a step forward to be as close to Underhill as he could would touching him. He wanted to punch him. He wanted to grab him by his shirt and throw him out of his house. He wanted to know why Alec hadn't told him. But most of all he wanted to know if Alec was okay.
"I pushed him against the wall, he was so surprised; it was written across his face that he never saw me coming. I forced myself against him, in my head I felt if he could just feel me, see what we felt like together it would be okay. I tried to kiss him again but he finally got me pushed away when Gina- when she came in and saw me. That's what I did, that's what got me fired."
"You forced yourself on my husband? You literally forced your body against my husband?" Magnus couldn't breathe, that's why Alec was shutting down any time work was mentioned. The words were on repeat in his brain and on his lips. "You sexually assaulted Alec in his office at work." Magnus spoke slowly almost pausing after each word to really hear what they sounded like. To taste each word on the tip of his tongue; to get them engraved on his lips.
Clark Underhill forced himself on Alec. And Magnus had no clue. No wonder Alec would freeze whenever work was brought out. He wanted to throw up.
The haze seemed to burn the air around him. He began speaking without thought to the words crossing his lips. "You know I'm a lawyer, right? I work for a rather large law firm. I could sue you and show the entire world what type of person you really are. Get you registered as a sex offender for forcing yourself on another human." He was doing it more for the show; he knew Alec would never want him to do that because Underhill was right, he was too nice for his own good. He would want to problem to just go away peaceful if that was even an option in this case. It was one of the many things he loved about him. "I could ruin your entire life."
"I know. Work is already beating you to that but," Underhill nodded, "I will accept anything you do to protect your family."
"I told you to leave my family alone and you just wouldn't listen." It took everything in Magnus' being to think about what Alec would want from him. This was about Alec not him even if he was willing to risk his career to beat the man standing in front of him. His vision was getting darker by the second of staring at him, his eyes narrowing. "Leave Alec and my family alone and I won't do anything. If I ever see or hear from you again, I won't stop. I will take you down whether Alec agrees or not. Don't ever speak to Alec again even if it is to say you're sorry. " Magnus walked over to the door, holding it open. "Get out of our house."
"Wh-?" Alec asked from the open doorway with Raphael in his arms and Max by his side. He froze, he couldn't move and couldn't speak. He was here in front of him. Alec twisted so Raphael was away from Underhill and pulled on Max's shoulder to get his wedged between him and the door.
Underhill didn't say anything, just snuck out passed Alec careful not to touch him or his children. He trusted in the words Magnus spoke to him, he meant business, and it started now. "Ss-ssorry." He uttered as he went by.
Alec just looked at Magnus with the unasked question.
Magnus' heart broke with Alec's gut reaction to protect their children from the man who attacked him. He wanted to hug him. Tell him everything would be okay. He also wanted to cry for him. "He came to apologize to me because he can't face you." Magnus refused to look way from Alec, he wanted to make sure Alec understood his meaning, "I was a little confused but he cleaned that up by telling me what happened in your office. About what he was apologizing for."
Alec frowned, going entirely into the house and closing the door behind him and the kids. "Magnus-"
"We should talk when the kids go to bed." Magnus leaned over to kiss him, really kiss him. Almost forgetting that they did have two very young and impressionable children with them. "I'm sorry for everything that happened."
Alec nodded, "Let's go upstairs. I miss family time." It was a copout but Alec couldn't think straight with just having Underhill in his house. His skin was crawling with some emotion he wasn't willing to name. His heart wouldn't slow down.
Magnus picked up Max who was fighting with his shoes. "Buddy, they're crocs. They're not that hard to take off." He smiled at the simple act of Max having a problem with his shoes seemed to ground him back to his family. His blood settled and the red overlay left his eyes. He could see clearly while he pulled Max's shoes off.
Alec mimicked his movement with Raphael's shoes then his own, all the while keeping Raphael in his arms. He wasn't willing to lose contact with his son just yet. Alec could match his breathing to Raphael's and it seemed to settle him down.
"You know, buddy, for a smart child, it's a little upsetting to see a pair of crocs defeat you. I blame your father; he's never allowed to buy your shoes again." Max giggled at him. "Or clothes for that matter." Magnus was trying to not to think about the last ten minutes, he was trying to settle his insides but really he wanted to cry. The last few weeks were too much for him. Even he had his emotional breaking point.
"Magnus," Alec felt his breathing become shaky, again, "I heard you talking to Ragnor, I didn't tell you because I got upset when I heard you tell Ragnor we moved too fast. I felt weak. So I drank instead. Three beers on an empty stomach. It was foolish. I should have said something when it happened last week." He felt the tears just behind his eyes. "Then Clary had the baby and it just slowly slipped away. I didn't know what to say or how to say it."
Magnus' eyes got wide, "What?" Magnus put Max down and took Raphael to set him down as well. "Go play. We'll be right up." They both complained, and very loudly. But one look from Magnus sent them both upstairs, Alec looked so defeated and this couldn't wait. "I need you to tell me everything. What happened, Alec?" Magnus felt the pleading in his voice. Waiting to talk wasn't going to happen; they needed to talk now. "What the hell happened, Alec? You finally went to HR to get rid of him and then what?" When Alec didn't move, Magnus sighed, "I need you to talk to me. Please?"
The damn broke in Alec, "The day before Clary gave birth. I went to HR. He got mad and cornered me in my office." Alec took his light jacket off and threw on the floor by the closet door; he was getting himself worked up because he felt defeat and he never wanted to talk to Magnus about this. It scared him that he wasn't strong enough to handle one lousy employee; that he allowed Underhill to get the best of him.
"And?"
"He tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and went to my door to get him to leave but he was just there in front of me all of a sudden. He pushed me against the wall and he was so close. I froze." Alec began pacing around the room. "I've never had anyone that close to me that I didn't want close to me. I felt him-" Now that he was speaking he couldn't stop himself, he didn't want to stop. He wanted Magnus to know everything even with the shame he felt over it all. "-he was aroused by forcing me and something in me shut down, I couldn't act fast enough because feeling him turned on and pressed against me made me want to vomit." He felt his insides burn; he wanted to throw up. He had tears in his eyes again and in his head, nothing in his brain was working right.
Magnus just listened, he didn't know what he could say anyway, he had never been in this situation before. His heart was breaking with every word Alec spoke to him. Hammering louder and louder against his chest.
"I pushed him away and then Gina was there. I was crying like an idiot. And I did vomit, a lot. She reported him up to the HR director, along with everything she saw over the last few months and everything I reported. I didn't know then but she had already started a report on him before I filed mine. I felt so weak, like how could he get the upper hand on me. I work out, I'm strong, and I completely missed him coming up to me."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"Yes, I did. I did." He was breathless now, "None of this would have happened if I just listened to you in the beginning and thought of more than just work." Alec sighed, finally taking a seat on the stairs. "Everything that happened after the fact is my fault."
"A-"
"I didn't speak up." Alec raised his voice, "I did nothing when I should have done something. Anything. What lesson would this teach Max? Or Raphael? What are my children going to think about me doing nothing?"
"Alec, you are the victim here. You are being too hard on yourself."
"This is why I didn't want to tell you. I heard you talking to Ragnor about moving too fast. We're moving too fast. Once again, a mistake I made. I convinced you to move in with me and you thought it was too fast."
"You are taking that conversation out of context. We weren't-"
"But you feel that way." Alec just stared at him, his voice gaining conviction. "You might not have felt it in the beginning but you feel it now."
"No, no, I don't." Magnus went down on his knees in front of Alec. The little voice in his head called him a lying, he had uttered those words in his head once but regretted it the second he thought them. This conversation wasn't going the way he planned and he needed to get Alec back on track before they said something they couldn't take back. "I'm telling you I don't. Listen to me, please." Magnus was pleading now; he had to. He didn't know how to get Alec to really see him; Alec was so clouded by what he wanted to see and not what was actually in front of him. "Whatever you have made up in your mind, you need to drop it. You didn't make a mistake. I didn't make a mistake. We love each other and we have taken the next steps in our relationship as any couple would. Those aren't mistakes. Nothing you and I have is a mistake."
"How do I fix this?" Alec put his hands on Magnus' face, cupping his chin. "How do I fix us? Go back to what we were."
"There's no going back; you know that. Couples change that's part of life. We can only move forward, not back."
"How do we do that?" Alec felt his entire body crashing around him, all of the emotions from the last few months was hammering down on him. "How?" His hands are falling to his side.
"At the considerable risk of sounding cliché, one step at a time. Underhill took so much from you, from us but it won't break us. You never cheated and I never punched the guy in the face as I wanted. We are strong and we love each other." Magnus sighed, "You're not the only one who feels defeated. I let my jealousy cloud my judgment. We both have things to feel weak about but-"
"I was never tempted, not once. He was creepy more than anything."
"I know. We've already covered that and I know that will never change. You are the victim. He harassed you and forced himself on you; you did nothing wrong. Reporting early or not isn't the problem, he's the problem. Do not blame yourself for him. It's letting him win." Magnus ran a hand through Alec's hair. He repeated the process a few more times as it seemed to have a soothing effect on both of them.
Alec closed his eyes, evened his breathing, and relaxed into Magnus' touch. For the first time in months, he felt like home. This was his home and it was beginning to right itself again. "I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I don't know what to do. How to get through this? I always thought I was so strong, work out all the time, but I was so surprised that I panicked and froze. Like my mind couldn't keep up with what was happening in real time."
"I know, baby, I know." Magnus felt the tears welling up in his eyes; the couldn't let them fall. He had to stay strong for Alec, "No one knows what they would do in that situation because it's not something you can prepare for. I want to sit here and tell you not to feel embarrassed or ashamed, but they are your feelings and only you can work through them. Men are sexually harassed as well; it is not something left to only the women to deal with. You can always tell me anything; I would do anything for you." Magnus did cry then, just a few tears but his heart was broken. Alec had been hurting for so long and he couldn't help him. "I love you and I will do whatever we need to do. Tell me; you know that."
"I do."
Magnus didn't want to be that person who made a horrible situation about them but he needed to talk to Alec about this and there wasn't any other time, "I'm not going to lie, because I can't lie to you. I've been hurt over the last few weeks. I have a greater understand now but you could have come to me. We are getting married. Why did you come to me?"
Alec looked away, the tears were below the surface, it seemed to settle there and never leave. "I didn't know how to face you." He whispered, "I didn't know what I would do if the look in your eyes changed anymore."
Magnus sighed, "Alec-"
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." He whispered again, "I feel like I've done nothing but mess up. Lydia showed up and I lost my mind." Alec looked up at the ceiling then closed his eyes as if he couldn't face the world anymore.
"Okay, it's okay," Magnus nodded, even though Alec wouldn't look at him, "Alec, listen to me, I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. We will work through this. One day at a time. And right now, I think I've gone through enough." He wanted Alec to look at him, "What can I do, right now, to help you?"
Alec opened his eyes, putting his hands on Magnus' face, "There is something you can do, right now that would help."
"What's that?"
"Kiss me." Alec smiled at Magnus' instant reaction to his whisper, he went up high on his knees and claimed his kiss. It was a steady, even kiss without pressure but filled with love. Light and fluffy, Magnus pulled back then in for another kiss. He would never get tired of this. Alec on his lips and in his hands. "Kiss me," Alec whispered again when Magnus pulled back to far. Magnus smiled with him, going in for his third kiss. "Why does one touch, one kiss, from you make everything better?"
Magnus laughed, "I don't know. It has a soothing effect on me too." Magnus pulled back to stand up, "Listen, this isn't going to fix itself overnight but we will get better. I think getting back to normal will at least help a little. But I need you to consider talking to someone, professionally."
"Work said the same thing but I declined for now." Alec gave him a sad smile, "I'll think about it."
Magnus nodded, that was all he could ask for. "Now, let's go see what our children have destroyed."
Alec frowned, "They have been very quiet."
When they both stood up, Magnus pulled Alec down the few steps to the living room floor with him. Magnus ran his hands over Alec's face, down to his jaw then wiped his cheeks. Alec closed his eyes and let the sensation flow over him. He repeated the motion once, twice more until he heard Alec sigh. Magnus mimicked his sigh, "Come on," Magnus pulled his hands away and went up the stairs first.
Alec waited a moment before following. He felt so much lighter.
...
Magnus waited to go to sleep that night on purpose; he wanted to be selfish and spend some time with Alec without him knowing. His heart was breaking for him, he loved him and there was nothing he could do to protect him; save him. He let the tear fall down his cheek then. He couldn't protect his family and he wanted nothing more than to be that protector. He was up on his elbow looking down at his sleeping fiancée. For the first time in months Alec had a relaxed expression on his face; finally, his sleep wasn't going to be fit full. He lost count of the number of times Alec had woken him up with the tossing and turning then the murmurers would start and Magnus would just be watching him, much, in the same manner he was doing right now. When the tossing got too bad, he would talk to him, usually about the day that Alec had missed out on and it would calm him down enough to sleep but it never erased the frown on his face. Alec never said anything the following days, he was always a sleep and never knew.
Today that was gone and Magnus let out a sigh of relief. Part of him wanted to wake Alec up and make love to him for hours, show off their love as they had done so many times in the past. Kissing each other using the full force of their bodies to display their love for one another, to one another. He wouldn't wake him up; he needed his sleep and Magnus wouldn't take that away from him.
Besides he had a surprise for Alec. Their one year was coming up and Magnus had rented out the cottage as he promised before. He was going to take him there whether Underhill was still in their lives or not; he was going to spend the entire weekend showing off his love for him while being completely naked. He didn't care about the sex; he cared about Alec being okay. Clary and Jace were on child duty and Magnus had the complete surprise worked out. He was going to whisk Alec away for three days and he was going to make it unique. The surprise had been set weeks ago.
Now, it was going to be easier. He was going to spend the entire weekend making sure Alec knew he was the victim but he was going to get past it and come out on the other side stronger. He went to the grief counselors the law firm hired from time to time to get some ideas for Alec since he was against going to one on his own before this happened. He wanted to know what they would do if someone was getting harassed, now, however, that was different. Their advice didn't seem to fit and he would have to find new advice. He was going to work through this with Alec so they would be able to move on and get down the aisle someday. Magnus didn't feel right planning a wedding with Alec still recovering so he was going to wait until Alec came to him healed and ready for the next phase of their lives. He was going to wait and do whatever he could.
Magnus couldn't resist his urge any longer. He went in for a light kiss, hoping it wouldn't wake him up. He moved some hair away from his forehead and kissed him there too. His luck had run out on the forehead kiss.
"Magnus?" Alec opened his eyes to see his favorite pair of green-gold eyes looking down at him.
"I couldn't sleep. Sorry for waking you but you looked too good not to kiss." He whispered.
Alec smiled, a real light up his eyes smile, "Come here and kiss me like you mean it." He used a hand to the back of his neck to pull him down.
Magnus went to him with pleasure and kissed him; this one was not gentle as the other two. They spent the next hour just calming each other while making out. The kisses weren't soft but they held no heat. They were sweet. They were relaxing. There would be no sex tonight, just kissing and soothing. They didn't talk; they didn't need too. Magnus did roll them over at one point; he needed to feel Alec's weight on him. The pressure of him relaxed him into the bed. The slow burn that told Magnus 'everything was going to be alright'.