Cartman X Kyle X (10)

On the bus, Wendy flagged the boys down and motioned them to the back of the bus. She sighed deeply.

"I'm sure you probably already know this, but Bebe has made her own yaoi podcast of Craig and Tweek. It's a total rip off of ours but it's getting way more views then us. So we have to make the public revelation episode really, really good! I couldn't sleep last night after I found out so I drank a mocha java and after I spent three hours running around insanely I typed up this new script" Wendy said smiling, handing out scripts to not only Cartman and Kyle, but to Stan and Kenny as well.

"Um, Wendy, I think your going a bit far with this" Stan said hesitantly, reading over his lines none the less.

"Mmph, mmph mmph mmph mmph 'mmph mmph' mmph mmph?" Kenny asked with a raised eyebrow.

Wendy sighed heavily "It means you understand their attraction but you aren't sure if your friendship can stay the same"
"Mmph mmph mmph mmph?!"

"Because my viewers don't want to see happy friendships, they want to see conflict, drama!"

"Wendy" Stan said carefully "Can't you let Kyle go? I mean, what's he ever done to you?"

Wendy stared at Stan, then her eyes narrowed as she put her hand on his shoulder "Trust me Stan. This is how it has to be"

"B-but- mph!" Stan gasped as Wendy shoved herself into his arms and slammed her lips against his. She pulled back, and Stan seemed stunned. Then a goofy smile covered his face and he stared out the window humming happily to himself. Wendy however was devastated.

"Goddamn it, I can't be too late!" Wendy muttered to herself, mad that Stan hadn't thrown up for that. There was a time he would've ejected right into her mouth for a kiss like that! Wendy looked across the bus and her rage grew as she laid eyes on Bebe talking with Craig and Tweek. Craig had his arm around Tweek and was looking pretty smug actually. Bebe looked over a Bebe and raised his eyebrows in a smug way herself. Wendy burned with rage, looking back at Cartman and Kyle. Unlike Tweek and Craig, Cartman was trying to lean on Kyle and Kyle was trying to escape into the bus seat.

Wendy glared "Kyle, you have to act more comfortable around Cartman! Put your arm around him, and look happy or something!"

"How can I look happy?! I've gotten five hours sleep in three days, I had to give Cartman my brand new Nintendo DS, and I'm being forced to be his personal sex slave!" Kyle shouted, causing many surprised heads to turn.

"Mmph, mmph mmph mmph?" Kenny asked twitching.

"Well, no we haven't had sex but at this rate Wendy's going to commission it within the week!' Kyle snapped, throwing his hands in the air "And I find that totally disgusting! I mean for God's sake Wendy, if you needed someone to pair with me for a goddamned podcast why the HELL did you have to pick Cartman!"

"Hey, is this about me not having a big enough dick for you again Kyle?!" Cartman snapped.

"NO!" Kyle growled as Kenny laughed wildly. Eerie silence "Sorry Mr. Hat" Kyle grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling as the bus rolled down the road.

*****

At recess Wendy was setting up her camera on a tripod so she could be in the podcast too. She'd set it up under a tree to reduce glare off the lens and had apparently recruited a small crowd during class. Many were excited to be part of a growing podcast, until they saw Kyle and Cartman.

"Aw, we thought this was Craig X Tweek" Red pouted and there were other grumbles.

"That's over here girls!" Bebe waved form her own camera set up twenty feet away.

"BEBE!" Wendy gasped "You can't do the revelation now, I'm doing it now! You can't split the crowd, it'll be less effective!"

"Who's splitting the crowd?" Bebe smirked, and Wendy saw that the entire class had gathered around Bebe. Wendy bit her lip and felt her eyes tear up.

"Oh…" she whispered and then closed her eyes and let out a scream before bursting into tears. She ran to Stan and threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder and sobbing "Oh Stan! It's not fair! Bebe's taking all my viewers! At this rate I may as well give up!"

"Geez Wendy, quit being such a pussy" Cartman jeered, rolling his eyes.

"Well at least if you quit that damn podcast I'll be free of this dumbass" Kyle snapped, finding it easy now to interchange fat for dumb as he pointed to Cartman.

Cartman's eyes widened and he ran to Wendy, putting his chubby hand on her back "Wendy, you can't just give up! You still have some viewers, you have to keep going, for them!"

Wendy sniffed, pulling back from Stan and looking at Cartman with glistening eyes "Y-you're right Cartman. I can't just give up. As long as one yaoi crazed fan girl wants to watch Cartman X Kyle, I'll be there!"

"That's right Wendy, you'll be there" Cartman said with a smile and a nod.

"God DAMN IT!" Kyle shouted, slamming his hand against the tree.

*

Wendy decided to compensate and instead of a public revelation she restricted it to revealing the affair to their closest friends, Stan and Kenny. It only took a quick script re-write and was full of fluffiness and hand holding and manly hugs… though not between Stan and Kyle. When they went for it Wendy screamed cut and broke the two up, saying that would be too much or something. Kyle thought that was kind of weird, as did Stan.

"Well, I've got some editing to do!" Wendy said happily "So… oh. Since we can film anytime now, you can stay at your house tonight Kyle." She added before skipping off.

"Great. Best news I've had this week" Kyle muttered.

"TGIF man" Stan shrugged "Want to come over and game tomorrow?"

"Sure, that sounds good" Kyle replied, relieved.

"B-but Kahl, why can't you come over anyway? We can-"

"Dude" Stan said with a frown "Can't you see he's totally exhausted? You had him three nights in a row, so just leave it!"

"Yeah but we wouldn't even have to get up early tomorrow!" Cartman said wide eyed, smiling at the thought.

"DUDE! NO!" Kyle yelled and Cartman crossed his arms and grumbled something about stinking Jews. Kyle decided to ignore that, because if he was grumbling it meant he wouldn't try to force him and Kyle didn't want to do something that would evoke that wrath.

*****

Kyle was sleeping well that night. Until about three am when he awoke to his mom yelling at him.

Kyle snorted and opened his eyes "Wha-what mom?"

"KYLE! Why does a little girl have a podcast of you performing oral sex on that fat boy from your class?!"

Kyle's eyes widened "WHAT?! Wendy doesn't have footage of that!"

"Yes she does young man!" Mrs. Brofloski snapped, yanking her elder son out of bed and dragging his into the living room to the computer. She showed him the footage. Kyle was asleep in Cartman's bed and Cartman had his dick in his mouth.

"OH THAT BASTARD I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE EVER FALLEN ASLEEP IN THAT ROOM!" Kyle screamed, hitting the keyboard.

"Kyle, it's okay" Kyle's father was apparently here as well, but was behind Kyle's mother so Kyle didn't see him at first "I understand that you're just… bi-curious"

And this was why by sunrise Kyle was at the same Bi-Curious camp Butters had been to a few months earlier that year, accountabili-buddies with a rather large boy (of muscle, not fat) who seemed to have gotten himself admitted on purpose and wasn't interested in God or suicide. Not a good combination and Kyle almost wished for Cartman back as he started having his Jewfro stroked the moment he was left along with the other boy. Almost.

"Goddamn it I'M NOT GAY!" Kyle shouted but no one would believe the poor, still pajama-ed Hebrew boy.