She had that feeling. The feeling you get when something's hanging over your head, or when you get the sense that karma is peering over your shoulder, waiting. And no matter how many times Lily tried to shake off the feeling, it clung to her more strongly, her heart and stomach tightening more each time.
"What's wrong?" Marlene asked from across the table at lunch. "Something seems off."
"Nothing's wrong," Lily replied, willing herself to believe her own words. "Just not feeling that hungry. I think the fumes from potions got to me."
"What potions were you working on today?" Marlene asked curiously.
"Oh, um, it was the…" she struggled. Marlene looked at her strangely.
"It was a variation of the Confundus Concoction," Sirius stepped in, giving her an odd look.
"Oh, right," she laughed, cringing at how awkward it came out. "I must've stood too close to the cauldron," she joked, grabbing a couple of chips and stuffing them into her mouth. It made her stomach turned slightly.
"O-kay," Marlene drawled as she stared Lily down, taking a bite off of her own plate.
"You sure you're alright?" Sirius asked, not for the first time since Potions class.
"Yes," she insisted, trying to hide her irritation, but failed. Luckily, Sirius got the hint and backed off carefully, returning to the conversation with Remus he was having previously.
Of all the thoughts swirling in her head, two kept straying towards the front of her mind: 1. She was not looking forward to going to Defense, and 2. Against her better judgement, she was going to meet up with Snape as he requested.
-:- -:- -:-
Donahue had resorted to ignore Lily's presence in the past few class sessions, which she decided she did not mind at all. Though she still had many questions on spells and their movements, she had taken to passing along her questions to Marlene. Donahue seemed none the wiser and Lily left class somewhat satisfied, having her questions answered. While she wasn't the one earning the points, she was glad that Gryffindor was at least getting them.
The phrase "walking on eggshells" had never been more apt to Lily in her life.
Defense class this day, however much she would never admit it outloud, was a welcome distraction from Snape and his request to meet her after hours. Was he still in the hospital wing? Or had he already left in the hospital wing? In his delirious state of mind, had he meant to confront her? Was it his plan all along?
With resolution, she decided to head to the infirmary after class to see if he were still there. She needed to get answers from him. Unbidden, a small part of her mind couldn't help but wonder, was it an ambush? Was there a part of him that wished to hurt her, like Mulciber and Avery had done? They were no longer friends - did he wish her harm?
She shook her head - while Severus appeared angry with her, he would never resort to that… she hoped.
Lily jumped, feeling a hard knock against her elbow.
"He's dismissed us," Marlene told her. "Let's get out of here before we give him a chance to take points away." Lily agreed silently and quickly gathered her things, joining Marlene as they left the room.
"Are you sure you're okay? You seem off," Marlene commented. "You're not your normal self."
"Just stressed," Lily answered, which was the truth. "I'm worried how Donahue will grade my paper," she added, hoping to convince her friend. It worked.
The answer seemed to placate Marlene for the time being, who parted ways to head towards the other side of the castle for class. When she was out of sight, Lily turned sharply on her heel to head towards the Hospital Wing.
"Where you heading?" she heard James behind her and halted her movements. Trying to not look too much like an admonished child, she turned back to find him watching her, waiting for an answer expectantly. Sirius stood beside him, shifting on his foot impatiently. She felt a flash of irritation at his attitude.
"To the lavatory," she answered petulantly, adjusting her book bag. "Is that okay?"
"Sure," he replied. "But isn't it that way?" he commented, using his thumb to point towards the end of the hallways behind him.
"Yes," Lily said begrudgingly, thinking quickly as her cheeks began to feel warm. "But I was going to see McGonagall first."
Sirius gave her a measured look then, then shrugged. "Okay. James and I were heading towards the courtyard, if you wanted to join."
James's eyebrows shot up at his words, but he quickly recovered - but Lily still caught the movement and felt suspicious. Obviously Sirius's offer was unplanned.
"Maybe after I talk with McGonagall," she declined. "Thanks for asking," and she turned again, holding back the urge to check to see if they had followed.
The infirmary, however, was empty.
"Madam Pomfrey?" she called, heading back towards the office.
"Lily?" the healer's voice sounded concern. "Something wrong?" she asked, emerging from behind the glass doors.
"Nothing," Lily answered with a smile. "I just wanted to check on Snape. Slughorn had accompanied him earlier after being exposed to a potion?"
"That boy," Pomfrey huffed. "Drank the healing potion and left without observation. But made made sure to let me know that he could've made the potion better himself," she said annoyed.
That was definitely Severus.
"Any idea where he ran off to?" Lily asked instead. "I wanted to give him the rest of the homework he missed 2nd period."
"I'm sorry, Lily. I'm not sure where he was headed. Keep an eye out for him though, I hadn't gotten a chance to check his recovery before he left."
"Will do," Lily replied, smiling honestly. She'd seen Severus get sick off of a potion once before - the sight had not been pretty and had taken him a week to recover.
But Lily doubted he would have returned to class after he left the Hospital Wing. Most likely, he would have gone back to the Slytherin common room - and no way was she going to try and ask around for him.
On her way out the door, she very nearly ran into James' tall frame. He had been leaning back against the door frame, just outside the infirmary entrance. Sirius stood in the middle of the corridor, playing catch with a crumpled up piece of parchment paper.
"I'm sorry?" she faltered. "I thought you were going to the courtyard? What are you doing here?" She failed to keep the annoyance out of her voice.
"James here thought that I might need a pepper-up potion," Sirius answered easily. "Got a bit of a headache after listening to Donahue's voice for so long. What are you doing here?"
Her temper got the best of her. "I needed something for my cramps," she hissed the lie, almost positive they must've been following her. "Any chance you have something to help?"
Both boys looked away embarrassed as she suspected they would and smiled in satisfaction.
"Now if you'll excuse me…" she said in a clipped tone. And they did.
She was able to find solstice in the library at her normal table. This was where she had stayed until Emmeline found her, collecting a set of books for herbology.
"Hey," Emmeline greeted warmly. "You heading to dinner soon?" she asked.
"It's almost dinner time?" Lily was shocked at the time. "I mean, yes, if you're heading down, I'll join you."
"Have you been here the whole time? I think Marlene was looking for you earlier."
"Ah, yeah, I think I just got sucked into this book. I hadn't realized how much time had passed," she murmured as she collected her things.
"Well let's get going, I am starving," Emmeline replied, waiting patiently.
"Thank you for finding me - I'm sure I would've been in here until I got kicked out," Lily laughed, shouldering her bag.
Lily though, was glad that Emmeline had found her. With Emmeline, things were quite easy - the two of them had always gotten along and Emmeline had a great sense of empathy. She knew when Lily didn't feel like talking, and knew when to give her the right nudge. No doubt had Marlene mentioned something to the rest of her friends about her slightly abnormal behavior today - but Emmeline knew not to push.
Everyone was already at the dinner table when the two girls joined them, already well into their first plates.
"No Remus?" Emmeline asked, dishing herself up a plate.
"Sick again," Peter answered, his mouth full. Lily winced, thinking of how he seemed to just recover from a sickness a few weeks ago.
She listened mindlessly as the others began conversations amongst themselves, taking care to sip on the spoon full of soup. Her eyes distractedly scanned the Slytherin table, trying to catch sight of Snape. He was missing once again, unsurprisingly.
Looking down into the bowl in front of her, Lily debated telling her friends about what Snape had said earlier during Potions - how he nearly threatened her if she didn't help him, come out with the truth. Her stomach rolled painfully.
Deep down, Lily hated that she still held some allegiance towards Snape. She didn't want him hurt - and what would the boys do if he had found out about their game? Surely they would threaten him - and who knows what else.
But what if it was about the game and their secret? This affected her whole group of friends - would he blackmail them?
"Guys," she said suddenly, building the courage up to say something.
"What is it, Lily?" Alice asked from beside her. Everyone was watching her in vague interest, waiting for her response.
"I," she felt her throat constrict - maybe it would be best if she just confronted Snape directly, then see what happens.
"Hello?" Marlene crooned, waving a hand in front of Lily's face.
"There's something that happened -" she began, her eyes straying involuntarily towards James's.
Maybe it was unrelated. Maybe he wanted to warn her about other things. What she had heard Mulciber and Avery talking about…
It was decided then. She would meet with Snape. Alone.
"Yes?" Alice prompted.
"In class last week," Lily chickened out. "I just remembered a spell that Flitwick shared with me," she blurted. "I'll have to share it with you guys sometimes."
Marlene gave her a strange look. "You can show us in the common room later."
"Sure," Lily replied in a tone that was a little too over-excited. She caught the dubious look James sent her.
She fell quiet and returned to her food, still feeling questioning looks from her friends. She mentally cursed herself - while she was good at keeping secrets among her friends, it certainly felt hard to do so from them.
The time left until 11:00 PM was torture - Lily barely found herself able to hold conversations. Her friends were nice enough not to push, for which she was grateful. They sat in their normal seats in the common room, working on homework as they would any other night.
As curfew fell upon them, thoughts of doubt began to fill Lily. Should she ask Marlene to go with her? Would it be safe enough for her to go by herself? She never technically agreed to meet with Snape, right?
Lily rubbed at her face tiredly, feeling a headache coming on. How did she get herself into these situations…
She joined her friends soon after in the escape to their dorm and doing her best to follow her normal routine for bed, changing into her pajamas and tying her hair back into a plait before climbing under the covers. Her heart was beating loudly enough that she was absolutely positive that Marlene would be able to hear it from the bed beside her.
The only thing that kept her pre-occupied until a quarter till 11 was the recital of defense spells they had begun to learn in the past two weeks. It helped her study... and it wouldn't hurt to be prepared for whatever Snape had to say.
When it was finally time to move, it seemed to be the coldest night of the year yet and she was mindful when changing into a pair of bell-bottom jeans, her wand safe in her front pocket. She shrugged her Gryffindor robe over her nightshirt before silently exiting the dorm, giving one last look towards the closed curtains of her friends before trying her best to quietly close the door behind her.
It wasn't until she ducked through the portrait hole that she thought, Dear God, what am I doing? feverishly. What if her friends caught her sneaking back into the dorm? What if they thought this was a clandestine meeting?
She shook herself, rolling her eyes at her own dramatics. This wasn't a damn soap opera - she was merely doing some reconnaissance to verify Snape hadn't found out about their game. If he had, well, then, she would take care of it as she saw fit.
However, she had never felt more paranoid in her whole Hogwarts' career as she tiptoed down the staircases towards the Great Hall. The corridor had never been more quiet. The littlest of noises caused her to jump. Her wand felt heavy in her pocket.
She was only a few steps away from the Great Hall's doors when a hand grabbed her elbow roughly, pulling her backwards. A scream escaped from her throat in panic, but a sweaty palm slapped hard over her mouth to stop the noise.
"Calm down," Snape's voice hissed in annoyance against her struggles. He released her and she turned to shove him hard in anger.
"What the hell, Snape!" she whispered hotly. "You didn't need to grab me!"
"You didn't need to scream like a little girl," he snapped.
"Snape," she warned between clenched teeth. "Just tell me why you had to meet."
He laughed derisively, leaning back against the wall. Lily had to admit, he couldn't pull off the casual indifference Sirius or James could pull off. "As if you already don't know."
"Like I said before, I have no idea what you're talking about," she hissed, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I have proof," he insisted, ignoring her words. He grabbed her arm again and pulled her towards the doors to outside. She struggled against his stone-like grip, but he wouldn't budge.
"Let go of my arm, Snape," she said, using her nails this time, but he was like a man possessed, hand locked around her arm as he nearly dragged her. He pulled her through the door out into the cool air. Lily's breathes came out in small clouds of smoke as she tried to dig her heels into the ground.
"You need to see this - with your own eyes - I knew they were hiding something. Something wasn't ever right about him. Disappearances, getting sick, his mother." He was muttering under this breath. Lily struggled to keep up.
"What are you talking about, Snape!" she demanded, resorting to kick him in the leg to get him to stop. He turned to her, unfazed, but finally let go.
"Don't act so stupid, Lily," he said harshly. In the light of the moonlight, she noticed the beads of sweat running down his temples. His eyes looked unfocused.
"Snape, clearly you're not well. That potion-"
"It's not the potion, Lily!" he snarled. "Quit playing innocent - I know you know about Remus's illness," he spat and reached for her arm again and latched on.
"Ow! Snape - let me go or I'll -"
"You'll what, Lily?" he questioned harshly as they made it onto the grounds. "You'll hex me? Get your boyfriend to curse me?"
"Alright, that's it!" Lily raged, reaching for her wand with her less dominant hand. Though it was definitely not her most impressive spell, she was still able to give Snape a good enough zap for him to release her.
"I know you're helping them hide it!" he roared. "Hiding a monster-"
"Snape," she cut him off, utterly bewildered. "The only monster I can see is you! Mulciber and Avery -"
He seemed to recall the night rather quickly, his face falling into a mournful expression. "That wasn't supposed to happen - You shouldn't have been out after hours. You-"
"Don't make it out to be my fault, Severus! Your friends beat me. If Sirius and James hadn't shown up -"
He scoffed angrily. "Of course you have to bring them up - you've been fawning all over them! They've got you fooled, Lily, can't you see? You've turned into one of those girls who-"
"I'm going back inside, Snape," she told him as calmly as she could, turning on her heel quickly to get away from him. She screeched loudly when his arm came around her waist and hauled her back, her legs kicking out helplessly. This time she fought viciously, using her body weight to try and break free. "Snape!" she yelled furious. "What the-"
"Lily?!" a voice called across the courtyard. "SNAPE!"
Lily felt a rush of relief fill her, tears springing to her eyes. Snape stopped, frozen, she used it to tried to and release his grip.
"What are you DOING!" James's voice rang out, furious.
At the sound, Snape swung around quickly, pulling Lily with him, as he brandished his wand towards James. "Get away," he spat, his wand unwavering.
"Calm down, Snape," James said cautiously, visibly trying to assess the situation. He held his hands out in surrender, trying to placate Snape.
"Shut up!" he retorted, sparks flying from his wand. "I know what you and your friends have been hiding. Protecting a beast. Just wait till I announce it to the world-"
"Snape, come on." James angled, moving to step closer. "Let Lily go - she has nothing to do with this."
"Right," Snape spat scornfully. "As if you all aren't sharing secrets."
"He's delusional," Lily blurted. "He got sick in Potions class-" Snape tightened his grip around her waist, stealing her breath.
"I'm going to show her what you're hiding. How you've got everyone tricked into thinking you're the heroes," Snape said angrily.
"Fine, Snape! But you're not taking Lily with you. She's staying behind."
Snape scoffed in response, but appeared to be seriously considering his options. His grip loosened just so and Lily took her chance. She swung her elbow back hard, hitting him just below his ribs.
He shoved her away roughly and folded over in pain, winded and gagging. Lily stumbled forwards clumsily, but James caught her beneath her arms and steadied her.
"Get out of here. Go inside," he implored quickly, pulling her back carefully away from Snape towards the courtyard walkway. He set her back against one of the pillars.
"He's sick," Lily said breathlessly, rubbing the spots around her waist that Snape had grabbed her. "He's delusional - he doesn't know what he's saying."
"He does, but I don't know what he's going to do. I've got to stop him."
"From doing what?"
James ignored her to peer around the stone pillar. "Shite," he cursed. "He's gone. I've got to go - stay here," he ordered sternly.
"What is he going to do?" Lily grabbed onto his wrist. He was slightly shaking with adrenaline.
"Stay here," he repeated and pried her fingers off of his wrist before taking off, his long legs carrying him faster than Lily could ever go.
She followed him regardless, nearly losing sight of his figure in the dark; but the full moon overheard was bright enough to guide her way. Lily screamed loudly when she was nearly tackled from behind. She struggled against the arms around her as viciously as she could.
"What are you doing?" Sirius's voice hissed from behind her.
"Sirius?" she said in disbelief. He released her and she spun to face him. He was breathing hard, hair disheveled and eyes wild.
"Lily, Bloody Hell, what are your doing out here?" he asked again, eyes darting around in the dark. "I've got to get you inside. Now," he growled darkly before she had a chance to protest. His tone frightened her and she followed orders, turning her head back towards the way James had gone.
The Whomping Willow stood twenty yards from where they were. Beyond that was the skyline of the forbidden forest, illuminated by the moon. It was quiet besides the shuffling of their feet, but Lily strained to hear a noise, an animal?
"We're running from something," Lily realized out loud, panicked. "Where did James go? Where's Snape?"
"Keep moving," Sirius snapped, his hand on her back as he tried to rush her.
The noise - what she could now recognize as snarling, was becoming louder. "Sirius, are they in danger?" She turned her head again, trying to locate where the sound was coming from. She began to dig her heels in, feeling uneasy.
"Lily, I've got to get you inside, now," Sirius hissed, trying to move her.
Shouts came from behind them and they both froze. Lily's eyes scanned the area once more, trying to place the noise.
"Geroff!" Snape's voice echoed through the grounds. "Potter!"
"Where-" Lily began, confused.
Movement caught her eye at the base of the Whomping Willow. With growing horror, she watched as James pulled a struggling Snape from a hole near the roots of the tree.
She didn't notice she was running towards them until she heard Sirius shouting her name and his footsteps behind her. Like before, he nearly tackled her to stop her.
But it was too late; both James and Snape caught sight of the two of them, Snape still fighting against James's hold, clearly agitated.
"Padfoot!" James roared. "Get her inside! Now!" Snape used his foot to hitch himself at a root, causing the two boys to fall backwards.
The noise that Lily had heard - the growling - revealed itself, the head of a werewolf snarling and snapping its teeth wildly just inside of the hole James and Snape had just emerged.
The creature's shoulders were just big enough to prevent it from escaping the hole, but it's clawed hand reached out, nearly grabbing onto James' shoes.
"Stop fighting!" Lily had thought it James that had shouted at Snape, but quickly realized it was Sirius yelling at her. She was fighting against his group to try and get to the two boys - to try and help them get away.
"The Willow!" she shouted with horror. "It'll kill them!"
"They're fine," Sirius replied frustrated, now pulling her with him. She watched with abject terror as James struggled to pull Snape further away from the creature - a werewolf. The Willow, however, stood eerily still.
Snape must've still been delirious; he was fighting against James to get closer to the werewolf. Lily realized this is what he must've of been referring to - what secret the marauders must've been keeping.
The werewolf was still snarling viciously at the base of the tree, digging and fighting to get free.
James must've had enough. Lily heard him shout "Stupefy" and winced as the bright red spell hit Snape in the back. With the limp body of Snape in tow, James was able to move much more quickly, pulling the Slytherin with him towards where Sirius and Lily were standing.
"GO!" James shouted as he came closer, and knowing that James was finally safe (or as safe as he could be in this situation), Lily found herself more receptive to Sirius's request to move.
The sounds of growls and snarls echoed behind them ominously, giving Lily motivation to move as fast as she could. By the time the three Gryffindors (and one unconscious Slytherin) made it to the entrance doors, Lily's lungs were burning. The sounds of the werewolf were far behind them.
Sirius shut the door loudly and securely once they were all safely inside.
James dropped Snape's unresponsive form onto the floor carelessly before turning his heated gaze onto his best friend. Lily stooped to check on his head, which had smacked rather hard against the stone floor. She sent a glare towards James, but it went unnoticed.
"Prongs," Sirius started, his tone remorseful.
"I can't believe you would be that bloody stupid, Padfoot," James said, his voice cold. Sirius flinched as if he had hit him.
"I didn't think he'd actually do it," Sirius replied, gesturing angrily at Snape.
"Of course he'd do it!" James thundered. "You know how he is!"
"Hey!" Lily hissed harshly. "Keep your voices down. What's happening?"
James scoffed angrily, still not sparing her a glance. "Snape could've been killed," he said with quiet fury. "What would that have done to him? He couldn't survive that."
Sirius looked away from James's stare, swallowing hard.
"What that would have done to who?" Lily was completely lost.
Finally James granted her a look, but it left her chilled to the bone. A shiver ran through her under this glare and she chose not to repeat her question.
"I'm going to take him back to the Slytherin common room. Hopefully someone will find him in the corridor." James's voice was filled with cold anger. This time, he used a spell to carry Snape's body behind him and left the Entrance Hall, not looking back.
"Sirius-"
"Don't," Sirius interrupted harshly, turning his back on her and heading back towards the doors.
"Where are you going?" she asked in alarm. "You can't go back out there!"
"Go back to the common room, Lily," he said, voice devoid of emotion.
"I'm not letting you-"
"GO," he shouted in anger. "I'm not fighting you on this!"
Lily was shaken - never had she seen Sirius this way and never had he raised his voice toward her this way. She stood frozen as he turned and exited through doors to the outside. She watched the motionless door before robotically turning to return to the Gryffindor common room, suddenly exhausted.
-:- -:- -:-
"Get up!" Marlene's voice shouted into her ear the next morning.
Lily jolted awake, nearly smacking her head into Marlene's chin. "I'm up," she groaned, rubbing her eyes against the bright light of the morning sun.
"Good," Marlene responded. "I've been trying to get you up for the last 20 minutes - you'll be late to breakfast."
Lily moaned in annoyance, pulling herself up into a seated position. Her eyes burned from the lack of sleep and the beginning of a headache had settled into her temples.
With the energy of a sloth, she showered and got ready for classes, pulling her wet hair back into another plait. It fell down her back and left her school shirt wet, but she couldn't be bothered. The dark circles underneath her eyes made them look almost bruised.
The other girls of the dorm had already headed down towards the Great Hall for breakfast, and half of them were already gone for class by the time Lily had joined them.
"Where's Sirius?" she asked Peter, who sat alone. "James and Remus?"
Peter shrugged heavily and answered. "Dunno. Everyone was gone by the time I woke up."
Lily didn't ask him anything else, but instead grabbed a piece of toast to eat quickly, swallowing a hot cup of tea before leaving him behind to head towards Charms.
Emmeline greeted her softly when Lily joined her at their usual desk, immediately picking up the fact that Lily did not appear to wish to chat.
Listlessly, Lily chose to listen and write notes instead of participating as she normally would. She missed Flitwick's concerned looks as she continued to doodle in her notebook.
She jerked suddenly, the thought struck her abruptly and violently. Remus.
Emmeline looked at her strangely, worried by her actions.
"Professor!" Lily called out impatiently, nearly causing the teacher to topple off of his stand.
"Yes, Miss Evans?" he asked, peering down at her in concern.
"I'm not feeling very well - may I go to the infirmary to see Madam Pomfrey?"
"Ah, I see no issues, Miss Evans," Flitwick responded. "Would you need an escort?"
"No, sir. Thank you," she replied, already collecting her things.
"I'll be sure to send Miss Vance with your homework," he added, smiling patiently. Lily returned the smile and sent a quick apology to Emmeline before making her way out of the classroom and towards the Hospital Wing.
Gently, she pushed open the heavy oak doors to the Infirmary, peering through the doorway to search the room. There. At the very end of the room, was a bed hidden by a privacy curtain. Distantly, she could hear soft murmurs, possibly a shadow.
Emboldened, she stepped through the doorway fully and walked quietly towards the occupied bed. It wasn't until she got closer that she was at a loss of what to say.
"Hello?" she asked quietly.
She jumped when the curtain was ripped open, revealing Sirius, James, and Remus. Remus looked worse for wear, a large bandage held in place across his cheek, but he managed the effort to work up a smile towards her.
"Hello, Lily," he greeted, motioning that it was ok to come closer. James and Sirius murmured similar greetings, but with much less enthusiasm.
"Is it alright to talk with Remus?" she asked.
"I've got class," James said gruffly, brushing pass Sirius roughly. Lily looked away awkwardly, acting as if she did not see Sirius's hurt reaction. He left soon after, looking as miserable as he sounded when he said goodbye.
Lily sat down on the bed near his feet. "So…"
"So…" he repeated with a smile. "You know my secret?"
"And it's your secret to tell, Remus. I would never question your or our friendship - and I want you to know that I will take this to my grave. I'm so sorry that - that - you've had to hide this and what you've gone through and I want to be there for you - in whatever way I can. I just want you to know-"
"I know, Lily," Remus cut her off softly. Though he was smiling, Lily could tell this weighed heavy on him.
"I would never judge you, Remus," she whispered wholeheartedly, feeling emotional.
"Thank you," he said, just as sincerely. She reached forward and grabbed his hand, giving him a watery smile.
The fell quiet for a moment, before a giggle escaped her lips. "Now I get so many of your guys' jokes," she laughed when he gave her a questioning look. "I mean, there are only so many jokes about hairy man-boys you can tell."
Remus laughed loudly and stopped short, grabbing his ribs in pain. "Oh, Merlin, don't make me laugh." He gasped in discomfort, but was still smiling.
When they were both able to settle their mirth, Lily couldn't help but ask, "What's going to happen with Snape?"
Remus sighed heavily and looked away. "I already asked to speak with Dumbledore. He's visiting here shortly, actually. I just hope they won't kick me out."
Lily gasped, offended. "Why would he expel you?! You've done nothing wrong! Remus, you've got the best grades of the year, you're a prefect - and you're-"
"A werewolf," he added in dryly.
Lily reached forward to punch him hard in the shoulder. "Listen, you dolt. I've never known you to be self-deprecating. And you're not going to start now."
"Lily-"
"Remus," she interrupted, matching his tone. "Talk to Dumbledore. He'll understand."
"I know," Remus sighed, picking at the quilt that covered him. "I'm just not sure Snape or anyone else will."
Lily reached forward suddenly and pulled him into a hug. "Besides," she murmured into his shoulder. "I can't be losing my patrol partner, can I?" She pulled away, noticing his pink cheeks.
"No, we can't have that," he smiled. "Thank you, Lily. For coming to see me…"
She waved him off. "I should be getting to class. I just want you to know that I'm there for your Remus, for whatever."
"Thank you," he said softly. "I'll see you later, Lily."
"Bye, Remus," she said with a sincere smile and turned, leaving him by himself.
Surprisingly, the corridor was empty - she expected both Sirius and James to be there once she exited the infirmary but there was no sight of them.
Feeling both light and heavy at the same time, Lily headed towards her next class of the day.
She knew that Remus had not willingly shared his secret with her. How would this change their friendship's dynamic? She hoped that it would make it stronger. He'd always been a good friend. She just hoped he knew that she would keep his secret.
Now she had to find out what was transpiring between James and Sirius. And Snape.
-:- -:- -:-
Trying to find James, Sirius, or Snape seemed to be an impossible feat. Though she doubted all three of them conspired to avoid her, she was sure that Sirius and James had most likely discussed it.
Though, according to Marlene who had caught sight of them in the hallway earlier that day, the two of best friends appeared to no longer be talking.
"Cold as ice," Marlene whispered to her in the common room, referring to the attitude of the two boys. "I've only heard James speak when came to tell me the time change for practice tonight."
"Practice!" Lily gasped in realization. She could corner the him then.
The rest of the students' in the Quidditch stands had no doubt the 6th Year Gryffindor Prefect wasn't smart. In fact, many had been helped by the girl in question countless times - need help with homework? Absolutely. 1st year needing help to find the nearest lavatory? Easy.
On the cool October evening though, some of Lily's fellow Gryffindors were a little unsure about what was going through her mind. Lily? Evans? At Quidditch practice?
Sure she would come to every match - she was one of the Chaser's best friend. But never before had she shown up at a practice to watch.
Lily settled into her seat as comfortably as she could and neatly crossed her arms and legs. Though it was still early in the night, the sun had already begun to set, allowing the cool air to seep slowing into her heavy cardigan.
She released another impatient sigh when she heard James shout orders once more, telling the team to reset and try the same play over again.
"Come on," she groaned, shifting in her seat as James shouted some more.
They'd already been out there for already an hour - no doubt, James knew she was there. Though he and his teammates were high up in the air, she was positive his head had turned towards her more than once.
And then finally, finally, James blew the whistle to signal the end of practice. Lily jumped up quickly and bolted towards the stairs, hoping to cut them off on the way to locker rooms. She cursed her stupidity as she skipped the stairs two at a time - why hadn't she just wanted by the doors?
(As if that wouldn't look weird and a little fangirly, she mused)
"Wait!" she shouted, catching sight of James's robe disappear behind the boy's door. "Damn it," she cursed. Well, then. She would just have to wait outside of the door.
Nate Crafton, the keeper of the Gryffindor team, exited from the boys room first, greeting her pleasantly (if a little curious) before heading back towards the castle. 7th year, Amber Wholsteine, exited from the girl's locker room, followed by Marlene.
"So, why are you wanting to speak with James again?" her blonde friend questioned as she retwisted her hair up into a new bun. She secured it with a ponytail as she looked at Lily expectantly.
"I was helping them with a Charms project - they're supposed to return a book but haven't yet," Lily said, having rehearsed the words.
"Want me to wait with you?" Marlene offered.
"Nah, that's okay. I'm sure he'll be out any moment, right?"
Marlene shrugged and wished her luck, before making her own way back towards the castle. Lily huffed in frustration, crossing her arms over chest tightly. Ten minutes had passed easily, but there was still no sign of the Gryffindor Captain. The rest of the team had long since left the locker rooms to return to the common room.
Annoyed enough to take action, Lily built up the nerve to knock on the boys' door.
"Hello?" she called through the wood of the door. "Potter! Are you still in there?"
No response.
Brows furrowed, she pushed open the door just a little. The smell of sweat and dirty clothes was overwhelming. "Anybody in there?" she asked, trying her best not to breath through her nose.
Silence.
"Hello!" she said more loudly, patience nearly at its end. No sound, no shuffle, the showers weren't running. Knowing the school rules, she refused to step beyond the door's threshold, but instead pushed it open fully. "You haven't come out!"
Nothing.
How much longer would she wait around? She scoffed. How could he have gotten past her? Was there an exit in the back?
A shiver ran through her suddenly, noting how chilled the air had become. It was very nearly dusk - the rest of her group was most likely up at dinner.
Wisely calling it quits, Lily let the door slam shut as she turned her back on it, scanning the area around her as she made her journey back to the castle. She was hungry anyways.
But yet again, both Sirius and James had evaded her. Only Peter sat at the table amongst her friends, looking a little out of place. She sat beside him, shrugging off her cardigan in the warmth of the Great Hall.
"Have you seen Black or Potter?" she asked him, grabbing herself a glass of juice.
"Nope," he replied, sounding just as annoyed as she felt. "Must be visiting Remus in the infirmary."
Lily's eyes glanced around the table surreptitiously, gauging her friends' reactions to his statement. They looked none the wiser and accepted it as fact. It wasn't uncommon to find one of the Marauders in the infirmary. It wasn't out of place for his friends to want to visit him, bring him food.
Her eyes turned back to Peter, who was still compiling a plate full of food, and studied him for just a moment. Obviously, James and Sirius knew about Remus - she could only assume that Peter did as well.
But based on his reaction to her question, she surmised that Sirius, James, nor Remus had told him that she now knew their secret in trying to protect their friend.
"Hm," she murmured after a long moment, accepting an offered roll from him. "If you see them, can you let them know I need to talk to them?"
"Are they in trouble?" Peter asked curiously. "They haven't done any pranks that I'm aware of."
"No, just had a question about Charms," she clarified, quickly taking a bite of the bread.
"Sure, I can tell them."
The rest of dinner was uneventful.
By the time Lily returned to the Gryffindor Common Room with the rest of her friends, she reasoned that it was too late to visit Remus herself, however much she wanted to. She made a vow to make sure that she would first thing in the morning - she did not want him to think that she thought any less of him, or worse, thought she was scared of him.
But what had Sirius and James been doing out that night? From what she had picked up from their conversation that night, Sirius clearly had something to do with it… He had somehow set Snape up, put him in danger. But Sirius, while sometimes not thinking things through, wouldn't truly put the Slytherin in harm's way, would he?
-:- -:- -:-
For Lily's part, she woke up rather easily that next morning, showering and changing into her school robes before bidding the rest of her friends farewell and feigning the need to check a book out at the library. She made it a point to stop by the kitchens first.
"Morning," she said warmly, as she came around the curtain surrounding Remus's bed. Her heart dropped just slightly when she noticed he was alone; she had suspected that James or Sirius would have been there. But guilt immediately flooded her when Remus smiled up at her, dark circles under his eyes and fresh bruises across his face and arms.
"Hello, Lily." He accepted her gift (a fresh chocolate scone) gratefully and dug in quickly. "Pomfrey's been feeding me only fruits and porridge." He grimaced in thought, before taking another large bite, crumbs dusting around him.
Lily laughed, sitting herself on the edge of his bed. "I know what you mean," she said sympathetically. "If Pomfrey had her way, she would sign us all up for a healthy meal plan. How are you feeling?"
"Sore," he answered, shrugging casually. "But I'm used it it."
"Anything I can get you?" she asked sincerely. With a wry grin, she couldn't help her next question. They had grown close enough as friends she couldn't resist. "A hot pack usually helps me."
"Lily," Remus groaned, throwing an arm over his face, traces of red creeping up his neck. He couldn't fully hide the smile pulling at this lips.
"Sorry, so sorry," she laughed, holding her stomach.
"I get enough from the other guys," he complained, but Lily could hear the traces of laughter in his voice. "I can't take if from you, too."
Once Lily had recovered, she was able to ask her next question, keeping her tone light. "So just James and Sirius? Peter? They know about you?"
He nodded, removing his arm from over his eyes. "Since Christmas of 2nd year," he shared. "I couldn't imagine better friends."
Lily cast her thoughts back to that year. Had she noticed a change in their demeanor? Had they always been that close, or had them finding out Remus's secret help solidified the four boys friendship? Either way, Lily couldn't help but feel her respect for them grow.
"Why didn't you share this with anyone else?"
At this, he looked anguished. "I guess, I don't want to be treated any differently. As a muggleborn, do you know much about werewolves in the wizarding community?"
Lily knew he didn't ask the question meanly. She shook her head no. "I only know what I've read," she acknowledged.
"They - we," he corrected softly, "aren't very welcomed. People still see werewolves as being wild beasts - dangerous and unable to control their actions."
"How long since…?"
"I was bitten? I was attacked when I was five."
"So you've been like this as long as you can remember." He nodded, but appeared to have long ago accepted this fact. Like she had done the day before, she reached out and grabbed his hand. "I'm sorry-"
"You don't have to apologize for this - it's not like you could have stopped it," he murmured bitterly.
"I'm sorry," she continued, tone chastising him for interrupting. "That you felt like you needed to hide this. I know I said this yesterday, but I'm here for you, Remus."
"Thanks, Lily," he said softly, returning the squeeze of her hand.
"And like I said, I don't think anyone could replace my Prefect counterpart. I mean, seriously - Sirius? James? As Prefect?"
Remus chuckled. "You'd have your work cut out for you."
"Were you able to talk to Dumbledore?"
"Yeah, he was able to speak with Snape. He's going to keep my secret, but…"
"It feels like he'll hold it over you," she acknowledged. It was a dark thought, thinking of Snape betraying her friend like that. Snape had always been a great secret-keeper, but she hoped this is one he would not share. However, could she really count on Snape's character these days?
Remus nodded, swallowing hard. "I think he's always suspected - he was already pretty suspicious after one time he came into the infirmary after one of my… episodes."
Lily was sorely tempted to ask about James and Sirius; if they had talked to him about the fight they were having. But she didn't. It wasn't her place.
"I should be getting to class," she finally said, a little sad. "When do you get to return to classes?"
"Probably this afternoon," he answered. "As long as Pomfrey sees me eat the rest of this bowl of fruit."
Lily laughed, grabbing a large piece of cantaloupe and taking a bite. "Like I said," she struggled around a full mouth. "I'm here for you, whatever you need."
Remus let out a loud laugh, handing her a napkin as the juice dribbled down her chin. "Thanks," he said, rather dryly. "Take another piece before you go."
Collecting her things, she made sure to make a show of grabbing a second piece of fruit, taking another large bite. "''Ee you la'er," she farewelled, waving goodbye with the bright piece of fruit.
She was thankful that it was a Friday - she only had Transfiguration in the morning, and Lily was actually glad to have taken the fruit; she had no time to join her friends for breakfast, for fear that she would be late for Professor McGonagall's class.
Admittedly, her concern over Remus, as well as her need to speak with James or Sirius had kept her slightly distracted, preventing her from successfully transfiguring a butterfly into a paperweight. While McGonagall commended her efforts on retraining the butterfly's wings into the design, the insect legs were a tad disturbing (plus, Lily hadn't truly ever been a big fan of bugs).
When the class was dismissed for lunch, Lily had gained a renewed sense of purpose; she would find one of the bloody Marauder's and force them to talk.
But again, her mission came away unsuccessful the entire day.
"Bloody hell," she complained, falling into a seat beside Marlene at dinner later that day. "It's like they must have some sort of tracker on me." She scooped up a dish unhappily, nearly toppling over a goblet.
"Who?" Marlene questioned curiously.
"Potter and Black," she hissed, brushing away a stray piece of her fringe. "It's like they've disappeared." Not even Peter was a dinner. Maybe she would check the kitchens after she finished her plate.
"They were in Magical Creatures," Marlene commented. "It's not like they've fallen off the edge of the earth."
"Sure seems that way."
"Why do you want to talk to them?" her blonde friend asked again.
Lily felt awkward then. What would she say? She had already used the good ol' project excuse. She went with the truth - or at least a version of it. "Just something random they had said the other day. It made me suspicious."
It wasn't too far off of a real reason why Lily would want to track them down and Marlene seemed to accept Lily's response. While it made her feel a little guilty to lie to her best friend, she knew if she shared the real reason, it would obviously open up to the subject of Remus.
After dinner, it was with some mad dash of luck that Lily caught sight of Jame's hair exiting the Entrance Hall into the outside air. With a quick good-bye to her friends ("But wait! I need help with Arithmancy," Dorcas had whined), Lily departed to chase him down.
With great surprise, Lily almost ran headlong into James as soon as she pushed through the front doors.
"Oh!" she said, surprised. "Thought it'd be harder to find you."
He gave a rather sardonic smile, as he held open the door completely for her. "You were looking for me?"
His blithe ignorance annoyed her. "Of course, I was trying to find you - you and Sirius have been hiding from me."
"I wouldn't know where Sirius is," James snapped and turned on his heel to walk out onto the grounds. His pace was quick, but Lily knew he held back to allow her to keep up with him.
When they were far enough away from the groups of other students in the courtyard, Lily found her voice. "What happened the other night?"
"That's what I would like to know," James responded bitterly. "Why don't you ask Sirius?"
"I told you," she said impatiently. "I couldn't find you or him."
He didn't respond. He was still walking quickly, in a rather distracted manner. Soon they were approaching the lake on the grounds, and he followed the direction to the tree Lily had abused weeks before.
James sat down at the base of it heavily, taking his glasses off to swipe them clean. Lily followed suit, sliding into a seat position onto the grass across for him. While he was blinded and distracted as he stared down at the glasses in his hand, Lily allowed herself the briefest of moments to admire the lines of this face.
She jumped when he spoke. "I see you're not going to leave it alone," he commented irritably.
"No," Lily replied simply. "Look, I get that you're used to keeping secrets, but I need to know why Snape was out there-"
"You'll have to ask Sirius," he repeated dully, sliding his glasses back onto his face. He gazed at her with no expression.
Her brows furrowed in annoyance. "Didn't you?"
"No. I did not."
"And you aren't speaking?" Lily prompted, now curious.
"If you want answers, ask Sirius. I can't help you."
"But you're his best friend," she pointed out.
"The thing I've learned about Sirius, is that when he gets something in his mind, he doesn't think it through. I've lived with the guy for years, Lily. If I had only known what he had planned…" he glared off into the distance across the lake, his lips pulled down in a frown.
Lily wasn't sure what to say then, feeling awkward. It all settled into her stomach heavily, with a dark feeling. But she could guess what had happened. Sirius had sent Snape out into the night, giving him a heads up about Remus, for some unspeakable reason. Neither of the friends had told Remus what happened. Did Remus even sense his friend's friendship was strained?
She also felt a little sad for James and Sirius - had she ever known them to have a fight like this? But then again, she didn't truly know them.
James showed no desire to chat about much else, unsurprisingly.
"I'll leave you alone," said Lily finally, moving to stand and dust off errant leaves from her skirt and robes. James remained silent, his eyes still on the water of the lake. He waved his hand as a way of good-bye.
When Lily was a few yards away from him, heading back towards the castle, she chanced a look back at his form. He was watching her walk away. She turned back before she could watch his reaction.
Her next mission was settled: she had to find Sirius.
Which actually ended up being easier than she had thought. He was sitting in the Common Room by himself in front of the fire, looking rather miserable.
"Sirius?" she said, trying to grab his attention. It took a second call of his name to get him to turn towards her.
"Hey," he said in a low voice.
"Can we talk?"
"Yeah. Want to go down to the kitchens?"
Though she wasn't hungry, Lily accepted, knowing that they would need privacy anyways.
"I've messed up," he admitted when they were walking in the corridor alone.
"I just don't understand what happened." Lily watched him; he was walking slowly, his posture poor as he hunched over, looking a mix of guilt and sadness.
He let out a quick bark of laughter, bitterness tinging his voice. "Me neither, Evans. Snape just…" She swore she could here is teeth grind together in frustration. "And now Prongs is pissed - I've never seen him this angry before."
"You told Snape to go to the Whomping Willow," Lily said quietly, as he already all but confirmed it. Anguish marred his features. "Why would you do that, Sirius?" Her tone was soft, but she couldn't stop herself from sounding accusing.
He turned to look at her incredulous. "Lily - do you not remember when Snivellus -"
"- don't call him that -"
"- stood aside and watched as those two Death Eater to-bes nearly killed you?"
Lily was taken aback at his words. "You told him to go after Remus to get revenge?"
Sirius's jaw tightened as he glared down at her. "I only told him that there was a passageway below the Whomping Willow. I didn't tell him Remus was a werewolf - I didn't tell him to actual go there."
"You knew he would!" Lily said, now angry as she repeated the words James had said that night. It was easy to see why James was so upset.
"He went there on his own - I didn't force him." He turned away from her and continued towards the kitchens.
"He didn't deserve to die."
"Serves him right," he murmured angrily.
"Sirius." She was horrified. "What the hell is the matter with you?"
"Go ahead Lily. Tell me I'm a wretched person. Tell me I belong in Slytherin like the rest of the Death Eaters-"
"Sirius," she cut him off in a pained voice. "I just didn't know you could…"
"What?" he demanded bitterly. "Be such a horrible wizard? It's fine, Lily. I'm used to it. I'm a Black. Don't you know? I'm a dark wizard. It's in my blood. Can't help it."
"Stop," she ordered in a quiet voice, but he continued on.
"James's going to have his parents kick me out - I'll be forced to go back home," he laughed derisively. "Walburga Black will be pleased to have her eldest son return home - just in time to turn him over to indentured servitude to the Dark Lord."
Lily was confounded; James kick Sirius out? Sirius was living with James? Did she know this? She cast her thoughts back to all previous conversations - but came up blank.
"He wouldn't do that," she said instead. "Sirius, look, it's over. Snape's alive - Remus is fine."
"Fine," Sirius scoffed. "He won't be fine. I have to tell him I almost made him a murderer."
She felt a little loss at what to say next. He should tell Remus - it was the right thing to do. He wouldn't be able to keep this from him. But it pained her to have to see the group of friends be broken up. They were the Marauders.
"Nevermind, Lily. I'd rather be alone to eat. I'll talk to you later," he muttered, shoving his hands deep into his pockets and already strides away.
"Wait, Sirius," she called guiltily, but let him go. Because really, what could she say?
With a heavy heart, she turned back around to return to the Gryffindor Common Room once more.
Sirius's actions had been egregious, but in a twisted way, Lily knew he did it out of his own sense of endearment. She felt torn - of course she wanted Snape punished for what he had done, but having Remus's secret exposed… What had Sirius been thinking?
-:- -:- -:-
The following days leading up to their All Hallow's Eve Game had felt like torture. Lily felt as if she were a babysitter for half the time; a referee the other.
If she had any assumption that there may have been a chance Sirius and James had grown up and stopped doing pranks, she had been sorely mistaken. However, she begrudgingly admitted, they were not as bad as before - and the two of the Gryffindor's efforts seemed to be focused on one main target - each other.
At first, she had honestly been a bit concerned - she knew the tenseness between the two boys was dangerous. The first incident had involved Sirius's breakfast porridge exploding into his face, covering his face, hair, and most of his school robes in the gooey oatmeal.
Immediately, Lily thought that it may have been a rogue spell (a group of 2nd Years had been sitting not too far from their seated position, practicing charms), but the fact that the porridge seemed to only cling to Sirius seemed a bit odd.
"Bloody hell," he cursed, wiping a large glob from his eye so he could see properly. No Lily could not see James's in the vicinity, she had an inkling.
The second incident had occurred no less than 24 hours later; James had appeared at dinner, looking rather sore as he ran a hand through his brilliantly blue colored hair. It had been an old trick - Lily had seen it done many times before - but she was still amused by James's annoyed huff as he sat on the other side of Remus, whose eyes had become wide as saucers.
(Remus had confided in her later that night during patrols, that while many tended to think Sirius cared more about his appearance, it was truly James that was always fussing over his hair. Lily had accepted this piece of information easily, feeling as if she already knew this fact.)
James, already familiar with attention and stares, remained mostly unaffected by the whispers gathering around them. Sirius, of course, was missing from the table, but Lily could have sworn she could see the hint of smile pulling at James's lips.
"What don't you just spell it back?" Marlene finally asked him.
"I've tried," he muttered, digging into his food. "Suppose it'll wear off soon enough."
"But the blue looks so smashing," Lily couldn't help but tease (why? She didn't know, call it madness). James gave her a withering stare from the corner of his eye, choosing not to say anything in return.
His hair had returned back to its normal color by breakfast the next morning.
However, it was now Sirius who was sporting a bright blue colored mustache, the ends curling up rather smartly towards his cheeks. It reminded Lily greatly of an old western movie her mother enjoyed to watch. It was juvenile, she acknowledged, but harmless.
"Don't," he warned her as he sat in his seat, just before the final bell rang to signal the start of Potions class.
"What?" Lily asked innocently, doing her best to keep a neutral expression. Akin to the stare James had given her the night before, Sirius gave her a blistering glare. Its effectiveness was lessened of course, by the line of bright facial hair lining his lip. "Couldn't you shave it?"
"There's a shield charm on it," he hissed, glaring at the back of James's head at the front of the room. Lily was surprised the boy didn't turn around, feeling the heated stare.
Slughorn had entered the room, almost noticing the atrocity on Sirius's face immediately. "Ah, Mr. Black. I see you're exploring the ways of manhood," he heckled, his voice loud enough for nearly all the class to hear.
"Exploring my artistic liberties as well, sir," Sirius replied, reaching up to twirl the edges of his new mustache. Lily snorted, trying to cover the harsh sound behind her hand. Sirius gave her another glare, dropping his fingers.
Unbidden, Lily's eyes glanced back over at James (luckily Severus had chosen another spot to sit). He had been watching her since her reaction, and involuntarily, she sent him a small smile. He responded with a small grin of his one, before turning around to face the front of the room.
It was then that she knew their friendship wasn't ruined. Sirius and James would get through this. She would just have to sit back and enjoy the show (Merlin, who was she turning into?).
During their patrol, Remus had already shared the conversation he had with Sirius, of Sirius's stupid mistake of telling Snape about the passageway to the Shrieking Shack.
"You forgave him?" Lily asked, unable to hide her surprise.
Remus shrugged, but looked torn over the whole matter. "He was really sorry," he murmured. It jarred her then, and she couldn't help but wonder if he was too afraid to lose Sirius as a friend altogether, that he was able to forgive Sirius without a second thought. "He wouldn't really do anything to hurt me," Remus insisted.
Lily's feelings toward Sirius were still mixed; while he had been stupid enough to threaten Snape, he had done it because of her. Something she felt guilty about - if she hadn't let herself get caught by those damned Slytherins…
She shook herself then, choosing not to go down another pity-path. It was pointless. But she knew she'd had to watch Sirius more carefully; she hadn't known how reckless he could be.
But she also managed to keep a close eye on James, as well. It was undeniably courageous that he had chosen to go after Snape, to stop him from finding Remus in his werewolf form, despite the animosity between the Gryffindor and the Slytherin. This piece of knowledge settled heavy into her stomach and she couldn't discredit James's bravery.
The week leading up to Halloween was a whirlwind of school madness, more pranks, and celebrations. Each day during classes, the professors had chosen to revolve their lessons around the holiday, whether it was a focus on the Salem Witch Trials during History of Magic, or brewing potions that seemed more smoky than normal, Lily felt her mood had been lighter than it had been in ages. She even managed to transfigure a potted plant into a live bat.
Halloween itself magically fell on a Saturday this year, which Lily enjoyed immensely (she wouldn't have to worry about classes the next day) but they would need to keep an eye out for any late night explorers; many of the students felt more rebellious on Saturdays and remained out after curfew.
Nonetheless, Lily could sense that her group of friends were waiting anxiously for the next game. Between classes and at meals, Lily couldn't help the secret smiles and giddy laughs that would escape her.
Even James and Sirius could be found sitting at the table at the same time (though, notably still separated by at least two of her friends). Lily smiled happily into her goblet of pumpkin juice during their dinner on that Friday. Things were finally feeling normal.
She caught James's eye over her cup and her heart skipped a bit. Almost normal.