Well, I've reached 40 reviews. But that's still far away from my 100 review mark. Come on people, take some pitty on a simple Minish warlock. Anyway, I'm sort of fealing the urge to write another Smash Brothers fic. What I really want to do is write a Warcraft fic. I have some good ideas for OCs, but what I don't have is a story line. Don't worry, the (BLEEP)ed up world that is my imagination will produce something sooner or later. I would probably do a cross over between Zelda and Warcraft like I did with Halo. But there's no way I would be able to make them be Horde. Unless I turned all the Zelda charectors into Blood Elves. I would rather turn them into my own race, the Trolls. But I have a fealing that I would get yelled at by alot of fangirls for turning Link into a Troll. On second thought, I could totaly see Link as a Blood Elf Paladin and Zelda as a Mage. I'll think about this more later. On a side note, I've added a pole with the question "Who is your favorite knight in KNIGHTS?" to my bio. It has no real purpose, I just want to see who people like. Nobody's voted yet, so I figure no one saw it yet. Go vote on your favorite knight if you feel the urge. Also, I put a Family Guy reference in this chapter (well, I guess there's two). It's pretty recognizable if you're in to the series. The first person to find it will receive The Sword of A Thousand Truths. I do not own the legend of Zelda. On to the chapter!
CHAPTER 10: FOR THE HORDE... OF CATS!
-July 27th, Hyrule Castle Town, 3:00 p.m.-
Spark and Leeroy were at the Hyrule doctor's office for one of Spark's appountments. "Sir, do I really have to be here?" Leeroy groaned.
"Of course you do, Deputy. You need to see how the veterans keep up their strength for the fight against evil." Spark said.
Just then, a man ran out of the office and out the door screaming like a Zora being chased by a fisherman. "You see, Leeroy? That man probably sensed a child trapped in a well." Spark said.
The midget doctor walked into the waiting room with a clip board. "Mr. Duron, I can see you now. And pay no attention to the man who just ran out." the doctor (let's just call him Dr. Steve, since his name is never mentioned) said.
Spark followed Dr. Steve into his office and sat down on the observation table when Dr. Steve told him to do so. "OK, I'm going just going to test your reflexes first." Dr. Steve said, picking up his rubber hammer. Dr. Steve hit Spark's knee once and got no response. He hit Spark's knee twice, no response again. He scratched his head in puzzlement. He gathered all his strength for one mighty whak, then brought the hammer down on Spark's knee... still nothing. "O...K." Dr. Steve said in complete befuddlement (I just love saying that word). "I guess I'll check your throught." Dr. Steve said. He picked up a flat piece of wood. He told Spark to open his mouth. He pressed the Spark's tongue down with the wood and Spark's leg immediately shot foreward and struk Dr. Steve in his stomach.
"Sorry about that Doc. I've been told that I have very slow reflexes. One time I was shot in the back with an arrow and it took me two days until I felt it." Spark said.
"Very well." Dr. Steve said while getting up in pain. "You seem pretty healthy, I'm just going to mark this down on your record." Dr. Steve said, picking up a clip board. "Hmm, this is odd. It says here you're over 40 and you've never had a prostate exam before." Dr. Steve said.
"No, I can't say I have. I've never even heard of one before." Spark said.
"Well that's unacceptable." Dr. Steve said. "I'm going to have to ask you to turn around and drop your leg armor." Dr. Steve said, pulling on a rubber glove.
"Uuh, all right. You're the doctor." Spark said before doing as he was told. "So how does this work anyway? Are you going to check my pulse or- AUUUAGHAHAHAGA!!!" Spark yelled as he felt a gloved finger go up his... uhh, (for lack of a better word) bum. "W-What the hell was that about?!" Spark said, backing away from Dr. Steve.
"Mr. Duron, that's what a prostate exam is." Dr. Steve tried to explain.
Spark pulled his armor back up. "Oh, you'd like me to believe that wouldn't you? Well I'll have you know that rape is a serious offense."
"Rape? Sir, I'm a doctor." Dr. Steve continued to try to explain. But in anger, Spark slammed his hammer into Dr. Steve. Sending him flying through the wall.
This, of course, made Leeroy jump right out of his seat. "Sir, what just happened!?" he yelled.
"A deed has been done to the kingdom of Hyrule this day, Deputy." Spark said, walking out of the doctor's office with his hammer at hand. "Come Leeroy, we must go! Who knows how many apprentices that unholy conjurer of death has taken under his wing." Spark said. With that, he grabbed the back of Leeroy's collar and ran out the door to purge Hyrule of "evil".
-July 28th, The Forgotten Village, 7:00 p.m.-
Ashei and Fenix had recieved a request to scope out the Forgotten Village (A/N: Maybe it's the Lost Village, I can't really remember.) to see if it could be rebuilt and reopened. "I don't understand why you couldn't let me go on a solo mission. I mean, it's just a recon. mission." Fenix said while scouring through the rubble on the lower level of the Inn.
"Because the last time I left you alone you turned headquarters into a puppet, yeah." Ashei said, checking the exterior of a building across the road for any sort of insect infestation.
-flashback-
Fenix was sitting in a chair with a megaphone in front of her. Whenever she talked she pulled on a rope hanging next to her wich pulled part of the roof of the HKD HQ up wich made it appear that the building was talking. "Hey, don't come in here. I am the knights headquarters. Bring me a tool shed, for I am hungry!" she demanded.
-end flashback-
"Oh yeah, that was funny." Fenix said.
"Well it looks like everything here checks out. There's just one place that we havn't checked, yeah." Ashei said, pointing at a small house at the end of the road.
Ashei and Fenix walked towards the house. Ashei knocked on the door. A small, red eyed woman answered the door. "Can I help you two?" she asked.
"Oh, hello there little girl." Fenix said in a bit of a baby talking voice, bending down to the woman's eye level. "We have have some grown up business here. Could you please get your mommy or daddy?" Fenix asked. She stood up and whispered "This has got to be the ugliest kid in existence. I mean, her skin is all wrinkly like some old lady's." into Ashei's ear.
"If I'm not mistaken, and I don't believe I am, I think that's an old woman, yeah." Ashei said.
"Maybe I should introduce myself, I am Impaz of the Sheika." Impaz said.
"Well Impaz, Princess Zelda wants to have this village reopened since there don't appeare to be any Bokoblins left." Ashei said.
"Oh heavens, you can't do that! Havn't you heard of the curse that has befallen this village?" Impaz asked.
"No, I've never heard of any curse." Ashei said.
It's the dreaded Curse of the Cheese Demon. All who fall victim to it turn into cheese and become minions of the Cheese Demon." Impaz said.
"OK, so why aren't a minion?" Fenix asked.
"This is how." Impaz said. With that, she opened the door as wide as it would go to reveil a house full of cats. "Cats are the only thing that the Cheese Demon fears." Impaz explained.
"Well you are aware of the fact that animal hording is a crime, yeah?" Ashei asked.
"Haven't you been listening to a word that I've been saying? Unless... oh goddesses, you're minions of the Cheese Demon!" Impaz yelled in horror.
"All right ma'am, we're going to have to take you to a safe environment, yeah." Ashei said.
"You'll never take me alive!" Impaz yelled. She tried to run out the door but was blocked by the two knights. And... well, you can probably guess what happened next. (man, I havn't beaten someone to death in this fic in so long).
-July 30th, Kakariko Village, 5:00 p.m.-
Kane and Pierce were at the resteraunt on the lower level of the Elde Inn. "Come on Kane, you can't stay mad forever." Pierce said.
"You shot and killed ten civilians. And all because you were trying to hit someone who stole a candy bar." Kane said, his face was buried in a menu since he refused to look at his partner for the time being.
"It's their fault for getting in the way of my arrows." Pierce said defensively. "Oh look, here comes our waiter." he said, pointing to a small, underfed human boy in tattered clothes.
"Help... no food... three days." the boy said, crawling towards the two knight's table.
"Yes, I'll have the fried cucco. And dont skimp on the Zora sauce." Pierce said.
"Pierce this isn't a waiter, this is someone's child." Kane said, helping the boy drink some water. "Who did this to you?" Kane asked. The boy, who was apparently too tired to speak any more, pointed to a dome shaped building near the entrance of the village with two Gorons guarding the entrance. "OK, let's get going." Kane said.
The two walked out of the inn. "Let me do the talking." Pierce said.
"I don't like where this is going." Kane said.
Pierce approached the door of the building, but the two Gorons blocked it. "What do you want?" one of them asked.
"Easy boys, everything's cool. I'm Joe Cruise. I'm just in this armor because I want to get a feel for my next role. I play Joel Pierce, a fearless warrior who defeats the Termanians to save Termina from the Termanians." Pierce said.
"Oh, my appologies Mr. Cruise." one of the Gorons said, sounding a little flustered. "But why do you want to go in here?" the Goron asked.
"I heard you guys were doing something illegal in here. I just wanted to scope it out so I know what a crime scene looks like." Pierce said, seeing no harm in letting the Gorons know that he was aware of the fact that something illegal was going on.
"Well ok, but whose he?" the other Goron asked, pointing at Kane.
"Oh, he hangs out back stage and carries my stuff." Pierce said, getting an angry glare from Kane. "But he comes with me." Pierce added.
The Gorons nodded, and opened the doors to let the two in. When the doors were shut, Pierce and Kane found a statue in the center of the room that had been moved. Where it had been, there was a long shaft going downwards with a net on one side to climb in and out. "So, wich one of us should go down first?" Pierce asked.
"I think you should." Kane responed.
"Me!? You're the one who just had to pull us away from dinner for some food deprived kid. I think you should go." Pierce snapped.
"All right, how about we both go down on three?" Kane offered.
"OK, one, two, thre-WAAUAGGHAUGHUAH!!!" Pierce's counting was inturrepted when Kane shoved him down the shaft, sending him to the bottom with a hard thud. "You didn't have to push me!" Pierce yelled.
"Yeah I know, but it was still fun." Kane said, climbing down the net.
Kane touched the bottom and helped Pierce to his feet. The two proceeded down the rocky corridor until they reached a large room filled with Ooka relics. There were many children working feverishly on excavating the relics. And there was also a man in shamanistic robes with a whip in his hand, barking orders to the children. He was sitting on a large chair that was on a large piece of wood with four children underneath it. The children crawled on their hands and knees to move the man around. "Pierce, that's Renaldo. The shaman of this village." Kane whispered.
A small boy crawled in front of Renaldo. "Master, it hurts when I breath." the boy said.
"Then what do you think you should stop doing?" Renaldo asked him before ordering him to get back to work.
"Let's get him." Pierce said. Before Kane could stop him, Pierce jumped out of the darkness with his bow in hand and an arrow drawn. Kane, seeing that he no longer had the element of surprise, stepped out with his sword in his hand "You're under arrest, Renaldo." he said, pointing the tip of his sword in Renaldo's direction.
"What a pleasent surprise. I was wondering who the Royal Family would send to silence me. Two knights, I'm flattered (A/N: An additional fifty rupees to anyone who knows what game that line is from.)" Renaldo said. "If you want me, then you'll have to take me." Renaldo continued.
"That sounded kind of gay." Pierce whispered to Kane, his arrow still drawn.
"My minions, attack!" Renaldo ordered, pointing at the knights. Nothing happened. "Minions?" Renaldo asked. He looked around to see that his "minions", namely all of the children, were merely groaning out of exaustion. "Curses." Renaldo muttered. "Time for plan B. Would you two be so kind as to hold still while I think of another plan?" Renaldo asked.
"No, I don't think we can. Pierce, take this idiot out." Kane said.
"With pleasure." Pierce said with a grin as he aimed straight between Renaldo's eyes. (A/N: I'm no good at explaining death scenes. So just use your imagination.)
END OF CHAPTER: 10
Man, that was one serious case of writers block. I've heard that if you focus on one thing for too long you'll get bored with it. And I fear that that's what's happening. So maybe I'll begin work on another project. But I won't be abandoning this one of course. Not as long as that review number is under 100. Well, I'll think about doing another fic. May Vaati watch over you!