Random Stupidity
by Ethra Esme
A/N: I can't believe all the good reviews I've been getting. You people are strange. I'm glad you find it so amusing, because I'm not really trying to be funny. I mean, of course I'm not trying to be serious, but I didn't set out thinking "I'll write a comedy". I set out to do something cathartically like vomiting through story, I guess you could call it.
Also, I have decided to keep all of my typos and other grammatical errors, because it simply adds to the rustic charm of the story.
Chapter Ten
Out the Gargoyle
The Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry sat at his desk, leaning back in his chintz chair, his hippily sandaled feet propped on the desktop.
He had in his hand a copy of Witch Weekly, and he was idly and with mild interest filling out a quiz titled "Do You Have the Personality of a Jet-Haired Vixen or a Flaxen Haired Starlet?"
He was nearing the last question when there was a fast knock on the door. "Come in!" He called, but as he did the person barged in anyway. It was flush-faced, sour looking thirty-something beak-honkered "Jet-Haired Vixen" of a man that Albus knew as Severus Snape.
"Headmaster, I have to speak to you RIGHT NOW." He stood urgently in front of Dumbledore's desk, his stringy hair wild and in his face, stuck like cobwebs to cowbone.
"Just a moment, Severus." He mumbled back. He read over the last question again and gazed at the page as his results appeared.
"Alas. A Fire-Headed Filly." He commented, holding the page up for Severus to see. A picture of Dumbledore with a long red beard and long red hair waved at him boredly.
"I so wanted to be a Silver-Maned Siren."
Severus opened his mouth to speak, but then glared and shut it again.
"So, Potions Master, what did you need to speak with me about?"
Severus took a deep breath and then said very quickly, "IthinkyoushouldexpelEthraEsme."
Dumbledore raised a bushy white eyebrow. "Expel-"
"That damned Esme girl."
Dumbledore gazed up at Snape. "Whyever for?"
"She's...she's insolent. Very disrespectful." He nodded to himself in agreement, standing up straighter and brushing his dirty black hair from his void-like black eyes. "While you're at it, expell Addie McDuff, too. I've seen her running around with the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. TOLD you you should have hired me." He pouted, crossing his arms against his chest.
Dumbledore smiled ruefully. "You know, Severus, she won't be here much longer anyway. She's graduating in a few months."
For a reason Snape couldn't pin, that thought made him angrier. "Yes, well, I bloody have to put up with her until then, don't I?"
Dumbledore continued to watch Severus.
"....What?"
"She doesn't know it yet, but the life she previously knew, Ethra, I mean, is over."
"....I don't follow."
"Right now, she has memories of two different lifetimes. One in our world-this world- and one in another, where we are all simply-"
"-characters in a children's book. Yes, yes, I heard that."
Dumbledore leaned back, looking surprised. "She told you?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Well, at any rate, her memories are slowly leaving her. The same with Ms. McDuff's. They will come to realize their family and their home are here, they grew up in wizarding or half-wizarding households, and it is in this world they will stay. This transition will, however, be painful for her."
The author shook her comma happy hand, slapping it on the desk to try to make it stop.
It, didn't, work.
"Why would that be painful?" Snape slumped into a chair, picking up the copy of Witch Weekly.
"Well, her realities are transitioning. Addie's transition will be eased with the assistance of our strategically placed, vampiric Defense instructor."
"Yes, yes..." Mumbled Snape, flipping through the magazine. "Exactly when is he going to be assuming that post?"
Dumbledore redened.
"Yes...he was supposed to start, but they have been...that is to say, HE has been...indisposed." Dumbledore cleared his mouth and pulled something from the drawer in his desk.
"Lemon drop?" He offered, holding out a tin.
Snape peered sidelong at him, shaking his head slowly. "Thank you, just the same." He rose out of his chair. "I have work to do."
Dumbledore smiled and nodded. "Of course, of course."
Snape strode toward the door, mumbling about Albus being a useless old coot under his breath.
"Oh, Severus?"
Snape spun abruptly, horrified that the Headmaster had heard him.
"You have my blessing." He said jollily (With jolliness...?), a twinkle in his eye. "Ow! Damn twinkle!" He rubbed his eye hard.
Relieved, Snape made his way down the stairs and out the gargoyle.
Then what the Headmaster had said sunk into his consciousness.
"D'oh!" Snape hung his head, his hands clenched, and slunk back to the dungeons.
by Ethra Esme
A/N: I can't believe all the good reviews I've been getting. You people are strange. I'm glad you find it so amusing, because I'm not really trying to be funny. I mean, of course I'm not trying to be serious, but I didn't set out thinking "I'll write a comedy". I set out to do something cathartically like vomiting through story, I guess you could call it.
Also, I have decided to keep all of my typos and other grammatical errors, because it simply adds to the rustic charm of the story.
Chapter Ten
Out the Gargoyle
The Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry sat at his desk, leaning back in his chintz chair, his hippily sandaled feet propped on the desktop.
He had in his hand a copy of Witch Weekly, and he was idly and with mild interest filling out a quiz titled "Do You Have the Personality of a Jet-Haired Vixen or a Flaxen Haired Starlet?"
He was nearing the last question when there was a fast knock on the door. "Come in!" He called, but as he did the person barged in anyway. It was flush-faced, sour looking thirty-something beak-honkered "Jet-Haired Vixen" of a man that Albus knew as Severus Snape.
"Headmaster, I have to speak to you RIGHT NOW." He stood urgently in front of Dumbledore's desk, his stringy hair wild and in his face, stuck like cobwebs to cowbone.
"Just a moment, Severus." He mumbled back. He read over the last question again and gazed at the page as his results appeared.
"Alas. A Fire-Headed Filly." He commented, holding the page up for Severus to see. A picture of Dumbledore with a long red beard and long red hair waved at him boredly.
"I so wanted to be a Silver-Maned Siren."
Severus opened his mouth to speak, but then glared and shut it again.
"So, Potions Master, what did you need to speak with me about?"
Severus took a deep breath and then said very quickly, "IthinkyoushouldexpelEthraEsme."
Dumbledore raised a bushy white eyebrow. "Expel-"
"That damned Esme girl."
Dumbledore gazed up at Snape. "Whyever for?"
"She's...she's insolent. Very disrespectful." He nodded to himself in agreement, standing up straighter and brushing his dirty black hair from his void-like black eyes. "While you're at it, expell Addie McDuff, too. I've seen her running around with the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. TOLD you you should have hired me." He pouted, crossing his arms against his chest.
Dumbledore smiled ruefully. "You know, Severus, she won't be here much longer anyway. She's graduating in a few months."
For a reason Snape couldn't pin, that thought made him angrier. "Yes, well, I bloody have to put up with her until then, don't I?"
Dumbledore continued to watch Severus.
"....What?"
"She doesn't know it yet, but the life she previously knew, Ethra, I mean, is over."
"....I don't follow."
"Right now, she has memories of two different lifetimes. One in our world-this world- and one in another, where we are all simply-"
"-characters in a children's book. Yes, yes, I heard that."
Dumbledore leaned back, looking surprised. "She told you?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Well, at any rate, her memories are slowly leaving her. The same with Ms. McDuff's. They will come to realize their family and their home are here, they grew up in wizarding or half-wizarding households, and it is in this world they will stay. This transition will, however, be painful for her."
The author shook her comma happy hand, slapping it on the desk to try to make it stop.
It, didn't, work.
"Why would that be painful?" Snape slumped into a chair, picking up the copy of Witch Weekly.
"Well, her realities are transitioning. Addie's transition will be eased with the assistance of our strategically placed, vampiric Defense instructor."
"Yes, yes..." Mumbled Snape, flipping through the magazine. "Exactly when is he going to be assuming that post?"
Dumbledore redened.
"Yes...he was supposed to start, but they have been...that is to say, HE has been...indisposed." Dumbledore cleared his mouth and pulled something from the drawer in his desk.
"Lemon drop?" He offered, holding out a tin.
Snape peered sidelong at him, shaking his head slowly. "Thank you, just the same." He rose out of his chair. "I have work to do."
Dumbledore smiled and nodded. "Of course, of course."
Snape strode toward the door, mumbling about Albus being a useless old coot under his breath.
"Oh, Severus?"
Snape spun abruptly, horrified that the Headmaster had heard him.
"You have my blessing." He said jollily (With jolliness...?), a twinkle in his eye. "Ow! Damn twinkle!" He rubbed his eye hard.
Relieved, Snape made his way down the stairs and out the gargoyle.
Then what the Headmaster had said sunk into his consciousness.
"D'oh!" Snape hung his head, his hands clenched, and slunk back to the dungeons.