Science-Fantasy93: We're FINALLY back with a new chapter of Addicted! Are you guys excited? Pumped? Ready for a little Jatie?
Jatieluv: Again, we are sooooo sorry! And if you're wondering why I said again, well, we started a one-shot collection and apologized in the first chapter. So, here's our apology again if you haven't read it. :)
Science-Fantasy93: We're also bringing in an OC. Some of you may know her from my story Hot Water. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Gabi is going to be introduced in this chapter! Lots of thanks to Ihearttheboywiththebread for her lovely OC!
Jatieluv: Thank you so much for letting us use her! :) And we apologize for any surprising things she may do during this story...She kinda took over and became Katie's poorly behaved, innuendo producing best friend...
Science-Fantasy93: She wasn't meant to be like that at all...She kind of ended up being the one who says what no one else is ever. Going. To say.
Jatieluv: Yep...She's got guts, but despite what she does, she's actually pretty sweet and she really cares about Katie.
Science-Fantasy93: She definitely does. She's the most outrageous, lovable character ever!
Jatieluv: That she is. Well, we hope you guys accept our apology and enjoy this chapter :)
Disclaimer: Duh! Of course we own Big Time Rush! Oh - wait - we don't? WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOO...!
Warnings: Strong language, strong innuendos, and self-harm.
Katie's POV (Cont.)
I was trying to control my sobs; if I got too loud James would come back. I looked up and the scissors on my desk caught my eye. I heaved myself up to my knees and crawled over to the desk, biting my lip. I needed something...something...to help relieve the pain...if I couldn't have James, then I would just have to make do with something else.
I grabbed the scissors and spread them open, bringing one of the blades to my wrist. I dragged it across my skin and hissed...It actually felt kind of...good.
There wasn't much of a sting, but my heart began pounding harder and my breathing became faster as the endorphins kicked in. All the emotional pain I had been feeling faded away in an instant. Blood began to shimmer dark red at the scratch marks, and I smiled in twisted satisfaction as the red beads began trickling down my wrist.
I did it again a few more times, I couldn't seem to stop. Suddenly, I heard whimpering and scratching at my door. I snapped my head up in alarm. Shit, the puppy could probably smell my blood.
I dropped the scissors under the desk and raced into the bathroom as I heard James' voice say quietly through the door, "Come on baby, Mommy's busy. She'll be out soon, and then you can cuddle with her as much as you like."
I turned on my shower, undressed and climbed in. I hissed in sudden pain as the hard stream of hot water hit my wrist. OWWWWWW! That didn't...That was...THAT HURT! I blinked back tears and washed my hair and body; my wrist hurt even more once the soap touched it.
The blood dribbled down with the water and down the drain, leaving my wrist pink and raw, and feeling like it was being both cut and burnt. Oh God...
I turned the water off and ran to my toilet, like I really needed to puke anymore. Once I was done, I dried off and put on my bra, panties and 'spooning leads to forking' pajamas. I made sure to put concealer on my wrist to hide the cuts. I brushed my hair and let it be.
Once I was satisfied I looked normal once again, and not like I had just made myself bleed and puke out whatever was left in my stomach, I nodded at my reflection in the mirror, and spun on my heel, heading out of my bathroom, and then out of my bedroom.
As soon as I walked out, the puppy ran over to me and started sniffing like crazy. Yeah, that wasn't going to attract attention.
James had been sitting outside my door, leaning back against the wall, knees drawn up to his chest. "He seemed to be worried about you," he explained. "You must smell different, did you use a new soap or something?"
"Uhhhh...Maybe?" I said, lying. "I kind of wasn't paying attention, I was pretty zoned out."
James gave me a weird look, but didn't push the topic. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, sounding worried. "You look kind of...I don't know...pale, I guess. And your eyes are red. Have you been crying?"
Damn! Wasn't water supposed to hide that?
"Yeah, I was. But I'm okay now," I said, forcing a smile. No doubt he knew I was faking it, he always does.
"Is it what I said?" he asked, sounding even more worried. "Because I wasn't rejecting you, you know that, right Katie?"
"It wasn't really you, I think it was just everything that happened. My emotions were on overload and I guess I just needed a good cry," I told him. And a good pair of scissors, I added in my head.
"Okay," he said, looking like he wanted to believe me, but wasn't quite sure he should. "Well, come on, let's go eat, I'm starving."
I went to take a step forward and the puppy growled. I looked at him and he started barking at me.
James frowned and reached down to pick up the puppy. "That's weird. He must really hate your soap, since he seems to have forgotten he loves you almost as much as he loves me," he finished with a grin in my direction.
"Y- yeah," I stuttered. "That is weird." I scurried off down the stairs before he could say anything else.
He followed me down, still cradling the puppy, and he walked with me to the kitchen, where Logan had set up shop.
"Oh good," Kendall said, holding a scale. "Now we can weigh you."
"Are you really sure that's necessary?" I asked.
"Oh yes, very necessary - what exactly does your shirt say?"
I blushed, remembering what I put on. "Spooning leads to forking?" I said, but came out as a question.
Logan snickered. "Hey James, check it out - it's your catchphrase!"
James grinned in response.
Kendall shook his head and put the scale down, pointing at it.
"According to my doctor book," Logan said. "The average weight for a 5'1 female is 95-110 pounds."
I sighed and stepped on the scale. I looked down after a few seconds and my breath caught. 84.6 pounds, I was screwed.
Kendall's breath hitched and James cussed softly under his breath.
Logan pursed his lips. "So...think you still don't have a problem?" he asked me.
"I- I don't have a problem."
"Really?" Kendall said sarcastically, crossing his arms and cocking his head to one side. "Because I think the scale says otherwise."
"Maybe the scale is broken," I retorted.
"Or maybe you're just too thin," Kendall replied.
"Whatever."
"Is that all you can say?" Kendall hissed, sounding like he was five seconds away from completely losing his mind. "WHATEVER?"
"WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?" I yelled.
The puppy started barking at me again and tried to wiggle out of James' arms.
James tightened his grip on the puppy and stared at me with wide eyes, looking at me like he didn't even recognize me. "Why would you keep on doing this to yourself?" he whispered. "You say you can't control it, that it only happens once in awhile. Well, this is obviously happening a lot more. Why Katie? Why?"
"It isn't happening a lot more," I answered honestly. "I stopped doing it on purpose, I didn't lie about that."
"She's obviously just not eating anymore," Logan said, keeping his voice carefully blank. "She's stopped vomiting, but now she's switched gears."
"I switched gears a while ago," I said softly.
James and Kendall both looked like they were about to start crying.
"Are you still afraid of gaining weight?" Logan asked, keeping his voice neutral and calm.
"No," I said, shaking my head. "I felt bad, Mom was making and buying this food and I was just throwing it up. I stopped eating for a while. Then I realized that I was being ridiculous, If James or anyone didn't like me for me, then screw them. I tried to start eating again, but my body was used to getting rid of it. I stopped eating again because I didn't wanna puke anymore."
James didn't say or do anything - he just kept on staring at me as if he couldn't figure out who I was.
"That makes sense," Logan said with a nod. "As long as you realized that no one is worth having to starve yourself for, then at least something good came out of it."
Kendall blinked. "SOMETHING GOOD? NOTHING GOOD CAME OUT OF THIS! SHE'S UNDERWEIGHT, SHE'S UNHEALTHY, SHE WON'T EAT BECAUSE SHE'S AFRAID OF THROWING UP, AND SHE CAN'T KEEP ANYTHING DOWN!"
"Give her a peanut butter sandwich." Logan said calmly.
"Why?" I asked.
"Peanut butter is sticky," he responded. "It'll stick to your insides, you won't be able to puke it back up."
"Oh, why didn't I think of that before?"
"Because you're not a doctor," he replied with a grin. "James, you can't just stand there forever, you have to say something."
I forced myself to look over at him and I almost started crying. He still hadn't moved. The look in his eyes was beyond wounded, filled with disbelief.
"Well, what do you want me to say Logan?" he yelled. "I just found out that my girlfriend - excuse me, soon-to-be girlfriend - has had two different eating disorders, is beyond underweight, and I've had it drilled into me that part of it's my fault that she was killing herself slowly!"
Carlos started walking over with a glass of orange juice while Kendall made my sandwich.
I opened my mouth to say something to James, but all I did was yelp. Apparently, Carlos tripped and spilled the juice on me, of course it was my bad wrist. It burned...
As Carlos hurriedly cleaned up the mess while apologizing, James rushed over to me to make sure I was okay.
He grabbed my wrist again, and I let out a loud gasp. "What the - " he muttered as some of the makeup came off on his fingers. "Oh fuck..."
I tried to pull my wrist away.
He let my wrist go, but grabbed my other wrist, pulling me in so he could whisper in my ear, "When you said you'd been crying, I didn't think you mean you'd been crying blood." He let me go, his eyes harsh and filled with disappointment.
The puppy barked at me again.
I started crying. "I was crying, I- just- I didn't know what else to do," I whimpered.
"What's going on?" Logan called to us.
James glanced at me and I shook my head, staring up at him pleadingly. "The first time she vomited," he improvised. "She didn't know what else to do."
It would've worked if Carlos hadn't walked over to check on me. "Why are there cuts on your wrist Kit-Kat?"
I started crying harder and tried to run away.
James groaned and just pulled me back, holding me tightly.
"Katie?" Kendall's voice sounded tight, like he was about to start crying. "What did you do?"
I pushed away from James and held out my wrist.
Kendall hissed. "When?"
"Before my shower," I answered, looking at the floor. "It's why the puppy was freaking out outside my door."
"He must've smelled the blood," James said. "Of course. Of course. I was outside your door the entire time you were slicing into your wrist. Of course. What else would you be doing? Where else would I be? Of course! This is so typical!" I think he was beginning to lose his mind.
"I thought you went to your room?" I asked.
"No, the puppy was worried about you and scampered to your door. He must've known how upset you were. Damn it! I should have stayed with you!"
"No, you shouldn't have. You were right about what you said before I went into my room."
"What did he say?" Kendall asked, sounding surprised. "I mean, since when is James right about something?"
"Hey!" James cried. "That wasn't nice!"
"I told him to kiss me, things got heated, but he told me now wasn't the time. I went through a lot and us sleeping together would only make it worse."
Now Kendall looked beyond shocked. "You turned down sex?" he asked disbelievingly. "Maybe you are good for Katie."
"Kendall," I warned.
He looked around at me. "What? I'm just saying."
"Stop it!"
James eyed me. "How come every time I leave you alone something happens? That's it! I'm not leaving you alone anymore! I'll be the shadow you can't get rid of, the annoying houseguest who just won't go home!"
"No," I told him. "You Will Not."
Kendall smiled. "Actually James, that's not a bad idea. She seems to be depressed and can't be trusted by herself. You should stay with her."
"NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!"
"Katie, I just gave you permission to have sex with James! Are you not getting that?"
"I DON'T CARE! IT'S NOT WORTH BEING FOLLOWED AROUND ALL THE TIME!"
"Kendall, buddy...ummm...I didn't actually mean that...I mean...I don't - PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME FOLLOW HER AROUND ALL THE TIME! SHE'LL KILL ME!"
"You bet your ass I will."
"I'll keep an eye on her, but I won't follow her around. That isn't going to help anything anyway."
"I don't want her left alone," Kendall said firmly. "One of us will be with her at all times."
"The only thing that's going to do is annoy me and piss me off. Then you won't have to worry about me harming or trying to kill myself. I'll end up killing you," I said, my eyes flashing.
"Yeeaaahhh...and I don't want to die, especially at Katie's hands - no jokes Carlos!" James added threateningly.
Carlos grinned.
"Why did you do it, Katie?" Logan asked.
"I just wanted the pain to stop," I said quietly.
"By cutting into your skin? Yeah, that makes perfect sense," Kendall said sarcastically.
"Kendall," Logan warned. "That's not how you respond to a cutter."
"You wouldn't understand," I told him.
"Yeah! Because I'm not emo!"
Logan scowled. "You're doing really badly here. Katie isn't emo, she's just in pain. She's gone through so much and it's amazing that she hasn't cracked."
I glared at Kendall. "So now I'm emo?" I walked over to the kitchen drawer where the knives were and got one out. "How's this for emo?" I asked, dragging it across my wrist.
Kendall, Dustin, James, Logan, and Carlos all yelped in horror.
"I take it back! I take it back!" Kendall screamed while James just groaned, looking as if he was the one who was in physical pain.
I looked down at my wrist mesmerized by the blood. My pain was leaking out again. I went to make another cut, but someone grabbed my wrist.
Kendall's grip tightened on my wrist as James moved behind him.
"Don't even think about doing it again," James snarled. "Kendall, the knife please."
Kendall wrenched the knife out of my hand and passed it behind him to James, who threw it into the sink.
I looked up at him with watery eyes. "I'm sorry, I - I just- Once I did it..." I trailed off.
"It's an addiction," Logan explained as he wiped my blood off of the knife. "If you do it once, you keep on wanting to do it. Some people can fight it...for the most part. Others will never be able to. People cut, sometimes without a reason. Others do it so that they can feel some sort of release, or physical pain to replace the emotional pain. Taking knives from her isn't going to change anything. You have to be careful and gentle. Carlos," he added, taking my hand and leading to the table, "go get some q-tips, peroxide and gauze."
My eyes widened. If the water and soap hurt, the peroxide was going to kill.
"What do you want Kendall and me to do?" James asked, gripping Kendall tightly as he tried to fight to strangle Logan for being so rational.
"Kendall, bring Katie's sandwich over here. She needs to eat it. James, just sit down, I know you're going to want to hit me for saying this, but try to relax."
"How am I supposed to - ?" James yelped, but before he could finish his sentence, Logan had shoved him down into a kitchen chair, and had pushed me into the chair next to his.
Kendall brought my sandwich over here. He placed it in front of me and I just stared at it.
"Just lift it up to your mouth and take a bite," Logan suggested.
"Are you sure I won't puke it up?" I asked, my voice wavering.
"I'm sure," he answered confidently. "Come on Katie, just give it a try. James, hold her hand."
I moved my hand away before James could touch me. I had to use that hand to eat anyways, I wasn't gonna risk getting blood on my sandwich. That's just gross.
James crossed his arms over his chest and watched me grip my sandwich so tightly it looked like was going to squeeze right out of my hands and hit the opposite wall.
I brought the sandwich to my mouth and paused. "Can you guys please stop staring at me? It's making me uncomfortable."
"Just take a freaking bite!" Kendall exclaimed, but Logan covered his eyes while shutting his own, and James turned away from me, arms still crossed, not saying a word.
I slammed the sandwich back on the table. "Don't yell at me."
"Katie, please just eat it," Logan begged. "See, none of us are looking!"
I sighed and took an angry bite out of my sandwich. Oh...wow...That's- That's good. Carlos came back into the kitchen with the supplies and placed them in front of Logan.
"Let's let her finish eating before we do anything," Logan said.
After 5 minutes, I was done eating. Gotta say, I really did feel a little better.
"How was it?" James asked, his voice blank, with no emotion behind the words.
I shrugged. Why give him a straight answer if he was gonna be an ass?
"Fine," he said. "I'm out of here."
Kendall put his hand on James' shoulder and held him in his chair. "Don't, she's just pissy cause she thinks you're being an ass."
Logan opened the peroxide and dipped a Q-tip in the bottle. He grabbed my wrist and started to clean one of the cuts.
I yelped in pain and tried to pull away, but Logan tightened his grip. "STOP!" I cried.
James flinched. "You're hurting her!"
"I can't help that, James," Logan informed him. "If I don't clean them, they'll get infected."
I tried to pull away again and the puppy sat at my feet, whimpering.
"Hold the puppy," James told me, and then yanked his arm out of Kendall's grip and crossed the room, reaching down to pick up the puppy, and set him on my lap.
I started crying from the pain and the puppy looked up at me, whimpering before he started licking my tears.
James sat down next to me and slid an arm around me without a word.
"He's gonna eat her face," Carlos laughed.
I started laughing a little, but it quickly turned into a yelp the second Logan started cleaning the freshest wound.
James' arm tightened around me, and the puppy whined again.
"Logan," I cried. "It hurts."
"I know," he sighed. "Just hold on a little bit longer."
I whimpered and the puppy rested his face on my chest, staring up at me.
"Wow, that really is James' dog, huh?" Carlos grinned.
James glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You both seem to love her chest."
Kendall gritted his teeth. "I will kill you...very slowly...and painfully," he said to Carlos.
"I'll help," James offered.
"You stay out of it!" Kendall cried.
Their little fight was broken up by my scream of pain. Apparently, one of my cuts was deeper than I thought.
"Logan!" James cried. "Do something!"
"I...am," Logan breathed out, looking like he was about ready to strangle everyone in the room. He quickly finished cleaning the wounds and wrapped the gauze around my wrist. "All done."
I pulled my wrist away and cradled it in my other hand. The pain was muffled by the heavy gauze, and I could breathe easily again. I looked down at the puppy and gave him a kiss on the head. "Did you call Gabi?" I asked James.
"Yeah," he answered, his voice going blank again as he moved his arm away from me. "She'll be over in an hour. Now, if you'll excuse me...I'm going for a swim."
"But-" I started to say.
"'But' what?"
"Never mind," I said, looking down. I tried to hide my cries as I ran to the stairs to go to my room.
"That went well," I heard Kendall comment sarcastically from the kitchen.
"Don't even start," James snarled.
"How is it that you both are taking this personally when she's the one with the bandaged wrist?" Logan demanded.
I was full out sobbing by the time I got to my room. I opened the door, slamming it behind me and flung myself on my bed. I heard my door open.
"Kit-Kat?" Carlos asked softly.
"Go away!" I sobbed, my voice cracking on the last word.
Instead, he just came over and sat down next to me, rubbing my back gently. "You know when you tell me to go away, we always end up talking."
That was true.
"Talk to me," he said.
"They're mad at me," I managed to get out.
"They're not mad at you, they're mad at the situation. They're mad that you had to go through everything that you did and there was nothing they could do about it. James is mad and hurt and frustrated that you resorted to vomiting and throwing yourself, in part so that he would pay attention to you, and because of stuff that your boyfriend and his - whatever you want to call them - would say to you. They're both mad that it got as bad as it did, and they're mad and hurt and disappointed that you would even think about hurting yourself. They're mad about how out of control things got with you. And I'll be honest - I think James is hurt because he thinks that you sleeping with him was just another way for you to get your pain out, like with the cutting or the vomiting. Kendall's just mad because he thought he could protect you against everything."
"Carlos- I- Can't- James-" I was sobbing so hard, I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. Carlos probably couldn't even understand me.
"You can't what?" he asked softly, still rubbing my back gently.
"I- never- meant- to- hurt- them. Es-especially James. I- I- don't- know- how- I- let- myself- get- this- bad."
"I know Kit-Kat," he breathed out. "I know sweetie. It's okay. You just need to talk to them, that's all."
"I- I- can't- he's- so- cold- right- now."
A smile spread across Carlos' face. "So why don't you do something to warm him up? Just go and talk to him. He'll listen to you...probably."
"That- cold- disappointed- look- is- the- same- one- I- got- from- Dad."
Carlos froze up. "James doesn't know that - we are talking about James, right?"
"Yes."
"He has no idea, Katie. He's just angry and hurt right now, and you really need to talk to him, and ask him not to freeze you, because otherwise he'll never warm back up to you. Do you love him? Did you sleep with him because you love him, or were you acting out?"
I looked at Carlos, completely hurt. "Of course I love him! I can't believe you would even ask me that!"
"Hey, just making sure! So, go and find him and tell him that you love him and that you want to be with him and all that good stuff. It might take a little while, but hey, if you love him, it won't matter, right?"
"I guess. I wanna check something out first," I said, walking over to my computer.
"Okay," Carlos said with a shrug.
I typed in what I was questioning and found the answer within a few seconds. I closed the window and turned around to Carlos, with the biggest smile I think I've ever had.
"What?" he asked warily.
"It's not illegal for James and I to date!"
Carlos' eyes widened and he grinned happily. "It's not?"
"No, he can't get in trouble. The only way he could is if it got out that we had sex."
Carlos bobbed his head. "And the only people who know that would never tell. Come on, let's go tell everyone! Now you and James don't have to sneak around!"
"You think I should print it out?"
"You better. Kendall'll want solid proof."
I ran back over to my computer, pulled up the info again and printed it out. I grabbed it and Carlos' hand and ran out of my room. I was running down the last flight of stairs when I felt my blood run cold. What was SHE doing here?
James' POV
"How is it that you both are taking this personally when she's the one with the bandaged wrist?" Logan snapped at us, just as a door from above us slammed shut.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because we couldn't stop her? Because this has to do with us and stuff that we couldn't seem to stop?" I snarled at him.
"You shouldn't be mad at her. That's not what she needs right now!"
"I'm not mad at her! I'm mad at - I don't know what I'm mad at! And I'm hurt, and frustrated, and I don't even know why! I feel like she - like she betrayed me in some way, and that makes absolutely no sense!"
"You think she just slept with you for pain release?" he suggested.
I froze. That sounded - that sounded exactly like what I was feeling. Not thinking, but feeling. "I think...yeah, I think so."
Logan shook his head. "She loves you James. I don't think she slept with you because she was hurting. I've seen how she looks at you, even before all this happened."
"That doesn't mean shit!" I hollered. "She - she's an emotional wreck! She won't even let me call her my girlfriend! What does that make us Logan? Fuck buddies? Friends with benefits? Because we sure as hell aren't much more than that!"
"She didn't let you call her your girlfriend because you didn't ask her to be your girlfriend. And yeah, you're a lot more than that."
"Oh yeah? How are we going to be more than that? It's illegal for us to have a relationship. And why would she even starve herself anyway?" I exploded in another direction. "Why would she - why - why did I have to come into her problems?" I slid down the wall, and buried my face in my knees, sobbing.
Logan crouched down in front of me. "It wasn't really you. And you heard what she said earlier. She realized she made a mistake and that she shouldn't care what other people think."
I looked up at him, eyes puffy, face streaked with tears. "My...fuck buddies...did it to her. Well, them and Kyle anyway. And I never knew about it. I could've stopped it, but I was too busy being Mr. Suave to pay any attention."
"No," Kendall piped up. "We were all busy, but we still had time for her. None of us saw it, she wouldn't let us. Katie knew if we found out about any of it, it would end bad."
"Yeah, well it ended bad," I spat. "Look how things went down today."
"She took the pain all on herself to protect us," Logan said softly.
"Damn it!" Kendall yelled, punching a hole in the wall. "She's my fucking baby sister! I should have known something was wrong. I should have protected her from this shit!"
"You can't protect her from everything," Logan said quietly. "You both did the best you could - we all did. Even Carlos didn't know, and he's one of her best friends. Gabi probably didn't even know. She would never let us know what she was going through - she likes to appear strong. She's like her big brother in that way."
"Not so strong now, am I?" He asked, looking completely broken.
The doorbell rang.
I checked my watch. "Gabi shouldn't be here for another half hour."
"Maybe she came early?" Kendall suggested.
"Maybe..." I pulled myself up from the ground and we headed out to the front door. I opened it and nearly slammed it shut and locked it again.
Gemma stood there, smiling brightly. "Hey gorgeous," she purred.
Kendall grinned. "Hey, anyone order a lethal poison? James? Logan?"
Gemma laughed sarcastically. "Oh ha ha, very funny, Kenny."
He made a face at the nickname.
"I came over to see if you changed your mind."
"In that case, you wasted precious gas. You couldn't have called? That way your trip wouldn't have been completely pointless," I snapped, keeping a firm hold on the door.
"Are you still drunk?" she asked. "You couldn't have seriously meant what you said last night."
"Which part?" I demanded.
"The part about not wanting to be with me and dating someone. You don't do commitment."
Kendall and Logan both clapped and cheered.
"Go James!" Kendall cried.
I sneered at Gemma. "I meant it - all of it. I don't ever want to see you again, and yes, as a matter of fact, I do, do commitment."
"James," she said, smiling and putting her hand on my chest.
"Get your fucking hands off of my boyfriend!" Katie snarled, joining us.
Hey! She called me her boyfriend! Maybe she does love me!
I wrenched Gemma's hands from my chest. "You heard her. Don't touch me - ever again!"
Gemma just blinked slowly. "So I was right. She's your new girlfriend. You're fucking Kendall Knight's little sister! Isn't she still only, like, seventeen? You could get arrested," she added.
"That's where you're wrong," Katie said, stepping in front of me and shoving a piece of paper into Gemma's hands.
Gemma glanced through it, then handed it back to Katie. "He could still get arrested if you two have had sex - and no sex equals no anything with Jamie. No sex is a deal breaker. There's no way he would ever go for that."
"Maybe he didn't with you, but that's cause you were easy. I've always challenged him. You should just accept that I won," she said, before turning to face me and pulling me in for a kiss.
I accepted the kiss happily, kissing her back enthusiastically.
When we pulled away, Gemma just threw us a disgusted look. "I'll find something on you two," she snarled. "Just you wait and see!" and she turned around and clicked out of the house on four inch heel boots.
"Good luck with that!" Katie shouted after her, waving.
I let the door slam shut and then locked it for good measure. "What the hell is that?" I asked, gesturing at the paper Katie was holding.
She smirked and handed me the paper.
I read through the paper and then looked up at her. "So we can date, we just can't have sex?"
"YES!" Kendall shouted, punching the air. Ah, yes, a brother's dream come true.
She gave Kendall a look that said 'you honestly think we won't?' "Yup!" she said smiling.
"Congratulations!" Logan cheered, clapping us both on our shoulders. "Now you won't get arrested for kissing her in public!"
"I know," Katie clapped, jumping in place a little.
"I think you're bipolar, Kit-Kat," Carlos said, laughing lightly.
"What?" she pouted. "I'm just happy."
The puppy let out a happy bark and Katie looked down at him.
"Are you ever going to give him a name?" she asked.
"I thought of one..." I said off-handedly. "Mojo."
"Of course," she said, rolling her eyes.
"What?" I protested. "You don't like the name?"
Instead of answering she started giggling like crazy.
"Katie!" I cried. "What's so funny?"
"If you ever lost him, would you have lost your Mojo?" she chortled.
I scowled. "Just be glad I didn't name him Katie."
She stopped laughing. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, you got him for me, so it would have made perfect sense for me to name him after you."
"Not really."
Carlos cackled. "You could have been his big Katie, and the puppy could have been his little Katie."
"That's just weird," she said. "Besides, last time I checked, I'm not a dude."
"Actually, I would have been giving him a girl's name, and besides, I wouldn't have spelled it K-A-T-I-E. It would have simply been K-T."
"Whatever, the point still stands, it's weird. Besides, I think I'm just gonna call him JJ," she said, smirking.
I cocked an eyebrow. "JJ?"
"James Junior," she said, laughing and heading towards the kitchen.
I followed her. "That's actually kind of cute," I told her.
Carlos laughed, hot on my heels. "Hey, that could also stand for a certain part of James' anatomy - "
I smacked him around the back of the head. "Let's not go there," I said as we reached the kitchen.
"Nah, I don't think it's worthy enough to have it's own name," she said, getting a cup out of the cabinet.
Carlos cracked up laughing while I just waggled my finger at her.
"That's your withdrawal from that part of my body talking," I informed her snarkily.
"Sure, that's it," she said sarcastically.
"Oh puh-leeze, like you weren't screaming my name by the end of it," I said with a wink.
She pulled the milk out of the fridge and turned to look at me. "Says the guy who was screaming my name. I think it's clear who's the best. Let's face it sweetheart, it's me." She winked back and started pouring milk into her cup.
I paused. "Okay. Just remember that I broke the bed."
Carlos walked over to the pantry and pulled out a bag of popcorn.
Katie raised her eyebrow at me. "I'd say something, but I promised I wouldn't use it against you."
"Thank you for keeping that promise," I said smoothly, reaching for a bag of chips. "You're a sweetheart."
"I know," she replied, putting the milk back in the fridge. She picked up her cup, took the chips and walked over to the table.
"And I love you for it," I called, snatching the chips back and grabbing a handful before handing it back to her. I sat there with her for a couple minutes, both of us eating.
Her eyes got really wide and she ran off.
"What the - ? Katie!" I called after her, getting up and following.
She flew down the hall to the bathroom. She ran in and dropped to her knees in front of the toilet and puked up what she just ate.
I groaned. "LOGAN!" I yelled. "GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"
Logan scampered into the bathroom. "What - oh no."
Katie was crying. "I forgot. I- I just wanted to eat normally."
"You should stick to peanut butter things for now," he suggested. "Until your body gets used to having food again."
She started puking again. "This tastes horrible," she said after she stopped.
"Vomiting usually does," Logan agreed sadly.
"Isn't there anything we can do for her?" I asked.
"I don't think so," he replied. "I'll get her some 7Up, but that's about it. Just stay with her, okay?"
I nodded. "Okay."
"Yeah, well, I think it taste worse when you're throwing up chips and milk."
Logan winced as he left the room to go get her the 7Up. "I can imagine."
She flushed the toilet and backed up against the wall, pulling her knees to her chest. "My life sucks."
I sat down next to her. "Maybe right not it does, but it'll get better. You know that right?"
"How can you be so sure of that?"
I shrugged. "I just do. I know I've gone through some hard times and they've always gotten better."
"James," she sighed. "I don't want to sound like a bitch, but you haven't gone through anything as bad as I have, or as much."
"Maybe not," I agreed. "But I did grow up with the Queen Bitch of the mid west for a mom, my dad left my mom for a woman who's fifteen years younger, and yeah, things haven't always been easy. My past hasn't been the cleanest there is."
Carlos came in and interrupted us. "Here," he said, handing a little toothbrush to Katie. "I brought you a disposable toothbrush so you wouldn't have to go all the way upstairs."
"Thanks Carlos," she said, smiling. She took it and started brushing.
I watched her from where I was sitting on the floor. It was sad, tragic actually, that she could be so depressed about everything. How could someone like her be suicidal? It just didn't make any sense to me.
She stopped brushing and looked down. "I wish you would stop staring at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you don't even know me. Like you're completely disappointed in me."
"I'm not disappointed," I told her. "I'm not!" I insisted as she raised her eyebrows at me. "I just...I don't know what to think. I feel like you have this double life that no one knows about, like...okay, yeah. Like you're a different person. I just can't put the pieces together in my head."
She nodded. "I guess in a way I kind of did have a double life. I made it that way to protect you guys. I know I'm the one that needed protecting, but I couldn't drag you guys into it, I didn't want you guys to hurt like I was."
"I just wish that you had told us what you were going through. I wish SOMEONE had told me that those girls were such bitches to you. I didn't even know they knew who you were - no offense."
"Well, I kind of was the only Katie you guys knew. I don't think it would be too hard to put the pieces together."
"Can you do me a favor?" I asked, sounding pathetic to myself.
"I will if you do one for me," she said. "You go first though."
"Okay...Will you promise me to never cut yourself on purpose again, and to never make yourself throw up or starve yourself?"
"I promise," she said, staring straight into my eyes.
"Okay. Good. What's yours?"
"Promise me that you'll never look at me again the way you did when we were in the kitchen."
I nodded. "I promise."
"Do you even know what look she's talking about?" Carlos questioned, folding his arms over his chest.
"Of course! She's talking about me looking at her in disappointment...isn't she?"
"Partially," Katie answered me. "You looked at me with cold, harsh, disappointed eyes. It's the same way dad used to look at me."
Ohhhh...Uh oh...I felt my stomach lurch and I spun around on my knees, emptying my stomach into the toilet before collapsing next to it. "Oh God," I breathed out. "Katie, I'm so sorry. I had - I had no idea!"
"It's not your fault," she responded, rubbing my back.
"There you guys are," Kendall said, stepping in. "Why are you guys hanging out in the bathroom? And why is James next to the toilet?"
"You know," I gasped out, "I have never been asked that before."
"Which part?" Kendall asked.
"All of it," I responded.
"Oh. Well, what's going on?"
"I tried to eat some chips and drink some milk and I threw up," Katie explained. "And I told James about his look in the kitchen, and he vomited too."
Kendall face-palmed. "What is with everyone and puking today?"
Carlos shrugged and reached into his pocket, pulling out another toothbrush and handing it to me. "Here ya go, buddy."
I took it and started brushing my teeth.
Logan came in with Katie's 7Up and looked at me. He handed her the drink and sighed, "I'm not going back for more."
Katie took a couple sips and passed me the cup.
"Thanks," I said, before swallowing a few sips and handing it back to her.
"Awwww!" Carlos cooed. "They're sharing! That's so cute!"
Kendall elbowed him in the stomach. "Not as cute as when you join them."
"What do you mean?" Katie asked.
"If he keeps elbowing Carlos in the stomach, he's going to barf," I explained. "Carlos has a very sensitive stomach, despite, or probably because, of the fact that he lives off of corndogs, fruit smackers, and popcorn."
"Stop it," Katie said, getting up and punching Kendall in his stomach.
"Oof!" Kendall gasped out before toppling over while Carlos and I cheered and Logan just rolled his eyes.
Katie stepped over Kendall and sat back down next to me. "No one messes with my Carlitos."
"Thanks Kit-Kat." he grinned.
"No prob, babe," she responded, winking and doing the little point with her pointer fingers and thumbs.
I rolled my eyes, but grinned and laughed nonetheless. "So Kendall, you learn your lesson yet about screwing with Carlos?"
"Nnnngggghhhh" was Kendall's intelligent response.
"I'll take that as a 'yes'," I replied, smirking.
"It can't possibly hurt that bad," Logan said. "She's tiny."
"Really?" Katie asked. "Ask James, he's gotten it quite a few times."
"It's true," I spoke up. "My abs are always bruised for weeks after. I've learned not to do anything that might make her punch me." I shuddered. "It's dangerous."
Logan looked shocked. "Seriously?"
I raised my shirt to reveal my recently bruised abs - I had pissed her off a couple of weeks ago. "This - " I waved my hand around the black and purple and blue " - is her handiwork. Thanks again, babe," I added sarcastically.
She responded to me the same way she did to Carlos a minute ago.
I rolled my eyes. "Love you too."
"But of course," she grinned. The door bell rang and Katie's eyes lit up. She jumped up, spilling the 7Up all over me in the process, but she didn't seem to notice. "GABI!" she yelled before running out of the bathroom and heading to the front door.
"Hey, now's a chance to show off Katie's way of showing everyone that she's yours," Logan snarked.
"Meaning?" I asked, glaring at him.
"Your bruised abs."
"I'm confused," Carlos said, looking between us.
"He's being a smart ass," I explained. "But in short, what he means is that - "
"What I meant," Logan took over, "is that Katie always punches James when she's feeling particularly strongly towards him, but doesn't know how to express it."
"Right," I agreed. "Like when she punched me, she was feeling particularly strongly pissed off."
"Not what I meant..." Logan called in a sing-song voice, moving away from us and out of the bathroom.
"Then what did you mean?" Carlos asked him.
"That it was her way of getting his attention," he said.
"Well, the bruised abs definitely did that," I agreed sardonically.
"So the sex is rough?" he grinned.
I picked myself off of the floor and brushed myself off as best as I could while still looking somewhat dignified. "I am not discussing this," I informed him haughtily.
"In case anyone forgot," Kendall said. "I'M STILL HERE!"
"Yeah, but you were moaning on the floor so it didn't count," Carlos informed him, grinning wickedly - well, as wicked as Carlos can anyway.
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!" Kendall hollered back.
"Umm...guys..." Logan interrupted,
"What?" I asked.
"You do realize we're all standing here while Katie and Gabi are alone..." he said, looking a little worried.
"And what're they going to do that's worse than what James and Katie have done?" Carlos wanted to know.
"I'M STILL HERE!" Kendall screamed.
"We're talking about Katie and Gabi, Carlos," Logan said. "Do you not remember all the pranks they've pulled? They're dangerous together!"
"MY HAIR PRODUCTS!" I screeched.
"Who knows what else they could do," Carlos said, looking scared.
"LET'S GO!" Logan yelled, and we all raced out of there, Kendall following a little behind us.
We ran into the living room, where we heard giggling. We all sighed in relief, seeing the girls were playing with Mojo.
"What's wrong with you guys?" Katie asked.
"Ohhhh...nothing..." Logan replied awkwardly.
"Hey Gabi, did Katie tell you about her and James?" Carlos piped up.
Katie blushed and looked down, I guess that's a 'no'.
Gabi smirked and nudged her in the ribs. "Yeah Katie, what about you and James? You two finally get it on?"
Katie's blush deepened and I glanced away.
Gabi's jaw dropped. "Ohmigosh you did!"
"Shut up!" she hissed. "It's not completely like that!"
Gabi's smirk widened. "So are you telling me you two didn't have the best sex of your young lives?" I forgot how snarky and...impulsive...she could be.
"Well..." Katie hemmed and hawed. "Define the best sex..." she continued.
Gabi paused. "Three orgasms for the girl."
Carlos snorted. "James broke his bed."
Gabi looked appalled. "NO WAY!"
"Way," Katie mumbled, her blush somehow getting deeper.
Gabi gaped at me, looking like she was trying not to laugh. "Jaaammesss...I heard rumors...Do you take cash or credit?"
"GABI!" Katie yelled, hitting her shoulder.
Gabi gave her an innocent look and batted her eyes. "What? It was just an innocent question."
Logan snickered. "Katie's already given him a bruise on his abs - he's hers, no matter how much money you offer him."
"Yeah," Katie added. "Stop trying to proposition my boyfriend."
Gabi fanned herself and sent me an overexaggerated wink to let me know she was joking. "But he's so hot!" she protested. "Can I see your bruised abs?" she added, her voice cracking with suppressed laughter.
Katie shoved her. "You are so nasty!"
"But you love me for it," Gabi replied with a charming smile. "And I still want to see the bruise you gave him."
Katie smirked and walked over to me, lifting my shirt so Gabi could see. "Beautiful isn't it?" she asked.
"Very," Gabi replied. "Damn James, nice bod."
Katie yanked my shirt back down and glared at her.
"Whaaat?" Gabi whined. "I won't touch the merchandise."
"What am I, a cheap bowl set?" I yelped.
"Oh, baby," Katie said, looking up at me. "What makes you think you're that special?"
I pouted. "Gabi's lustful gaze," I answered while Carlos hooted.
"Stop eyeing him like a piece of candy," she told her.
Gabi smirked. "You know what I do to candy that I like, don't you?"
Carlos chortled. "Hey Katie, I think you've got competition."
"Go ahead, keep talking about me like I'm not here, it's okay, I don't mind!" I said loudly.
Katie gave me a long look. "Okay, we will." She turned back to Gabi. "Sweetheart, I taught you everything you do to said candy."
"Please tell me you applied it to him," Gabi said, still smirking.
"WHO HAVE YOU BEEN PRACTICING ON?" I hollered.
"He hasn't been that lucky yet," she answered Gabi, before turning to me. "You've seen the way I eat Popsicles."
"Good answer," Logan told her while I practically drooled.
"And lollipops," she added. "And that guy in my class."
Logan face-palmed while I just yelped in horror.
"WHAT GUY HAVE YOU BEEN BLOWING?" I cried.
"Clearly not you," Gabi said with a grin.
Katie rolled her eyes. "I was kidding."
"And congratulations, Katie," Logan said with an eye roll. "You almost gave James a heart attack."
"THAT WASN'T FUNNY!" I screamed.
"I have to agree with James," Kendall said. "Jokes about my little sister blowing a guy aren't funny in the least. She's not even supposed to know what that is."
Katie ignored Kendall and asked me a question I wasn't expecting at the moment. "Would you like me to blow you?"
My face immediately heated up. "Ummmm...do I have to answer that in front of say, oh, everyone?"
She grinned up at me and blew in my face. "There," she said, giggling. "Consider yourself blown."
Carlos and Gabi were in hysterics.
"You know, that would have been funnier if I had actually answered you," I retorted.
"Puh-leeze, we all knew what your answer would have been," she said with a wave of her hand.
"No you don't," I argued. "I might've said no. Your comment about the guy in your class wasn't as hot as you thought."
"You're just moody cause she didn't give you the real thing," Gabi said.
"Probably," Katie agreed.
I snorted. "Or maybe I just wasn't in the mood for the real thing."
Both girls burst out laughing hysterically.
"Yeah," Katie said through giggles. "I'm sure that's true. Do you not remember what you said in your shower?"
"Of course I remember," I said. "And I was totally up for it - "
"Literally," Katie snickered.
"-But," I continued, ignoring her, "that was before you started bringing up boys from your class."
"You know I only do it to get a rise out of you- Shut up Gabi."
Gabi was laughing uproariously. "I don't think he cares."
"That's right," I agreed. "I don't care why you do it. I don't want to hear about other boys from your class and how you've blown them, even if you're just joking!"
"I don't want to hear that either," Kendall added. "It's extremely disturbing."
"Then leave, this has nothing to do with you!"
"I want to know where my baby sister's mouth has been!"
I face-palmed. "You just said you didn't want to hear about it!"
"I don't! I'm just trying to make sure that her mouth hasn't been near a guy's...I don't feel comfortable saying it in front of two underage girls."
Logan rolled his eyes. "I think by now they know what you're talking about."
"I'M NOT SAYING IT!"
"Penis?" Katie suggested.
I clapped him on the back. "Don't worry Kendall, she said it for you."
"AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH! MY EARS!"
"You had no problem saying a worse name for it when James and I were in the pool," she pointed out.
Gabi stared at her in amazement. "You two had sex in a pool? Kinky!"
"That was different! He was still penetrating and things...I wasn't thinking straight!"
"You know," Logan said casually, "this conversation has gotten extremely disturbing."
"But it's so entertaining!" Carlos hooted.
"It really was," Katie said, addressing Gabi. She turned to Kendall again. "You're such a baby. Why would you feel uncomfortable saying the technical term in front of us? You do realize we learned about it in school right?"
"That's different! There it's all technical and scientific and now...it's real and you and James and - I might be the next one vomiting."
"Whatever, baby."
"Hellooo!" Gabi cried. "Details about the pool sex!"
"I lost my virginity at that time."
Kendall gasped while Logan just groaned.
"I've gotta get new friends," he mumbled.
"Did it hurt like hell?" Gabi demanded. "It hurt like hell, didn't it? Was James sweet? Was he careful? Was he gentle? WAS HE FUCKING HUGE?"
"No, it hurt like a bitch. Kinda, kinda, not so much and most definitely," Katie said with a grin.
"I was gentle!" I insisted. "And what do you mean I was only kinda sweet and kinda careful?"
"At first you were, but that doesn't really do anything for me sooo..." she trailed off.
I grinned. "Oh yeah...You love it rough."
"MUST I REMIND YOU THAT I'M HER BIG BROTHER?" Kendall screeched. "AND I CAN HEAR YOU?"
"I sure do," she grinned.
I licked my lips, grinning like crazy.
"I'm insanely bored."
Gabi smirked. "Tell you what? How about you go play solitaire and I'll play with your insanely hot ab-ilicious boyfriend."
I raised my eyebrows at her. "'Ab-ilicious?'"
"Don't stroke his ego," Katie said, rolling her eyes. "How about you go play solitaire and I play with MY insanely hot ab-ilicious boyfriend."
Gabi smirked. "Okay, fine, but I want to play with Dustin. That dude's smokin'. Go play with James. Have fun, babe!"
"Wait, didn't you just tell Gabi not to stroke his ego? You just did," Carlos said.
"Yeah, but he's my boyfriend, I can stroke whatever I want," she grinned.
"Did not need to hear that," Kendall mumbled.
"Yeah, I didn't need to hear that either," Logan agreed.
"Tell you what," I said to Katie, "you come and play with me while Gabi goes out to play with Dustin, and we leave these three behind down here."
"Okay!"
Kendall was now making a combination of faces and sounds that reminded me of a fish out of water, but I ignored him, and instead grabbed Katie's hand, pulling her towards the stairs.
"I want the dirt later, Gabrielle!" Katie yelled.
I pulled her up to my room, and then turned to her. "So...wanna play Go Fish?"
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