A/n: Two chapters in one day! I feel good! lol Thank you all for the reviews! I hope you enjoy this next chapter!
I leaned against a tree, trying to look anywhere and focus on anything but the sound of pee hitting the ground. Sarah and Rebecca needed to pee and I was elected to go with them, just to keep an eye out.
"Clem, could you help me out here?" Rebecca called, and I rolled my eyes before going to help her.
She was squatting on a tree, using it to support her, but she was, apparently stuck. And her pants were still down. "If I move too far forward, I'll land on my stomach. So, could you just pull me up?"
I grab her hands and pull her up, looking up at the sky. I've never seen another girl's... that, and I certainly didn't want that to change. I'm pretty sure that Rebecca notices me avoiding it because she chuckles.
"Avoid it all you want, Clem," She grins, "But you might have to help when it's time for this baby to come out of there."
Sarah walks up to us, finally finished with her business too, "You're gonna help deliver the baby?" She asks me, her tone full of awe.
"What? No! I don't even know how to deliver a baby!" I protest.
"Oh, I'm sure my dad knows. I bet he'd let you help him, if you wanted!"
"No, no, no-"
"That sounds like a great idea, Sarah. I'll make sure to tell your dad that Clementine would like to help with the delivery." Rebecca smiles at me and I feel my stomach sink. I've killed countless amounts of zombies, I've seen people be killed in front of me, I mean, I've seen countless horrors. But childbirth? I don't know if I was ready for that.
"Childbirth is a beautiful thing, Clem." Rebecca says as we head back to the rest of the group, "I hear. I don't actually know."
"And babies are super cute." Sarah adds.
"I don't know if the baby is gonna look cute coming out though." I mumble.
My words aren't heard though, as Rebecca and Sarah talk about how cute the baby is going to be and how excited they were about the baby's arrival. They started going through baby names; Clara, Chase, Xavier, Sandra, Adam...
"What do you think, Clem? Any name you like?" Rebecca asks.
I look forward, trying to think of names I like. Lee, Doug, Carley, Chuck, Christa, Kenny, Ben, Katjaa, Molly... But those people were my heroes and I don't care whose baby it was, they didn't deserve any of those names.
"Not really," I answer, and even though Rebecca looks disappointed, she doesn't press the topic.
Before long, we reach the rest of the group. They ask how the trip was and the two other girls announce my "plans" to help Carlos in the delivering of the baby. The doctor seems surprised by it, but agrees to let me help when the time comes.
I don't even want to be there. I want literally nothing to do with this baby, but apparently I will be there to help bring it into this world.
As we move along, Luke and I lead the group, walking next to each other.
"I didn't know you wanted to help with Rebecca's baby." He says.
"I don't." I respond flatly, "But Rebecca volunteered me for it, without my permission."
"You sound mad."
I bite my lip before I respond. "My friend Christa, the one I was with before we got separated, was pregnant too. She lost her baby after her boyfriend died, so she lost them both at the same time." I pause and apologize, "I don't mean to open up like that. It just kind of... came out, I guess."
"No, it's okay. It seems like you've gone through too much to keep to yourself. I don't mind if you want to, you know, talk about it and stuff." Luke responds.
I look over at him and he seems genuinely concerned about me. I want to trust him, but I'm so scared. Of what, I'm not exactly sure. Maybe I could let him in in small intervals.
"Well, I guess, what bothers me the most is that Christa lost her baby. She lost everyone. But here's Rebecca, pregnant, healthy, and with her husband and... It just seems so unfair." I confess, "I mean, I know life isn't fair and all, so you don't need to tell me that."
Luke nods in affirmation, "I get it. Life sucks, but you know what? Family is really important, especially now."
A realization washes over me. "Is that why," I lower my voice even more than it already was, "Is that why Carver is after us?"
Luke coughs and looks back at Rebecca before answering. "Ah, that's not really our business. And I'd really rather not get in the middle of it."
"Seems like we're already in the middle of it." I snort, but I take his answer as confirmation of my suspicions.
Alvin and Rebecca are married and they were at Carver's camp together, where they met the rest of the group (presumably). Rebecca had an affair with Carver, then they escaped. Now Carver wants to bring back the group, or at least, his baby. If it's his baby. I suppose there was always a chance it could be Alvin's baby. But by the way Alvin cares about his wife, there's no doubt in my mind that, even with the affair and the possibility that the baby might be Carver's, Alvin would raise the baby as his own. Adult relationships are complicated.
I shake my head, thinking about it all made it hurt.
"Wanna know what worries me?" Luke asks.
Not really, I think, but I encourage him to open up to me.
"How the hell are we gonna raise a baby?" He asks me, "We have no formula, no diapers. The baby is going to cry and attract lurkers. I don't know how the fuck we're going to do it."
Before I can stop myself, the words come out of my mouth, "That's not our problem."
"Maybe it's not your problem," He says, "But it's definitely mine. These guys are my family, Clem."
"They're not mine." I reply, shortly.
Luke doesn't say anything in response. It seems kind of like I've hurt his feelings or something.
Maybe I should apologize. Maybe I should take it back.
We walk until the sun starts to set and we begin to make another crappy camp. We all sit around the small campfire Nick erected for us, and eat our day's ration of food. Rebecca and Alvin discuss more baby names, with Sarah pitching in every now and again. Carlos just watches his daughter with a look in his eyes that I recognized from when Lee was alive. Nick and Luke were talking, their voices too quiet for anyone to hear. By the looks on their faces, the topic was a serious one.
I look around, not speaking to anyone, but still taking them all in. No, these people weren't my family. They weren't my mom and dad. They weren't Lee. They weren't Kenny, Katjaa, or Duck. They weren't Christa and Omid.
So, if they weren't my family, why was I here?
"Why is it that you're always the last one to sleep?" Luke whispers to me. We're the only ones still awake, laying next to the campfire.
I shrug, "I'm not a big fan of sleep. It means I'm vulnerable until I wake up."
"Maybe you should be vulnerable even when you're awake." He says.
I shake my head, "Being vulnerable is stupid. And stupid gets you killed."
"So, shutting everyone out is a better choice?"
"What makes you think I'm shutting everyone out?"
"You've been with us for a few days now and we've gone through some shit together. We consider you one of us. Why don't you consider us part of you?"
I can feel his eyes staring at me through the darkness. I want to say something- anything- to justify my earlier words, but I can't really. Nothing that wouldn't make me more vulnerable than I've ever been. But maybe, that's exactly what I needed.
I reach my hand out, looking for his. When I find it, I lace my fingers through his and I can feel him tense up.
"If I let you guys be my family and I lose you too... I don't know what I'll do. And just knowing that makes me feel weak. I can't be weak. Not anymore." I whisper. "I can't let you guys make me weak."
Luke grips my hand tight in his before bringing it against his cheek. "You're not weak, Clementine, you're strong. Stronger than all of us, I have no doubt about that. You could never be weak."
"Then why do you make me feel like I am?" I blurt out. I was scared. I was frustrated. I just wanted it all to go away.
Luke doesn't answer me. Instead he shuffles closer to me and pulls my body close to his. He rests his head on top of mine and wraps his arms around me. I let myself curl into his chest and I can feel my body immediately relax.
It wasn't an answer to my question, but it was a solution to a problem I didn't know I had.