Hello lovely reader! We are down to one of the last chapters of OPH, in fact I think next chapter will be the epilogue, but we'll see what happens. An important note to mention is that the previous chapter has been expanded so I recommend going back to read it since it ends differently from when it was originally posted several months ago. And finally, I would just like to mention that I have a tpom ask-blog for the Park Avenue series over on tumblr where I also post and answer questions about new and updated tpom fics: ask-tpom-park-avenue

Hans frowned seeing Kowalski standing outside of the private room Rico had been moved to. He had noticed him there yesterday while on his way to see if Skipper had survived his meeting with the council. Clearly a pattern had developed over the last few days. While Private and Skipper would take turns by Rico's side, Kowalski refused to step foot in the room and instead would watch through the glass. Of course, Hans was well aware that Skipper had been dealing with enough things to take any notice of Kowalski's withdrawal and it seemed that the task of talking to Kowalski would fall to him. He approached the younger man, and spoke softly now wanting to startle him. "You should be in there. I think you're the only one who hasn't been in to see him."

Kowalski shook his head and looked down ashamed, "I'm the reason he's here to begin with."

Hans found himself rolling his eyes and wondering if self-reproach was a requirement to be a Penguin. "Do you really think that? Because you're the one who gave him a fighting chance. Without those files you found, we'd be standing around a casket."

"We still might."

"All the more reason to sit with him then. " Hans sighed, "I understand that you want to blame yourself, but I'll tell you what I told Skipper last night, and that is, you can't. No one could have known what Doris had planned. There wasn't any reason to connect her to Blowhole. Skipper didn't even think something like this could happen and you know what a paranoid bastard he can be."

Kowalski let out a small chuckle before sobering up to the reality of the situation once more. "That's easy for you to say that Hans. Rico is my best friend. I should have known-"

"What should you have known?" Hans interrupted and pushed further. "Is there anything you could have possibly known beforehand that would have made a difference?"

"If I had known how Rico felt about me then-" Kowalski found himself at a loss for words and looked at Hans who had a surprisingly soft expression despite his previously harsh tone.

"You might have been able to save him from some pain, but it you don't know that for sure. Besides there's a reason you didn't know. Rico didn't want you to and as long as he didn't want you to know, you weren't going to." Hans looked at Rico through the glass. He had gotten to know the younger man quite well over the last few days and found that they had a few things in common when it came to matters of the heart. He turned his attention back to Kowalski. "I tried to convince him to tell you how he felt. A dying man shouldn't have any regrets, but he didn't want to lose his friendship with you. Other than the team, that was the only thing he had left."

"Why are telling me this?"

"I guess my point is, even if you don't feel the same way about him, I think Rico would like to see his best friend when he wakes up."

Kowalski almost corrected Hans, that when was really if. BTX OPH had wrecked the younger man's body, leaving him on the verge of total organ failure, but since the lab was able to synthesize an exact antibiotic to counteract the strain of bacteria Doris had developed there had been vast improvements to his heath. However, since those initial improvements, Rico had seemed to plateau giving no indication that the antibiotics had done anything other than stall the inevitable.

"Now if you excuse me, I need to make sure that Skipper hasn't killed any anyone. He had another meeting with the council and since things didn't go well yesterday, I worry that they didn't go much better today."

Then Hans left leaving Kowalski to his thoughts once more. Although Kowalski did find himself thankful for the brief conversation. Ever since he had found the file he felt like a fog had settled over him and once he saw Rico a deep pang of regret seemed to resonate throughout his entire body. In short, he had felt useless since they were brought to the CENTRAAL medical facility, unable to do anything and not good enough to sit by Rico's side. But perhaps Hans was right, he needed to be strong for Rico, when and not if he woke up.

After a few more minutes of hesitation Kowalski walked the short distance to the door to Rico's room. His hand was shaking as he reached out to grasp the smooth door handle, but he pushed through his growing anxiety and entered the small room. For a moment, Kowalski felt physically ill seeing Rico so still and pale, connected to a what seemed like dozens of machines and monitors. He made his way to chair next to the bed. Private had been in earlier and left his book behind. It was one that he had read before and Kowalski suspected that the youngest member of the team had taken to reading it out loud to break the monotony of hearing the heart monitor, even if it was a small comfort to Kowalski at the moment. He settled in to the chair pulled it closer to Rico's bed side, he eyed the younger man's hand and decided to place his own hand on top.

"I don't think words could ever express how sorry I am, Rico." Kowalski swallowed thickly squeezing his friend's limp hand hoping for some reaction. I feel like this is all my fault. If I hadn't been so blinded by Doris then maybe this wouldn't have happened." Kowalski could feel the familiar sting of tears again before he continued to speak. "I guess I was just so caught up in the idea of someone being romantically interested in me. And I was so caught up with it being Doris who was interested in me. For years, I thought that she was one, but I should have known better. I mean, who could ever love a fuck up like me? Then I saw your sketchbook and…you do apparently. What did you ever see in me? You shouldn't have feelings for someone like me. Although I doubt if you even would after all of this," Kowalski took a breath before continuing "with the way I treated you since all of this began. I've been a horrible friend and you deserve so much better than me. To be honest, I don't know if I feel the same way about you that you feel about me, but I feel something and I think I felt this something longer than I realized." The tears ran freely down Kowalski's face. He had to be stay strong and believe that it really was a case of when and not if, there was so much more he wanted to say, but he wanted Rico to be awake to hear it.