Green Card
(Inspired by the Peter Weir film)
Klaus is an art grad student at Hunter College whose student visa is about to expire. Caroline is a journalism grad student and Today Show intern who's dream apartment only accepts married couples. Their marriage of convenience proves to be harder to pull off than they thought when INS comes knocking.
Author's Note: Hellooooo readers! Thank you guys so much for all your messages and reviews, I read and appreciate each and every one of them! The most response I'm getting is about Caroline's behavior, and it's something I wanted to address. I keep being asked "When is Caroline going to stop being a bitch to Klaus?" and the answer is: now. I wanted to stay true to their relationship on the show, where (as my partner-in-crime Sister Wife Alex aka klarolineepiclove said) you have Caroline resisting Klaus and his advances, and then resisting the feelings she starts to develop for him. This chapter and the next are the big turning point in their relationship and they really couldn't have gotten to this point without going through what they've gone through.
So without further ado... ;)
Chapter Ten
"So your family seriously doesn't care that you live your life as a walking, talking ashtray?"
"If you knew my family, you'd be bumming more than one smoke from me," Klaus replied as he and Caroline exited the Princeton-Junction train station, stopping at the curb so he could light another cigarette and they could hail a cab.
"That bad, huh?" Caroline said disbelievingly as she watched Klaus strike the wheel of his lighter and suck in a deep breath of tobacco and nicotine.
"'Bad' would be the understatement of the century..." Klaus murmured, smoke curling out of his nose as he exhaled. " I wouldn't be doing this within your proximity unless it was absolutely necessary, sweetheart..."
Caroline rolled her eyes with a slight smile, knowing he'd forgotten in his stressed state of her dislike for pet names since he apologized in his own way for smoking around her.
"Well since I was partially buzzed during my parents visit, I guess I shouldn't throw stones when I'm in a glass house, should I?" She replied, reaching into her large tote and retrieving the flask she'd stashed there. She held it out to the curly haired man beside her, and when he turned and saw the flask in her hand, he grinned devilishly at her.
"Vodka?"
"Bourbon."
"You're a saint, " he said graciously as he accepted her offering and took a gracious swig of it's smooth, amber contents.
"I'd prefer an 'angel' since they don't have to be good all the time..." Caroline replied taking the flask from him and stealing a quick gulp before handing it back to him with a sassy smile. Klaus took the flask back with a smirk, watching her clear her throat after the liquor no doubt burned going down. After an argument, over what he was still unsure about, and an awkward post-shower run in, Caroline's attitude had changed considerably; and surprisingly, for the better at that. He wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth, and he was especially grateful for this sudden change of heart while going to face his firing squad of a family.
"Besides," she added, "I figure if the smokes can't take the edge off, another vice might," Caroline shrugged as the cab slowed to the curb. She opened the door for him and gestured grandly to the interior of the car. "After you. Family hell awaits."
"You know you're not as funny as you think you are," Klaus said, waving an accusatory finger at her and holding the flask with the remaining four fingers. He slid into the cab, Caroline following behind him and soon they were on their way. Fifteen-ish minutes later, the cab was pulling up the winding, rock lined driveway to the black wrought iron gates and Caroline threw Klaus an incredulous look.
" You told me that we were going to your brother's house, not his mansion," she said.
"Upset I had you leave the tweed and pearls at home?" Klaus said, his gaze raking over her lovely, yet casually dressed form. She was wearing a reddish orange patterned knit dress with a skirt hitting just above the knee with her hair down in loose curls. And although she was wearing one of her expensive pairs of shoes, she was wearing a jean jacket that made her entire ensemble all the more relaxed and informal.
Once his gaze finally made its way north again, he saw the disapproving look on the blonde's face. He sighed, turning his face away to look out the window, but mostly to hide the amused smirk on his face. " My sister-in-law loves opulence, and my brother loves her. It's a simple equation."
"So what? She just let's him do his business all over he r and she gets a new wing added onto her 'estate'?"
"As much as I, and I'm sure my brother and sister, would love to peg Katherine Mikaelson-Pierce as a gold digger, we are 100% sure that her affections match his, if not exceed them."
"Aw, a sincerely affectionate trophy wife. How quaint," Caroline said as she shrugged her arms out of her jacket and folded it into her lap.
"Precisely," Klaus replied as he opened the door to the cab, which had stopped at the long and winding steps that lead up to the gorgeous, two story brick estate surrounded by impeccably manicured hedges and foliage. "But be warned," he added, extending a hand to help Caroline out of the cab and leaning in the passenger window quickly to tip the cabbie, "she might be a 'trophy wife' by your standards, but Katherine Pierce is one of the most shrewd, manipulative, and exploitative people I've ever known and as far as I'm concerned, she's earned the life she's currently leading with my older brother."
"What did she go through to earn life as a contented trophy wife?" Caroline asked curiously as the cab slowly peeled away. He'd filled her in and given her a basic character breakdown on each of his family members, but not so much the pushy, demanding sister-in-law that had not only demanded his presence but hers.
"I'm assuming your familiar with the blockbuster The Avengers and Scarlett Johansson's character Natasha Romanov?"
"Your sister-in-law was a real life Black Widow?!" Caroline asked incredulously as Klaus gently guided her up the steps towards the house.
"I have no idea, because that would be classified information, which if anyone besides my sister-in-law knew, they'd have to be killed." They stopped short of the door and Klaus chuckled when he glanced over and saw the gobsmacked expression on her face. "I'm kidding." Caroline released her breath with a relieved chuckle as Klaus knocked on the door. "She is, however, an expert in Krav Maga, so I'll let you be the judge..." Before Caroline could respond to the factoid Klaus had blitz her with, the door swung open, revealing a gorgeous, baby-faced blonde with bright blue eyes and a familiar judging smirk.
" Look what the Kat dragged in. .. She always gets her way. It's rather annoying considering I could be on fire and getting both my legs amputated and I still couldn't get you to answer my calls."
"Hello, dear sister. Lovely to see you as always, Rebekah," Klaus replied, leaning in and kissing his younger sister's cheek while squeezing her bicep. Caroline watched as the only Mikaelson daughter closed her eyes and smiled happily as her older brother kissed her, but once her eyes slid back open and zeroed in on Caroline, they squinted at her shrewdly while her lips pouted out and discerned the woman in front of her.
"Hmm. Acceptable Anthropologie dress and classic Charlene Mary Jane Louboutins. Makes up for the dreadful denim jacket you attempted to hide tucking it under your arm."
"I'm Caroline," Caroline said, extending a hand, which Rebekah glanced at before taking with apprehension, "and it's nice to meet you too." The younger Mikaelson smiled at Caroline, taking in the girl's confident and unwavered stance considering the rude welcoming she was given, and shook Caroline's hand more thoroughly.
"Charmed, I'm sure," Rebekah replied, opening the door wider to invite the pair inside.
"Since when do you willingly play doorman for Katherine?" Klaus asked, shrugging off his leather jacket and handing it to her, Rebekah already hanging Caroline's jacket that she'd taken without asking on a hanger.
"Since she knows how I love to make an entrance," a voice chipped in, and Klaus and Caroline turned to look at the figure that was descending the winding staircase from the second level in the foyer. She stepped off the last step and rounded the corner, sauntering up to them in killer stilettos that had to be at least five inches tall and a black Hervé Léger bandage dress that clung to a figure much too perfect for a woman that had given birth to a set of twins and an 8 1/2 poun d bouncing baby boy.
"Katherine," Klaus said with a respectful nod, giving his sister-in-law a similar greeting, but his kiss held a little less familiarity and warmth as it had with his blood relation.
"And she promised to be more helpful and accommodating if I didn't talk about that nasty break up she went through."
"Backstabbing harpy," Rebekah growled as she brushed past her dark-haired sister-in-law and stalked to the next room.
"Oops," Katherine said with nowhere near what Caroline might even call sincerity. "My bad. And this must be the lovely girlfriend I heard on the phone the other day, Niklaus," she said, turning her attention to the blonde she hadn't affronted yet.
"Friend," she corrected, shaking the brunette's hand, "and yes, that was me. Hi, I'm Caroline."
"Katherine Mikaelson-Pierce. Thank you for agreeing to come be a part of the circus."
"Thank you for inviting me into your home," Caroline said graciously, trying to ignore the striking brunette's description of the family gathering. "It's absolutely beautiful."
"It is, isn't it?" Katherine replied, looking around the foyer at the vaulted ceilings proudly. Caroline cleared her throat, throwing a smirking glance at Klaus at Katherine's less than humble response, then reached into her Kelly green tote.
"My stepfather says I should never be caught dead at a dinner party without a gift for the hostess, so I brought some cupcakes from this bakery in Brooklyn a friend told me about. She says they're the best, so I hope you all like them."
"Oh, how sweet of you. I just love Southern hospitality," Katherine said. Caroline was taken aback, not just from the scrutinizing look in the brunette's eyes, despite her sugary sweet tone of voice, but from the spot on determination of her Southern roots. The brunette spun on her heel and strode in the direction that the blonde Mikaelson had stalked off, and Klaus and Caroline followed unbiddenly.
"How did you know I'm from the South?" Caroline inquired, half taking in the elaborate kitchen and dining room with brand new, shiny cabinets lining the walls and surrounding a grand, marble island in middle of the kitchen. Katherine unceremoniously tossed the gift box of baked goods onto it, the box sliding down next to trays and dishes of appetizers and strode to refrigerator, which was masked in the wall of cabinets with a cabinet door styled over top of it.
"Well you're obviously not from Jersey or from the city with your accent, your upbringing of inherent graciousness, and your penchant for denim outerwear and sundresses."
"Her accent is not as pronounced as you make it out to be, Katerina. Don't be a snob," a righteous sounding voice suddenly commented, and Caroline and Klaus both turned to see an upstanding, dark-haired man in a full suit striding towards them, a glass with three fingers of bourbon in hand.
"Elijah," Klaus murmured, smirking at his older brother as the elder Mikaelson clapped an arm around him.
"Niklaus," Elijah Mikaelson replied as the brothers clasped each other in a brief embrace. He turned to the flushed blonde at his brother's side and extended his hand. "Elijah Mikaelson."
"Caroline Forbes," Caroline replied, shaking his hand and trying to match the the elder Mikaelson's firm grip. "Thank you so much for having me."
"The pleasure is ours. It isn't very often that our brother introduces us to the woman he's seeing," the darker haired Mikaelson replied with more genuine warmth than that of his wife. However, Caroline did detect the slightest hint of suspicion in his eyes once the released hands and she cleared her throat to correct him.
"Actually, Klaus and I are just friends, " she said politely. Elijah's eyes scanned her face, taking in her expression, before smiling knowingly before turning and pouring his brother a drink.
"Then he shouldn't mind if I step up to the plate," she heard a younger male voice respond, and she turned and saw a lighter brunette standing from one of the plush couches in the living room, where the flat screen TV above the fireplace mantle had been turned to a sports channel. "Sorry, but I love a good baseball pun. Just as about as much as I love beautiful women," the man added, sweeping his hand down to capture Caroline's hand and bringing it to his lips for a kiss with a rakish smile. "Kol Mikaelson, Nik's younger, more virile brother."
"Caroline Forbes, Klaus's fully informed friend that wasn't born yesterday," she replied, carefully detaching Kol's hand from hers.
"Ooh, beauty and wit. Nik's stumbled into the jackpot, and naturally he'd be friendzoned by such a vivacious and savvy beauty," the youngest Mikaelson son said, waggling his eyebrows at Caroline, to which she snorted at him in response.
"Oh cool it, Kol. She might be clinging to some of her more rustic fashion sensibilities, but that doesn't mean the rest of her standards are quite so low..." Rebekah said, striding to the living room with the glass of wine she'd stolen from Katherine, grabbing the remote control and putting changing it to reruns of Sex & the City.
"Uh, thank you?" Caroline said, not sure how to respond to such a backhanded compliment.
"Oh please, Beks, your brother would hit on a body without a pulse. It doesn't take much to get Kol Mikaelson's blood going." Katherine strode to the living room, a glass of red and white wine in each hand offering both to Caroline, who paused a moment before taking the white. "No offense, Care Bear ," she added snidely, striding to sit beside her husband, crossing her legs and balancing the wine glass with one hand.
"Sorry, you never did explain how you know I grew up in the South. At least not fully," Caroline said, crossing to take a seat in an armchair across from the brunette vixen.
"Well, your accent isn't a fully pronounced one, as my husband so astutely observed," Katherine started, patting her husband's knee as she referred to him, her hand eventually resting there as she continued explaining her insight. "So that rules out the deep South, so we're talking closer to the Mason-Dixon. Your fair complexion and natural freckling might suggest that you didn't grow up along the coast at a beach, so that pretty much ruled out North Carolina for me. You also don't have that distinctual West Virginia drawl... So I'd guess, Virginia?" The brunette smiled at Caroline's gobsmacked expression, and continued.
" Not along the coast, like I said, so more likely Central Virginia, since you'd have less of an accent and more city style coming from DC and Northern Virginia. Denim jacket over patterned dress screams small town, but the shoes imply you've at least rubbed elbows with the affluent, so you may have spent some time in Richmond, but that's not where you're from. I'm thinking...Lynchburg? No, Lexington... No. Somewhere smaller," Katherine murmured as she continued to read Caroline's body language and appearance. "...Mystic Falls? I bet it's Mystic Falls. What other kind of quaint, small town in Virginia would spawn an OCD ex-pageant queen journalism major that would first take a big step and go to the capitol before taking the plunge for the big N-Y-C?" Katherine finished as she threw back the remaining red wine in her glass and Kol applauded her.
"Well done, Kitty Kat." He hiked a thumb at her, while he looked at Caroline with an incredulously impressed expression. "She could be working for the CIA and profiling serial killers, but she's more content staying home and playing Trading Spaces with this Armani model wannabe."
"No, she'd much prefer profiling serial daters who sleep their way across the continental United States while blowing off their scholarship to uni instead..." Rebekah said bitingly to her brother.
"Why waste my time with studies when I can be in your lovely company, dear sister? I could sure use some advice on dating, what with your recent break up from your meathead, body builder ex-boyfriend Alexander..."
"Oh, bite me, Kol," Rebekah spat, throwing a throw pillow at Kol, who dodged it with surprising athleticism and dove into the kitchen. "I can't believe you told Kol. You'll pay for that, Katherine." The brunette merely shrugged as she took her husband's glass and took a swig, Elijah unphased as she put the glass back in his hand once she'd had her fill.
"No, I think I'll sink my teeth into one of these delicious cupcakes instead," Kol said, flipping open the bakery box that Katherine had tossed on the table. "Who brought the Robicelli's?! "
"Klaus's 'not-girlfriend,' Caroline," Katherine said with a smirk.
"Nik, don't ever let this girl go. Woman knows tasty delights, " Kol said before stuffing a whole cupcake in his mouth.
"I shudder to think what that might be a euphemism for..." Klaus said, remaining where he'd been standing since they entered the room, and pouring himself another glass of scotch.
Kol gave a muffled response that sounded something along the lines of, "You know me so well, brother," before shoving another cupcake in his mouth.
"Kol, drop the cupcake before I put a fist in that mouth of yours," Katherine threatened, striding into the kitchen and snatching the box of baked goods out from his clutches and tossing them in a cabinet. "I've prepared a three course meal and you're going to eat every delicious, expensive bite."
"And by 'prepared' we can assume you mean 'catered,' since you've never so much as lifted a finger to cook in the entire time you've been married to 'Lijah," Rebekah said scornfully. "Actually, I'd be surprised to learn you lift a finger for anything in your marriage."
"At least I have a marriage to neglect, Bekah, and not just another name on a list of failed relationships," Katherine said with spite, standing from her perch beside Elijah and striding past the fuming Mikaelson daughter to refill her wine glass.
"Point one, Kat," Kol said, through a muffled mouth of cupcake, clearing off the chalkboard on the wall with papers and his nieces and nephew's drawings sketches to write a scoreboard with a giant B and K on the top, putting a tally mark beneath the K side.
"Just speak up anytime you're feeling overwhelmed, Caroline, and we'll tell our family to cease and desist," Elijah said.
"Oh, we got past 'overwhelmed' a while ago, " Caroline murmured, grateful that at least one person in the room was concerned with her comfort if Klaus wasn't. "Just keep the spirits flowing, I should be fine," she added, holding up her half-filled glass to the elder Mikaelson, who nodded obligingly and rose to retrieve the white wine bottle for her as she tipped the glass back to drain its contents.
"Congrats, Caroline. You're officially a Mikaelson," Kol said, his voice burgeoning with pride as he held up his scotch glass from the kitchen.
Upon Kol's unwitting declaration, Caroline choked and began coughing up her drink, placing her glass on the coffee table in order to cover her mouth.
"For God's sake, Kol, dial it down. We're friends," Klaus said, pinching the brow of his nose.
"Right, and are there any benefits to this friendship?"
"KOL!"
"Alright, alright... Jeez. But that means that you're even more of a fool than I thought you were. Friendzoned and no benefits. The boys feeling blue, Nikky boy? She is a tasty little thing..."
"Say another word and I'll tear out your liver," Klaus growled, and Caroline was more than certain she'd be watching a resection from his tone.
"Okay, okay, stop taking shots, Kol, and get your butt in that dining room chair," Katherine ordered, pointed her manicured finger to the adjoining room.
"Yes ma'am," Kol said with an exaggerated Southern drawl. "Hmm, you know I've never given charming Southern gentlemen a shot with the ladies... Obviously Southern belle works for our sweet Caroline..."
"Butt. Chair," Katherine ordered, a murderous look in her eye and Kol finally held his hands up in surrender and marched to the dining room.
"Sorry about my idiot brother," Klaus murmured under his breath as they slowly followed the rest of the Mikaelson clan into the dining room.
"It's fine," Caroline said, waving him off. "You're family's...interesting."
"That's very kind of you, Miss Forbes," Elijah said, gently taking her wine glass to refresh it and swiftly handing it back to her, "but there's no need to lie. Niklaus must owe you quite a debt if you're not dating and he's somehow convinced you to join us this evening."
"You have no idea," Caroline said, arching an eyebrow at Klaus as she followed Rebekah and Katherine into the dining room, pausing to grab an appetizer tray and help carry the food into the adjoining room.
Elijah began to stride after her and join the others, but Klaus quickly grabbed his arm and held him back.
"'Lijah, we need to talk," Klaus said, his tone low but firm.
"From my experience, that's one of the activities of a dinner party, brother," Elijah said, knowing that his younger brother was serious but unable to help the dry sarcasm that leaked out of his mouth.
"In private. Now," Klaus said, his tone firmer than before, if that was even possible. The eldest Mikaelson quirked his eyebrow and glanced over at his expectant wife who was throwing suspicious glances back and forth between the two Mikaelsons. She was oblivious to the death glare that Caroline was sending Klaus, mouthing, 'Don't you dare leave me with them.'
"Katerina, my love, Niklaus and I will be foregoing your delicious appetizers and briefly adjourn to my study until the main course."
"This 'brief adjournment' better be shorter than the time it's going to take for your little sister to stab your little brother with a fork," Katherine replied with a half-joking smirk, grabbing the last of the trays of appetizers, "I can't promise I'll intervene on either of their behalfs."
"That seems fair," Elijah grinned as he and Klaus promptly strode past the dining room and down the hall towards the study. His kissed his wife's cheek as he passed her while Katherine gave his tie a warning tug-Caroline leaning around them to mouth 'I will KILL YOU' to Klaus and miming slitting her throat-and followed his brother who was already turning the knob and entering the room he'd established as a child-free, wife-free space.
Once he'd entered the room, Klaus closed the door behind them and locked the door and Elijah chuckled.
"You think a locked door is going to keep Katerina Petrova out?"
"I think it will at least slow her down," Klaus replied, and after a few seconds of silent, incredulous doubt on Elijah's face, he sighed and unlocked the door. "Tell me a bit about this intriguing concept of 'attorney-client privilege'..."
"You sequester me away from the others to test my legal vocabulary? What is this really about, Niklaus?"
"Humor me," Klaus murmured, taking a few steps towards his older brother and crossing his arms across his vest clad chest. Elijah Mikaelson sighed, wondering what he ever did to deserve such strange and taxing siblings, and began.
"Attorney-client privilege is the legal concept that protects communications between a client and his or her attorney and keeps those communications private between the two. The attorney–client privilege is one of the oldest recognized privileges for confidential communications. The US Supreme Court has stated that by assuring confidentiality, the privilege encourages clients to make what the legal system believes to be 'full and frank' disclosures to their attorneys, who are then better able to provide candid advice and effective representation..."
"Fantastic," Klaus said, striding to his brother, closing the short distance between them, taking his Elijah's hand as if to shake it and clasping it with his other hand. "Elijah Mikaelson, do you consent to being not only my confidante and older brother, but my personal legal representative and advisor?"
"Of course, Niklaus," Elijah replied, grasping his brother's arm with his free hand. "What's all this about, brother? Why all the dramatics?"
Klaus released his brother's hand and strode towards the opposite side of the study and pausing at the fireplace. He leaned against the antique paneling and ruffled his hair with the opposite hand before sighing his response.
"Caroline and I are married," he said quietly.
"Congratulations. So you've found a lovely young woman who can apparently stand you long enough to bind herself in matrimony to you. We'd doubted such a woman existed. And why, besides the unexpectedness, is it a problem, might I ask?"
"We are married so that I could obtain my green card and that she might sign the lease for an apartment on Central Park West," Klaus added, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders at being able to confess to someone he trusted outside the friend that had concocted this insane plan to begin with. He did, however, feel his heart drop into the pit of his stomach at his Elijah's silence, and he felt unable to turn around and face the dismay and disappointment that was surely painted all over his brother's face.
"Well. That is quite a problem." Klaus's head jerked up and he spun around to face his sibling so quickly it was incredible that he didn't have whiplash.
"That's really all you have to say? Honestly? No judgement or derision or lectures or complaints of me painting you into a corner with this newfound knowledge of my illegal nuptials?"
"I knew you were involved with a woman in some extent, Niklaus. Despite my urge to chastise you for your rash and hasty actions," Elijah started, glancing down at his suit to brush away a non-existent speck of dust , "how would it do either of us any good when you've gone ahead and acted already? All I can do now, as your lawyer and brother, is support you in this endeavor, no matter how deleterious or daft it may be."
"That might be the most supportive and the most insulting thing you've ever said to me," Klaus murmured, smirking and shaking his head at his brother.
"So I assume you're living with Caroline for the sake of appearances for Immigration and Naturalization Services?"
"I am," Klaus nodded. "My name is also on the lease..."
"Splendid," Elijah murmured, turning to stride to his desk, but he and Klaus both stopped dead in their tracks as they heard a soft creek and a gasp.
"I KNEW IT! YOU ARE DATING BARBIE!"
The brothers turned to see Katherine standing in the open door, jaw nearly touching the floor.
"Katerina, this does not concern us-" Elijah started, but Klaus cut him off.
"Yes, we are, Katherine," Klaus said firmly. "I didn't introduce Caroline as my girlfriend because I was trying to save her from you and everyone's scrutinizing and probing."
"Oh Klausy ," Katherine sneered, tapping her stiletto heel and clicking her tongue at him, "you know it's always better to rip the band-aid off quickly." She turned and just before she slammed the door behind her, they heard her call, "Oh Caroliiiiine..."
Klaus turned to his brother, who merely shrugged at him with palms open as if to demonstrate his confusion on how he'd just handled his sister-in-law overhearing part of their conversation.
"Well, it could've been worse," Klaus said simply. "It was either 'dating' or 'married to defraud the government' so...I went with dating."
"Wise choice," Elijah nodded. "Just make sure your partner-in-crime sees it that way."
Klaus nodded and strode towards the door to handle the collateral damage Katherine had no doubt left in the wake of her newfound knowledge.
"And Niklaus..." Klaus paused at the door and turned back to his brother. Elijah took a very stealthy deep breath, but Klaus could see the worry and concern in his elder brother's brow, no matter how hard he tried to disguise it. "As much as I hope this gamble you've taken works out for you and Miss Forbes, I'm your lawyer. Not hers." Elijah's head tilted up a bit as he added, "Family above all."
"Family above all," Klaus echoed, a grateful smile playing on his lips as he nodded and ducked out of the room.
"Kol, I swear to God if you don't give me back my phone, I'm going to break off each and every one of your fingers, one at at time!"
"Kol, if you don't give Rebekah her phone back, I'm going to let her break off each and every one of your fingers, one at at time," Klaus half-groaned, half-growled, attempting to snatch the bedazzled pink iPhone away from his younger brother, who was dodging both his brother and sister's attempts to retrieve Rebekah's phone.
"Faces are all booked. Tweets are all a twitter," Kol murmured proudly as his fingers nimbly danced across the touch screen, almost as nimbly as he evaded his sister's demanding grabs. "Now, to text that pesky ex-boyfriend..."
"Kol, don't you dare!"
"'Dear Meathead...'" Kol read aloud .
"Kol!" Klaus and Rebekah both exclaimed.
"'...I no longer have use for you or your tiny, steroid shrunken manhood. ..'" Kol continued before two fists pounded the table interrupted him, shaking the dishes and glassware resting upon it.
"If you don't shut your mouth, the next thing to come out of it will be your teeth," Rebekah snarled.
Caroline swallowed a chuckle as she actually watched Kol pause and thought she might actually see him gulp nervously at his sister's threat. The entire altercation made Caroline envision the two as young children, Kol flat on the ground on his stomach, his sister sitting astride him and burying his face in the dirt with tiny fistfuls of his hair, the remnants of her broken doll beside them.
"I'll have you both know I paid double to have the nanny take the twins and the baby out so that we could have a nice, quiet adult meal together. I'm thinking I paid Lucy to take out the wrong group of children. Honestly you're worse than my children, and that's saying something considering the way the twins turned your brother's favorite dress shirt into their entry for Project Runway..."
"I don't need reminders about how Isobel and Nadia cut into my favorite Hugo Boss shirt, Katerina," Elijah grumbled, visibly prickly at the reminder of his savaged wardrobe.
"P lease, like you miss any of those shirts I've ruined by ripping them off of you.. ." Katherine replied nonchalantly, reaching for the dish near her and adding more string beans to her plate.
"Honestly, please keep the details of your sexual exploits to a minimum, Katherine," Klaus grumbled. "At least till I've finished eating."
"Oh, that's rich, coming from the guy carrying on a secret relationship right under his family's nose," Katherine sneered, petting her cat Pearl like an evil villain after the fluffy white feline had jumped up into her mistress's lap.
"Yes, brother," Kol chirped, fending off his younger sister's attacks until she finally swiped her phone back. "'People in glass houses' and all that proverbial wisdom..."
"Yes, Nik," Rebekah said, catching her breath and plopping down back in her seat. She glanced at her immature brother and burying her cell in the safety of her bosom, a place she knew Kol would never dare infiltrate, and turned back to the blonde. Caroline was flushed, unable to hide her embarrassment from manifesting as bright red patches on her cheeks, and did her best to become invisible under the scrutinizing gaze of four audacious in-laws. "How did you come by a girl who could actually stand your narcissistic, forsaking ass long enough to enter into the semblance of a relationship with you?"
"The same way you seem to catch each of the calamitous, ruinous men you enter into, as you called it, 'a semblance of a relationship with.'" Klaus fired back, letting his fork drop to his plate with a clank.
"Klaus," Caroline said quietly, her gaze flicking to his, and once his eyes were on hers, she added, "that was uncalled for."
"She started it," Klaus growled, "as she always does."
"Doesn't matter. You should know better," Caroline said, glancing at Rebekah and taking in the shrouded hurt on the youngest Mikaelson's face. She knew the pain of losing someone you loved, be it for whatever reason, and despite her scrutinizing and intrusiveness, she didn't deserve Klaus's derision with the wounds of her break up still fresh. "You should apologize."
Klaus gazed at Caroline for a moment before turning away and rolling his eyes with a scoff. He breathed out angrily, and Caroline cleared her throat innocently before reaching for her glass of wine and sipping it silently. They didn't look at the other again, but the Mikaelsons watched as their brother clenched his fists and unclenched them before apologizing as he released his breath.
"I'm sorry, Rebekah," he murmured, staring at the food between them . "I shouldn't have said that. I know how you felt about Alexander." His gaze slid up to his sister, who was watching him warily, her eyes shiny as she held back tears. "I'm sorry for the cheap shot." His gaze went back to his food quickly and he cleared his throat and resumed eating.
Caroline glanced around at the other Mikaelsons before her eyes landed on Rebekah, who seemed unsure as to how to accept her brother's apology. It seemed, at least to Caroline, as if she was unused to hearing sincerity and apologies from her brother, but she was nonetheless grateful as a small smile played on the corners of her lips. Her smile grew as her eyes fell on Caroline, and it seemed that while the Mikaelson to her left seemed unable to voice his apologies, his sister was unable to voice her thanks. Her eyes said it all, however, and Caroline gave Rebekah a small smile and nod and returned to her food.
"Well, well, well. Isn't this nice?" Kol's voice suddenly broke the silence that had come over the normally clamorous bunch. "Looks like you've got the touching, loving family meal you were hoping for, Kitty Kat," he added, dodging a flying string bean that came from Katherine's direction. "Too bad Finn isn't here to share in this tender, poignant moment..."
"Kol," Elijah and Rebekah's voices commanded his silence firmly.
"Who's Finn?" Caroline asked hesitantly, glancing around at the group before her gaze landed on Klaus, who was sitting beside her silently. His eyes boring into the bowl of vegetables in front of him and his hand clenching the fork as if he was ready to stab his brother with it. There was a silence around the table as all eyes, save for Klaus's, landed on the eldest Mikaelson, and Elijah cleared his throat, ready to break the uncomfortable silence.
All heads turned to Klaus as he suddenly replied, "He's our eldest brother. The last time I saw him was over a decade ago and he told us that we were all dead to him, just as our mother, father and Henrik really were..." They glanced around at each other before looking back at Caroline to gauge her reaction to Klaus's confession. Caroline swallowed nervously, the same look of anger on his face as the day he punched the kitchen wall, but she still reached a hand out towards Klaus. Before it reached his, Klaus yanked it away and stood abruptly. "I need a smoke," Klaus muttered darkly, practically knocking over his chair as he stalked out to Katherine and Elijah's lavish patio, slamming the door behind him so hard the cabinets of the kitchen shook.
"Seriously, Kol?" Katherine immediately said with disdain, the moment the door was closed and Rebekah punched her brother's arm. Kol grimaced and clutched his arm, the giant costume ring on Rebekah's hand no doubt imprinted in his flesh.
"What the hell is your problem, Kol?! And why the hell would you bring Finn up in front of Caroline ?" Rebekah added, staring at her brother while gesturing to the aforementioned, uncomfortable looking blonde.
"Excuse me for assuming that our brother was honest with his girlfriend about our family's sordid past," Kol said defensively, pushing his chair out and stomping over to the liquor cabinet, snatching a bottle of whiskey. He paused and turned back towards the group still seated at the dining room table, his gaze zeroed in on the blonde awkward sitting beside the chair his brother had just vacated. "You've got a lot to learn about your boyfriend, Barbie. Godspeed to you," Kol said, turning and continuing to his destination to the couch in front of the flatscreen in the living room.
The table sighed all in their own time, Elijah rubbing his temples as Rebekah tossed her napkin on her plate and Katherine picked at her hair aimlessly.
"Well I guess dinner's over," Rebekah said, turning her attention towards her cellphone and towards undoing all the damage her brother had done electronically.
"Excuse me while I go and speak to him," Elijah said, pushing out his chair and preparing to stand, but Katherine's hand on his arm stopped him.
"No, let me..." she murmured, pushing out her own chair and standing.
"You're sure?" Elijah asked, and his wife smiled at him adoringly and took his chin in her perfectly manicured hand, her 4.5 carat engagement ring sparkling in the light, and lowered her lips to his.
She gave him a soft peck, and when she separated, she gazed in his face and murmured, "Positive." She straightened and turned on her stiletto heel and strode towards the patio. She gripped the handle and soon joined her brother-in-law, but not before she had thrown a wooden spoon in the direction of her asinine brother-in-law's direction. She smiled triumphantly as she heard Kol's yelp of pain and cursing and closed the door carefully behind her.
Elijah turned his attention back towards the table, and after glancing at his younger sister and sighing as she remained glued to her cell and unphased, he turned to Caroline and smile apologetically.
"I'm very sorry, Caroline. I wish that my family's dysfunction hadn't ruined both our dinner and your first impression of us."
"Please," Caroline shook her head in an attempt to shake off the eldest Mikaelson's concern, "I'm an only child and a child of divorce and had two gay dads; dysfunctio n, I get..."
Elijah chuckled at Caroline's polite attempt at disregarding his family's quick dissention and stood, shrugging off his suit jacket and folding it and carefully draping it over the back of his chair. "You're very kind... And as selfish and self-serving as it is for me to admit, 'kind' is exactly what my brother needs..." He added as he rolled up his sleeves and began gathering the dishes from his abandoned dinner party. Caroline glanced at him in surprise, but stood and assisted him in his tasking, following him to the kitchen with plates in hand.
As much as Caroline wanted to ask Elijah how he expected her to give Klaus 'what he needed,' despite the look he gave her that made her think he knew more than he was letting on, she couldn't help the gnawing curiosity after learning a new Mikaelson name that Klaus seemed adamant to forget.
"Klaus said that 'we're all dead to Finn,' not just himself. What happened between you all to cause a single sibling to disown the rest of his surviving family?"
Elijah sighed as he placed the dishes into the sink, turning the sink on and taking the dishes out of Caroline's hands.
"The answer to your question is neither an easy nor a short one, and though it's a history I'm intimately aware of, I'm not entirely sure Niklaus would like you to know... Or for that matter, would like me to be the one to disclose the tale..." He gently rinsed the dishes off before opening the dishwasher and loading them, and Caroline quickly stepped to the side, taking his spot at the sink, electing to rinse the dishes rather than take them to place them in the machine. She figured Elijah was one of those meticulous people that arranged their dishwasher a specific way , and she didn't miss the appreciative and knowing smirk the dark-haired man gave her before he held out his hand and waited for her to pass him the next rinsed dish.
"You seriously think that Klaus will tell me?" Caroline asked, keeping her gaze on Elijah as much as she could, and she was intrigued by the way he smirked when he sighed.
"I like to think I know my brother better than anyone else," Elijah confessed, "however Niklaus is one of the most complicated, complex beings I have ever known and you will probably ever know. I cannot pretend to have the power to predict his every move, yet I can see in the short time you have known him, you've changed him, Caroline. And it is a change he desperately needed, so you have my thanks."
"You're welcome," Caroline murmured, handing him the last rinsed dish, and taking the hand towel Elijah offered her to dry her hands.
"From what I know of him and what I've seen of him now, I can only imagine that Klaus will tell you in his own time, which for his sake and yours, I hope is sooner rather than later. Just as you have been an influence on my impulsive, hot-headed brother, I would be honored to have that same impact on the rest of my family. We could all use a change around here..."
"Couldn't have said it better myself, 'Lijah," Rebekah added, entering from the dining room to pour herself a scotch and crossing to sit at one of the tall chairs at the kitchen's island. "While we certainly weren't at our best, this wasn't at our worst... It'd be nice to have a single family dinner that doesn't devolve into a real life soap opera..."
"Says the soapiest drama queen herself!" Kol's voice echoed from the living room, and Rebekah grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be a pepper grinder, and threw it in Kol's direction. Missing it's intended target, clattering against the wall and nearly falling into the fireplace, Kol sniggered, "Nice pitch, Beks. Gotta work on your form there... I could give you some tips about throwing overhanded, but I know no matter what, you'll still throw like a girl..."
Elijah let out a deep sigh as his youngest siblings began their verbal and physical quarreling, and Caroline chuckled, crossing to pour the man a scotch and retrieving Rebekah's abandoned one for herself.
"To family," Caroline said, raising Rebekah's glass and Elijah smiled and clinked his glass to hers.
"To family," he agreed, and they both threw back their drinks in one g ulp.