Chapter 10: Is It Too Late?
Sonny Corinthos wasn't sure what to think as he drove across town. Terror gripped him as he gripped the steering wheel in his SUV. He wanted to believe she would be alright. He had to believe she would be alright. Their daughters needed her, he needed her. There was still so much more he needed to say.
The truth was that he loved her. He always would, even if she couldn't reciprocate his feelings. For a split-second Sonny wondered if couldn't was actually wouldn't and if wouldn't could be negotiable. Maybe that wasn't a fantasy. He could dream he supposed.
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Kristina put another bite of lasagna in her mouth and decided maybe it was only her favorite food if her father made it and was eating it with her. It didn't taste quite as good if he wasn't sitting across the table.
"Ok, enough patting the lasagna with the spoon. It's really cute, Brookie used to do that too but it isn't getting any food into your tummy," her Aunt Lois told her little sister. Then she reached out, took the spoon from Molly's grasp, scooped up a bite of lasagna and passed it back to her.
"Why do you call her Brookie? No one else does." Kristina said.
"It's just a nickname, it's sort of like your mom calls you Krissy," Lois said.
"Did Daddy Ned call her Brookie before?" Kristina asked.
"No, I don't think so."
"Why not?" Kristina asked.
"It just wasn't a name he ever used," Aunt Lois said.
Kristina had never realized that names could be so complicated until her mother had told her she couldn't call Ned daddy anymore because he wasn't her father, not really. She had started to call him Daddy Ned then because it sounded almost as good. Kristina had been able to tell that her mother hadn't really liked that but she hadn't been able to explain why she could call Ric, Daddy Ric since he was married to her but not call Ned, Daddy Ned after all he had been married to her longer than Daddy Ric had been. Plus, Daddy Ned had never been scary and Daddy Ric had been scary at times.
March 24, 2005
Kristina pulled the door to the cabinet closed as she heard her mommy and Daddy Ric's voices come into the kitchen. She was practicing hiding in case the bad blonde lady came back. Her mommy had promised that the bad lady would never come back again but Kristina didn't quite believe that. So, she practiced hiding from her mommy and Daddy Ric so she would be ready in case the bad lady came back.
"We aren't going and that is final, Ric," her mother said.
"Michael was Kristina's brother. You didn't let her go to the funeral. She deserves a chance to say goodbye," Daddy Ric said.
"This isn't about Kristina and you know that, Richard. If you want to go to the park dedication and add to the happy Corinthos family photo opportunity then go right ahead. My daughter will not be joining you!" her mother said.
Kristina heard the clicks of her mother's heels as she stormed out of the room. She heard a thud and clatter as it sounded like Daddy Ric threw a glass at the wall. She wondered if that was what had happened but she was a little too frightened to poke her head out and find out. Sometimes she wondered why Daddy Ric had been friends with the bad lady and why it had been so important that she never tell her mommy. Daddy Ned had never made her keep secrets from her mommy. Most of the time she wished that her mommy had stayed married to Daddy Ned instead of marrying Daddy Ric.
"Ric!" Kristina heard her mother's voice. She sounded scared and as Kristina huddled in the cabinet she wondered if her mother was afraid of Daddy Ric sometimes too. She had never been afraid of Daddy Ned.
Kristina heard her mother's heels come back into the kitchen. "It's Kristina, she isn't in her bedroom! They've taken her! The Sandovals, they've taken her!"
Kristina was torn between calming her mother and not revealing her hiding spot. After all, when she played hide and seek with her cousins at Uncle Alan and Aunt Monica's house the rules were you never revealed your hiding place if you weren't found. Her cousin Riley was the best at the game. He could practically vanish into thin air.
"Baby, breathe. I'm sure Kristina is around her somewhere, she probably just didn't hear you calling her. Let's go back and look upstairs," Daddy Ric said.
Kristina counted to twenty after she could no longer hear their voices and then she slowly opened the cabinet and slipped out. She would be stealth, whatever that meant. She had heard her cousin Riley say he was and it sounded good. She tiptoed around the broken glass, out of the kitchen, and into the large open living room. She curled up on the couch and pulled the magic afghan down from the back of it. Her grandma had knit the afghan for her and Kristina liked to pretend that when she wrapped up in it that Daddy Ned was still with her. As she remembered one of the songs daddy Ned used to sing she drifted off to sleep.
Kristina supposed she should feel badly for scaring her mother like that. She hadn't really meant to scare her. She had just been practicing hiding and then she needed Daddy Ned. She had only meant to curl up under the magic afghan for a little while she hadn't meant to fall asleep. She did feel badly that she scared her mother then, or she did most of the time when she remembered that night.
Other times she was still mad at her mother for making Daddy Ned go away. She had overheard Emily and her Grandma talking about it and saying that Ned did love her. That had made her so happy but her mom was always making excuses for why she couldn't spend time with Daddy Ned. Sort of like she and Daddy Ric had done with her real daddy. Kristina didn't want to be mad at her mother but sometimes it was hard not to be. She had wanted to blame Daddy Ric for making Daddy Ned go away. It really was kind of his fault. Her mother had explained that you could only be married to one person at a time so she couldn't be married to Ned anymore if she was married to Ric. But even after Ric went away because he was bad, her mother still didn't let her see Daddy Ned. He still loved her though. Kristina was sure of that but it was still nice to hear it sometimes.
December 4, 2006
Kristina shrugged off her coat as they sat down in the waiting room but pushed her hands back into her mittens on a string. Her Grandma had made them that way so she wouldn't lose them. She had made a matching pair for Molly too. She had also let her pick out the yarn. They had gone to a really cool store in Port Charles Crossings that had more yarn than Kristina had ever seen. They had every color imaginable, even some Kristina had never imagined before.
"Kristina, sweetie, please, you have to talk to Dr. Baldwin otherwise she can't help you," her mother said as they waited.
Her mother sounded stressed and sad. She had sounded that way a lot since the summer. Well really since the night that her mother had met them at the launch with Sam's friend Jason. They had gone to her Grandpa Mike's restaurant and had dinner with her daddy, Michael, Morgan, and her daddy's friend Brenda, but not Sam. That night they had gone back to Wyndamere, where they had stayed for a few days until her mom's friend from work, Mr. Baldwin, helped them move into the town home they lived in. Her mother had explained that she and Daddy Ric were getting a divorce. She had looked sad so Kristina had tried to cheer her up and said that she really liked Daddy Ned better.
Her mother had explained she wasn't marrying Daddy Ned again. Kristina had just wanted to help so she had suggested that her mom could marry her father. Her mother had laughed at that suggestion and reminded her father was married to Carly.
That hadn't made sense to Kristina since Michael had said that Carly was on a cruise with Jax when they had gone to dinner. Her mother had already explained that they couldn't go on a trip with Daddy Ned since she was married to Ric. So why could Carly go on a trip with Jax if she was married to her dad? She hadn't asked her mother because she had looked more stressed then and Molly had started to cry.
Kristina had wanted to make her mother happier then. She still did but she didn't want to talk to Dr. Baldwin. She supposed she was nice, she was her cousin Nicole's Grandma. Last time she had let her draw pictures and hadn't made her talk but her mother expected words. Didn't she understand that Kristina didn't have words?
She saw Dr. Baldwin come out of her office towards them. Dr. Baldwin smiled. Kristina tried to force a smile but she couldn't and before she knew it she was running out the door. She ran down the corridor the way she wished she had been able to the night she had walked into the warehouse looking for the stray puppy. She kept running until she hit something, well, someone. Crying she looked up into familiar eyes….Daddy Ned.
"Kristina, sweetheart, what is wrong?" Daddy Ned asked.
She didn't answer him. She couldn't.
He hesitated for another moment and then he picked her up. She buried her head in his chest feeling almost safe.
"Kristina, can you tell me what happened? It's ok, sweetheart, maybe I can help," Daddy Ned whispered as he carried her down the corridor.
Kristina really tried to explain but words didn't come out. She felt Daddy Ned wrap an arm around her more securely.
"I hope someday you will understand that all of the choices I have made in your life have been because I love you," Daddy Ned whispered.
Kristina caught a shaky breath. Cousin Emily had been right.
"Kristina!" she heard her mother's more frantic panicked voice. She just buried her face deeper in Daddy Ned's chest and clung to him.
Ned kept walking. "Alexis, what happened?" he asked.
"I think she just got scared. She ran out of Dr. Baldwin's office, maybe I put too much pressure on her."
"What do you mean?"
"Kristina, sweetie, it's ok you don't have to say anything to Dr. Baldwin if you don't want to. We don't even have to go back today. We can go home," her mother promised.
Going home was tempting but Kristina found herself burying her face deeper in Daddy Ned's chest. It was one of those things that just sort of happened sort of like an accident except it wasn't really. She hadn't planned it though. She had given up on planning to see Daddy Ned because that never worked. But if she was lucky enough to bump into him and she went to him he wouldn't turn her away. So, she sometimes saw him a few times a year. It wasn't the same but she tried to pretend it was. When her mom wasn't home, she wrapped herself up in her magic afghan and listened to one of his CDs and pretended that he was there singing to her. She pretended a lot.
"I need my magic afghan!" Kristina said.
"After you finish your dinner we can go across the hall to your dad's place,"Aunt Lois said.
"No, I forgot and left it at home but I need it! I need it!"
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Lois understood that all kids had transitional objects. She remembered Brooke's attachment to Paddington. She didn't think she has still been as attached to him by the time she was Kristina's age but she still slept with him if possible. Or Lois thought she did, it had been months since she had tucked her daughter into bed.
"I really need it!" Kristina repeated.
"I'll call your dad and see if he can bring it home when he picks up your inhaler," Lois said. She presumed if Sonny was picking up Kristina's inhaler he was probably going to Alexis's home. The whole situation still struck her as odd but she trusted him so she would ask questions later.
"But I need it now!" Kristina whined.
Lois had been about to suggest to Kristina that she would survive finishing her dinner without her precious afghan but the whines turned into sobs. Kristina seemed to have both the best parts, and, well, also the most problematic parts, of both of her parents so Lois had seen quite a few of her little tantrums but that wasn't what she was seeing. She knew that.
Lois got up from the table and went around to stand beside Kristina's chair. "Do you need your magic afghan or do you need your grandmother?" Lois asked as a cold chill ran down her spine. She couldn't believe that she was contemplating a trip to her former mother in law's home. She had avoided doing that while she and Ned were married. She had absolutely refused to do that after they divorced. Yet, that was probably just another one of her major mistakes where her daughter was concerned.
Kristina caught her breath and sniffled. "Both," she said.
"Well, do you think you can finish your dinner while I call your father and then, if he won't be right home with your inhaler and magic afghan, I guess we can go visit your grandmother."
Kristina took a shaky breath and looked up at her with wide eyes. "Really?"
"Yes," Lois said as she silently prayed that Sonny was on his way home.
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Sonny Corinthos flicked open his phone as he stepped through the sliding doors of the Emergency Department and PCGH. "Yeah."
"Where are you?" Lois asked as a woman frowned at him and pointed at the sign that indicated cell phones weren't allowed.
"It's a long story," Sonny said as the woman glared more intently. He tossed up his hands in defeat, turned, and went back out the sliding doors.
"Well, give me the short version, Corinthos, because your daughter is having a must have my magic afghan crisis and apparently, she forgot that as well."
"Her what? Her magic afghan?" Sonny asked. Was that like some kind of magic carpet.
"Tracy knits. She started when I was pregnant with Brooke, I guess. I'm sure Kristina has a few afghans by now. I think Brooke got one every year. You don't know how hard it was to explain why these things just kept showing up. I used to bury them at the bottom of that cedar chest."
Sonny vaguely remembered a blanket Kristina had that looked like it was handmade, maybe that was the magic afghan. "So, you kept them all?" he asked.
"Yeah, this is messed up but I kept everything. Well I guess really the messed-up part was that I didn't just give it all to her at the time. Somehow, I just couldn't because I couldn't deal with the questions and as she got older; she got more curious and it just got harder. Sometimes I'd just give things to her without saying anything. Other things I packed away thinking I'd have more strength next month or next year," Lois admitted.
"But it just got harder?"
"Basically, so can you bring her afghan home when you come?"
"Is this thing orange?"
"If it's the thing she was all wrapped up in when she was upset last winter, I think I'd call it apricot," Lois said.
Sonny shook his head. Aren't they the same thing?
"So, are you going to be home soon?" Lois asked.
"I don't know," Sonny said as his need to get to Alexis was reignited. Carly's brother had assured him that she would be ok but honestly, he wasn't sure he really trusted the guy. He had never trusted his father, but if he was honest Sonny thought he regretted that. He heard Lois sigh.
"Well, in that case I guess I'm doomed. Kristina decided that she really needs her grandmother as much as she needs her afghan so I sort of told her I'd take her if you weren't coming right home."
"You what?" Sonny asked. He still didn't like the idea of Kristina calling Judge Quartermaine-Grabler, Grandma. He had tried to explain to Alexis that it was probably just confusing for her and Alexis had said something about how it wasn't like either of them wanted her calling Helena grandmother. He'd give Alexis that but he still thought there were other options, like, well, Gloria Cerullo.
"She was just sobbing, Sonny. It calmed her down but I was hoping you'd be home and then maybe you and her magic afghan would pacify her."
"So you're really going to take her to the Grablers'?"
"I don't lie, and I keep promises, do I have a choice? I guess I should be careful what I promise. I was with Brooke. But maybe I never promised enough."
Sonny heard the pain in her voice. He wasn't sure what to say and his concerns for Alexis came back to the forefront of his consciousness but he couldn't just ignore it either. "You're a good mother, I'm never going to believe anything different. Brooke is just confused now but she still needs you," he said as an ambulance whirred by towards the emergency entrance.
"Are you at the hospital?" Lois asked.
"Umm," Sonny hesitated.
"What happened to Brenda?"
"Nothing, as far as I know, she's probably having some candlelight dinner with Cruz as we speak."
"Hmm, so if Brenda is fine, then what is it?" Lois asked.
"Alexis passed out at work, I don't know anything. Supposedly it's no big deal but I think Kyle just said that so I wouldn't come down here."
"Apparently he didn't realize being vague is exactly the way to get you to barge right into the situation," Lois said.
"I only barge into situations of people I care about."
"So, I've heard, so I guess we'll have to talk about that later."
"Say hi, to Judge Grabler for me," Sonny said.
Lois groaned. "The things I do for your daughter."
Sonny had to admit he wasn't sure he would have taken Brooke to the Grablers. Maybe he would have, maybe. "I love you, and you're a good mother," he said.
"Yeah, well, umm call me when you find something out ok?"
"Sure, thanks," Sonny said then he closed his phone and started back into the emergency department.
*Don't worry the next chapter is almost completely Sexis. This started as just a lead in to that but I decided that Kristina's thoughts (and Lois & Sonny's conversation) needed to stay. Kristina is an often very confused little girl as a result of the choices that the adults in her life have made. That isn't really the story but the more I write this I realize it has to be a part of the story, because (as Lois alluded in this chapter) I see Kristina as inheriting the best pieces of both of her parents and unfortunately also probably inheriting the potential to have their same struggles. Hopefully she will become more grounded and secure in their love and the latter won't come to pass.*