Disclaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. I own nothing.
Elliot arrived at the diner where he was scheduled to meet Kathy. He walked through the door, and saw her sitting at a booth in the back. A server was standing by table, presumably taking her drink order. What shocked him is what he saw when that person stepped out of the way.
Sitting in a high chair next to the table, was Eli. Excited beyond words that his son was also here, he hurried to reach where they were sitting. When he got there, he bent to place a kiss on top of the boy's head. Eli, upon seeing his Daddy, clapped his hands on the tray of his chair happily.
Sliding into the booth, he greeted Kathy much more cautiously. Their relationship of late had been strained, and that was putting it mildly. The server came back to the table, placing a cup of coffee down in front of Kathy, and asked Elliot what he would like to drink. He, too, ordered coffee. She also asked if they would like to place an order for food. They exchanged a brief glance, then nodded. Even if they weren't particularly hungry, Eli would need to eat something. Taking a quick look at the menu, they put in an order – pancakes for Eli, Kathy selected an omelet, and Elliot went with two eggs, bacon, and toast.
After they were alone once again, Kathy took a sip of her coffee and put the cup back down again. If Elliot had to guess, he would say she was nervous.
"I guess you're wondering why I asked you to meet me today" she began.
He said nothing, but nodded in response. She looked as though she had something on her mind, and he didn't want to interrupt.
"First off, I want to apologize for the way I've been lately. I've been treating you unfairly, and I'm sorry for that."
He must have had a shocked expression on his face, for she went on to explain in great detail about her most recent behaviors. She wasn't attempting to validate or justify them. When she mentioned about how she had screamed at him in the hospital, and how she had slapped him, he couldn't help but interrupt.
"Wait a minute – you hit me?"
"Are you telling me you don't remember that?" she questioned.
"Most of that day is a blur. What I do remember of it, I wish I could forget."
Kathy took in his words. It dawned on her that he was still traumatized by whatever had happened that day in the precinct. She couldn't get Dickie to talk about it much, either. She only was going by the reports she had overheard while in the hospital that day. A day when she was so upset, she had let her emotions fuel her actions. So she really hadn't been paying much attention to what was being said.
"Elliot. What really happened that day? I need to know."
There was no accusation in her voice, only concern.
With a shaky breath, he began to tell the tale. From the beginning. The first thing he wanted to point out was that as soon as Stevens had grabbed Dickie, he had immediately offered to trade places with him.
"You have to know that, Kathy. I'd never deliberately do anything to cause one of our children harm."
She reached across the table and placed her hand on his.
"I know that, Elliot. And I'm sorry I ever accused you otherwise. Go on."
He picked up where he had left off. He felt himself becoming emotional when he got to the part where Stevens had ordered him to place his gun over Olivia's heart. How she had placed her hands on his, and moved it there herself. What she had communicated to him both with and without words, granting blanket consent for whatever was necessary.
He told of how he was made to hit Olivia, to bind her hands behind her back. How after being hit again, she told him to take the suspect down, even if it meant she would go down with him. Whatever meant that Dickie would get out safe. He had just finished telling of the role their son had to play by cutting her, and how Olivia had gotten him to safety, with a knife at her throat no less, when Kathy spoke up.
"My God. She really is a saint, isn't she?"
Unlike the last time she had referred to Olivia in this context, there was no hint of malice in her voice whatsoever.
"She is."
Elliot agreed. He was choked up, as he always was when he spoke of or thought about that day. As it dawned on him yet again, he added
"She really was willing to die, if it meant that our son would escape unharmed."
Kathy took in all she was saying, and recalled the horrible words she had spat in his direction that fateful day. How he should have shot Olivia on the spot, to free Dickie. She felt ill for even thinking how something so spiteful could have ever come out of her mouth. Not wanting to call attention to her actions, but knowing she needed to, she prompted the conversation further.
"And this man – Stevens you say? He really made it so that it was you who shot Olivia?"
Choking back a sob at the memory, Elliot nodded.
"Yes. As soon as I fired, he pulled her up to use her body as a shield. I hadn't anticipated he would react that fast."
Trying to draw him out of the memory, Kathy spoke up then. She had to say this one final piece, then she would change the subject.
"Elliot, I'm sorry for what I said in the hospital. You may not remember, but I do. I was being spiteful and vengeful, and you didn't deserve that. Neither did Olivia."
Elliot nodded. It wasn't that he outright had forgiven her, she knew that would take time. But she hoped he would accept her apology, and they could move forward.
The heavy conversation they were having was broken up by the arrival of their meals. Kathy busied herself by cutting up Eli's pancakes for him, then placed the plate on the tray of the boy's high chair. Pulling a toddler safe fork out of her purse, she gave it to him to use. Eli, who had been playing quietly with some toy cars while his parents were talking, began to eat right away.
The two adults were a little slower at starting their meals, but they too, gradually started to eat. After taking a few bites, Kathy set down her fork. She took a sip of her coffee, then began to speak.
"Elliot, about this weekend -"
This time, Elliot didn't hesitate to interrupt. He wanted to make himself heard.
"Kathy, I don't know what I did to make you so angry at me, but please reconsider. Please let me have my son."
"Elliot -"
"That boy, all my children, they are everything to me. You know that."
Elliot felt his emotions running away from him, and took a deep breath in an attempt to reign them in.
"Elliot. Stop."
Kathy's voice was commanding, but there was a gentleness to it.
"I admit, I was angry at you because our marriage failed. I wanted to punish you."
She took in a mouthful of food, chewed thoughtfully, then swallowed.
"I hadn't even realized just how much I was punishing you until yesterday, when you sent Olivia to talk to me. I do wish you'd come to talk to me yourself, though."
Elliot stopped midway to his mouth with a forkful of food. His expression told her how stunned he was by her words. Setting his fork back on his plate, he questioned her.
"Wait a minute. You're telling me that Olivia came to talk to you yesterday? And you think I sent her?"
Kathy's next words were spoken more to herself, but Elliot heard her anyway.
"She was telling the truth, then. You didn't know she was there."
Seeing the questions in his eyes now, Kathy began to explain what had happened the previous day. She realized that Olivia must not have ever planned to tell him what she had done. As she told Elliot how Olivia had arrived at the house, and the way she hadn't really made her feel welcome, Elliot had a reproachful look in his eye.
Kathy also went on to say how Olivia basically had given her a lecture. Told her point blank to stop using the children as leverage. That no matter what was going on between the two adults, they would always be tied together as parents.
Elliot sat stunned, listening to what was being told. He had been so upset yesterday over not being allowed to see Eli this weekend, that it had never once occurred to him to ask Olivia where she had gone. Never in a million years would he have thought that she would have gone to talk to Kathy on his behalf.
Having been lost in his thoughts, he realized that Kathy was still speaking. He focused his attention on her once again.
"You can see Eli this weekend Elliot. In fact, I brought his things with me, you can take him with you when we leave and keep him an extra day."
Elliot was so relieved and happy to hear this news, he almost missed what Kathy said next.
"And like I told Olivia, she doesn't have to leave her apartment. I don't mind if she's around my – I mean, our – son."
He must have looked confused by that, because Kathy went on to elaborate. She said that during their conversation yesterday, Olivia had offered to remove herself from the situation if that was what was giving Kathy reservations about allowing Eli to come and visit his father.
Once again, Elliot found himself feeling humbled by just how far Olivia was willing to go for him and his family. She had offered to leave her own home, just to allow him a place to be with his son.
"Elliot?"
At hearing his name being spoken, he focused his attention once more on the woman who he was once married to.
"Tell me the truth. How long have you and Olivia been together? You owe me that much."
The tone of her voice had changed, and he could hear a hint of anger and bitterness creeping back in. Her facial features showed the same air of suspicion that she wore so often when she had moments of doubt during their marriage. How could he make her believe that nothing untoward had ever gone on between himself and his partner, especially now that things were starting to move forward in that direction?
He decided he would go with the simple truth. Taking a sip of his now cooling coffee, he set the cup back down, and spoke the words he never thought he'd tell her.
"It's not what you think, Kathy. Olivia and I were only ever partners."
Kathy didn't miss the use of the word 'were' in his sentence.
"And now?"
She asked the question, but the tone in her voice gave away her fear at knowing the answer.
"I only realized there was something more there during her coma. We gradually got closer as she was healing."
He took a breath, then decided to go for broke.
"We shared our first kiss yesterday."
Kathy was stunned. This wasn't what she was expecting to hear, at all. She had thought Elliot would either deny everything, or admit that he and Olivia had been together for some time. To find that developments of a relationship between them were only just recent, and that all of her suspicions were unfounded, gave her a mix of emotions.
She was thrown for yet another loop when Elliot asked her a question.
"And what about you Kathy? How long have you and he been together?"
Kathy paled, and tried to formulate a response.
"What are you talking about, I'm not seeing any-"
"I saw you, at the courthouse. And I heard him, yesterday, over the phone when you called."
Kathy's cheeks flushed, and she dropped her gaze. She was given a momentary reprieve from answering when Eli cried out from his chair next to them.
"All done!"
They both looked over at their son, who had syrup on his cheeks and chin. Unable to help themselves, they shared a chuckle at the sight. Taking a few baby wipes out of her purse, Kathy went about cleaning the toddler up, wiping his face and hands.
When he was clean, she gave him back his beloved toy cars he had been playing with prior to their meal arriving, and he went back to running them over the tray of his high chair. Making noises to simulate engine noises, he continued to amuse himself.
Turning her attention back to their conversation, Kathy spoke quietly. She explained that the man she was with was someone she had met at work, and that nothing had happened between them until after she and Elliot were legally separated.
"Does he make you happy?"
Elliot asked Kathy, his eyes searching her face for answers.
Kathy initially bristled at the question, then realized there was no ill intentions behind it. He was being genuine.
"I don't know. We're still figuring things out. But I think he could, yes."
"Good. You deserve happiness."
Hearing those words from Elliot allowed her to admit to herself how selfish she had been. She made a promise to him that she would try harder not to let her anger get in the way of his seeing the children. She still struggled internally with the fact that he was moving on with Olivia, but knew that was something she would have to deal with on her own. That was related to her own insecurities. She couldn't allow herself to have a problem with the woman being around her children, especially after she very nearly died trying to protect one of them.
Kathy focused her attention back on what Elliot was saying, almost having missed it.
"No matter what, we'll always be tied together because of our children. We need to try and get along for them."
Kathy agreed with him.
Then, sensing that Eli was getting restless, they decided it was time to go. Elliot paid the bill while Kathy gathered up Eli and his things. They walked out to where they were parked, and were surprised to realize they had parked right next to one another. That made the transfer of Eli's things to Elliot's car much easier.
After everything was switched over, Kathy gave Eli a kiss goodbye. She told Elliot to drop him off at whatever time was convenient for him on Sunday. The two then shared a somewhat awkward hug, then went their separate ways. Kathy got in her car and drove back toward Queens. Elliot, after watching her go, got in his car with Eli, and turned back in the direction of Olivia's. Looking at his son in the rear view mirror, he wondered how he could ever thank her for this. Once again, he was indebted to her. As he drove, he began to formulate a plan that would help him show his thanks rather than just say it.
Olivia was sitting on the sofa reading when she heard the sound of keys in the lock. Setting her book down on the coffee table, she rose from her seat and went to meet Elliot at the door. She was pleasantly surprised to find that he wasn't alone.
With items slung over both shoulders, Elliot carried his son in his arms. Eli, upon seeing Olivia, called out to her.
"Livia!"
He reached his arms out to be held. Olivia went over to the sofa and sat back down, so she could take the boy in her lap. Once seated, Eli wrapped his arms around her neck. She held the toddler close, but shared a look with Elliot. He met her gaze, and the look he gave her in return said he would explain everything later when they were alone. Instead of going into detail then, he did ask her something else.
"Are you two good if I leave you alone for a few minutes? There are still a couple things I need to grab from the car."
The look Olivia gave Elliot bordered on exasperated. As though she couldn't believe he even had to ask. Then, to cement the deal, Eli piped up with his own opinion.
"Bye-bye Daddy. I hug Livia now."
The two adults chuckled at Eli's comment. But then Olivia added to it.
"Yeah Daddy. We're fine. Go."
Shaking his head, Elliot turned to get what he had left behind.
Once the door had closed behind him, Olivia focused her attention on the boy in her arms. She tickled his sides, causing him to giggle. She then listened while he told her all about playing with cars and eating pancakes for breakfast.
Eli was still babbling to Olivia when Elliot came through the door again, pushing his stroller. He had the portable crib slung over his shoulder.
He was just about to head into the bedroom to set up the portable crib when his phone rang. He answered the call, seeing that Dickie was on the other line. He was immediately floored by the question his son was asking.
"You want to what? Yes, I'd love to spend the weekend with you, but that's something you'd have to ask Olivia."
Olivia, suddenly realizing what their conversation must be about, wondered what she would say to Elliot. She hadn't told him about her visit to Kathy yesterday, and she didn't know what was said this morning. Thankfully, though, the teen on the phone played along as though he hadn't seen her the day before.
"Hold on, let me put you on speaker." she heard Elliot say.
He pulled the phone away from his ear, and pressed a button.
"Go ahead" Elliot spoke again.
"Olivia?" Dickie's voice rang out over the speaker.
"Hi Dickie, how are you?"
The teen's reply was immediate, and he got straight to the point.
"I'm good. I had asked Dad something, but he said I really needed to clear it with you. Can I come stay this weekend during Eli's visit?"
Olivia tried her best to act like she hadn't been asked this question already. She took a moment, as though considering her answer, then replied.
"That's fine with me. I've already told you, you are always welcome here. You just need to clear it with both of your parents."
The excitement in the teen's voice was apparent to both adults. He immediately directed the question back to his father yet again. Taking the phone back off of speaker, Elliot continued the conversation with his older son. Olivia could then tell that he was speaking briefly with Kathy as well. By the time the call ended, she didn't need Elliot to tell her that there would be an additional visitor staying for the upcoming weekend. She could read it in his face.
After he had ended his call, he stopped what he was doing, and joined her on the sofa. Taking Eli from her arms, he placed the small boy on the floor along with a few of his toys. Turning to the woman sitting next to him, he took both of her hands in his.
"Olivia, are you sure you don't mind them being here this weekend? It's going to make your apartment pretty crowded."
She squeezed his hands as they held hers, and answered him simply.
"They're your children."
Accepting her answer, he explained that Dickie would arrive tomorrow afternoon. He wouldn't get there until after school, as he was getting a ride with a friend whose parents were coming into the city for an event. Elliot would drive both boys back to their mother's together on Sunday.
Elliot hesitated, unsure how to bring up the next part – sleeping arrangements for the weekend. He was going to offer giving Dickie the spare room he had been sleeping in, and taking the couch for himself. But he didn't want to put Eli in with his older brother, only because he knew the two were on different sleep schedules. He was trying to figure out how to start when Olivia beat him to it.
"Why don't you put Eli's crib in my room for this weekend? Then Dickie can use the spare room to sleep in."
It was as if she had read his mind. Then, she went a step further.
"If everyone is comfortable with it, you can share my room while your children are here. If not, I'll take the sofa. You can stay in the room with your son."
He quickly shot down that idea. There was no way he was going to make her take the sofa while he slept in her bed alone. He insisted it would be fine that they share the room, so long as that was what she was comfortable with. He explained he could just as easily share with his older son.
"No, Elliot. Give the boy his privacy. But how do you know he won't be bothered by us sharing a room?"
Elliot took in Olivia's question, and then decided he should simply just tell her the truth. So he related to her how, the first night she was in the hospital after being shot, his son had asked again if they had ever slept together. How he had told Dickie the story of that eventful trip back from the conference with Fin and Munch. The two shared a laugh as the memory washed over them both yet again. Getting up from his spot on the sofa, Elliot moved to set up the portable crib in Olivia's room.
Elliot had just finished putting everything away, the last part having been moving Eli's stroller to the closet. He took a sippy cup Olivia had taken out of the bag from the coffee table, and went into the kitchen to get the boy some juice. Bringing the drink back into the living room, he passed it off to his son, brushing back his curls with his other hand. Eli was still playing contentedly on the carpet with his toys, so Elliot took a seat back on the sofa next to Olivia.
He noticed that she looked troubled. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her close.
"Liv, what is it? What's wrong?"
She shook her head, indicating she either didn't know, or wasn't sure.
Then, when she spoke, her voice was shaky.
"When you told me earlier what you told Dickie, about the time we shared the bed?"
She was speaking to him, but her words were a question. He didn't want to interrupt her, so he nodded, indicating she should continue.
"I can remember him telling me about that, but I'm certain he never did. Why would he?"
She shook her head, as though she was trying to clear her mind.
"Why do I remember that Elliot? And that's not all – I remember other things, too – things I shouldn't."
He pressed her to talk, but she refused.
"Not right now, Elliot. I'm not shutting you out. Later, I promise."
With a nod of her head, she indicated the toddler still sitting on her living room floor. He understood what she meant then. She didn't want to get into a serious discussion with Eli present. Maybe later on, when the boy was down for his post-lunch nap, he could get her to talk.
They were both drawn out of their collective thoughts when Eli piped up from their feet. The little boy asked in his own way if he could watch some cartoons. Elliot agreed, and using Olivia's streaming service, he found something suitable for his son to watch.
Getting up from his spot on the floor, Eli crawled up between the two adults. He sat down, and placed one hand on each of their legs. Satisfied with his new seating arrangement, his attention focused on the television.
Elliot and Olivia shared a smile, and then he wrapped his arm around her. Taking care not to squash the toddler sitting in the middle of them, Olivia leaned into his hold and rested her head on his shoulder.
They sat that way, the three of them, watching as Eli's show played out.
When the show had ended, it was nearing lunchtime. As the credits rolled, Eli stood up from his spot on the couch. Both adults held out their hands simultaneously to steady him. Elliot was about to admonish him for standing on the furniture when he leaned turned to Olivia, putting both of his tiny hands on her face.
"Livia? Cheese again? Please?"
At the boy's request, Olivia's heart melted. She shared a look with Elliot, and the expression on his face told her he was effected much the same way. Since Elliot was able to find his voice first, he made certain of what the boy had asked.
"You want grilled cheese for lunch, buddy?"
"Please."
Olivia gave the Eli a kiss on top of his head, and said she would start on lunch. While she was doing that, Elliot helped him clean up his toys that were still on the carpet and put them away. Then the two went into the bathroom so Eli could wash his hands. By the time they had finished, and made their way to the table, Olivia was serving up their lunch.
Like the last time, she cut Eli's sandwich into three rectangles. She placed it on a paper plate, and set it in front of the boy. For herself and Elliot, she had also heated up some soup to go with their sandwiches.
They all ate together, Elliot and Olivia listening while Eli led the conversation. He was talking about the movie they had all just watched.
After they had finished, they returned to sit on the living room sofa. Eli dug through the bag that was on the floor nearby, and came over to Olivia with a book. He then crawled up into her lap, and snuggled close. Olivia read him the story, and by the time she was finished, his eyes were drooping.
Elliot stood, and lifted the boy out of her lap. He carried him into her room, where the portable crib had been set up. By the time he lay him down, and covered him with a blanket, he was sound asleep. Then he headed back to the living room. Maybe now he could have that conversation with Olivia.
He found her in the kitchen, tidying up from lunch. She was just finishing putting the dishes in the dishwasher when he came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her.
"Do you feel up to talking now?"
He questioned her softly. She didn't speak, but he felt her nod against his chest. She pulled out of his embrace, but held onto his hand as he led the way back to where they had been sitting.
He sat down on the sofa first, and instead of sitting so she would be facing him, she sat with her back to him. Elliot was surprised by this, but followed her lead. He leaned back against the cushions, propping his legs up, allowing Olivia to sit between them. She leaned back against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her middle.
They were silent for a few moments, and then it was Olivia who began to speak.
"I remember being here, in the apartment, watching you."
Elliot absorbed her words, but said nothing. He made up his mind that he was going to just let her talk. She obviously needed to get this out.
"I also remember being cold, so cold. No matter what I did, I couldn't get warm."
She went on to describe her memories in vivid detail. It troubled Elliot to hear some of them, though he would never tell her that. From what he could gather, she must have had some sort of out-of-body experience during her coma. He held on to her tighter, frightened to think just how close he had come to losing her for good. Humbled to realize that even then, her first instinct was to watch over him.
Together, they came to realizations. Elliot recalled the time in the hospital when he had awoken at her bedside covered in a blanket. The times in her apartment when he was so certain he could feel her presence. He, too, shared this with Olivia.
By the time they were done with their conversation, both were on the verge of tears. Olivia turned in Elliot's arms so that she was more on her side, facing him. He held her close, and she rested her head against his chest, allowing him to hold her.
After a few moments, she lifted her head, and looked him in the eyes. They held each others gaze for a heartbeat or more, then their lips met.
This kiss was unlike any of the others they had previously shared. It was fueled by an intensity and emotion neither could describe. Their mouths opened to one another. But rather than continue the frenetic pace they had started, the exploration was tender. Their breath mingled as their tongues danced together.
Finally, out of a need for air, they separated. Both were breathing heavily. Rather than diving directly into yet another intense kiss, they simply chose to hold one another close.
They were still snuggling together twenty minutes later when Eli called out from the bedroom. Olivia sat up, allowing Elliot to move and go get his son. After he stood, he bent down to give her a brief kiss on the lips. A second was placed to her forehead in a tender gesture.
"Thank you for sharing that with me, Liv" he said simply. Then turned to go get his son.
When they got back to the living room, the three of them sat together on the floor. Eli got them all involved in playing with some of his toy cars. Soon though, he became uninterested in what Elliot and Olivia were doing, and continued to play by himself.
As they watched the boy, they talked. They were discussing the plans for tomorrow. After breakfast, they still planned on taking Eli to the zoo. They would stay for a few hours, have lunch out somewhere, then get back to the apartment in time for Eli to take his afternoon nap. That way, they would also be back for when Dickie arrived after school.
They were still sitting on the floor when Olivia's phone rang. Getting up, she made her way to the side table so she could answer. Judging by her end of the call, Elliot determined that she was talking with Dr. Huang. He must have been calling to schedule a psych evaluation so Olivia could return to work shortly. Personally, he had been avoiding the doctor's calls. He knew he couldn't do that much longer. A decision would have to be made.
Olivia spoke a few minutes longer, then ended her call. Elliot, realizing that she had said something to him, apologized and asked her to repeat herself.
"I have an appointment to see Huang on Tuesday afternoon. Right after my checkup with the doctor."
Elliot nodded. He had remembered about the doctor's visit. It was with her surgeon, to see if she could have her restrictions lifted. Also, to see if she could return to work. Granted, it would just be desk duty to start with, but he knew she was anxious to get back. He wished he could say the same for himself.
"El? Are you okay?"
This time, it was his turn to shake his head, indicating that he wasn't ready to talk just yet. He wasn't deliberately trying to dodge the conversation with her. But with Eli in the room, they weren't as free to talk openly as they normally would be.
"I'll talk to you about it later, I promise."
She nodded, understanding what he meant. The topic was dropped for the time being. Instead, Olivia asked him what he wanted to do for dinner. Elliot offered to cook, suggesting that they wait and order in tomorrow when Dickie was there. She agreed that would be a better option.
Realizing that they would need a few items in order for him to make dinner, Elliot got up and retrieved Olivia's laptop. He went online, and placed an order with a nearby store to have some groceries delivered. While he was at it, he also ordered some things that would be good to have on hand this weekend.
The order was placed, and scheduled to be delivered within the next two hours. That would still allow him plenty of time to prepare the evening meal. He was planning on making baked chicken with rice.
Looking outside, he saw that a steady rain was now falling. Better today than tomorrow, he supposed. He really didn't want their trip to the zoo to be ruined. Even though it would have been nice to take Eli to the park this afternoon.
He put the computer back on the desk, and returned to the living room to sit with Olivia and Eli. Eli, having grown a little restless, was asking if he could watch another movie. While they tried to limit how much he watched, Elliot knew that another show wouldn't hurt the boy any. He flipped through the choices until he found something for his son. Then he joined Olivia and Eli on the sofa to sit back and enjoy the show.
When the show had ended, the buzzer rang. It was the groceries Elliot had ordered earlier. He met the delivery man at the door, and then carried everything into the kitchen. Working quickly, he put everything away, save for what he was going to need for their meal.
Knowing that Olivia would keep an eye on his son, he called out to her that he was going to get started on making dinner. He seasoned some chicken and put it in the preheated oven to bake. Once that task was complete, he added some rice to some warm chicken stock so that it could cook.
With the chicken baking, and the rice on to boil, he turned back to the refrigerator. Pulling out some ingredients, he began to prep a salad for himself and Olivia. While he knew Eli wouldn't eat any of that, he did make sure to cut up a little extra cucumber to put on the boy's plate.
He had just called Olivia and Eli to the table when the timer went off. First, he made a plate for Eli, taking care to cut the chicken in small pieces. Then he fixed plates for himself and Olivia. He carried the food over, and set it down. They all settled in and began to eat.
After the meal, it was Olivia who insisted upon cleaning up. Elliot let her, and after everything was taken care of, she joined them back on the sofa.
Rather than watch something else, they chose to let the boy play quietly with his toys for awhile. After about an hour, it was time for his bath and bedtime. Before he went to sleep, Eli asked Olivia for a story, to which she gladly obliged. After she had finished the book, she gave the boy a kiss on the head. Elliot carried him in to the bedroom, and lay him down in the portable crib. By the time he had turned out the light to walk out, Eli was already asleep.
When Elliot had returned to the living room, he saw that the lights had been turned down. Olivia had been to the kitchen, and brought out drinks for both of them. She was waiting on the sofa for him. He walked over and sat next to her.
Now that Eli had gone to bed for the night, he knew she would be expecting him to open up to her. He wasn't sure quite what to say.
But this was a conversation they needed to have.
They sat quietly for a few minutes. When the silence was broken, it was Olivia who spoke first.
"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to El. But does whatever is on your mind have anything to do with my appointment with Huang on Tuesday?"
Elliot nodded, but still remained quiet. Olivia sat there next to him, giving him time. Just when she was certain he wasn't going to say anything at all on the subject, he spoke up.
"I still haven't talked to him, Liv. I keep putting it off."
That wasn't shocking news to her. Neither of them were ever that forthcoming when it came to mandatory psych visits. They both tended to keep their feelings buried.
Laying her hand on his thigh, she tried to be supportive. Even though inside, she was secretly terrified at where this conversation may lead.
"At the risk of sounding like Huang, what is it that you are avoiding talking to him about?" she questioned.
He thought about what she had asked, unsure if he was willing to give the answer. Hell, he wasn't sure if he knew what the answer was. Trying to put his thoughts into words, he spoke up.
" I don't want him to get inside my head. I don't even want to be inside my head sometimes."
She asked what he meant by that, and he elaborated.
"He's going to want to know why I haven't gone back to work yet. I still don't know if I can go back, Liv."
He drew in a shaky breath, and held it. He rubbed his palms over his face. Exhaling, he turned to face her.
"I honestly don't think I can look at, let alone touch, my gun again. Not knowing what I did with it."
She opened her mouth to speak, but he silenced her with a look.
"I know you don't blame me, Liv. But I blame myself."
Olivia absorbed what he was telling her. While his words were hard to hear, they really didn't come as much of a surprise. Part of it still hurt, though. She had envisioned them remaining partners until the end, turning their badges in simultaneously, and retiring at the same time. Now, it seemed that wasn't going to happen.
She was nearly ready to go back to work. The thought of continuing on at SVU without Elliot by her side scared her a little. For the last twelve years, he was all she had known. But the steps they had been taking in their relationship told her that even if he did come back, they wouldn't be able to remain partners anyway. Whatever was happening between them, Elliot would always be a constant in her life. She knew what it was she wanted to tell him.
"El, I still think you need to talk to Huang, clear things up. I know there are some things you can't tell me."
He opened his mouth to object, but she stopped him by lightly pressing her fingers to his lips.
"It's the truth El, and it's okay. Maybe someday you'll be able to tell me, but right now, I know you can't."
She waited a moment or two, to allow him to take in what she had just said. Then, she finished making her point.
"Maybe, the reason you're having so much trouble coming to a decision is because you've already made up your mind."
His eyes flew to hers, and she could see tears welling up in them. She lowered her hand from his mouth, and reached for him. Wrapping her arms around him, she pulled him close.
While she was holding him, she could almost swear she heard him whisper the words "I'm sorry" into her ear as he buried his head into the crook of her shoulder. She soothed him, running her hand through his hair. She too, was struggling with her own emotions, but it wasn't about her right now.
After a few minutes, he composed himself enough to pull back. But he didn't move out of her embrace completely. Keeping his hands on her arms, he tugged gently, causing her to move with him. She did, and soon found herself resting against his chest as they reclined on the sofa together. He began to run his fingers through her hair, content to just hold her for now.
How long they stayed that way, neither one knew. After some time, they both mutually agreed on a need for sleep. Tomorrow would be a busy day.
Elliot emerged from the bathroom, changed into pajamas for the night. He wasn't sure where Olivia wanted him to sleep. He found her in the kitchen, getting a drink of water. She, too, had already changed into the clothes she was going to sleep in.
Sensing him come up behind her, she turned to greet him. She held out her bottle of water, offering him a drink. He accepted, and drained the rest of the bottle. Turning out the light, he spoke up.
"Um, Liv...I don't know how you wanted to work things tonight. But Eli is in your room – not that I don't trust you with him -."
A single look from her caused him to pause in his ramblings.
"Elliot. Stop."
He waited to see what it was she had to say.
"You're staying in my room tonight. I think we've both found we sleep better when we share the bed."
With that said, she held out her hand in his direction. Taking it, they walked together toward her bedroom. Once in the room, Elliot paused at the portable crib to look in on Eli. The boy was still sleeping soundly. Then he made his way to what, in just the past two nights, had become his side of the bed.
Both crawled into the bed at the same time, and gravitated toward one another. They shared a few tender kisses before lying back on the pillows. Elliot pulled Olivia closer, so that she was once again resting on his chest. Nestled safely together, they fell into the first full night of sleep that would be nightmare free for each of them in a long while.
Elliot awoke slowly the next morning. It was the third morning in a row that he had woken up in Olivia's bed. Like the previous two days, she was once again asleep on his chest, her arm around his waist. He tried to shake the thoughts in his mind of how he could get used to this. While they were taking steps forward, he and Olivia really hadn't discussed what direction they wanted to take their relationship.
Though he hated to move, he knew he needed to get up. He wanted to have breakfast mostly made before Eli woke up. He carefully slid out from underneath Olivia, easing her back down against the pillows.
As he was making his way past the portable crib, he heard Eli call out to him. He inwardly cringed, as he wasn't ready for the boy to be awake yet. If he didn't get enough sleep, he was sure to be cranky later. Picking him up, he cuddled him close. Eli snuggled against his shoulder, and pointed toward the bed with one hand.
"Livia! Hugs!"
His voice called out, an equal measure of both cheerful and sleepy. Olivia stirred in the bed, and opened her eyes, looking at the pair of father and son. As though she knew what Elliot wanted to do, she held out her arms.
"I'll take him."
At her offer, Elliot swore he fell for her just a little bit more. He walked back toward the bed, and lay Eli down next to her. She pulled the small boy close, and the two snuggled under the covers together. In mere moments, he had fallen back to sleep. Olivia looked back up at Elliot and whispered softly.
"Go. We'll be fine."
He bent down, and gave her a kiss. Then, knowing his son was in safe hands, he went to gather his things. Now that he had a little more time, he decided he would take a quick shower before preparing the morning meal.
Ten minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom, dressed for the day. He paused at Olivia's bedroom door, looking in as she lay in bed next to his young son. It appeared that she had fallen back to sleep as well. Satisfied that all was well, he headed toward the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
Even though Eli had just had them the day before at the diner, Elliot decided he was going to make pancakes for breakfast. Next to grilled cheese, pancakes were one of his son's favorite foods. He wanted to make the day, the whole weekend really, special. As he was mixing the batter, he thought about the day that lay ahead.
When the batter was made, he folded in some fresh blueberries. Soon, he was turning out fluffy pancakes onto a platter for serving. Once they were all made, he put them in the toaster oven on a low setting to keep them warm. He then went in to check on Eli and Olivia.
Going into the bedroom, his heart was full of love as he saw the pair. Olivia was lying partially on her side, and Eli was resting against her chest. His arms were wrapped around her. If not for the feeling of invading her privacy by photographing her while she was asleep, he definitely would have taken a picture. Instead, he filed it away in his memory.
As though sensing she was being watched, Olivia's eyes fluttered open. She saw Elliot standing there in the doorway, and she smiled.
Knowing that it was time to get up, she gently rubbed the back of the boy who was cuddled up to her. He resisted at first, snuggling closer to her in an attempt to sink deeper into sleep. Then, when his eyes opened and he saw his daddy in the doorway, he was happy.
Olivia opened her mouth to ask something, but Elliot stopped her. It was as though he had anticipated her question.
"We'll let him eat breakfast in his pajamas. Same goes for you."
Seeing the look she was giving him, he went on to explain.
"That way, I can get him dressed while you are getting ready after we eat."
She nodded then. What he had said made sense. Plus, it wasn't as if Elliot hadn't seen her in pajamas before. Especially not in the few weeks he'd been staying at her apartment. While Elliot carried Eli out to the kitchen to get him situated, she stopped in the bathroom.
When she got to the kitchen, she found a cup of coffee waiting for her at the table. She took a sip, savoring the taste. She was about to ask Elliot if he needed any help, when he brought three plates over. Eli's plate, naturally had the pancakes already cut up into manageable bite size pieces. Syrup had also already been added.
Elliot placed the last two plates on the table. One in front of Olivia, the other at his own seat. Olivia's eyes widened slightly when she realized that he had added blueberries to them. Reaching for the syrup, she drizzled a small amount on, then began to eat.
When they had finished eating, Eli's face was again covered in syrup. His hands were sticky, too. Grabbing a clean dishcloth, Elliot wet it, then cleaned him up.
Olivia stated she was going to take a quick shower before getting ready. Elliot said this wasn't a problem. He put Eli in the living room with some of his toys, and let the boy play. While that was happening, he grabbed a bag. He went about the apartment, packing a few small things that would come in handy during their outing. Snacks, toys, even a change of clothing. Pulling the stroller out of the closet, he tucked the bag into the small shelf underneath the seat.
He had just finished that task when Olivia emerged from the bathroom in her robe. She was headed to her bedroom to get dressed for the day. Now it was time to dress Eli. Picking the boy up in his arms, he called out to her.
"Liv? Can I grab a change of clothes for Eli from your room before you get changed?"
She nodded, walking into the bedroom ahead of him. She was looking through her closet when he entered the room. Laying her clothing choices out on the bed as she then moved to her dresser drawers for a pair of jeans.
Elliot quickly selected a pair of pants and a shirt for Eli, unable to believe he didn't think of picking clothes for the day when he was getting the extras earlier. He thought he would feel awkward being in Olivia's room while she was choosing her own clothes for the day, but strangely enough, he didn't. Then he realized that both times she was in the hospital, he was the one who went through her things to find items for her to wear home. It wasn't as if he was ogling her, he reasoned to himself.
Taking the items for Eli in hand, he hastily retreated from the room, closing the door behind himself. After he had left, he went to the living room, where he got Eli changed from his pajamas.
Meanwhile, Olivia quickly changed into the clothes she had selected. Having already fixed her hair and makeup after her shower, all she needed now was her shoes and jacket. She met Elliot by the door. While she put on her shoes, he got Eli in his jacket. Then, he settled the boy in his stroller and strapped him in.
Elliot came up behind her, and helped her into her jacket. He stole a kiss after he helped remove her hair from under the collar. Once they made sure they had everything, they headed out the door. They were on their way to the zoo.
When they arrived at the zoo, Elliot made sure Eli was situated in his stroller. Olivia wanted to help, but until she was cleared at her upcoming doctor's appointment, he refused to let her carry anything.
Once they arrived at the gate, it was Olivia who paid for admission before Elliot could even reach for his wallet. Elliot simply shook his head in disbelief, but chose to remain quiet.
With Elliot pushing the stroller, they began to walk. They were pleased that it was such a nice day, which meant that most of the animals were visible. As they moved from exhibit to exhibit, Eli would point to the animals, and often would try and make the sounds that went along with them. It did Elliot's heart good to see his youngest son having so much fun.
They had been exploring for about an hour when Eli became a little bit fussy. Heading over to one of the benches, they sat down to give him a little break. Elliot reached into the bag he had brought with him, and found some crackers for the boy to snack on. He also took out some juice so he would have something to drink.
Olivia momentarily left father and son alone for a few minutes. When she returned, she had a bottle of water with her. After opening it and taking a few sips, she offered the drink to Elliot. He hadn't even realized how thirsty he actually was until he saw her drinking.
Once Eli had finished with his snack, they got up to walk around some more. One of the vendors offered the young boy a balloon, which his father tied to the handles of the stroller so it wouldn't fly away.
They spent the next hour walking around the parts of the zoo they had missed the first time. Eli particularly enjoyed seeing the penguins. He laughed at the way they would walk, and loved seeing them jump in the water.
Soon, the time came when they had seen all the animals that there were to see. Plus, it was creeping up on lunchtime. Elliot knew Eli had to be getting hungry. They made their way out of the zoo and to the car.
Elliot drove them to a nearby restaurant, and rather than use the stroller, opted to carry Eli inside. When he and Olivia were shown to a booth, they made sure to secure a high chair for the boy.
Like they did the day they went to the museum, both Elliot and Olivia ordered iced tea to drink. He ordered juice for Eli, which he transferred to a sippy cup that he pulled out of the bag he had brought with him. Now he had to focus on two menus. The children's menu, to find something suitable for his son to eat, and then the regular menu to find a choice for himself.
Scanning the children's menu, he made a point to avoid the grilled cheese. While it was Eli's favorite, he'd had it for lunch the day before. It was also likely he would request it again at some point this weekend while staying at Olivia's. His eyes dropped to the next choice on the menu, chicken tenders. What he liked about that option was that there was a choice of having them served grilled. That would be perfect. He selected that for his son, along with a side of applesauce.
That decision having been made, he scanned the other menu. He was about to ask Olivia what her choice was, when she spoke up.
"El? What are you getting? I think I'm going with the grilled chicken salad."
He spied what she was talking about, and read through the description. But then he realized that what he was really craving was a burger and fries. He felt bad about it, because he was trying to inspire healthy eating choices for his son. Maybe he should get a salad, too. Then he remembered that even when they were together, he and Kathy did allow Eli to have french fries as a treat every now and then. So if he did get fries with his meal, he could share a couple with the boy. Plus, he knew Olivia would likely steal some as well. That cemented his decision.
Their server came back to the table, ready to take their order. To keep Eli occupied until the food arrived, Elliot tried to distract him with toys. They had little to no effect in engaging the toddlers interest. Olivia then decided to try something. Grabbing a crayon from a small bin at the end of their table, she turned her paper placemat upside down on the boy's highchair tray. The two adults watched as the toddler held the crayon in his small fist, and scribbled across the page, amazed as color followed in its wake.
They waited roughly fifteen minutes before their meals arrived. Before Elliot had a chance to, Olivia had taken Eli's plate. She cut his chicken up into bite size pieces, and placed it in front of him. He managed to recover enough to get the boy's utensils out of the bag that was sitting next to him.
Once they had cooled sufficiently, Elliot placed two french fries on his son's plate as well. He pretended not to notice as Olivia reached over and snagged one for herself. Satisfied that his son was taken care of, and eating on his own, he turned his attention to his own food.
He and Olivia were about halfway through their meals when Olivia offered him a bite of her salad. He accepted, and was just getting ready to reach for his fork so he could try some. Then, she stabbed her own fork into her salad, and extended it in his direction. After twelve years together as partners, sharing utensils or a drinking glass wasn't uncommon for them. But this time, there seemed to be a new underlying intimacy in the act. He leaned forward to accept the bite.
After he had chewed and swallowed the food, he agreed with her that her salad was good. Then, to return the gesture, he offered her a bite of his burger. Knowing that she often tended to choose healthier foods, he didn't think she would accept. When she did, instead of passing her the burger, he held it out in her direction. She placed her hands over his, and took her bite. When she pulled back, still chewing, her eyes met his.
They shared a smile. He loved how, every day, they seemed to grow closer. He was enjoying spending time with her, the three of them. The weekend would soon get even better, with the arrival of his older son later this afternoon.
Soon, they had all finished eating, and the check arrived. This time, Elliot made sure to grab it. Olivia opened her mouth to protest, but he silenced her with a look. He paid the bill, making sure to leave a proper tip on the table. Then he began to gather Eli's things. Slinging the bag over his shoulder he lifted his son from the highchair. Olivia followed them out to the car.
By the time they arrived back at Olivia's, Eli had fallen asleep in the backseat. Elliot was able to manage the bag and carry Eli, but he needed some help with the stroller. He allowed Olivia to help him with that, since it didn't really need to be lifted.
They took the elevator up, then Olivia used her key to let them in the door. Elliot deposited the bag on the couch, while Olivia folded the stroller and put it away in the closet. Together, they managed to get the sleeping boy out of his jacket. They didn't want him to be too hot while he napped. Then, Elliot carried him into where his portable crib was, and lay him down.
When he returned to the living room, Olivia was waiting for him on the sofa. He sat down next to her, and enfolded her into an embrace.
"Thank you." He said simply.
"For what?" She asked, curious.
"A wonderful day. For giving me this weekend with my son."
She looked into his eyes, searching for words unspoken.
"Elliot. I've told you, he's always welcome here."
He took hold of both of her hands in his. They hadn't had a chance to talk last night, but now he knew they needed to discuss this.
"You went to talk to Kathy. You're the reason I have Eli this weekend."
His words were stated as fact, not a question. Before she could say anything to justify her actions, he spoke again.
"I don't know what it was you said to her, but because you did, she and I talked – really talked – for the first time in a long while."
He continued on then, telling her of his breakfast the day before with Kathy. How they talked openly and honestly. Even how he had admitted to his soon to be ex that something was starting to develop between the two of them. He looked at her, hesitant, afraid he had overstepped.
She spoke up then, letting him know that all was well.
"I'm not sure what is going to happen between us either, El. But I like the direction we're heading in."
At that point, all conversation stopped. They were locked in an embrace, and lost in a kiss as their lips met. They spent a few minutes kissing before pulling apart. Both were feeling a little tired from their morning outing, so Elliot reclined on the sofa, pulling Olivia with him. They both turned on their sides, curling up on the sofa together. Elliot spread a blanket over the two of them, and set an alarm on his phone. They decided they would take a rest together for a little while. They wanted to be up by the time that Dickie arrived, and when Eli awoke from his nap.
It was Elliot who woke first, coming gradually into consciousness. He was aware of being on the sofa, and that Olivia was in his arms. Now that he was awake, he carefully reached for his cell phone to silence the alarm before it could go off. Then, he wrapped his arms tighter around Olivia, and pulled her close.
He placed a kiss to the back of her head, and thought about the events of the day so far. How much Eli had enjoyed himself at the zoo. The three of them having lunch together. He recalled how Olivia had tended to his son. Giving him the crayon, cutting up his food for him. He loved watching the two of them interact.
He felt Olivia stir in his arms then, and loosened his hold on her a little. She started to turn over, and he guided her somewhat, so she wouldn't fall off the sofa. She didn't stop moving until they were facing one another.
There was a look on her face that Elliot couldn't quite figure out. Her eyes kept searching his, her hands resting delicately on his chest. Still keeping his arms around her, he questioned her softly.
"Are you alright, Liv?"
"Yes. Just thinking about something." There was a light in her eyes now, and her voice held a tone of mischief.
He wanted to ask her what was on her mind, what she was thinking about. As though she anticipated his question, the next words out out of her mouth were his answer.
"I was thinking of how your son – your other son – is going to be here soon. And that your children don't know what is happening between us."
He tried to process what she was telling him, figure out where she could possibly be going with this. Was she having regrets, or second thoughts about a relationship with him? Before he could answer her, she continued on.
"Since I don't know when we'll get the chance for awhile, I was hoping to steal a few kisses from you."
Upon hearing those words, relief coursed through him. He pressed his forehead against hers. Then he moved his hands around to the front so that they framed her face. Together they came closer until their lips met. The kiss started off tender, but gradually grew more passionate. Olivia sighed into Elliot's mouth as her fists clutched onto his shirt. His hands fell from her face, to wrap tightly around her waist again, causing her shirt to ride up a little.
Without breaking the kiss, he dared to explore the exposed flesh of her back with his fingers. As he was trailing his fingertips along her skin, he became vaguely aware that she was starting to unbutton his shirt.
Both were startled when, simultaneously, Olivia's buzzer rang and Eli called out from the bedroom. They pulled apart from one another like they had been struck with a surge of electricity. In many ways, it felt like they had. They were each gasping for breath.
Looking at her, he could see her mouth was a little bit swollen from his kisses. Her shirt was disheveled. He probably guessed that he looked much the same. A pang of regret filled him. She deserved better than just groping on the couch.
"I'm sorry, Liv. I got carried away." He said to her in an attempt to apologize.
"We both did." Was her reply, and judging by the look in her eyes, she wasn't sorry at all. That allowed him to relax.
They were startled back to reality by the sounding of the buzzer for a second time. Eli called again for his daddy, too. They both got up from the couch. Olivia moved in the direction of her door, to buzz in Dickie. Elliot headed toward the bedroom.
By the time Elliot had returned to the living room, holding Eli, Olivia was closing the door behind his eldest son. He had a backpack slung over one shoulder, and was carrying a duffel bag in his hand.
"Dickie, the guest room is all yours this weekend." Olivia announced, gesturing toward the room.
"But what about Eli? What about Dad? Where will they sleep?"
The teen fired off the three questions in a row, barely stopping for breath in between. He looked between the two adults, waiting for an answer.
It was Olivia who stepped forward to respond first.
"Eli's crib is in my room for this weekend. I thought you'd appreciate having your privacy."
She then took a deep breath as she prepared to answer the second part of his question.
"Your father will be sharing my room too. If you have a problem with that, I can let him sleep there and I will take the couch."
"Liv -" Elliot began to say something, to admonish her for suggesting something they had already discussed. He wasn't going to allow her to take the couch.
He never got to finish his sentence, for his son spoke up instead.
"You don't have to sleep on the couch, Olivia. This is your apartment."
His voice made clear that he was insistent upon that fact. He then grew quiet for a few moments, as though he was taking in what else she had said. After allowing himself a brief time to process, he spoke again.
" I don't mind if you and dad share the room. You're adults after all, you don't need my permission."
With that said, he walked toward the guest room to set down his bags. Alone in the room, he considered what had been said. Something was changing between his father and Olivia, he could tell. What, he didn't know yet. He felt a sense of calm, though, at the fact of how honest they were being. That and the fact that Olivia offered to give up her room for his dad and take the couch herself.
Shaking his head, he dug through his bag for a change of clothes. He shed his school uniform, and put on something more comfortable. Then he made his way back out to the living room to join his Dad, Olivia, and his little brother.