Edward finishes talking with Bella to speak with his boss. That turns out to be easier than his later conversation with Alice, who of course "sees" something suspicious about Edward's most recent behavior.
Edward, Chapter 5
Reluctantly, I left Bella to follow Larry into his office. "Edward, first I wanted to thank you again for filling in for Janice later this week," he said.
"I'm glad to do it." I could say that in all truth. I was looking forward to coming in on Friday.
"I really appreciate your flexibility with your time. I'll never understand, though, how you can work a double shift from night through day and not crash at your desk," he said, chuckling. I smiled at him but didn't say anything. "Adam has to take extra time off next week. Would you be able to work for him on Tuesday night?"
Adam was the other pharmacist who routinely worked nights. "Of course. That's no problem, Larry."
I departed without looking at Bella, otherwise I'd be tempted to continue our conversation. There was no reason to return to my desk, so I had no pretense for staying later. My shift was done until I returned at the end of the week.
Of course, I would see Bella before that, although she wouldn't see me.
I left the building but remained on the hospital grounds to watch more of her day, telling myself again that she might have developed some suspicions after our morning talk. She noticed my eyes were different today from the first time she'd seen me. Did she buy my weak explanation that it had something to do with the lights? I'd said the first thing that came into my head. My carelessness meant I'd have to remain vigilant for anything we'd have to be concerned about.
I had already found out so much about her indirectly, but it was nothing compared to speaking with her in person. The sensations it stirred were amazing. I didn't recall ever feeling like this about anyone or anything. There were emotions of happiness, fear, elation, despair, gratification and surprise coursing through me, each like a wild shot. All of the happiness was simply from being near her and enjoying her warmth and humor for myself, instead of having to experience it secondhand. And the fear was for both of us. I had absolutely no certainty that she would always be safe with me, and the idea that I had to limit my time and proximity because of what I am caused anxiety…and self-hatred.
Friends, I reminded myself. We'll be friends.
But then, friends are generally happy for other friends when a romantic interest blooms. I heard John Blackhorse's thoughts in the ER when he decided to ask Bella out. He'd been vacillating since the weekend, wanting to date her but unsure of how he would be received. When the activity in the ER died down, he gathered his nerve and walked to the pharmacy on the pretense of dropping off prescriptions.
I was waiting in the same tree I'd used last week when Bella confronted Janice. It provided enough of a range where I could fan out my hearing through the building, checking everyone's thoughts for any contact with Bella. The moment I discerned John's intentions, my fury exploded; my fingers dug into the tree trunk with such violence that huge pieces of it came off in my hand. I waited for Bella's response with every muscle tensed, relaxing a bit when I heard her kindly turn John down. She appeared to be speaking honestly, not wishing to mislead him. My relief faded, however, when I heard her talking with Rick about it. It seemed she had refused John because she didn't feel ready to date after her recent breakup. Might she have feelings for him? Perhaps she was putting him off, not wanting to hurt him while she was healing. If only I could hear what she was thinking!
Rick extolled John's virtues; apparently, he knew the family. I was consumed by my need to know whether she would reject him absolutely. And then Bella told Rick she could never be interested in John, applying a balm to the maddening itch of my uncertainty.
I had no grounds to gloat, and especially not to feel as relieved as I did. I couldn't give Bella the security and normalcy that a human male would provide. Even so, Bella deserved something much better, someone worthy of her. John was a good man, no less but no more. She should be with someone who would appreciate her for the special, intelligent and compassionate woman that she is. Bella would eclipse him in nearly every way, but particularly in intellect; surely, she would want someone who is her equal.
Satisfied for the moment that John was not a concern, I went home to see my family. Friday was four days away. I would quell my curiosity in the meantime by checking on Bella at night. The thought of seeing her again was both comforting and confusing. It was soothing for me to remain near her while she slept, yet it agitated me to admit how desperately I wanted to be there. All my feelings about her were at war with each other.
Well, she talked in her sleep; she might reveal something that showed her to be suspicious, even subconsciously. I told myself that was reason enough to listen to her at night.
I again informed Carlisle of my plans, explaining what happened during my conversation with Bella that morning and casually mentioning that I had watched her again during the day.
"She obviously noticed the difference in my eyes, Carlisle, but I heard her say nothing else about it after she questioned me. I'm going to keep watch; I want to continue making sure no trouble will come from this," I said.
"Handle it as you see fit," he said. "How did you feel this morning when you talked to her?"
"It was still very difficult, but better than last time, that's certain. Maybe it's because I was prepared. At least I knew what I was in for," I said dryly.
"What about Friday? You'll be there all day with her."
"I think I'll manage. I'll have to hunt again as much as I can in the next few days. Thank you for changing your schedule," I added. He had switched to be on duty during the shifts I worked this week where I'd come into contact with Bella. "I'll leave the office and come to see you any time it gets overwhelming."
"Yes, absolutely. I'll be in and out of the ER, of course, but page me immediately if you need to," Carlisle said. He squeezed my shoulder. "I'm proud of how you're handling this, son. You've shown remarkable restraint and determination. You should be proud of yourself, too."
My father's misplaced faith in me whittled away my arrogance until only remorse was left. He attributed all my actions to a desire not to hurt Bella. While there was truth in that, my motivations were much more questionable. Increasingly, I wasn't just attracted to her blood. I had a growing interest in her, and it was causing me to act recklessly. I had to remember to exercise control around her in all ways. It was difficult; I sometimes said things my judgment protested because I eagerly anticipated her response or reaction. As with our conversation this morning, I wanted to draw out her secrets to fill in the outline of her character.
Regardless, I was still unsure how my resolve would hold out in the constant presence of her scent. I had a long day ahead of me on Friday. It was right to try and stay near her, to continue to inure myself to her fragrance. She would benefit from that, too.
Around 11 p.m., I headed back to Forks. I was there in minutes, quickly climbing to the top of an evergreen and again landing on the deck behind her apartment. All the lights were out, and I detected that she was asleep.
At first her breathing was normal and rhythmic. I settled back and listened, calmed by the human sound. After a few hours, I heard her thrashing in bed, mumbling. She had started to talk in her sleep.
I heard her say "no" several times and then she emitted a brief cry. Mumbling incoherently, she turned over roughly and said, "What is that?" I heard her cry out again, stronger this time. Frustrated anew that I couldn't read her thoughts and see what was happening in her dream, I made a rash decision to enter her apartment. Her cries worried me. It was probably just a human nightmare, but I was concerned that she was hurt or ill.
I walked silently to the back door and, without any trouble whatsoever, picked the lock on the doorknob. There was no deadbolt. I chastised her silently for her lack of security. I'm not the most dangerous thing out here, and she needed to protect herself.
The door opened directly into the kitchen. I looked around quickly: a simple table and four chairs, the usual kitchen appliances. Curtains hung on the windows and door, but they allowed a view into the room. This alarmed me as well. A single young woman should have a better sense of safety.
Directly in front of me, I could see a couch and other living room furniture. Overwhelming curiosity got the best of me and I completely disregarded Bella's privacy. She had ceased her cries and settled back into a deep sleep, so I stepped into the small living room and looked at some of the pictures on the wall. One was an original watercolor that appeared to be a city street scene. Another photo was old, probably from around 1930, and of a young couple standing side by side. The woman bore a strong resemblance to Bella. Fascinated, I studied the photo, seeing her eyes and prominent chin in the face of the unknown female. I guessed that the couple was her grandparents.
I noticed a bookshelf and studied the volumes she had there. A number of college textbooks and a copy of the Physician's Desk Reference were included. To my delight, I found a worn paperback of Lewis Thomas' "Lives of a Cell," one of my own favorites. Perhaps one day we could discuss it. There was also a volume of Shakespeare's collected works, some Dickens stories, fiction novels by Kurt Vonnegut, Annie Proulx and others, and political commentary. I was impressed with the variety of subjects that seemed to interest her, and I longed to talk about all of it with her.
Another shelf held numerous CDs. There wasn't much classical music in her collection; well, can't have everything, I thought, smiling. She had a number of folk/rock albums, some dating back to the 1960s, a lot of rock that extended back to the same era, and a collection of Tom Lehrer tunes. She must appreciate humor; that fit in with what I'd come to learn about her so far.
Back out in the kitchen, there was a hall off to my left that led to Bella's bedroom. I walked down softly and entered her room. I was surprised to see her sleeping in a double bed. For some reason, I assumed she would own just a twin.
Right next to the bed, a nightstand held a small lamp and an alarm clock. In one corner, there was a small wooden rocker with a wicker seat that had a pair of jeans and several shirts hanging from it. A desk with a laptop and an mp3 player was off to the other side.
The chair was positioned so that it gave me a full view of her as she slept. I sat down and watched, listening to her breathing. She still seemed restless; her legs moved as she tossed and turned. At one point, she half-moaned, half-sighed and settled back into deeper sleep.
I'd detected her powerful fragrance when I first arrived here tonight; it grew stronger when I alighted on the deck behind her apartment. I gradually adjusted to it as I sat outside, to the point where the venom diminished and the fire in my throat subsided. Now, sitting in her room only several feet away from her, the burning and scorching returned with a vengeance. Venom again filled my mouth. While my physical reaction was the same as it had been every other time I saw her, my emotional reaction was far more composed. I was able to sit in the chair quietly without being tempted to do anything I would regret. In short, I did not want to hurt her.
I counted that as a victory of sorts, and it gave me hope that at some point, the desire to keep her safe would prevail over the desire for her blood. I didn't know if I would ever cease to be a threat to her, though. It would probably be foolish to think so, I realized sadly. In a split second, the monster could take control and I could end her life. Even if I continued to subdue my nature, I was so strong I could accidentally hurt her. And if neither of the two occurred, she must never suspect anything about me or my family. If she started to realize the truth, it would have to be dealt with. What other friend would subject her to such risk? What other being who cared anything about her would casually endanger her, be cruel to her, break into her home?
I knew that being here was wrong – not just illegal, but wrong. Worse than spying on her, I was now violating her by invading her privacy. It would be incorrect to say I didn't care about that. My need to know her, to find out more about her concerns, her habits, her thoughts, what delighted her and what annoyed her was so great that I disregarded the courtesy I would have given her in just about any other way. I am no stranger to breaking the law; we do what we must to maintain the secret of our immortality, and that means forgery, theft and other unlawful acts are sometimes part of our life. My actions tonight seemed especially immoral because they affected a very decent, very wonderful young woman who had never asked to have me in her life, let alone in her house. But I had to know more about her. I had to know more.
I stayed in her room until 5 a.m., when I knew she would have to wake up soon. She was still deeply asleep, so I could slip back outside without waking her. I locked the door and jumped off the deck into a tree, waiting for her alarm to go off. At 6 a.m, the music started and she groaned exactly as she did the first time I was here at the start of her day. I chuckled softly at that.
The first thing she attempted to do was brew a pot of coffee, but an eruption of blue flame from the coffee maker's cord put an end to that plan. I watched her expressions of dismay and annoyance with complete amusement. The rest of her breakfast was prepared noisily; she threw bread in the toaster, slammed the cabinet doors and tossed silverware on the counter, angry over the bad start to her day.
This gave me an idea. I could do something for her, perhaps to make up for the way I'd treated her when we first met, and now for breaking into her apartment. Excited, I left for home, my idea gaining hold as I ran back to the house.
It was almost 7, and everyone was starting their day's activities. Alice and Jasper were getting ready for school. My pint-sized but lethal sister was walking down the stairs as I raced up to my room, heading for my computer.
She grabbed my elbow, pulling me to a stop. What are you up to? she demanded.
I should have known she might see this. "What do you mean?" I asked innocently.
She gave me an exasperated look. You've got some plan to buy something crazy. For who? And why? She was thinking these words rather than saying them so the rest of the house wouldn't hear the entire conversation.
"It's a gift for a friend," I said calmly.
Her eyebrows shot up. Really. Since when do you have a friend you're that close with outside of this family? I mean, she added sarcastically, one who would use some type of food-related appliance.
Because I hadn't decided exactly what I was buying for Bella, Alice hadn't seen it, either. Good.
"Never mind," I said severely. "I'll tell you…another time. Later. Maybe." I made a "button your lip" motion with my hand.
I'm going to pester the living daylights out of you until you do tell me, she warned. I'd have to come up with something to explain myself. She wasn't kidding; Alice could be a world-class annoyance.
I kissed her forehead and said, "Have a great day at school, sis." Then I ran to my room and turned on my PC.
A couple of simple Internet searches turned up a lengthy list of possibilities for my idea. I found something perfect and ordered it special delivery, although it was coming from Europe so it would take a couple of days. I was disappointed, but it couldn't be helped.
For the next several days, I alternated between watching Bella at work and staying with her at night. I managed to keep from entering her apartment again for the time being, forcing myself to be content with listening to her breathing and her heartbeat from outside, on the deck. I made it a point to watch her morning routine; she was very funny as she woke. Even when she was out of bed, she remained very sleepy until it was almost time for her to leave. This seemed to be the case no matter how deeply she slumbered.
After midnight on Friday, I stayed near her bedroom window outside, listening to her breathing and her delicate heartbeat. It slowed to a quiet, slightly slower rhythm when she slept peacefully, as she did tonight. She didn't seem to experience any nightmares, and I heard her move only slightly. I was glad that she seemed to be getting some good rest. What could have caused such fears? I hoped I had nothing to do with it. Although I knew I could not be part of her dreams, I didn't want to be the source of her terrors, either.
As I ran home to change my clothes, I eagerly wondered what the day held for both of us. Would I find out more about Bella? Would we talk? Would she confide in me, as she started to do early in the week? I felt a little more confident about my ability to keep my savage impulses in check. Knowing that Carlisle would be there if I needed support was an enormous help. I depended on him in so many ways, and he always came through for me. I didn't want to fail him.
He and I rode to work together on Friday morning. I was sure that whatever I was feeling had to pass for butterflies in the stomach of a vampire. I was both anxious and eager to see Bella. My thoughts were engrossed in what the day would hold until Carlisle spoke.
"I believe this may be a first, but I'm actually wishing I could know what you're thinking this morning," he said, smiling. I heard his unspoken curiosity over what had me so preoccupied.
"I'm wondering how today will work out," I answered truthfully.
"You seem very calm, just distracted. That's good," Carlisle noted.
"I feel really confident. I believe today will go smoothly," I said with conviction. "I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm not put off by that. I fed a lot in preparation for today. I'm trying to be realistic and optimistic at the same time," I said, smiling.
Carlisle was relieved that I seemed unruffled. "Sounds very practical. If you need anything at all, come and see me right away," he said. We pulled into the garage and parked.
Larry was already in his office, and I was next to arrive in the pharmacy. I greeted him and organized my desk for the day. A few prescriptions had already been dropped off, and I began sorting them. Typically, when there are a couple of pharmacists on duty, the orders are shared unless one pharmacist has an exceptionally complicated assignment. I left several for Bella.
Several minutes later, I detected her scent, then heard her footsteps come through the entrance from the garage. Her heart was pounding, loud and accelerated. Was she nervous? I saw her walk past the dropoff, her head down as if upset or lost in thought. It took a couple of tries before she successfully worked the code to open the pharmacy door. I was relieved to see her chuckling to herself as she finally entered the room. She didn't appear to be unhappy or frustrated. Shyly, she finally looked at me and immediately stumbled over her own feet, as if something had thrown her off.
Bella's arrival stirred the air and drove her fragrance right over to me. It was still agonizing, though less so than the first time we'd talked. Perhaps my plan to stay in close proximity to her at night was actually paying off. Imagine that: I did it for the wrong reasons, but it turned out right anyway. Conversing with her was also a good distraction. We exchanged greetings and almost immediately she said she needed to get coffee. I decided to have a little fun with that.
"Don't you usually bring in some of your own?" I asked, knowing full well why she didn't.
With an exasperated look on her face, she explained that her coffeemaker died and she was currently without one. I knew in a couple of days that would be taken care of.
Rick arrived and took his seat behind the counter. As Bella left for the cafeteria, I heard Tom Boylan, heading there also. I stiffened as he spotted her and hurried to catch up. His thoughts of Bella were much more offensive than John's. While John certainly felt Bella was pretty, he had the decency to consider her other qualities as well. As soon as Tom saw Bella, vulgar images coursed through his mind, one after the other. Rage at his crudeness infused my vision with a red haze that I could actually see. I wanted to fly out into the hall at vampire speed and grab his neck with vampire strength. The fact that he worked in a hospital wouldn't help at all by the time I got through with him. I imagined following him home and teaching him a severe lesson about respecting women, particularly women who are far, far better than he would ever be. Fuming, I locked down my impulses and waited to hear their conversation.
It couldn't have gone any better, from my point of view, than if I scripted it myself. He first tried to make amends for previously suggesting the feature article on Bella, and then pushed his luck right out the door by asking for a date. I froze for a split second but immediately relaxed at seeing Bella's reaction in his thoughts. She politely refused, but Tom wouldn't take the hint. And when she made her rejection clear, he still didn't get it. He couldn't seem to accept that she did not want his company. His disbelief aggravated Bella to the point where she backed away from him, her hand held out as if to stop him from coming near her. She had to be horrified by all of this. Worse, the staff waiting in the huge line behind them grew impatient and glared at them.
Knowing how she hated being the center of attention, I calculated that Tom had just put the final nail in his own coffin. He left, still in shock, and I leaped into the thoughts of a recovery room nurse several yards behind Bella to continue watching her. I was right: Bella was furious, and it distracted her to the point where she almost forgot the coffee she agreed to bring back for Rick.
Giddy with relief, I had a hard time holding in my laughter at what I'd heard. I knew I wouldn't have to be concerned over Tom Boylan anymore.
She returned looking tense and irritated. At least this time I wasn't frustrated by my inability to read her thoughts; I knew exactly what happened. She sat still at her desk for a moment, gathering her composure, I assumed. I couldn't resist teasing her a little, so I cleared my throat theatrically and after a few seconds, she said, "Something funny about Dilantin?" Although her tone sounded sarcastic, I was relieved to see that her expression was relaxed and no longer annoyed.
I'd hoped I would learn more about her during our time together in the pharmacy, and Bella didn't disappoint. I was as eager to discover her shortcomings as I was to see more of her qualities, and I soon found one: she had to be the most uncoordinated human in the region, or maybe in the United States, or, possibly, anywhere. Tripping while she was simply walking was only the start.
Late in the morning, she was working quietly at the counter with intravenous fluids. I heard her walk to the supply cabinet, her aroma again swirling through the air and setting off the flames in my throat. I noticed that if she didn't move, the burning receded as the air stayed still, and the monster returned to a slumber. Each time she moved in the slightest, even so much as heaving a sigh, it set the temptation in motion again. I was building up a resistance to it, however slowly, and I was encouraged by that.
Now, she returned to resume her work but instead wound up struggling to open a box of syringes. I could actually smell her frustration; she must have been blushing, too, because her scent became more concentrated.
Suddenly, I felt something on my back and heard a light clattering noise on the floor as dozens of syringes came from behind me like miniature artillery. I was concentrating on my work and hadn't bothered to look through Rick's thoughts, as we all were preoccupied with assignments. So I didn't see ahead of time that she was fighting with the box of syringes and finally managed to tear it open forcefully, with all the contents flying out over the counter.
The aroma of her blood, heated by her embarrassment, inundated my senses. As she ran down to my desk, apologizing profusely, I ignored the draw of her scent and instead concentrated on her comical expression. Another part of my mind noted with satisfaction that the most difficult physical challenge for me at this moment was to refrain from howling with laughter. I was always careful to avoid showing much of my teeth; if my lips pulled back into a huge grin, they would certainly be exposed as the terrifying weapons they are.
Bella and I crawled around the floor – this had to be the silliest experience I'd ever had at work – and, at the same time, both of us saw the last few errant syringes near Janice's desk. We went to grab them simultaneously, and our hands grazed each other.
Many times in our brief interactions, I'd wished I could touch her to offer comfort or companionship. I've had to be satisfied with feeling her warmth from where I sat, several feet away, in this office. Now, the intensity of actual contact with her skin shocked me. It was as if a pulse of electricity passed between us. She looked at me and just as quickly looked away. With disgust, I realized she must have been revolted by my cold, lifeless skin. I wished desperately that I had thought out my actions before reaching in the same direction as Bella. I wanted to spare her the undesirable realities of my existence. And it reminded me once more of our differences, of how she would always be unsafe in my presence. It seemed a chasm that no amount of desire could bridge.
I withdrew to my desk and resumed working. Rick felt some sympathy for Bella; he could see how embarrassed she was, and he tried to joke her out of it a little. She picked up on it and the two of them started doing some riffs on silly music band names, with plays on words and alliteration. It was funny, and fairly witty. I enjoyed her quick comebacks and I wished it was I who was sharing the conversation with her. I felt a surge of envy toward Rick for the easy friendship he shared with Bella. Though I was not enraged as I was with John or Tom, I was jealous that she clearly enjoyed Rick's company.
There was nothing preventing me from joining in, though. I was one of their coworkers for today; surely they wouldn't mind. Normally, most of my family doesn't interact much with humans, and vice-versa. They seem wary of us even as they don't completely understand why, and we keep our distance for our own safety and theirs. I'd be breaking my own vow of semi-silence. I ignored a nagging concern that I was again being irresponsible and considered what I could add to the exchange. My thoughts raced through several possibilities before I settled on one I thought would stump her. I threw out a line from "Jabberwocky" and watched for their reaction.
At first Bella and Rick stared at me as if I'd lost my mind. I guess they really weren't used to hearing me speak much. I wondered for a second or two if I'd said the wrong thing until Bella nodded her head and declared, "Lewis Carroll – well played!" Her encouragement lifted my confidence; I was equally charmed by both her effort to include me and her knowledge of literature and authors. Perhaps she didn't find me so disgusting after all. And I was having fun, a rare occurrence for me at work.
Lunchtime arrived at the end of this conversation. I took my well-worn copy of Camus' "The Stranger" to Carlisle's office but didn't need it, since he was at his desk. We talked about what was happening in the hospital that day. Carlisle did emergency surgery on a woman who'd been hit by a car and suffered internal bleeding; he had to remove her spleen, but it seemed she would pull through. His immunity to human blood continues to amaze me. True, he's had three
hundred years to practice, but he often is literally covered in gore from his work here. I'm sure at times it must be very painful for him, but he is so dedicated to his craft that he soldiers on. It's just one of the many reasons I admire him.
I was proud that I hadn't needed to seek him out today. This was the first we'd seen each other since driving in this morning. I heard in his thoughts that he'd wondered how I was coping but did not wish to impose or seem as if he was checking up on me.
"I left the office a couple of times for some air," I admitted. "But I think that as the day goes on, it bothers me less. I'm able to focus on my work. I think I'm behaving relatively normally," I added, laughing.
Carlisle nodded. "You seem lighter, somehow. I was so concerned about you a few weeks back," he sighed. "It would have hurt us so much if you had to leave. You appeared almost resigned to that."
I was leaning forward while sitting in a chair in Carlisle's office, my elbows on my knees. I looked down at my hands. "I was trying to prepare myself for that. The whole...temptation was so strong. It really does seem better now," I said.
As Carlisle and I talked, I also listened to the conversation that continued in the pharmacy in my absence. Bella and Rick were discussing her new car, and how much she was looking forward to continuing her cycling hobby. It was time for me to return to work; I focused on Bella's enthusiastic words as I rounded the corner toward the office.
Rick asked her where she intended to ride. "I'm not sure. I might take off down 110, or even 101, if they're fairly safe," she responded.
The thought of Bella on a bicycle was worrisome enough; the thought of her riding along either highway was enough to make me consider encasing her in a custom-made steel cocoon. I grew frantic at the idea that some careless driver would take one of the numerous curves on those roads at an excessive rate of speed and crash right into her.
"You may want to consider going to Bogachiel State Park," I suggested. "The roads are safe for biking, and they have a wide shoulder." (I should know; I'd just hunted there several times over the last few days.) "My family often goes hiking there when we want to stick close to home. As far as the local highways -- the roads are paved well, but they are quite winding. I think they'd be dangerous for you, Bella." I carefully enunciated her name, saying it softly and enjoying the sound. She stared at me, listening intently. I couldn't look away, even when Rick spoke up.
He began asking me how often I went to Bogachiel, and we spent some time talking about Mount Rainier National Park and Olympic National Park. Fortunately, I was very familiar with the amenities of all three locations, although my family's main purpose for visiting is the wildlife. When we are bored with the local offerings, we would go to the enormous national parks for a selection of cougars, deer, elk, and Emmett's favorite, bears.
Bella was quiet as we talked, watching Rick and I, listening to both of us. I began to notice that when Rick would respond, she would slowly move her gaze away from me and to him; when I spoke, however, she immediately glanced back at me. I timed it, and out of the eight times she looked back and forth, her stare rested on me an average of five seconds longer than it did on Rick. I felt a small tinge of satisfaction at that, even though I really didn't view Rick as a competitor.
The phone rang and Rick answered it; Bella and I turned back to the orders in front of us at our desks. She flipped through the prescriptions and signed off on them, crossing her right leg over her left reflexively. Her right shoe slipped so it dangled off her toes, probably weighed down by the two-inch heel. The movement drew my attention and my gaze followed the graceful curve of her arch, which bowed gently from the ball of her foot to below her ankle. Smooth, translucent skin extended over her fine bones and down to her small heel. I imagined the unattainable delight of taking my index finger and tracing that curve, enjoying Bella with my sense of touch instead of always having to settle for sight or smell. Even the mere thought of it sent a ripple of pleasure through me.
The swell of her calf was visible just below the hem of her pants, which fell slack against her leg. Everything was in perfect shape, a perfect formation on a woman's human body. There was nothing improper about the exposure, nothing even unusual about it, but I could not take my eyes away. This small part of her in this quiet moment was as visually arresting as anything else I'd seen of her, as anything else I'd seen anywhere.
Abruptly, Bella uncrossed her legs and sighed, stirring the air and carrying her scent directly across to me. Up to that point, I was doing rather well, managing to all but ignore it after being in the office with her for four hours. Perhaps because I was focused on her so intently, the fragrance was especially potent, and I was almost lost to it again.
Frustrated, I balled my fists and held my breath. I turned away to inhale some air, subtly, I hoped, and excused myself. Bella looked up and her expression became concerned as she watched me leave the room. Was she worried about me? I wanted to believe it was that, and not that she suspected something.
I debated finding Carlisle but decided to step outside instead. It already felt as if my head was clearing and the flame in my throat was dying out. As I walked toward the main entrance of the hospital, away from the pharmacy, I head Rick comment that I seemed more talkative today. I tensed, awaiting Bella's reaction, but it seemed innocent enough. When Rick suggested she was responsible for my friendliness, she looked shocked. Another expression crossed her face that I couldn't interpret from my view in Rick's thoughts. Before I could dwell on this, they began discussing my family. I slowed my walking and concentrated, not wanting to believe that Bella would finally join in the gossip about the unusual Cullens. Instead, she merely complimented Carlisle and listened while Rick described the brief times he'd seen my relatives. Fortunately I was alone in the lobby, because I laughed out loud at his characterization of Rosalie. He was exactly right, even though he'd only met her once.
To my relief, their conversation ended at that point. I felt better so I returned to the pharmacy. I thought more about Bella's plans to bicycle tomorrow. I knew my curiosity would not give me peace until I saw her reaction to the coffeemaker, which should arrive today. That meant I'd likely stay near her all night, through the morning, when she woke up and, I hoped, used it. At that point, I could follow her on her ride, running alongside her in the woods, where she couldn't see me.
As Friday drew to a close, Carlisle met me at the pharmacy for the drive home. He asked me how the rest of my day went.
"Fine, I think. There was only one time that it really became a problem, after lunch, and I walked outside. I needed to leave only a few minutes," I explained.
"That's good news," Carlisle said, enthused. He looked at me carefully. "You look calm, even peaceful."
I smiled and nodded my head. I was planning my next twelve hours, so what seemed like peace was actually concentration.
"Esme is wondering why we haven't seen much of you lately," Carlisle added. "You may want to have a word with her tonight. You know how she worries."
Vampire minds are tireless, powerful and multi-faceted; we don't make mistakes or slip up unless something is very wrong. So this is how I knew my distraction over Bella was becoming obsessive: I was almost never home now; I was ignoring my family; and I had completely neglected to plan for Alice's vision of my recent online purchase.
"You're right. I'll make it a point to talk to her later. I hope she realizes I'm concerned about our safety," I said.
"You should reinforce that when you see her this evening," Carlisle suggested.
I came up with another idea and asked him to drop me off at a small local market. This way, I could pick up some flowers for Esme and run over to Bella's to watch her reaction when she opened the gift. Ever the good son, I'd then head home, spend some time with my parents and siblings, and return to Hoh Street to watch as Bella woke on Saturday.
From my perch, I saw Bella drop off the belongings in her arms and race back downstairs. I could hear her heartbeat, strong and fast. She must be excited about something; I hoped it was from the delivery that was supposed to have been made to her apartment earlier today. She climbed the stairs again, much slower this time; as she walked back into the kitchen, I saw she was barely managing to hold on to a large box.
I could hardly restrain my own excitement as I watched her carefully cut open the flaps. Her expression went from puzzled to confused to amazed, her brown eyes growing huge as she lifted the coffee maker. Still astounded, she stared at the photo and carefully turned the smaller box around several times until she found the writing in English. The biggest grin I'd seen on her face broke through, then was suddenly replaced by an expression of worry. She searched through the emptied carton, probably looking for the nonexistent card that would identify the sender.
Bella sat slowly at her kitchen table, carefully placing the appliance on the surface. She looked like she was concentrating very hard, and I heard her mutter softly, "Wait - who knew I needed a coffeemaker?"
And then her face cleared, sudden realization dawning on her features. Her eyes were blazing. She must have thought she'd figured it out. Did she? How frustrating that I couldn't hear! She sat there for another couple of minutes, looking as if she was intensely considering a possibility. I suddenly felt, rather than thought, that she knew it was from me. Something about the expression on her face confirmed it.
I couldn't feel any regret that she might know. I believed she wouldn't say anything to anyone; she was too discreet. She moved away from her chair and picked up the coffeemaker and grinder after removing them from their boxes, and set them on the counter. Regardless of whether she thought it was I or someone else who'd given these to her, I was thrilled to watch her enjoyment. It warmed me to see the happiness on her face; that was all I needed right now.
The time was getting late, and I had promised I'd be home with my family for at least a while. Hoping that Alice wouldn't confront me with any more of her visions, I raced home, carefully cradling Esme's bouquet. Hmmm..."Esme's Bouquet" would also make an excellent name for a rock band, I thought, laughing. Carlisle was right: I was as light as I've ever been, my dormant heart feeling suddenly reanimated.
"Edward!" Esme called out in pleased surprise as I walked through the door. "You're home!"
Rosalie let a "prodigal son" thought slip long enough for me to hear before she stopped. Even her sarcasm couldn't dim my mood. I hugged Esme and presented her with the flowers. "These are lovely! Roses, daisies, baby's breath...simple but beautiful," she said, fussing over the blooms. "I'm going to put them in water right now."
I followed her from the living room to the kitchen. "I'm sorry for my absences. I hope you know I've been watching out for any problems from Bella Swan. I can't read her thoughts, so I have to be alert for anything she may say or do that could affect us. So I've had to spend a lot of time keeping an eye on her," I said. It sounded plausible, even to me.
"Carlisle did mention that," said Esme, running cool water from the tap. "I understand. I do miss you, though," she said, touching her hand to my face. "I'm planning another restoration of a house in Port Townsend. I'd love for you to see how it's coming." Architectural history was one of Esme's hobbies; she enjoyed buying structures that were historically important but dilapidated, and restoring them to their era of greatest significance.
"That sounds great," I responded. Quickly, I calculated how long that would take before I wanted to return to Bella's. A few hours would do it, and it was worth it to make my mother happy. Plus, as long as I was with another family member, Alice wouldn't corner me and ask what I was up to.
Esme had found a beautiful Craftsman-style home dating back to around 1900. She had solicited proposals from top-notch Seattle restoration architects to bring it back to its former glory. We looked over several different plans and discussed possible sources of furniture that would reflect the period of the home's construction. Alice and Jasper were in their room, and I heard Jasper ask her to hunt with him the rest of the night.
I left Esme's office and saw the two of them near the door at the garage. Jasper didn't notice Alice narrow her eyes at me in a fierce squint.
"I haven't forgotten. You've got some 'splainin' to do!" she warned in her thoughts.
"See you later," I said to both of them, smiling and completely ignoring her.
It was close to 5 a.m. on Saturday morning when I headed back to Forks. Although I was sure Bella wouldn't be up for hours, I didn't want to risk running through the yard and the trees as the sun was rising. She was sleeping peacefully, seemingly without nightmares. As was becoming my habit, I settled in among the branches of a tree, foregoing the closer deck so I could remain unseen.
I had come to realize that if Bella talked overnight, it usually happened shortly after she went into her deepest slumber. It was much later than that, so I would have missed anything she said. I was content, though, to listen to her strong heart and her breathing, enjoying almost a meditative state as I followed her human rhythms.
Unfamiliar noises started around 8:30 a.m.; it was the subdued hissing of brewing coffee. She'd set up the coffeemaker. I grinned broadly, pleased that she was already using it. Bella came out to the kitchen about a half-hour later, sleepy-eyed but with a smile on her face. She took a huge intake of breath to draw in the strong smell; her own grin stretched wider. I delighted in her blissful expression as she sat quietly at the table, drinking coffee and staring out her window. Briefly, I wondered what she was thinking, but the happiness I'd provided her with this minor present more than made up for the inability to read her thoughts. She lingered over her breakfast before getting dressed in her biking clothes.
I averted my eyes as she changed but carefully looked over her clothing when she reappeared in the kitchen. She looked to be dressed properly, with long stretch biking pants, cycling shoes, a biking jersey with a long-sleeved shirt underneath, and a rain jacket. I worried about whether she would wear headgear; Bella certainly seemed to be someone who adhered to laws and common sense, but then, she didn't bother getting very secure locks on her apartment door. My initial satisfaction at seeing her strap her helmet on disappeared once I saw her zoom down Route 101, passing the entrance for Bogachiel State Park. She couldn't have missed the sign; it was very large. It looked as if she intended to stay on the highway, a dangerous route for a cyclist.
Up to this point I was following by running parallel to her, through the woods. When she crossed the river, I took a slight detour and went to a spot along the north bank with plenty of trees on either side, where I could jump across the water undetected. I caught up with her in seconds.
She was smiling as broadly as earlier this morning, and it seemed obvious that she enjoyed the breeze and the freedom that came with riding. Relieved, I noticed that she seemed in full control of the bike. Considering some of the other physical awkwardness she'd displayed, I feared she would easily fall or even wobble treacherously along the road. Apparently she'd been riding for a number of years; she seemed very capable.
So, this was something else we had in common, I thought suddenly. I was wholly enjoying running parallel to her, my own speed slower than usual as I kept abreast of her. Even though she wasn't going very fast -- certainly nowhere near the velocity that I can run -- she clearly loved being outdoors, with the wind rushing past her and the natural beauty there to appreciate. So did I.
I would have been content to run alongside of her for hours and never would have tired of it, except that she stopped. I slowed and turned around to backtrack. She was looking intently across the road and then, after checking for traffic, crossed over and leaned her bike against the tree.
From where I stood, I could see there was something small in the grass but Bella's body obscured most of my view, so I couldn't tell exactly what it was. Suddenly, an anguished look came over her face; she was near tears. My elation at the physical activity evaporated as I was overcome with sadness and worry. What could have changed her mood so drastically? She definitely shouldn't be on the road if she was distracted; it was dangerous enough under optimal circumstances.
Immediately, I decided to get my car so I could drive back and pick her up. Reckless, I knew, but far less dangerous than the risk she was taking. I turned and ran at my normal speed, arriving at our property line in minutes.
I slackened when I realized Alice was waiting for me. She and Jasper had returned home after hunting to see I was gone, and she looked ahead to try and figure out what I was doing. She'd likely seen what my plans were the moment I decided to come home for my car.
I resumed running; I was reluctant to waste time that could mean the difference between Bella getting injured or not. I thought quickly of anything I could tell Alice. She'd never let me leave without some type of explanation.
"Hello Edward," I heard in her thoughts as I closed in on the garage. She was sitting on the hood of the Volvo, feet propped on the front bumper, her hands clasped.
I grabbed my keys and said, "Later."
"That's what you said the last ten times I've tried to get you to explain! WHAT is going on?" she yelled.
"Now, now. Use your inside voice," I said, even though she wasn't speaking. She snorted.
I opened the door and started the car. "Take me with you," she implored.
"Not a chance," I said, pulling away at a high speed. She spun off the hood and stood there with her fists on her hips, scowling.
I tore down our driveway and pulled onto Route 101. There were no oncoming cars; mindreading does have its advantages.
Within minutes, I was very close to where I'd left Bella. I slowed down to a normal speed and saw her walking, holding her bike awkwardly with her left arm at an angle in front of her. I pulled off the road and shoved the door open.
"Bella? Are you all right?" I couldn't keep the panic out of my voice.
She looked at me like I'd just dropped from the sky. It must have appeared that way to her. "Edward? What are you doing here?" she asked.
It was easier to make something up for Bella than for Alice. "I was driving up 101 when I thought I saw you. Why are you here? Are you hurt?" I did a quick visual survey and noticed with relief that she didn't appear injured.
She had something rolled up in the bottom front of her jersey. "No, I'm okay. I have a passenger, though, and I have to get her to a doctor," she said, motioning downward with her head. She was holding a kitten that must have been wounded
So that's what it was. "I see. Did you find that here?"
"Yes, I was riding along the opposite side and her white fur got my attention. I couldn't just walk away." She looked at me as if pleading for my understanding. I saw again how upset she was over this little animal. I had to smile; it was so much like the Bella I was starting to know.
"Well, the both of you need to get out of the road. At the rate you're walking, you'll get hit," I said. I pointed to her bike and added, "I can put this in my car. I know where there's a vet in Forks. I'll take you there."
"That's really kind, but you don't have to put yourself to all that trouble," she argued. Bella seemed almost embarrassed now. "This is sort of my problem."
There was no way I would let her walk all the way up Route 101. "Not at all. I'm worried about your safety on this road. Here, you can get in the car," I responded. She hesitated a moment -- what internal debate was she having? -- but then carefully got in the car without disturbing the cat. The animal must have been unconscious or very close to it, because it would never be this calm around me otherwise. I loaded her bike in the back and returned to the driver's seat, shifting and pulling out on the highway.
One more hallmark of my Bella obsession: in my haste to get her off the road, I'd forgotten that she'd been cycling all morning and would have worked up a sweat from it. Her scent flooded the car as soon as she sat in the passenger seat. I wouldn't have thought it possible, but the potency of her fragrance had to be tripled, at least, from her exertion. I had to divert my attention now before I was completely overwhelmed and did something stupid. Conversation seemed to help yesterday when we worked together, and there were plenty of things I wanted to ask her, so I plunged ahead, hoping she wouldn't notice my discomfort.
"So you didn't answer my question," I said, pushing for an explanation of her bike route.
"What's that?" She sounded confused.
"Why are you riding here?"
"The weather is finally good enough to take my bike out. I wasn't going to waste the day," she said, as if this was obvious.
"No, I mean, why are you on the highway? Didn't we talk yesterday about the park?"
"I was riding to it," she said, pointing her thumb back toward the park's entrance. She didn't address why she'd passed it by.
"Why didn't you bring your bike there in your car? You have one now, and it's a hatchback, correct?" Frustration crept into my tone.
"I wanted to ride there. That's kind of the purpose of the bike, you know?" She sounded as if she was trying to joke with me, although I heard her exhale nervously.
My throat was painfully dry and burning, the venom pooling in my mouth. No. In a vain effort to block her scent, I pushed my fist against my nose and mouth. My instincts were dangerously close to taking over. I tried to focus on her voice, her eyes, the conversation...anything but the familiar deadly response I was fighting. I needed air.
There was no way she could avoid seeing my struggle. She drew a human conclusion and said sincerely, "I'm sorry. I've been cycling for a few hours. Please go ahead and open a window. I won't be offended." Bella blushed deeply and I blinked, fending off a new assault from her tempting blood. It subsided as the crimson receded from her face.
I looked at her quickly, touched by her thoughtfulness in the midst of what had to be genuine embarrassment. If she only knew the real situation, I thought miserably. I took a cue from her habits and tried to joke. "I thought it was the cat." She looked at me incredulously. "No, really," I assured her. I opened the window and inhaled deeply, twice. And a third time.
Suddenly Bella asked, "Is this your car?"
"Yes."
She looked at me strangely. "You drive a Volvo?"
"Yes. Why?"
Giggling, she said, "What are you, about a hundred years old?"
For a moment I was genuinely afraid of her intuition. Stunned, I stared at her, forgetting that she couldn't know I don't have to look at the road.
Her face grew serious. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I'm kidding. Sometimes my sense of humor gets ahead of me."
"No, that's okay." I had to laugh. Did she have any idea what truth she spoke in jest? "Actually, I think your sense of humor is very witty."
Bella blushed again. I had to restrain myself not just from the temptation, but from asking her not to do that, as impossible as it was. The air was rushing by the open window, so I gulped another breath. "What do you have against Volvos? They're very safe, reliable cars," I asked, curious about her comment.
"Nothing. I guess I associate them with…an older demographic," she replied mischievously.
"Perhaps they need to rethink their advertising campaign," I said dryly.
I glanced at her again, immediately captivated by how lovely she looked. Bella had pulled her hair out of a ponytail and it tumbled down around her shoulders in a beautiful mess. She resumed petting the cat, and her head was tilted at an angle as she smiled at it affectionately. That little animal had no idea how lucky it was.
"How's the cat doing?" I asked, wanting her to continue talking.
"She seems about the same. She's purring," Bella said, beaming.
"We're very close to the vet. The office is on the north side of town."
Silence came over us again. I was mulling which question to ask next -- there were so many answers I wanted -- but Bella spoke first.
"Where did you go to school?" she asked.
Uh-oh. She was edging toward personal information. "Chicago," I answered cautiously. Bella wanting to know more about me: good. Me unable to tell her almost anything: bad.
"The university?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Good school."
"Yes, it is."
If I could get her talking about herself, she might forget to reciprocate. I asked her the same question regarding school at the exact moment she started to ask me about Lewis Carroll. We both hesitated for a few awkward seconds before Bella replied, "Rutgers, and it's also a good school." Smiling, she added, "Do you like Lewis Carroll very much?"
I smiled back, not out of politeness but from genuine happiness at what we were sharing. "I believe I like his actual writing less than I admire his ability to write while ingesting what had to be numerous hallucinogenic substances," I said, immediately wishing I could take it back. It sounded so pedantic.
But Bella laughed. "I think I tried to read 'Alice in Wonderland' years ago. I was a kid, and I became very confused at how different it was from watching the Disney cartoon. I like 'Jabberwocky,' though. Even though the words don't make sense, it has a great rhythm."
Perfectly true. She was so incisive. There was quite a mind residing under that riot of chestnut hair. "I also like the flow of that poem. It's one of the few nonsensical pieces of literature that I enjoy," I said.
She glanced at me quickly, nodding her head. "I prefer any kind of writing that's more –well, traditional isn't the right word. It doesn't always have to be traditional. I like things that are descriptive and less obtuse. Otherwise, it's..." She trailed off, trying to find what she wanted to say.
"Unsatisfying to read?" I didn't know her thoughts but I was quite sure I knew what she meant.
She turned to fully face me, staring. "Yes, exactly."
We were now at the vet's. I wished the drive had been longer. "I'll wait for you here," I promised.
Bella protested, "You really don't have to. You've been very generous, and I don't want to inconvenience you any more than I have. I can get home from here."
I was firm on this. "Nonsense. I'm not going to have you walk back. If they treat the cat and let her leave, how are you going to carry her? I still don't know how you managed on the highway."
She frowned at me. "I managed by walking slowly, which I would do to get home now," she snapped.
Instead of worrying that I offended her, I enjoyed her passionate response. I guessed she was easy to tease, so I pushed my luck. "You know, you're a bit defensive sometimes," I said, grinning.
"No matter how I respond to that, you're going to say I've proven you're right." She was still scowling.
Brilliant. I never knew what she was going to say next, and I loved it. I laughed in delight. "That's true. Anyway, please don't argue with me. I'll wait here for you. I can't go in with you because...of, uh, allergies." I fumbled on that last sentence. Without knowing exactly how many animals were in the vet's office, I couldn't accompany her. Animals' instincts about vampires are sharp and quick. They want to escape the moment they smell us, and my entrance would have set off a frenzy.
"Fine," she grumbled. "I hope I'm not too long."
While waiting, I listened to a CD of Mozart's piano concertos. I followed the master's notes with my hands as if playing the music on my own piano, while I also thought of some fragments of a new composition I was starting to write.
In twenty minutes, Bella returned without the cat. She didn't look upset, so I hoped that the news was good. "What happened?" I asked.
"They want to keep her overnight, maybe longer. She's probably just dehydrated, but they need to run tests on her to be sure. They're going to call me tomorrow," Bella explained, buckling her seatbelt. She looked at the grey sky and frowned, but said nothing.
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
She hesitated, looking downward. "I hope this is not too expensive," she murmured. "My new car took a lot out of me. Maybe they'll have a payment plan." She sighed.
The vet's bill would be costly, yet she'd disregarded that to save a stray. "I'm sure it'll work out. You did a great kindness. It's bound to be rewarded somehow." I smiled at her. I didn't want her to feel sad or worried about this. I had an idea for how I could provide the help she would surely refuse if she knew what I was thinking.
Changing the subject, I asked her where she lived, grateful to remember that I wasn't supposed to know that. She gave me the address and we were there in minutes, regrettably. I wanted so much to prolong this time with her, but I didn't know how to safely do that.
With a quick movement, she turned to me and said, "How can I thank you for your help today?" Before I could respond, she put her hand on my arm. Through my jacket, I could feel her pulsing warmth and I was instantly filled with fear and longing. She noticed my uneasiness and withdrew her hand. Please...don't move away..., I thought pathetically. I was thrilled that she wanted to touch me, remembering how we'd brushed hands yesterday and how I was sure I repelled her.
"I'm sorry. In addition to making thoughtless wisecracks, I often forget to respect personal space," she apologized.
"It's okay," I said quietly. I wanted so much to tell her that it was far more than okay. I would give everything valuable I've learned in my 100 years of immortality to just enjoy her touch over and over again.
Bella glanced down before asking, "Again, how can I thank you? You really helped me today."
"Your gratitude is more than enough. I helped you do a good deed; that's my reward." I smiled gently at her.
Without another word, she exited the car and walked toward the back door of the house. She'd forgotten about her bike.
"Bella?" I called.
"Yes?" She returned to the passenger window and leaned in.
"Your bike."
"Oh! Right." She blushed at this slip of her mind.
I hauled the bicycle out of the back and pushed it toward her. Tell her, something in my thoughts commanded furiously.
She looked sad all of a sudden, and then said "Goodbye."
Tell her what? I argued with myself. Anything. Everything! That she's amazing. That you know how hard it was for her to move here, and how much you respect her courage. That it's wrong that she's lonely and sad. That you see she's smart, and funny, and good, and compassionate...and all those qualities are so rare in humans, let alone in one human...
Bella's eyes widened slightly, and I heard the distinct sound of her heart as it raced. Her breath caught a little.
"Goodbye. I'll see you on Monday." Unnerved, I got back in the car and drove away without looking at her again.
I turned back up Main Street, not ready to return home yet. I had one more errand.
The parking lot of the vet's office was nearly empty; it was closing time and they were done with patients. The hospital and kennels were off behind the main building, so with any luck my presence wouldn't be detected by many animals. I stopped momentarily, out of view of the receptionist, to make sure there were no pets in the waiting room.
The woman was standing at some file drawers when I walked in. "Excuse me," I said in my most gracious voice.
"Yes?" she asked and then turned around. Wow! Where did he come from? Flustered, she blinked her eyes and walked back to the desk.
"I'm sorry, but we're closing," she said. You don't know how sorry I am... I tried not to grimace at her graphic thoughts.
"I understand, but I'm not here with an animal. There was a young woman who came here just a short time ago, with a stray cat, I believe?"
Darn! A girlfriend!, the receptionist thought.
If only. "I'd like to pay the bill for the cat," I said, still smiling.
She sighed. It figures. All the good ones really are taken. "That's very generous of you. We don't know what the total is yet, because the cat is still here."
"That's fine," I said. "I'll give you my credit card. Please use it to pay for all the charges for the cat's stay here, as well as any future care she needs."
She stared at me. "You want me to charge all of the vet care to you?"
"Yes, that's right." I pulled out my black American Express card and handed it to her.
The woman's eyelids flew wide open and her mouth went slack. Oh my God! I've never even seen one of these...holy moley, he must be so rich.... She gulped and said, "Of course, sir. I'll make sure we place a note in the chart that she's never to be charged."
"Thank you. Also, please keep this confidential. She's a good friend, and she'd be very embarrassed if she knew I was doing this."
Lucky girl....oh my God... "Of course, sir. I'll also make a note that she shouldn't be informed as to who is paying." She smiled pleasantly at me. "If I may, this is very thoughtful of you, sir."
I smiled. "Not really. She deserves it."
As I returned home, I thought about what I'd tell Alice. I would bet that she'd been looking ahead, trying to see what I was up to. I thought I'd go with the truth, or part of it, at least.
I walked through the door that led from the garage to the house and there she was, hopping impatiently. "Edward-"
"Come on," I said, grabbing her arm. "Let's go for a ride."
"Yes!" Now she danced around with a big grin. "Let me tell Jasper." She stopped and thought further. "Where do I tell him we're going?"
"You need new earbuds for your mp3" -- she had actually been thinking this recently -- "and I need better speakers. Let's go and see what's available close by."
"Excellent." She stuck her head back in the doorway and said quickly, "JasperI'mgoingoutwithEdwardwe'regonnalookataudiostuffbebacksoon." She skipped toward the car, thinking, "Let's go before he decides he wants to come with us."
She waited until we had driven a few miles on Route 101 before she spoke. "Okay, now what is going on?"
"It's very simple, Alice. I felt bad about the way I'd treated Bella Swan that first day. She's a nice girl...woman," I amended. "And when we were at work, I heard her explain that her coffeemaker broke. So I bought her another one." It was certainly true enough, although very incomplete.
Alice leaned away and looked at me as if I'd sprouted six heads. "Since when do you give gifts to humans for any reason?"
I placed my hand over my non-functioning heart. "Really, Alice, you cut me to the quick. Do you think so little of me?"
She scowled. "Don't change the subject. What is this about, really?"
I sighed. "You have a devious mind."
"Yeah. So. That's besides the point."
Emphatically, I said, "That's it, really. My conscience got the best of me because I was worried that she would suspect. And I guess I felt guilty." I thought that if I acknowledged some emotion in all this, it would somehow sound credible. Then, Alice would be satisfied and stop asking questions.
"Oh." A new wave of doubt crossed her face. "Then why don't you want anyone else in the family to know?"
I snorted. "Because I don't want to go through this interrogation with five other people, that's why. Especially Emmett -- he'll run around the house yelling 'Edward's got a girlfriend!' like a preschooler."
She laughed. "True." Alice looked at me intently. "Does Edward have a girlfriend?" she asked sweetly.
"No, Edward most definitely does not." And that was true, too. Alice didn't need to know the extent of what was happening to me. I considered changing the subject but realized that would make her more suspicious. I didn't say anything else, hoping she'd think there was nothing more to it.
"Like I said yesterday, I've never seen you buy a gift for a human friend before. She must be special. And what's up with the quick ride up Route 101?" she said, eyebrows raised.
"She's a nice enough person, I guess. I helped her out again because she was stuck on the road. It's just guilt." I tried to throw her off track.
"Guilt? All of a sudden?" Alice knew my past; I hadn't always hunted animals for my feeding.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe I'm trying to atone for years' worth of sins, I don't know." She was finally silent for awhile.
"Well," she said, "I guess I have to be satisfied with that because you're not going to tell me anything more."
"There's nothing more to say," I protested.
"Whatever." She made a dismissive motion with her hand. "We'll see. Or, at least," she added smugly, "I will."
The weekend moved slowly; time often passes at a snail's pace for me, but I was looking forward to another full day with Bella, and that made me impatient. I arrived at work early again, awaiting the now-familiar sounds of her footsteps and her heartbeat as she entered the hospital hall.
When she walked past the dropoff, I could see her smiling. It was a lovely sight. She hit the codes on the pharmacy door and got it right the first time.
As she entered, she ducked her head without looking at me and hung up her coat. Finally, after turning around, she met my gaze and smiled at me. Prominently, her hand held a travel mug with coffee, which I could smell from where I sat.
"Good morning," I said, smiling in return. "How is the cat?"
"Doing well," she said, nodding. "I got a call from the vet yesterday, and I can pick her up today."
"You're going to keep her?" I was positive I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear her say I was right.
"Oh, yes," she said, smiling wider. "After all that, I certainly will." She looked at me after she sat down at her desk. "Maybe we should share custody. I feel like she's as much yours as she is mine."
"No, thank you. Allergies," I reminded her.
"Oh, that's right." She placed her purse in her desk drawer and began looking through the small stack of prescriptions. "I hope Rick brings his own coffee today," she said pointedly, lifting up her travel mug. "No trips to the cafeteria for me -- I'm back to brewing my own." Watching me, she took a sip and grinned.
I regarded her with a broad smile. "Well, that's great."
"It is!" Bella said impishly. "I have a new home-brewing coffee system," she added, enunciating each word precisely, "and it's wonderful. The coffee is delicious." In that moment, I knew she knew, and she knew that I knew she knew, ad infinitum.
Rick arrived right then, grumbling about the endless rain. Bella looked at him with amusement. "Even I'm not complaining about it anymore. And you grew up here! Why bother?"
"Because it's Monday morning, and like the old song goes, rainy days and Mondays always get me down, and when it's a rainy day and a Monday, it means I'm entitled to dispense a double-dose of gripe ointment," he replied sarcastically, in one long run-on sentence.
"Okay then, Janice," Bella said offhandedly.
That stopped Rick in his tracks, and he and I laughed. "Touche," he said. "I'm going to get some coffee, since some of us have brought in our own but are declining to share."
"I'll bring some in for you tomorrow," she promised.
We were soon inundated with prescriptions. Mondays tend to be that way; there are lots of admissions after the weekend, when normal medical routines like scheduled surgeries resume. I focused on my work while constantly aware of Bella's presence. As on Friday, I found it less difficult to keep things under control; I seemed to be developing a resistance to the worst of my instinctive reactions to her. The hardest was when she moved or exhaled heavily. At one point, she stood up and stretched, emitting a noise that was cross between a groan and a garble.
"Is it Talk Like a Pirate Day?" Rick asked hopefully. I chuckled; that's exactly what Bella sounded like.
"I guess it could be, but I was just groaning," she said, scrunching up her face in discomfort. "I'm a hurtin' buckaroo."
Alarmed, I asked, "Did you injure yourself?"
"Somewhat, yes. It's been awhile since I've been on the bike, and I'm paying for Saturday's long ride now," she said ruefully.
"Nothing serious, then," I said, smiling.
"No, nothing that Advil and an 18-hour hot bath wouldn't take care of." Bella walked to the dropoff to retrieve some more orders, looking through them as she returned to her desk. "Doesn't look as if there's anything complicated or exotic here," she said to me. "Do you want to see if there are any orders you'd prefer to take? It doesn't matter to me."
"How many are there?
"Ten here in this new bunch."
"I'll take the first five," I said, holding out my hand. She placed the papers there carefully.
I wanted to get started on these right away, so I waited for Bella to sit down and leave room for me to walk to the counter by Rick. Instead, Bella headed there too. The movement again stirred the air and pushed her scent to me, tempting and delicate, but I forced myself to ignore it. Walking past the dropoff, I pretended to check the baskets for anything more, gulping a large breath of air while I was there.
Bella walked to the shelves where the drugs were held and took some prednisone, returning to the counter to sort out the correct number of pills per the order. I waited until she was seated to retrieve the appropriate dose of digoxin for a patient in the emergency room. If we alternate like this, I thought, I can avoid literally running into her. We both seemed to prefer working with one medication at a time so as not to confuse drugs, which meant we were constantly jumping up and down. Although in Bella's case, it was more easing herself in and out of her chair. I tried not to smile each time she winced, for I didn't want her to think I was laughing at her discomfort. Since I knew it wasn't serious, I found it funny.
So the day went on, with very little time to spare for humorous conversations or socializing. It was different than Friday, which had far fewer admissions and thus fewer orders for us. Except for emergencies, doctors generally don't admit patients as the weekend arrives. The three of us fell into an easy rhythm of dividing the assignments, filling the " 'scripts" and completing the records and other paperwork. Bella was quiet and efficient, adapting effortlessly to the pace which was far more hectic than last week. I noted this as another of her qualities: she was very professional.
Larry walked out of his office around lunchtime. "No laughter today?" he said, looking disappointed.
Bella glanced up and smiled. "We're too busy. It's killing my humor mojo."
"That's too bad. It was nice," he replied, no doubt realizing that the atmosphere would turn sullen again when Janice came back tomorrow.
After Larry returned to his office, Rick said, "Maybe we can permanently switch Edward and Janice. Edward, you'll change your shift to days just for the pleasure of our company, right? Right?"
"Thanks, Rick, but I think I'll stay where I am," I responded. Bella smiled but said nothing.
Rick groaned. "That's just mean."
"Janice would never switch to nights even if Edward did agree," Bella noted.
"A minor point! Come on, don't you want Edward to stay with us?" Rick protested.
Bella looked up slightly and smiled again. "He's definitely better company than Janice, that's true." She snuck a glance at me, then quickly looked away.
"That's not saying much. A copperhead snake is better company than Janice," he snorted.
"Less venomous, too," I added. Of course, I was most venomous of all.
"See? Funny! That's what I'm talking about," Rick said encouraging Bella to take his side.
"Edward seems to prefer nights. It doesn't look like we can talk him out of it," Bella said. She finally looked straight at me, a blush creeping through her cheeks. "Is it easy for you to stay up all night?" she added curiously.
"Yes, actually, it is," I said, twisting a cap on what felt like the hundredth plastic pill container I'd held in eight hours.
"I couldn't even do that in college. Do you sleep during the day?" she asked.
How to answer that? I was accustomed to dodging the truth, but I hated lying to her. "I rest when I can," I said.
"It seems easy for you to change among shifts. Your circadian rhythm must deviate from the norm," she said teasingly.
"Something like that, yes," I replied.
I wished I could be with her more often, day or night. I wanted very much to be the normal man who stayed by her side -- at work, at home, or anywhere -- but it was never going to be that simple.