"This chap was s***! well the good thing it is a parody so not that bad, but yea I get what you mean I don;t like LinkxOC cuz people only write them to ship themselves with Link. [Zoek een leven] please don't translate that that was just for myself." - Guest reviewer, chapter nine of TTC

*cranks amp up to 11*

*and overdrive*

*readies microphone*

THIS IS A PARODY!

Let me explain. Everthing that is good about LinkxOC fics, take the opposite and that's what I'm trying to create. Interesting and realistic plot? Negative. Likable heroine? Never. A believable way to transport the OC to Hyrule? As if!

In realistic English, it's supposed to suck. It's supposed to suck so bad that you can't imagine anything worse, which is where the humor aspect comes in. So if you're looking for a well-structured story, skip to FS, because you won't find it here.

One of the reasons I'm doing two updates in a row is to clear this up. It's SUPPOSED to be bad. You were forewarned, and I'm forewarning you again. So instead of wondering why the OC is such a sucky character, laugh at her antics! That's why her name is freaking Charlemagne, because no good story would have a name like that. See what I mean?

And if there's a general consensus that this absolutely sucks so bad it's not even funny, or that's it's not funny at all, I'll take it off and just skip to FS. Deal?

Glad we cleared that up. Ready for more Charlemagne? Let's do this.

...

It's not long before my ugly bawling attracts attention and someone walks around the corner to see what all the fuss is about. I raise my head to see no one other than Pipit standing over me, holding out a hand like a magnificent knight in shining armor. Forget Francisco or Pierre or the kid with the guitar. Pipit has my heart.

"Um, are you okay?" He asks, and in a fit of moody teenage aggression typical of people in my situation I stand and begin to scream at him.

"No, I am not okay! How was I a minute ago in Normalville HS English and now I'm suddenly here? Why am I not confused about the nature of my teleportation and am simply venting my anger on the first townsperson I come across? Who are you?" Even though I know perfectly well who my strapping young hero is my two brain cells tell me I have to keep up appearances.

"I'm Pipit, a member of the knight academy!" He announces, and I feel myself drool again. These sudden mood changes hint at bipolarity - if I knew what that word meant! "We at the night academy are here to protect citizens like you!" A loud booming guitar chord sounds in the distance and a few Loftwings fly above us with airplane sounds. To complete the picture of perfection, Pipit draws his sword and strikes a very manly pose. Is this love?

"Now, I'm not going to ask any questions about how you came here or anything important like that." Pipit assures me, and I sigh with relief. It would be disastrous to have a realistic situation here. "Instead I'm going to conveniently introduce you to all of the other people you'll need to know like you're a normal person and not some random kid who just appeared out of the blue. Because who on earth would do something as silly as ask questions about your whereabouts?" He laughs and I feel my heart melting. This Pipit, he gets it. Being a brainless heroine is hard enough as it is before you introduce thinking into the mix.

Conveniently, Pipit takes me on a tour of Skyloft, showing me all of the hip and happening places, never even considering turning me in to the authorities or questioning my situation. I think he might be my secret twin or something. He expertly guides me around the town until I know it like the back of my hand – or maybe it's the fact that I replayed Skyward Sword like a million times. Having no friends gives you a lot of free time, okay? Only when I suggest it does he offer to take my back to the knight academy to go meet the other students.

The first person we come across is Groose, who runs up to Pipit and waves his fist threateningly.

"Hey, nerd, give me all of your rupees!" He threatens, and I feel a burst of righteous anger from the depths of justice implanted deep into my soul.

"Leave him alone!" I insist, the poetic-ness of my words stunning Groose for a second. He's exactly like I remember him from the game, freakishly tall with a red pompadour and an ugly mug that rivals my own. Combing his cherished hairstyle, Groose smirks at me.

"Who's your girlfriend, loser?" He asks Pipit, and I latch onto Pipit's arm.

"Oh, Pipit, I'm your girlfrind?" I gush, and Pipit looks uncomfortable. He's so cute when he's uncomfortable!

"Give me the money, nerd!" Groose repeats, and suddenly time seems to slow. Someone starts to play a sad violin and I groan. I've been a stereotypical heroine OC for long enough to know what's coming next – a tragic backstory.

Pipit lowers his head as the lights dim and his eyes sparkle with tears. "It began a long time ago..." He murmurs in a melodious voice that tugs at my heartstrings. "When my father left me and my mother alone we struggled to make ends meet. I've been working so hard to pay for our debts but I don't think we'll make it. Soon they'll evict us from the house and we'll be homeless. Please, let me keep my rupees!"

Groose starts to bawl and immediately empties his own pockets out of charity, and I can tell the sad violins did the trick. Nothing like sad violins and a tragic backstory to make someone cry. Adding to the mood, I step forward.

"My name is Charlemagne, a human from another world who was magically transported here in my sleep for reasons untold. I have no friends, a mother who doesn't love me and no father to speak of. I've been struggling with my own dysfunctional personality for my entire life and have finally come to find solace... Here." I cast Skyloft an admiring glance.

The sad violins stop abruptly and both guys look at me with disgust.

"What? I thought it was pretty sad?" I protest.

"That's, like, even teen heroine ever. Nothing special." Groose yawns, and I promptly punch him in the stomach. Because that's totally a good idea, and I have to protect my dwindling, self-deprecated teen heroine pride. Before Groose and Pipit can even get into the mix someone shouts, ''STOP!"

I whirl around to see someone standing on top of the knight academy with arms akimbo, sunlight streaming from behind him in a way that is certainly not natural. With a double-flip he vaults down to the ground with the most majestic "Hiyah!" that ever hiyah-ed, rolling onto his feet with expert ease. All eyes are drawn to him as he stands, blue eyes flashing with anger, and my ridiculously fickle heart jumps to the flame of his gaze.

Now this is love.

"Stop." The boy repeats, and all breath rushes from me like beer from a frat party. How many times have I looked into those eyes? How many times have I placed that figurine on my shoulder?

To add to the dramatic affect, he rips his shirt off and smiles roguishly at me.

"My name is Link." He announces, and a Loftwing caws in the distance. "I am your betrothed."

...

And with that stunning declaration, we conclude.

*cranks amp up to eleven*

THIS IS A PARODY!

Just getting the message across. One last time should do the trick.

So, if you're going to treat it as anything more that such you're kidding yourself.

And one more declaration: There are really good LinkxOC fics! There are absolutely great ones! I'm not cursing the entire genre, and I'm not shunning those who write LinkxOC... Also clearing things up.

I've probably already scared you away from reviewing, but if you do, tell me your honest opinion! Even if you think the story is s*** like our wonderful aforementioned guest reviewer. I'll know never to parodize again. I would really appreciate if you would review, though. If you found this 's***' hilarious, tell me! If you didn't, tell me!

I guess that's all for now. Or maybe it isn't, because is absolutely no one likes it I will take it down. If you're enjoying the ridiculous tale of Charlemagne, be sure to put a word in, because your review could change my mind.

Until next time... Or not.